Everything Changes in a Year

I was taking a shower, ya know to be clean, and it brought me to thinking about how much has changed in the past year. This time last year was before I started slipping. This time last year I was really, really happy. To be honest, I couldn’t stop thinking how I couldn’t be happier, I was on top of the world and nothing was pushing me down. That only lasted for about another week and a half, but this time last year I was so happy. I was also preparing to graduate, having good times with my friends, and was only a little worried that I wasn’t going to pass math (but I did, don’t worry guys).

There are a lot of things that I would go back and change about this time last year. I wish I would’ve never been that happy. I think that’s part of the reason I’m down a lot, I was so happy and it all came crashing down around me in such a short time, but I still know what that happiness was and I haven’t felt like that since. Again, I’m not saying I’m unhappy or depressed or anything like that, I’m just fine, not good, not bad, just completely neutral. If I could go back in time I would’ve trusted my first instinct and I wouldn’t have done things out of spite or based my decisions around other people’s thoughts and feelings. However, I am grateful to now know how happy I am capable of being .

This time last year I was writing a speech for graduation. I was actually just writing a lot in general. I think the extreme euphoria and happiness I was feeling was inspiring and then the complete crash did the same. However, let’s focus on graduation. I’m pretty sure by this point I was counting down the days, maybe even counting down the days until I left for college. I was over the point of regretting my commitment and to the point of just being excited for college. I was thinking about orientation and admitted students day. Mostly I was just looking forward to standing on stage, reading off names, and being done forever.

There was also a little stress going on in my life this time last year, but the happiness really cancelled it out. I was struggling with AP Statistics which was the only class I needed to graduate. For a while I had a D and I really thought I was going to fail and not be able to graduate, but I got it up to C, which isn’t really good. However, I had senioritis since second semester of my junior year so I don’t think you can blame me. I got into college and passed. I was also stressed about graduation, I had a speech, to read names, help plan the picnic, and I liked to just stress.

When I look back at year ago, I never would have imagined my life the way it is today. To be honest, I thought I would be with a certain guy, I thought I would really be blossoming at college, and I thought I would really have my life together. However, if all that was true would I be here today? Maybe this would’ve been started but if I had a boyfriend, I would skype with him over writing here. When I examine everything I’m not sure which I would prefer my life to be like. I wish I was still that happy, but I’m glad I’m not with that guy. I’m glad I’m not worried about passing math now I might be worried about passing Arabic or all the stuff that went along with graduation.

What it all comes down to the end is, don’t stress about what’s a problem today because a year from now it might seem pretty insignificant, everything’s going to be different anyway so don’t sweat the little stuff.

XOXO,

Mary.

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