Is it no big deal?

I do this thing when I really care about something or I really want something to happen I pretend like it’s not a big deal. The biggest thing I would say I do this to is marriage. Like I’m always like “I don’t want to get married. I don’t want to think about my wedding. Like let me just elope and get it over with.” It’s half true. I think weddings are hassles and I don’t know if I would necessarily enjoy it but it’s something that I would honestly like to experience in my life.

I doubt I’m the only one who pretends things aren’t a big deal that really mean a lot to them. I am well aware that I do this because I’m afraid these things aren’t going to happen for me. Like I honestly believe that I will not get married so I act like it’s something that I don’t want to do. I really don’t think I will ever be comfortable enough in a relationship to take those steps towards marriage so I just pretend like it’s something I don’t want.

I think a lot of people do this, we pretend things aren’t a big deal because it’s like that self-convincing thing. If you can convince everyone around you that something’s true- you’re eventually going to believe it too. So that’s why I do it. If I can tell myself that I look good everyday, I’m going to build my self-esteem, which I do and it makes me feel a lot better, however while this is a good thing to do, I do it with all the wrong things. “I don’t want to get married,” “I don’t really want a boyfriend,” “I don’t really know if I want to go into journalism after college,” these are all things I say to the people around me so I believe them.

Is is okay though? When I say it’s no big deal do I really mean that? Sometimes when you try to convince everyone around you that it’s not a big deal you forget what you really care about. I think I’ve started to rebuild what I care about.


4 thoughts on “Is it no big deal?

  1. gettingthroughanxiety April 2, 2015 / 10:46 am

    I think to some degree we all do this. I mean, I know I want to get married and what kind of wedding I have, but I worry it won’t happen and a part of me thinks that I wouldn’t mind if I just got married in a simpler, non-stressful way. The truth is though that I want my anxiety to decrease so I can have the wedding I really want.

    I don’t really think it’s a good idea to tell ourselves that things are no big deal when we really want them. I think telling ourselves this only lets ourselves try less when it comes to reaching our goals. If I say that I don’t care about being a writer, I’ll never strive to get better so I can become one. If I tell myself that I don’t care about getting married and having the wedding I want, I might not try as hard to get better with my anxiety so I can possibly one day achieve that dream. We need to realize what is important to us and while perhaps we shouldn’t pressure ourselves, we need to try our hardest to reach our goals instead of convincing them that they aren’t that important to us.

    For the record, I think you’ll find someone and I think that you’ll be successful at whatever you want to do as long as you work hard. I know we’ve never met or anything, but you seem like a wonderful person.

    • Mary April 3, 2015 / 9:48 am

      No I don’t think it’s a good idea, which is why we use it as a coping mechanism to feel better when we think things won’t happen. Thank you!!

  2. Amanda April 2, 2015 / 11:42 pm

    I do the exact same thing! This post describes me so well! I’m constantly telling people that I really don’t mind whether I get married. (Except I know I dream of having a family) and everyone who knows me knows I don’t want a wedding, but a marriage is completely different. But we feel as if aspiring for something somehow makes us silly like children. I act like that with guys all the time. “Its no big deal if I have a boyfriend” the only thing is I’ve come to the point I can’t tell what is actually a big deal, and what is because I’ve wrote everything off as a “no big deal”

    • Mary April 3, 2015 / 9:47 am

      Right! So now it’s like do I actually care about this or have I just said “It’s no big deal” for a such a long time that I’ve convinced myself that it’s not important to me.

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