No Direction.

I’ve lost whatever type of direction I was previously convinced I’ve had. I’m back to this place where I’m convinced I’m going to be a failure in the future. However, I’m assuming that’s not true.

I would say I’m one of few people at least that I know of that has the next two years of college planned out. Like every class that I’m taking every semester for the next two years in planned. I’m taking all these classes to try to get something to click. Find something I could do for the rest of my life. Here the list I have so far: read history books and write history essays, blog, write fake stories for the newspaper, and provide people with random bits of knowledge and fun facts. I don’t know if any of those are actual careers, if you know that they are let me know! Also side note I don’t want to get a history degree so if it requires that, I’ll pass.

I just think it’s kind of hard seeing everyone around you developing plans and making goals. Like I am constantly asked what my goals are and I don’t have any. My goal is just to try to figure everything out. I don’t have anything figured out. Everyone around me has a goal, and whether they view it as attainable or not, I still admire it. I still appreciate that they have them, because I don’t even have one future goal.

I don’t know what I’m doing and everyone keeps saying “You’re only 20, that’s okay.” but I feel like I’m going to hit that day soon where it’s not okay, where someone is uncomfortable with the idea that I don’t know what I’m doing. At what age is it no longer acceptable to not have a plan, because I have to be pretty close.  21? 22? I feel like you’re supposed to know by now. Something is supposed to appeal to you, and you know what appeals to me? Things that aren’t jobs.

So yes, I’m sure you’re all thinking, yeah it’s okay to not have it all figured out Mary, but really we’re going to be to that point soon where it’s really not okay. I don’t have that much time. When I look at how quickly this year is going I’m kind of surprised that college is going really fast and I don’t have as much time as everyone thinks to get my life in order, or a goal in order. I don’t want to be an underachiever, but that’s how I feel.

Sorry this is kind of not uplifting, but the opposite. Is anyone else struggling with this? Please tell me I’m not alone in this one.

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6 thoughts on “No Direction.

  1. gettingthroughanxiety April 15, 2015 / 12:34 pm

    While I do know what I want to do, I know what it’s like to not know if you can accomplish it. You do have likes and dislikes though, which is important. You know you like writing, so maybe you can work to be an author or if you’d like to write for a newspaper, a journalist. Also, you’re good with helping people so maybe you could be a social worker or even therapist.

    I’m sorry you’re nervous that you’ll keep not knowing what to do. I know that while I have a goal, I keep wondering how long it will take for me to get through my anxiety and be able to get a job. You just have to take things one step at a time and remember that with practice and faith in yourself, you can and will be successful. I have faith in you, Mary, and now you just have to have faith in yourself!

    • Mary April 22, 2015 / 9:34 am

      Thank you!!!

  2. alexk710 April 15, 2015 / 1:47 pm

    I feel the same way a lot of the time. Even though I have a lot of short term goals, I really have no idea what is in store for me in the long term. But I think that having short term goals to keep you motivated, while keeping an open mind about the distant future, is the healthiest and most realistic outlook to have, and I think you already have that covered. :) it’s hard to be comfortable with uncertainty, but just have faith in yourself and know that, at this moment, you are doing everything exactly as you should be. Miss you! xo

    • Mary April 22, 2015 / 9:33 am

      Right, same here. I love you <3 and I miss you bunches!

  3. rzaidi01 April 15, 2015 / 2:26 pm

    As some one who has graduated just last year let me tell you that what you’re feeling is completely normal! If it makes you feel any better I still am not sure what exactly I want to do. The good part is that you’re already starting to think about it, when I was in your position my biggest worry was about passing the next exam so the good part is that your already staring to think about the future. My biggest piece of advice is that you should try looking for internships in fields you’re interested in pursuing and that is what will give you a better idea of what you like and don’t like. Don’t worry! Just take the time to enjoy your college experience because trust me, it flies by!

    • Mary April 22, 2015 / 9:33 am

      Thank you so much for your advice, it means a lot especially knowing that I’m not the only one that feels this way.

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