I got out of my last class a little early today and as I was walking back to my dorm as I do every day I began having flashbacks upon flashbacks of doing it everyday. Then it occurred to me that I do essentially the same thing everyday with little no variation, and the more I thought about it the more angry I became. I wake up go to breakfast, study if I have time, to class, get lunch, study, go to class, relax as long as I can, study, go to dinner, study, get a shower go to bed. Every freaking weekday.
Then I started thinking more long term, and it really doesn’t get any better after this, except classes and studying turns into work and meetings. I don’t know the more I think about the future the less and less I look forward to it. I don’t want to get stuck in the hum drum of life. I’m so afraid that one day I’ll end up stuck and in a really bad place where I won’t want to be. Guys I keep writing about the future and how scared I am of it, sorry that’s negative I guess. But I’m sitting here in my bed in between piles of notebooks and books thinking about my two tests tomorrow and I’m at a loss for words because I’m only 19 and I’m stuck in the hum drum of things already. I don’t know I just don’t like it.
So here I am 19 years old trying to find a major at one of the smallest schools in the country question what on earth I could major in and not regret my decisions or hate the one I make ten years from now. I know my parents are going to see this and they’re going to say “most people don’t know at this time, it’s normal” but mom and dad, you know me, always worried about everything. I feel like most people have some sort of idea, and to be honest it’s time like these when I even question whether or not I should have gone to college, however, what would I be doing if I wasn’t here? Working at my dead end job? No thanks. So in the end I made the right decision to leave, but am I going to end up with a job in whatever I finally decide to major in? Probably not.
I don’t know what to tell you guys. I don’t know what to tell myself to be honest. I keep writing my deep depressing thoughts. Sorry guys.
Anyway, completely unrelated note, does anyone know of any blogger conventions on the east coast? I know there are several on the west coast and I just can’t afford that. OR if anyone would want to maybe start one? I know it would be a lot of work so maybe for the next summer. There are so many for YouTubers, I really want to meet other bloggers! I don’t know, this could just be crazy thoughts. Someone contact me if you like this. If not eventually I’m going to find the money and travel to the west coast and go to conventions there and meet bloggers. So basically I came up with this idea as I was peeing a second ago and took a brief break so it might not work at all. Actually it would work I would just need a lot of help and people to come but if it could work it would be really cool. I have crazy ideas and help me with ideas if you think they’re crazy enough to work. I’m just plain crazy, let’s go with that. Okay I have stuff to do, back to the hum drum of life. Thanks for dealing with this craziness of my head you readers, it’s just a crazy mess of brain up there.