Recently I’ve been very inspired. I want to create beautiful, wonderful, and amazing things. I just don’t know how. I have a lot of ideas but I just don’t know how practical they are. My anxiety is getting bad again and I think this is part of the problem. I would like to point out that since I’ve been hanging out with people who go out of their way to include me and make a point of making me feel like a friendship isn’t all one sided, my anxiety has gotten a lot better.
Anyway I think my anxiety is kind of bad because I want to be great and I don’t know how. Funny thing about me is that I’m actually pretty conceited and I just want to be the best of what I can be and currently I know I’m not there. I’m not there in a lot of aspects. I know I’m eating badly, not enough, but grossly. I know that my blog could be better but I don’t know what to do to get it to the next step. I’ve been editing a video from DC for weeks now but I hate how poorly I took the footage, it’s all crooked and shaky.
I don’t know why I can’t make anything like I see it in my head, I mean I know a lot of those things would require professional cameras and lots of money and an endless amount of time, but otherwise why can’t I take these visions and put them into action. I don’t know. It’s really bothering me. While I did make some great friends for some reason I have a type of fear of repercussions of things I want to do. Like I feel like I can’t just ask one of them to go on an adventure so I can film it or take a bunch of pictures for a blog post, I don’t know why I guess I’m still adjusting to these new people and I’m afraid of ruining a new friendship. This concept is very odd to me because I’m not usually intimidated by what people think of me, maybe it’s because I genuinely like these people and I’m nervous that I could be too weird and scare them off. I know I shouldn’t care what people think of me and it’s very out of character for me, I think I’m just still getting used to who I am here at college and even though I’m a sophomore I’m still adjusting. I do indeed have to say that I am in a much better place this year rather than where I was last year at this time but overall as well.
I guess this lack of motivation has kind of turned into an update so why don’t you just let me know what’s going on with you in the comments because I feel like I’m one of the few that just writes updates.