Dating Diaries: The End?

I started a series in the mindset that I would be trying online dating, hopeful, but not expectant of anything. Well shortly after, I fell for someone and I wanted to keep it to myself, it was new, I don’t fall often but when I do I fall hard. I felt giddy like a school girl. I’m sure you can assume it ended. It ended for exactly the reason I wrote about in my second dating diaries post, plus he didn’t know what he wanted.

I did what I normally do when a guy ends things (or pretty much makes me do it) I hop on an online dating site. I made it about four days this time around when I realized how hurt I actually was. I was at work and honestly had a little bit of a melt down. Was it fair for me to talk to boys that were nice to me when I was so unemotionally available? Was it fair for me to make fun of them to their faces unbeknownst to them? No, none of that was fair. So I deactivated my accounts. I said goodbye to two: two that I was supposed to go on dates with this weekend. That’s what did it. Two dates in one weekend, there was no way I would get through one let alone two, so I said goodbye, wished them well.

So why is this the end of dating diaries? Well, it’s not really, it’s just how I’m not dating anymore. When I’m ready I’ll come back; when I’m ready I’ll spill all the juicy gossip of how gross guys are on dating apps.

I think this little mini-heartbreak has taught me a lot. It’s taught me that I know what I want, and I shouldn’t settle for someone who doesn’t. It’s taught me that if someone else is afraid of where it’s going I should be as well. It’s taught me that I can be alone and be okay. It’s also taught me that I shouldn’t let my friends set me up with people because parties from now on might be a little awkward.

Now, I’m going to take myself, pour all of the love I have into hobbies and side hustles. My rebrand will be done before I go to Ohio, and everything will be ready for BloggyCon (anyone else going?!). It’s time for me to focus on me and everything I want out of my own life before I try mixing someone else’s in. So for now, I’m saying goodbye to dating diaries, and hello to something else, who knows what!

When’s the last time your heart was broken? Was it full-blown or just a little tear?

Advertisements

Dating Diaries: Waiting Until Marriage

Family who reads my blog– please do not feel obligated by any means to read this post as I will be talking about sex quite candidly.

This is one of the hardest blog posts I’ve ever had to write because it’s such an unpopular choice that I have made. I don’t know when I made the conscious decision to do so, it’s just something that I decided I was going to do: I am going to wait until I’m married to have sex.

This makes dating complicated. We live in an extremely sexualized world. There are apps people use for the sole purpose of finding someone to have sex with. Then there’s me, making the extremely unpopular decision to wait. So why have I decided to keep the promise I’ve made to myself? To be quite honest, the decision started because I’m religious but I’m no longer doing it because of that. It is one part because it weeds out a lot of really shitty guys. If he gets annoyed about your wait to want or even tries to convince you to do otherwise you know he’s not even worth the slightest amount of time.

Aside from the benefits of weeding the shits out, it’s still not an easy conversation to have with anyone. There never seems to be a right time or place to blurt out “I’m a virgin and I’m staying like that until my wedding night.” In the past, I’ve found it easiest to say while intoxicated, but that’s just really not bright because it’s more than that. It revolves around boundaries and decisions that you have to be grown up enough to talk about. It’s  not fun, but it’s important.

Here’s my advice to anyone sitting down to have the conversation, just do it. I usually start by saying, “I really like you and I hope this isn’t going to change anything, but I’m waiting to have sex until I’m married.” After that, it’s hopefully a conversation, or at least he’s respectful of your choice. Every now and again you might meet someone who has the same plan, but for me, it’s been few and far between. It’s only impacted a relationship once or twice, but if I’m being honest I like to wait for them to get at least a little attached. The only downside to that is I also get attached. The sooner the better, but it’s also important for you to go with what you are comfortable with.

I’m not writing this post for other people to make the same choice that I have. It’s hard and it’s not for everyone. Due to my anxiety and severe commitment but also extreme attachment issues, it wouldn’t be smart for me to do. So I’m doing what I can for my Lord by saving myself, but that’s not all of it. It’s so much more than that.

What are your thoughts? Any other waiters out there? How do you have the conversation? One, a few, ongoing?

Dating Diaries: “Costco Sunglasses”

 

So I’m dating again. As you probably know, I hate dating. It’s the worst. But alas, I would like a boyfriend because one day I’d like to get married and have a family. However, it’s not going real great so far so I thought I would start a new series about dating*. I like to consider myself fairly low maintenance when it comes to men, I don’t want to be paid for (example A bought my own coffee), I’m fine making decisions for myself, and I don’t require excessive amounts of attention, all I ask is for them to be upfront with me.

This afternoon I went on a first date. Personally, I thought it went well. I did a lot to prepare, got a new outfit (okay I wanted an excuse for a new outfit), shaved my legs, used a facemask, did my makeup very well. To be honest, most of that was just needed as some mental self-care. Went to meet him at a local coffee shop, he was late and the wait at the place was 30 minutes so we walked to another. We sat in that coffee shop for almost two hours. Then, we walked all over downtown for nearly 3 hours. By the end of the date, it was nearly 5:30. He walked me to the car and said he would definitely text me with plans for another encounter. Well, he did.

However, he said that he didn’t think that we would be good romantically. THEN WHY THE HECK WOULD YOU LET ME GET BLISTERS WHILE WE WALK AROUND FOR THREE HOURS.

Hindsight, I definitely agree that we wouldn’t be good romantically agree. I mean, he showed up in plaid cargo shorts, what the boys in elementary school would wear! Add onto that his Costco sunglasses, he would need a little fashion change, and that’s coming from me who rarely matches. I realize this is something that makes me sound extremely shallow, and that there’s something wrong with all Costco sunglasses, or Costco in general and there isn’t. However, I think the look of the sunglasses, the fact that they were worn inside, and the plaid cargo shorts showed a level of immaturity that I’m passed at this point in my life.

I also had to push all of the conversations, ask so many questions, and just try hard. I definitely am just tired of being single and wanted it to work very badly. However, still a little offended he waited to text me that it wasn’t going to work out. We spent five hours together, plenty of time to tell me!

Be honest people. Dating attempt one: check.

*This segment is the first of an ongoing series about my life dating. I will go into things like waiting until marriage, what I’m looking for in a potential husband, as well as delving into my dates.