Relationship-Phobic…?

Is that even a thing? Well if you can assume what that means I’m afraid of relationships. I think this is a real thing too and it stems from a lot of things, like being hurt, seeing statistics and even just commitment in general.

I’ve been hurt, like I’m pretty sure I’ve told you guys my prom story and how that was a really bad experience. That’s basically how it’s been for most guys I’ve dated/liked/talked to and it gets discouraging. Anytime I even think about entering a relationship with someone I get very nervous, I have trust issues, and I’m constantly afraid that they don’t actually like me. So there, reason one I’m afraid of relationships.

Okay so my parents are happily married, but have you seen the statistics? Over half of all marriages end in divorce, that’s scary. You enter a relationship and you are either going to get married or break up, that’s scary. I’m not ready for marriage, does that mean I shouldn’t date? But then I think about my age and I’m like well if I want to date someone for at least three years before I get married, if I met that person now, we could do the normal thing and get married right after college. Also very scary. Then if I get married we could get divorced (but I wouldn’t get married until I’m a hundred percent sure) and it’s more likely that we would get a divorce than stay together. This all makes perfect sense as to why I’m afraid of relationships.

I’m afraid of commitment. My school is small, like 2,000 people (if that) small and the ratio of girls to guys is 60:40 then add in gay guys, and my options are becoming very limited. So then, let’s think about okay so maybe I did decide that I liked someone here and maybe they liked me too, but thennn we break up, super awkward! You see them everywhere, it’s unavoidable. The school is too small to avoid people, trust me I’ve tried. Also I’m not about that “let’s be together all the time” stuff and college gives you that opportunity.  I’m pretty sure if I wanted a relationship I’d have to ask my friends to set me up with people from their schools because long distance would probably be a lot better for me. Closeness and all that commitment stuff is way too stressful for me, I can’t do all of that. SCARY.

Basically I’m afraid of relationships and all of the stuff goes towards it, so unless some poor guy likes that/feels the same way I’m going to be alone forever, and I can’t say that I mind. Please share how you get over this fear in the comments! Thanks for reading!

XOXO,

Mary.

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