Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about how I don’t have a thing. There’s never been one thing that I’m really good at and just sticks with me. I haven’t found what a lot of people would call, their calling with what to do with the rest of their life. Here I am, obsessed with social media, but that’s not a calling, it’s just an interest. I’m not exceptionally good at social media by any means. Just above 200 followers on Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr, that’s not excelling, that’s about average, slightly more on Instagram, slightly less on Tumblr. Here I have the most, around the mid 400s but this hasn’t changed in nearly a year. I’m becoming stagnant.
I think in life I’ve always just wanted to have a “thing” something that I’m just really good at. I know that everyone doesn’t have a thing, I just wish that I did. I’m a Communication Arts major which means it’s something I would say is questioned more often than a lot of majors. I never ask a bio major why they’re a bio major, I just assume that they’ll do research or go to med school. And maybe because I don’t ask, I’m just assuming that they aren’t asked why they’re a bio major, but I’m constantly asked why I’m a communications major. I have a feeling it’s because no 5-year-old girl says that she wants to run IHOP’s Twitter.
When it comes to my answer, it’s often times not acceptable for people. I usually say, well I don’t want to teach, and I only want to learn about post Civil War, so I can’t be a history major. There’s just nothing that’s ever really stuck out to me, communications has offered the most options for me. For a while I was headed towards political science, however, I just find it so exhausting to argue. There’s just always been something wrong with everything else, so what it comes down to, is I’m a communications major because I don’t know what else to do.
I once told the career center that, they were not pleased. They suggested I change my major, which pushed me to never want to talk to them again about anything. I’m majoring in “I don’t know what to do” is that okay?
I know I go back and forth on topics like this all the time. It’s just that recently I think I’m seeing more and more people fall into their place in life and I just seem to not be able to find that spot for myself. Like yes, I’m excited that I’ll be able to get a job essentially anywhere after college, I just keep questioning if it’s something I want to be doing. I guess it is since I can’t picture myself doing anything else.
I just feel like I’m in a worldly limbo of almost being finished with my major, but not quite ready to face the world with the choices I’ve made. I still have a year until graduation but I feel like I need more time.
I don’t know. I just needed to get these thoughts out. In a week I’m sure I’ll be back to being thrilled with my choice to be a Communication Arts major, however, today I just wish I had more options. I just don’t know what I would want those options to be.
Anyone else feel the same way? Please tell me I’m not alone.