The Friend Zone

There has been speculation that the friend zone isn’t real and it’s guys making a girl feel bad for not liking them, and in my opinion that’s not how I see the friend zone whatsoever. In case you’re unsure what the friend zone is, it’s a where usually a guy, like a girl who happens to be one of his best friends who doesn’t reciprocate the feelings, is in a relationship, or likes things the way they are without being in a relationship with said guy. Cool, okay, however, this is not what I think the true friend zone is. I honestly think a lot of girls, and guys, are afraid to be in a relationship with someone they’re so close to.

Personally if I was that close with a guy I’m not sure if I would want to jeopardize a friendship for a relationship, even if I had feelings for that person. I would be terrified to lose a best friend unless I was 110% positive that we would be able to maintain the same friendship if we ever broke up or if it didn’t work out. I don’t think the friend zone is to prevent a guy from being with the girl of his dreams, but it might be scary for her.

I don’t think we should shame guys for complaining about being in the friend zone, they have the right to be upset. The girl they like is right there in front of them all the time and they can’t just whip her around and kiss her or hold her hand when you’re on a walk, that probably sucks. Also, how many of those girls saying guys shouldn’t complain about this complain about being single all the time? Or they’re wishing for that best guy friend to sweep them off their feet and then they go and reject all of that affection that they’re being showered with.

If you have a friend that you’ve “friend zoned” I’m not saying you shouldn’t date him or even give him a chance, but you shouldn’t make him feel bad. I’ve seen these situations compared to RAPE, are you kidding me? There are people comparing a guy being upset about being in the friend zone to RAPE, all because in both scenarios the woman is saying no. Cool, she’s saying no that doesn’t mean he’s trying to RAPE her. I find that completely and utterly ridiculous. I’m sorry, but I’m not okay with a guy trying to go on a date with his friend being compared to rape.

Okay, so if you’re one of those girls who think the friend zone is made up by guys so terribly upset please leave me a comment letting me know why. I’m really intrigued at how this is comparable to rape, just because a woman is saying no. Also ladies, this happens to guys too, then is it comparable to rape? I’m seriously asking a question. So next time a guy friend zones you, let’s just rethink everything we’re saying about the friend zone. And to anyone in the friend zone, don’t give  up, but don’t be pushy. If it’s supposed to happen it will happen.

Opinions in the comments please, I would like to hear other thoughts on this!

XOXO,

Mary.

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2 thoughts on “The Friend Zone

  1. Elizabeth DiFiore October 2, 2014 / 11:23 am

    Well, that escalated quickly ^_^;;

    I’ve only ever heard something like that compared to rape when the people making the comparison have a very naive understanding of both the definition of rape, and the psychology behind the person being “friend zoned”. Long story short, those people need to not jump to conclusions. It’s not healthy.

    Anywho, on to my actual comment:

    I have a lot of experience with the “friend zone”. I had a very good guy friend in college who was in a messy quasi-breakup with a long-term girlfriend and, for a while, I really REALLY liked him as more than a friend. Turned out he thought I was pretty rockin’ too so we decided to give dating a chance. It failed. He and his old gf got back together and I realized this was a good thing. He and I still keep in touch and consider each other as close friends, so it kinda worked out in the end.

    This is not always how things happen though, when two friends decide to take the big step. I think that may be due to them taking things too fast from friends to lovers, so when they realize it won’t work, it’s really hard to go back to the way things were. If people are afraid of that step, I’d suggest setting some hard boundaries and taking things slow.

    That said, I had a guy friend after college that I became very close friends with. He had strong feelings for me and I didn’t realize or acknowledge them at the time, so I hard “friend zoned” him for a solid year and a half. At one point he asked me on a date point blank and, despite me being very nervous that this would ruin our friendship, I agreed to one date.

    The date went really well– too well and I spooked at the thought that I might also have feelings for him and it would STILL ruin our friendship, so I friend zoned the poor bastard again.

    He was really mature about it and respected my decision, but just couldn’t get over me so we avoided each other for a good three months.

    Wow, this story is getting long– sorry about that :p

    We ended up meeting up one more time, as friends, and it turned out that, after nearly two years of beating around the bush, I was okay with trying a relationship with him. After all, there was clearly no going back to the friendship stage at this point.

    A year later we are still dating and honestly believe this is going to be a forever kind of love, as sappy as that sounds. If we broke up today, we’d never be able to go back to being just friends, but that’s okay because that’s how a great relationship works. Your partner IS your best friend, not one or the other :)

    • Mary October 3, 2014 / 9:09 pm

      That’s so cute! I literally said “Aww” out loud. That’s what I was trying to say, it’s not always just a way of a guy not being able to understand the word “no” sometimes it’s just a matter of time. I’ve seen the argument mostly on Tumblr where a lot of people just like to be angry.

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