Something that I’ve been thinking about is being my own person without fear of judgement from others. The thing is, I never really thought of myself as someone who was afraid of what people in general though about me, but something that I noticed as of recently is that I care entirely too much about what people I’m close to think about me. I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing entirely too often because I’m afraid of what people like my friends might think. That’s not how it should be. I hate that there are certain people who make me feel bad about my opinions, I shouldn’t be insecure the most around the people I care about most.
A while back I wrote a post and it was just something I really needed to get out, which is why I have a blog. I don’t write for anyone else, I write for myself and for some reason other people seem to enjoy it. After writing a post one day that I had to write for myself some of my friends were very critical of it, which usually doesn’t bother me, but it made me think, am I wrong? Am I wrong to have these feelings? No.
Why do I need to feel validation from those who really don’t care. If someone cares they should respect my opinion, especially if it’s something like my feelings. The post I wrote was strictly how I felt about a situation and in return I was asked, “Why would you write that?” and maybe that’s the problem with publically sharing my blog- maybe I open myself up to this type of criticism and people just give it.
I’ve recently decided after having this epiphany that there are people who’s opinions I care about more because I care more about them more than they care about me. If someone thinks that I shouldn’t be writing my thoughts in my own corner of the internet I guess that puts me in a place where I shouldn’t care what they think. When I think about it more and more in depth these people who criticize my thoughts and opinions so harshly aren’t my friends they’re people I feel the need to be validated by for some strange reason. Even this post is hard for me to post and I talked to Eric about it because I really wasn’t sure if I should post it or not because I’m afraid of what people might think. Like I cannot comprehend why I care so much about someone’s opinions. It’s something that I’ve been thinking about a lot. I want to stop filtering myself for people who do and don’t matter. If someone cannot accept me for who I am then why should I even care about their opinions? I shouldn’t so I’m going to try not.
2015 should be my year for self validation not community validation. Opinions in comments please!