Today I was talking with my friend Eric about cows. I don’t remember how the subject came about but we had a very in depth conversation about cows and their udders. Somewhere I learned that a cow’s udders will explode if they’re not milked, he told me I was wrong but I was convinced. I spent about an hour after that trying to find proof that they exploded to come to the conclusion that I’m basically just an idiot. In case you were wondering they’ll get a bacterial infection that can kill them, but they will not explode. Anyway this little conversation, okay it was a long conversation when you consider the subject matter, but it did spark the thought that a lot of things really confuse me and perplex me so in my mind I thought I should make a list in case anyone has clarifications for me.
- Why does everything in my room get so staticy even though I spray it with static remover at least once a week?
- Where do wild animals sleep? Like sure there are caves but I can’t say I’ve ever been anywhere that I would see a wild animal but even so I just can’t picture them sleeping.
- Where does dust come from?
- Why hasn’t anyone figured out how to make water powered car engines or milk one like the ones in “Phil of the Future”? However, I think milk is more expensive than gas now which is weird.
- Why did someone milk a cow and then decide to drink the milk? Like why not pigs or donkeys?
- I get really confused about sheep, rams, and goats. Same with cows, steers, and bulls. For someone who grew up in Lancaster County I know nothing about farm animals. Well I do know that when the steers got out recess would get canceled in elementary school.
- Why isn’t it socially acceptable for guys to wear dresses and skirts? Like why are those two things specifically “girl” clothes? I shop in the mens section for t-shirts and sweaters sometimes so why can’t they do the same? It doesn’t seem fair.
- Nail polish. Unpainted nails aren’t pretty on girls??? I don’t get it. Let me paint things that protect my fingers.
- Nails in general. My ankles are fine without a weird protection around them so why do my fingers and toes need them?
- Rain when it’s below 32 degrees.
- The Internet. I can talk to someone on the opposite side of the world and find out any information. HOW?!?
- TIME! TIME MESSES ME UP SO MUCH. HOW ON EARTH IS IT ALREADY TOMORROW WHERE LAUREN IS AND NOT EVEN CLOSE TO BEING TOMORROW YET HERE IN MARYLAND I DON’T UNDERSTAND!
- Daylight savings time. I was at Logan’s until 2am once and the time changed and I got back to my room and it was 1am. I had never been so confused in my whole life.
- Selling water. How is that a business? Why do we pay for it?
- Dry shampoo. I use it when I’m too lazy to clean my hair but how do I know if it’s working? It’s just a spray that “cleans”!
- Ankles. What’s the point?
- Coffee. How did it turn into a drink? It comes from berries and beans so like did someone make a soup and drink the broth? I don’t understand.
- Where words come from. Think about that one for a minute. Then say minute over and over again and it won’t seem real anymore.
You guys probably think I’m an idiot after reading this but these are just things that when I sit down and think about I get really confused and perplexed. What confuses you?