Inspired but Not Motivated

Recently I’ve been very inspired. I want to create beautiful, wonderful, and amazing things. I just don’t know how.  I have a lot of ideas but I just don’t know how practical they are. My anxiety is getting bad again and I think this is part of the problem. I would like to point out that since I’ve been hanging out with people who go out of their way to include me and make a point of making me feel like a friendship isn’t all one sided, my anxiety has gotten a lot better.

Anyway I think my anxiety is kind of bad because I want to be great and I don’t know how. Funny thing about me is that I’m actually pretty conceited and I just want to be the best of what I can be and currently I know I’m not there. I’m not there in a lot of aspects. I know I’m eating badly, not enough, but grossly. I know that my blog could be better but I don’t know what to do to get it to the next step. I’ve been editing a video from DC for weeks now but I hate how poorly I took the footage, it’s all crooked and shaky.

I don’t know why I can’t make anything like I see it in my head, I mean I know a lot of those things would require professional cameras and lots of money and an endless amount of time, but otherwise why can’t I take these visions and put them into action. I don’t know. It’s really bothering me. While I did make some great friends for some reason I have a type of fear of repercussions of things I want to do. Like I feel like I can’t just ask one of them to go on an adventure so I can film it or take a bunch of pictures for a blog post, I don’t know why I guess I’m still adjusting to these new people and I’m afraid of ruining a new friendship. This concept is very odd to me because I’m not usually intimidated by what people think of me, maybe it’s because I genuinely like these people and I’m nervous that I could be too weird and scare them off. I know I shouldn’t care what people think of me and it’s very out of character for me, I think I’m just still getting used to who I am here at college and even though I’m a sophomore I’m still adjusting. I do indeed have to say that I am in a much better place this  year rather than where I was last year at this time but overall as well.

I guess this lack of motivation has kind of turned into an update so why don’t you just let me know what’s going on with you in the comments because I feel like I’m one of the few that just writes updates.

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4 thoughts on “Inspired but Not Motivated

  1. gettingthroughanxiety November 3, 2014 / 12:53 pm

    Mary,
    First of all, you’re already great and I’m not just saying that. Second of all, I know how hard it can be to really want something but still not seem to be getting where you want to be. As you mentioned, not feeling motivated can be a problem. Are you anxious about not feeling motivated or is it something else? As much as many of us wish we could just not care about what others think of us, it’s very normal to care. I’m guessing that you’re happy to be making new friends and you don’t want to mess that up; that makes sense. However, remember that if they can’t accept you for who you are, they’re not worth it. This may seem cliche, but it’s true. Remember I’m always here for you if you need or want to talk!

    • Mary November 3, 2014 / 4:54 pm

      I think I’m anxious about not feeling motivated, but it could just be my general anxiety too. I hope you’re doing well!

      • gettingthroughanxiety November 3, 2014 / 5:42 pm

        Thanks, I’m doing pretty well. I’m sure you’ll get better soon! I know you can get through this!

        • Mary November 3, 2014 / 6:15 pm

          Thank you!

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