Okay so I’m behind, yes I knew about it but I have yet to write about it. What is it you ask? Real beauty. In case you were not aware, Aerie has a campaign going on about real beauty, they no longer remove moles, freckles, tattoos, or any imperfections, they are teaching girls to embrace them. So as I shared with you guys a few weeks ago, that I’m trying to treat my body better than I have in the past 19 years and since I shared all those wonderful details about my body with you why not share some more? First of all I would just like to brag at my view while I’m writing this, I’m looking outside my window on a side street of Times Square, listening to the beeping and construction (why it’s this late I’ll never know) and I just love cities, I swear I sleep so much better here.
Up until puberty I was a stick, literally arms and legs lankily hanging out of clothes, not exactly gracefully, but whatever. Then in about a year, I began to change like most do, all of the sudden I was graced with boobs, that were larger than most my age, and hips that made my legs expand to be quite larger than what my body was previously used to all of my 13 years of being a very boney person. It was around this time that I started to become a little insecure, and I think my quick metabolism recognized this and said “Well we’ve had our good times, but your body wants to change and I want to leave. Sorry your easily skinny years are over, peace!” and this took me a while to figure out.
I don’t know if everyone remembers when they first start becoming very insecure, but I do. It was the summer before 8th or 9th grade I was sitting on my best friend Hannah’s driveway, with her and another girl, and the other girl says “casually” staring at my thighs, “Do either of you have any stretch marks?” I remember sitting there in that moment, thinking to myself, “of course I do puberty hit me like a ton of bricks, but I don’t want to say that…” So instead I was just said, “yes, I have some here on my thighs, and I have some on my boobs, would you like to see those too?” and I’m pretty sure the topic was quickly changed. I remember just being ashamed to wear shorts, wear any type of tight shirt, just my own skin became uncomfortable for me to be in and that’s not a way for a 14 year old to feel. Looking back, I wish I would’ve talked to my mom about this, even know she is so supportive and encouraging as I try to become more health conscious as well as my dad. That was the first time anyone had acknowledged my insecurities to my face and it made me feel worse than I ever had before.
During high school I became more confident with my weight and how I looked, but I was always comparing myself to other people, “Oh her legs are smaller than mine, but my stomach is flatter.” or “She might have a flat stomach, but my boobs are better” and I don’t know why I compared my chest size to other girls, because I hid them all of high school with very few exceptions, like I made sure my prom dress made them look smaller. It was just another insecurity. However, I noticed the more and more I compared myself to other people the more imperfections I found in myself.
Now that I’m in college, I’ve noticed my insecurities growing (with the exception of the boobs, they’re whatever, they do what they want). My stretch marks have now made their way down my thighs due to to the freshman fifteen (okay more like ten) that I was convinced I wasn’t going to get, as well as are on the sides of my stomach, and even more so on my boobs because they don’t want to stop growing it seems. For me all this does is bring up old insecurities that for so long I was ashamed to have, let alone think about. All I want to do is hide my body. Recently, I decided it was time to try on a pair of jean shorts that I bought last spring, and to my dismay, they would not zip. Alas, I have to spend more money on yet another size up in shorts, however I will fork up the money because I do NOT plan on spending my summer in jeans, no thank you, Pennsylvania. But notice, that I’m buying shorts, I’m not hiding in jeans all summer just because my body isn’t perfect.
The point of this post was not to tell you about how puberty did nothing for me besides bring with it insecurities that I will literally have the rest of my life, but instead to help me embrace my body, and maybe help some of you embrace yours. If I feel confident enough in July to wear my bikini to beach week, I will, if I don’t I’ll be disappointed in myself, but I’m going to to do what I think is good for me. I wish I had the courage to post a picture of me in a bikini right now to show you guys my puberty scars, the physical remnants of what has left me with lasting damage, but I will not post a picture in my underwear, and I don’t have any bikinis here for me to do that in either, maybe eventually I’ll do that. However, with the world slowly realizing that every woman is beautiful, I encourage each and every girl here to do the same. Trust me, there is something beautiful about you and I hope someone will show you that. I love that I have great skin, my eyes have a unique color, my nose is little, and if I wanted I could really show off some nice cleavage.
Please comment with something that makes you love about yourself, and support someone else who comments! Thanks for reading!