2014: A Reflection

2014 has been a really weird year for me. Things happened that I never thought I would. I lost and gained a lot of friends. I did things I thought were impossible, I had an internship, I became happy at a school that I wanted to leave constantly. I struggled with anxiety worse than I ever have but once I began to get comfortable with where I was it significantly got better. I became a better blogger (thank goodness) and really ran with this blogging everyday thing- some days. A lot of people have really changed and affected my life, some in a positive way and some in a negative way. I traveled far up north and had a mini-vacation with my friends. I went to a party in the fall. I’ve found people who I like to spend time with and can actually tolerate for more than a few hours. I hate that I want to say that 2014 has been a rollercoaster for me, but that is accurate although it is indeed a cliche.

January

In January I committed to a blog post a day. While at home I worked and hung out with my friends. I tried to see as many people from high school as I could because they were still some of my closest friends. I dreaded the idea of going back to school. I was home for most of the month but went back to school with a lot of snow days. We would get emails upon emails of telling us where to move our cars next and asking us to avoid trees or certain entrances to buildings to avoid falling snow and the possibility of trees falling due to ice. It’s funny how about a half an hour below the state line they can’t get rid of snow even remotely as quickly as above it.

February 

I always find February to be one of those months that just drag on and on, even if it is in fact the shortest month of the year. Sarah turned 16, which was just weird that my sister can drive. The best day of the month for me at least was February 15. Why? Because it’s a great sale on chocolate. I actually did my first haul with chocolate here, which is funny in my opinion. Again, lots of snow days and freezing weather. This is when my visits home became more frequent.

March

When March came around we were still having snow days. I had spring break and came home a few more additional times. School was getting rough, I kept looking into transferring and I just was not happy where I was. I was going home to avoid time spent there. My anxiety was rising and panic attacks were the new normal for me.

April

In April I went to Boston to visit Lindsay, this was a blessing in more than one way. Sure, I got to visit Lindsay and travel which was great, but I never thought that the journey to the bus stop would have given me so many friends. In February my friend Molly who I had Arabic and Biology with offered to drive me to the bus stop so I wouldn’t have to leave my car for the weekend somewhere in Baltimore. I had hung out with Molly and Gabby a few times before but not a lot, they were also friends with Logan, who I had hung out with a few times before. They were all great people that I just for some reason never spent enough time with earlier. I would probably say this is one of my biggest regrets of 2014, missing an opportunity to have these great friends earlier in the year just because I said no to hanging out with them. I should have said yes. I wish I would have said yes. My friend Meag joined us for the ride down and she ended up hanging out with them the whole weekend I was gone. After I got back I started to join them and even though I had friends like Zoe and Rachel before I left I got back and things were different. I was invited and included in a group of people, people seemed to really care about me. I’m not saying Zoe and Rachel didn’t care about me, because I know they do, it was just different being in a group since the three of us had different friends as well.

May

May came with the end of the school year, when I was just starting to get comfortable with where I was. I met Eric in May when he started hanging out with my new group of friends too, I’m really grateful for this because he is now one of my really good friends. I did not know that when I met him. Zoe and I hung out at May Madness with Rachel a little bit. Then I went home for the summer. At home I worked and saw Lindsay and Jade a lot as well as Katie, Alex, Margaret, and Hannah from work. At the end of the month I received an internship where I would spend the rest of my weekdays. Although this limited a lot of social time due to early mornings it was a great opportunity that I am so fortunate to have.

 June

June came around pretty quickly and left just as fast. Honestly I don’t remember anything very significant happening just because I was so busy with work. I would work Monday through Friday at my internship and then every other Saturday at my other job. It was a busy month with the essentially basic humdrums of life. I think this is when I started to talk to Hiba, my first internet friend and just a great person all around. I’m so glad she answered my call to be interviewed for my blog.

July

July was adventure month. I went to NYC with my family and Rhode Island with Lindsay, Jade, and Lauren. I was only off work for a week but it was a very busy week. This was another anxiety filled month. Back in June I had tried to give up caffeine to fix it but it didn’t do anything and it got a lot worse this month. This was the only time I missed a blog post simply due to anxiety and not to being busy or forgetting. I continued to work through it, I tried yoga and hated it.

August

In August I finished up my internship and I was going back to school and not really looking forward to it still. I had new friends and old friends waiting for me there but I didn’t want to leave home. I have never been much of a homebody but I didn’t want to do all of the goodbyes again. I did and I’m glad. No offence to all of my friends and family at home but I got back and I was so happy about it. Zoe came over the first night and we just hung out. I saw all of my new friends and Meag and Rachel and it was great right off the bat. I was happy to be back. Classes started and I was actually excited to be in class for once.

September

September was one the best months for me this year. Sure my birthday is in September but it was still great anyway. I went to my first party EVER. It was on my goals for the year (which will be reviewed later tonight) and it wasn’t terrible. I didn’t dread it at all actually, I had fun. I didn’t drink at all because that scares me, however, I still had fun. My birthday came around I went to IHOP with my friends and enjoyed time with my family. Becca and Chloe started hanging out with me at this time too, which is nice because they are two of the nicest people I have ever met.  This was the first time I went home since summer and I didn’t want to stay, I actually looked forward to going back. It was a complete turnaround from the previous semester.

October

October was good, I hung out with my new friends more and more. I had people to hang out with on the weekends and I stopped constantly eating in my room. There was more to life than the confinement of my room for me now, I had people to talk to. I keep saying this like I didn’t before, and I did, it was just different to feel like I was a part of a group. I went home for fall break and spent my time with Lindsay and at work. It was nice to be home but it was also nice to go back.

November

The time flew by, I can’t believe this was just last month. Classes were winding down with papers and projects and preparation for finals. I came home for Thanksgiving and spent time with my family. I also received the opportunity to go back to my internship for the last two weeks of winter break.

December

December had to be the fastest month of the year. I went back to school and studied and wrote and studied. I crafted on the weekends with my friends and just enjoyed my last few weeks of the semester. I came home and worked and celebrated the holidays. This month I blinked and it was over. It was insane.

I am so thankful for everyone who touched my life this year, I mean I’m sure if you’re reading this you were a part of it. From my friends at school to my friends at home, I am so grateful. I will be reviewing my last year goals as well as sharing my new ones with you later this evening. I hope you have a wonderful new year!

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A lot of these pictures were reused from other posts, so sorry about the captions on some of them.

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2013 Resolutions: They have been found!

So if you read my year in review or my 2014 goals you may have read that I lost my resolutions from last year, well in the past week they have been recovered so for today’s post I’m going to evaluate last year’s resolutions and see how I did on them.

  1. Get in shape to play Quidditch. Well at this point I thought in my year I assumed that I would have gone to a school with a Quidditch team but I didn’t so I guess I didn’t get in shape for Quidditch, and I guess I didn’t really get in shape at all either, so yeah a fail.
  2. Make new friends. Which I think I did at college, I mean maybe I didn’t always pick the best friends but there are a few that I would consider pretty good friends.
  3. Learn something new (hobby). Well I’m not sure if I did this or not, I’m trying to think and I guess this blog would be one along with YouTube videos, and I hope to improve on both of these over the next year as well.
  4. Give a compliment a day. I probably did this, I mean I usually say something nice to at least one person from I like your shirt to you’re a super cool person.
  5. Turn off the radio and talk to God once a day. This was meant to be when I was driving somewhere I would turn off the radio and just talk for a little bit, and I don’t know if I did this in the car everyday, but I do more now because when I drive I drive a lot further. I do on my way to and from school because I get tired of singing so about halfway through I start praying and it helps the drive be less lonely.
  6. Try and figure out if “Teach Me” is a realistic idea. Well this was my idea for an NGO in a class project and I thought that I could do that for like a job, but I never looked into it anymore, or if I did I don’t remember doing so, but this would still be a really cool plan if I ever have the money for it.
  7. Take a note of thankfulness once a day. Which was an awesome idea, and I think I kind of did that without thinking about it. I mean I’m on a daily basis thankful for my friends and family.
  8. Work on blog to improve writing. Now this was a funny goal because last year I had a blog but it was awful, I literally wrote about nothing. I don’t know why I did it to start, it is now deleted (thank goodness) but then I started this blog, which I adore and spend oodles of time on. I hope you guys like it too!
  9. Actually wear my nice clothes. Boy was I funny, thought I might dress up for school and I guess I did sometimes but I believe I still mostly wore t-shirts, sweatshirts, yoga pants, and leggings.
  10. Get the proper amount of sleep.  What a joke, I don’t see this happening any time soon.
  11. Try to remember dreams, both real ones and sleep ones. I think I remember my real ones, I hardly ever remember my sleep ones. My real dreams are being considered whenever I make any sort of decision about the future.
  12. Remember to laugh at self. I do this all the time, you can’t have friends like mine and not laugh at yourself.
  13. Don’t be afraid. I don’t know what I was afraid of but I took a lot of risks last year, most of them ending badly so I’m not doing that anymore I’m only doing things for myself and things I’m comfortable with.
  14. Don’t shut everyone out. I can’t help this. I can’t talk to anyone when I have panic attacks or my anxiety is really bad, no one gets it. It only makes it worse. I have to shut everyone out to get better.
  15. Care about others but still think about myself. I think I did this so yeah. 

Okay so I had to stop writing this post to go to work and my dad went seriously downhill from there. I wanted to go to Reading to get clothes for that picture but my mom told me to go to Litiz instead AND THEY WERE CLOSED TO I WASTED GAS TO GO TO A CLOSED TARGET I’M STILL PISSED ABOUT IT! Well anyway anger is one of my anxiety triggers apparently and along with my the bad feelings I have against my body, mixed with a new pair of jeggings felt a little scratchy and too tight with the underwear I was wearing made me actually have a break down. So the last of this was very poorly written and I apologize. These panic attacks keep getting worse and it’s harder to deal with, I hate feeling like I’m losing control of my body. Sometimes I feel like I’m slowly going crazy. I physically cannot write anymore. 

XOXO

Mary

Answer

January 9: 184 in triple overtime.

Question

January 10: What popular TV chef and cookbook author once worked in the White House as a nuclear energy budget analyst?

 

The Plan

So guys I just wanted to share with you the “plan” for my blog for the next year and I really hope I can manage it. If you read my New Years goals you may know that I plan on blogging daily which I try to do already, however my posts really have no structure and I want to change that, or at least a little bit and I would like to share the weekly schedule I hope to keep with you guys so I am more likely to do so. However, if it doesn’t work out I’m going to let you guys know and I’m going to go back to the regular no structured schedule again, and to go along with this note if I don’t feel like following a schedule just for a day I’m not going to do it. So here is my attempted schedule:

Sundays: Previous week reflection and what the new week has in store and any days I might not be posting.

Mondays: School life, classes, and any topic that involves school.

Tuesdays: Tag Tuesdays and Sometimes Serious Tuesdays! Now this probably will alternate with serious posts because there aren’t that many tags that I want to do and I know they aren’t the most popular posts either but I like to do them.

Wednesdays: Weird Wednesdays, and this is going to be weird stories about my life or things that happen to me while I’m out, other than that I’m not sure what else these will contain.

Thursdays: Rant day, and boy are those plentiful, I’m sure you guys can guess what these are going to be like.

Fridays: Random! These are going to be the days where I just kind of go off and write about whatever I want like I do now.

Saturdays: Adventure days, if I go somewhere during the week or that day or somewhere I’ve been in the past.

Well I hope you guys had fun New Years celebrations and I can’t wait to see what 2014 has in store for me. If you have any input on my categories or something you want to see in them please please please let me know! That would mean the world to me, I love comments! Can’t wait to start writing tomorrow!

XOXO

Mary

Goals for the New Year

Every  year I make New Year’s resolutions and my original plan was to reflect on my last years resolutions except I did such a good job keeping up to date on it and I lost them, so I thought I would share with you my goals for the new year.

  • Blog everyday- I would like to try and really do this as well as have some sort of schedule for the postings.
  • Reach 300 followers, this is just a personal goal and if it doesn’t happen it’s totally okay I think it’s something I want to try.
  • Make a really good friend at school, someone to hang out with and get meals with on a regular basis.
  • Get a new job, and this doesn’t mean quit my current job because it’s a good safety net but I really need a new job to make more money.
  • A more positive outlook on life- I really need to stop being so negative and hating everything, and I want to try to be more optimistic
  • Go to a party for more than 30 minutes. This is something that I just need to do for myself, I don’t need to drink or do drugs or whatever people do at parties but I need to experience college better.
  • Try to overcome my anxiety. I just want to figure out and calm down so it’s not so bad because it hinders me from doing things that I really want to do and that needs to stop.
  • Stop cracking my knuckles- pretty self explanatory.
  • To be passionate about something- I feel like a lot of things, but I don’t feel like I’m really passionate about anything and I really really want to be.
  • 300 YouTube subscriber, which I’m seeing as kind of unrealistic right now but it’s something that I would like to hopefully achieve this year.
  • I would like to better recognize those who actually care about me compared to those who only want things from me.
  • I want to remember to tell those I appreciate how much they mean to me.
  • I need to keep in mind that I am really lucky especially when things are bad.
  • I would love to learn something new, so suggestions please! I need a cool new hobby!
  • Joe Sugg. Look him up, I’m in love with him. Tell him to love me.

So share with me your goals! Hope you enjoyed!

Happy (almost) New Year!

XOXO

Mary