When I started my blog it was strictly college based with the occasional travel post. I started rants and updates and a whole other slew of things as I started understanding the blogging community more and more. I wrote literally every boring detail of my life here, every thought that crossed through my brain, it was kind of like a diary but I sometimes wrote about interesting stuff. Soon it was October and I still hadn’t told anyone, then I told Lindsay and Katie, then around Thanksgiving I shared with Lauren and Jade as well. So occasionally they would read, Lindsay most often and then Katie would read if I told her too- however, she now follows through email so I don’t know how much she reads. This didn’t really affect how I wrote because they basically know everything about me. I then opened up to more when one day I accidently told my dad about it, he did of course ask if it was okay if he could read it, and I decided it was time to share this with more people, so my parents started to follow through email as well. Then I made the decision on New Year’s Eve to start sharing it with basically every person I know. I don’t regret this decision, however sometimes I think it changes the way I write.
Before I had no boundaries, but as my number of readers went up I think I became a lot more reserved about what I was writing. I didn’t want to give out details of where I went to school, where I worked, or even any affiliations that might make people offended. I began to use this as a place for a schedule where every day I would sit down and try and come up with and idea that worked for the theme of the day. This stopped about a month ago when I didn’t like the direction my blog was heading. I still however struggle with sharing more personal opinions because I don’t want to lose those who read this because you’re all so important to me. I used to share with you stories of boys who hurt me, things that happened in my day, the person who hurt my feelings. However, now I’m afraid to do this a lot of the time.
I think the problem was before I never had a line and now I’m trying to define one. I’m trying to figure out what I’m doing with my life, which I share all of that with you guys (sorry), but I don’t share with you guys what I’m messing up. I feel like sometimes I’m afraid to put my flaws because I don’t want those who I know on a personal level to see me as vulnerable or not the Mary they went to elementary school with, or high school with, or just the Mary they knew. I’m afraid that I’ll disappoint people if I acknowledge my mistakes. I feel as if half of the time I come on here and I write about what people want to read not about what I want to write. Sometimes I feel fake, like skipping the fact that I hate salad and didn’t eat it for lunch on Friday, instead I had pasta and garlic bread. I left it out because I didn’t want people to think of me in a bad way.
I used to love and come on here and share secrets. This was a place where I could put anything I didn’t want to tell anyone and no one would know. That leaves me with a huge dilemma, do I continue to do that and be an open book for the whole world to see? That is something I seriously consider on a daily basis. I love sharing with my readers but I don’t know when is it too much that I’m sharing? Is it too much for me to say that the guy from the dining hall is super cute? Is it bad if I say that he’s hung up on someone else and that’s probably why I find him appealing? Now I’m writing this here and I’m worried that he’s going to find this and know I’m talking about him. Even though I’m sure he already knows that I think he’s cute. Whoops.
Anyway, the point is, I’m trying to get back to my old blogging self because I liked that blogger a lot better. I liked writing funny lists and giving random facts about myself. So people from my past, family, friends, readers, and anyone else who has happened to stumble upon this, be ready for better Mary because she’s coming back. I’m going back to the way it was, oversharing, an open book, no secrets. Filter has been lifted, opinions will be shared, people might be disappointed, but here’s to the blog that makes me happy. No longer am I going to keep secrets or hide bits and details out of my terrible days but as well as my really good days. From this day forth I am an open book. I’m sharing with the world my whole self (with the exceptions of things like my address, phone number, personal email, things like that).
Again, I’m not saying I regret sharing this with my family and friends, because I don’t. I have such a strong support system through them, and on a weekly basis someone is telling me about how much they enjoy reading my blog. I just don’t like the fact that I changed because I started sharing with different people so I want to go back to normal. Sorry this doesn’t really fit here I thought I needed to reiterate this.
Also, I would like to acknowledge that my writing will most likely be like it is now, not like it used to be. The content will just be similar. I feel like I have grown a lot as a writer during my time here on WordPress (the seven months not very long) and I would like the quality to stay consistent if not improve over more time.
To start this new chapter I would like you to ask me anything, literally anything. Any questions you have, or even problems. There are over 100 of you now and someone has to have a question, so ask! I will be answering them later this week (like tomorrow or the next day).
Thanks for reading and thank you for your acceptance to my new/old blog. I just realized I wasn’t happy with the direction this was going so I decided to remove the line/filter once again. Thanks for the support, I love you guys and I hope you’ll still enjoy my blog after this.