A little less than a year ago I wrote this post. A post that highlighted my expectations of what my senior year self thought my life would be like compared to what it was actually and now I’m looking back at my life from last year. This time last year I didn’t even know Eric and now he’s my best friend. This time last year I ate dinner alone in my room almost every night and now I eat with my friends for almost every year. Friends that I hung out with maybe once a month. I was going home almost every weekend because I hated college and now I don’t like knowing that I’m missing out here when I go home for a weekend.
This time last year I spent 95% of my time incredibly anxious and essentially afraid to leave my room. Wednesday I left my room at 10:45 am and didn’t get back until past midnight. I have essentially made a complete 180 with my life and I really cannot compalin. While the anxiety still hits me- the past two days it has, but I moved past it. I’m handling myself and situations a lot better. I would say that I’m anxious about 50% of the time now but I also don’t let it confine me to my room unless it’s a really bad day.
There’s a lot of things that I regret about last year. There was this and group of people reaching out to me and I was ignoring them. I was cutting off myself off and I really don’t like that I was the reason that I didn’t allow myself to have fun. I spent all of my time wishing to be somewhere else and not enjoying the moments I had.
My life has really turned around and I’m really happy with that. I would say I owe a lot of this to my new friends. Especially Logan, Molly, and Eric- if it weren’t for them inviting me to things and making me feel included I don’t know if I would be as happy as I am now. I wouldn’t say I was unhappy before, but I also know that I wasn’t happy. A year can change a lot and I would say that if I would have let myself be open to all of these people I would have been a lot happier a year ago too. I don’t think people make happiness but when you surround yourself with people who really, truly care about you, your life really improves. I don’t feel like second place or second choice, I feel equal and that’s what I really like.
A lot changes in a year and every year a lot will change. You can look back at almost any year and see all the changes in your life and maybe it will be nostalgic. For me it’s not. For me it’s kind of filled with regret. I don’t want to focus on that though, I want to focus on the fact that I have probably the world’s greatest friends. I want to focus on the fact that I’m a lot happier and a lot less anxious. I want to focus on the fact that a year ago I never thought I would be where I am today in the best way possible. Sure people have left me in the past year but I guess sometimes that’s for the best.
I don’t know why I felt the need to share this but I read that old post of mine and I’m amazed at how content and pleased I am with my life. A lot changes in a year and I wouldn’t say that’s a bad thing.