After a year of college and crossing off core topics like language and science, as this happens I add more and more to the list of things I don’t want to do. Language, math, and science are all topics that have made that list so far. This leads me to think about what I should be doing and honestly I don’t know. I have this expectation that one day it’ll like come to me in a dream or something or I’ll be in the right place at the right time and I’ll just fall into it. That is a very unrealistic expectation.
I think I have a lot of these in life, I just expect the best out of everything. Hannah tells me I’m brave, I think I’m crazy. It should probably make me nervous to get from the bus station to Harvard Square by myself at five in the morning, but it doesn’t. It doesn’t scare me to wander cities alone, I just have this expectation that I will be fine. Probably not a good thought process.
I have this expectation for everything that it’s just going to work out the way it should, if I want something I’ll work for it, but if it doesn’t work out my reaction is that it wasn’t supposed to. I only end up really disappointed about half the time, which sounds like a lot, but I get over it pretty quickly. I only dwell on very few things.
I hate that this is what I’m basing my life plan off of. I am just taking everything as it is, seeing what I like and don’t like. For example I like writing, but I hate sitting in office building. My ultimate dream would be to become a travel writer for a magazine, or well, it would be really nice to just use this as a travel blog eventually, however, I have not fallen into blogging, there’s a good amount of you, but not enough to make this a career or anything. This is a hobby. Currently.
I know eventually I’ll figure it out, however I might need to do some searching instead of waiting. There are things that help lead me in the right direction, but right now I’ll just keep making the list of things I don’t want to do.
Before I sign off I just want to again ask anyone with anxiety to contact me at email@example.com I’m trying to get some research done for a blog post I want to do. You will remain anonymous, unless requested otherwise.