Blogging

Long Time, No Blog

MaryLeave a comment

What else is new- I’m gone, I’m back, I’m gone, I’m back, the cycle truly never ends. As always, when I disappear for 5 months, I come back with a lot of changes so we’re going to quickly address those and then resume our regularly scheduled blogging. Aka three random posts a week- NO EXCUSES MARY!!!

The biggest news and will eventually be a whole blog post- I’M ENGAGED. So yes, wedding planning will now be a topic of my blog.

I’ve also moved out of my shit hole apartment into a new and slightly better one. The people that lived there before us didn’t clean or really take care of it for the five years they lived there so it’s a fixer-upper that my roommate and I took on for a rental so that’s different.

Additionally- I’ve re-vamped my job search which like hopefully no one from my current company still remembers this blog because if they see this line I’ll get fired because that’s the kind of place I work out. But really the drive is getting to be too much and I need more work to do. Ideally- I’d love to learn but we’ll see if that happens.

So here’s some poll questions that I’d love for y’all to give me some input on for what content should be posted!

That’s all I have for now and I will be back on Saturday!

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Average Adventure: Philadelphia + Meeting Girl In Between!

Mary1 Comment

A not so Average Adventure! In August I got to meet my longtime blog pal, Lauren, aka Loz, aka Girl In Between. She came to Philadelphia all the way from New Zealand! I don’t want to spoil why she was there because I’m thinking she might blog about that someday. It was a little mini-adventure day. We went to the Reading Terminal Market

I didn’t take too many pictures because it was honestly one of the most surreal experiences of my life. In case you didn’t know, Lauren has been a regular commenter, supporter, and friend of my blog for pretty much the whole time I’ve been blogging and vice versa. So basically I met one of my best friends for the first time, which is still such a weird concept to me.

Selfies outside of Target!

This one is for you Miss. Colleen!

🍑

I didn’t go to a sunflower field like everyone else in the world this past summer, instead, I saw a bouquet of them.

Have you ever met an online friend IRL? If you haven’t already make sure you check out Girl In Between.

2018 Goals

Mary2 Comments

You had to know this was coming, so here are my 2018 goals! I decided to pick just 10 this year (again) so it is more achievable.

  1. Go to the gym a minimum of three times a week
  2. Work on transitioning my blog and online presence to more of what I want it to be and less of just quick fixes.
  3. Start working freelance
  4. Get organized
  5. Open an Etsy shop
  6. A solo-vacation (or maybe with friends who knows)
  7. Read 12 books
  8. Volunteer and be more charitable
  9. Write a book about blogging and publish it for the Amazon Kindle
  10. Eat better!

What are your goals for the new year?

2017 Goals in Review

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Every year I review my goals. Normally, I do it twice and this year I didn’t want to do a mid-year review. Mostly because honestly, this is the first time I’ve looked at my goals since last January. L O L. 2017 has been a little rough- some really cool stuff happened and I might do a reflection piece all about that, but at the same time I’ve been creatively bogged down, exhausted, and often generally defeated. However, let’s dive into that as I reflect on my 2017 goals.

  1. Blog at LEAST three times a week. This did not happen. Obviously. I’ve found extremely difficult to manage my work writing and then staying motivated enough to come home and write more often. I did, however, write far more than I did last year, finally broke 500 followers (thank you everyone) and was proud of every piece I published. 
  2. Go self-hosted, break out of .wordpress (eek!!) Done! I thought it would be scarier because that yearly $100 price tag seemed high, but I renewed it this month with no hesitation. I’m content with my domain name and look of my blog (generally). 
  3. Get my first real adult job doing something I love. I’m working in my field- which I love that I’m using my degree. There are parts of my job that I really do love, however, this isn’t my dream job and my boss reassures me that it’s a stepping stone to doing what I really want to do- freelancing. 
  4. Move out of my parent’s house. I did! I *officially* moved to Frederick where I had semi-permanently lived over the four years of college. Now, it’s my home. 
  5. Travel somewhere cool. I didn’t go anywhere super cool and exciting- at least to most people. However, for me, I had a lot of fun going to BloggyCon and spending time with people who love the same things as me. Mostly, having people understand me when I talked was really cool too. After I went there, I took the long way home and visited a friend who is in Kentucky (hi Kellianne) which was just super nice. 
  6. Grow in my relationships with God and Jesus. That’s a personal question goal that I don’t need to delve into on the internet :) One day there will be a whole post on my religious views. 
  7. Learn something new I learned to embroider and knit this year! I’m not advanced at either but I’d say I’m a novice in both. 
  8. Eat better– i.e. eventually no more dairy or soy, the crux of all of my stomach issues I did- it didn’t work. 
  9. Find a therapist wherever I end up post-graduation to continue positively growing with my mental health. I didn’t do this. It turned out I dreading going to therapy. I’m still on medication and one day I hope to find a therapist that I connect with better but overall I’m okay(ish) where I am now anxiety wise. 
  10. Be creative all the time, in thinking, in daily life, constantly expanding my mind in creativity. Obviously, from the first paragraph of this post- this was trying for me. I’ve had creativity-block like others have writer’s block. It has impacted nearly every aspect of my life and has been incredibly annoying. However, this is something to work on again for 2018.

How did you do on your 2017 goals? As you can guess, my 2018 goals are around the corner!

Stranger Stories: An Anonymous Love Story

Mary1 Comment

An Anonymous Love Story

A couple of months ago I asked my dear friend Mary if I could be an anonymous guest writer on her awesome blog. Because she is literally the nicest person I probably know, she willingly accepted my request. So hello Mary’s avid readers! I’m sorry I can’t introduce myself, but perhaps if you continue reading, the reason as to why will be made clear.

I’ve felt the need, over these last few months, to get something off of my chest but life gets hectic and the feelings I’m about to share were not nearly as important as the other aspects of my life. As things begin to calm down and my routine is more set, the feelings can’t be pushed aside much longer. They pop up out of nowhere and they pester me at the most inconvenient of times. As my therapist once told me, writing can be extremely useful for people who have a hard time expressing their feelings. And so, here I am, hiding behind anonymity in the hopes of being able to find some type of peace of mind.

Years ago, I fell in love. Or at least I thought I did. I’ve come to realize that what I loved was the idea of him, the idea of being in love with him, the romance of the entire situation. But not him, I never really loved him. And the only reason I’m able to say this is because now I actually love someone, and it hurts substantially more. It started as this perpetual cold feeling somewhere between my heart and my diaphragm, like someone punched me with a snowball. Now there’s just this empty feeling there, as if a part of my side was ripped out entirely. If I try to visualize the space it’s a black, empty void. Somehow, that hurts worse than the snowball punch.

I met him a few years ago. I was recovering from a really tough year and we were studying at the same place. We became instant friends and spent most of our time together. I’ve never had a male friend like him. We have the same interests, same passions, same humor. We grew close and soon he became one of my best friends. When we said goodbye to each other, I (accidentally) told him I loved him and turned around and got on a bus. It was a very friendly ‘I love you’ but even still, I meant it.

It was months before I saw him again but nothing changed between us. We picked up right where we left off. Again I was leaving on a bus when he hugged me and told me he loved me. Once more, strictly in a friend way. I smiled and walked away.

Years went by and we kept in touch; a skype call here and there, a couple snapchats a week and few friendly text messages. He was still one of my best friends and I loved telling people about our adventures together and how great he was. Then we saw each other again.

I was so excited to see him and we had one of those running into each other’s arms at the airport moments. It had been years since we had seen each other and yet, we were as comfortable as ever. Before our reunion, my friends kept asking me if I thought we’d hook up, which in my opinion was an absurd question. “Hook up with him? He’s like my brother guys, never.” So naturally we hooked up.

I was terrified. This would totally ruin our friendship. Everything was going to be awkward now. I’d royally screwed up. Thankfully, I was entirely wrong about all of that. But the one thing that I was right about was that I’d never be the same. The more time I spent with him and the more intimate we got, the more attached I became. Despite my best efforts, I knew I was falling in love him. I couldn’t have stopped it even if I had wanted to.

We spent two weeks together, 24/7 and not once did I get annoyed. Not once did I want to rip his head off. Not once did I need alone time. I can’t do this with my best friends that I’ve known for years. I can’t do this with my sister or mother or anyone. But with him, I’m a different person and I really like that person. I want to be her more.

The time came and he was leaving. His bus was leaving late, he was heading to his next adventure. (As I’m writing this, I’m starting to realize what an important part buses play in this whole little story). I looked in his eyes while tears streamed down my face and I was speechless. I couldn’t say anything. So I smiled while he told me how much fun he had, how much he’d miss me, how excited he was for our next trip together. We hugged, I looked at him once more and walked away. I didn’t turn back. I couldn’t turn back. My life wasn’t behind me and I had to keep moving forward. But that wasn’t the real reason I didn’t look back.

You see, his next adventure was visiting The Girl. The Girl is a friend of mine and I knew from the start that he was going to visit her. The Girl is someone who he told me he could see a future with. We were very open about The Girl and talked about all of it after we had hooked up. So the real reason I didn’t look back is because I didn’t want to know whether he was watching me leave or if he was on the phone with her. It would have broken my heart in that moment if I knew the answer. I wanted to remember him fondly and hold no grudges. So I walked onward, content with my oblivion.

While I write this, I know that I’m heartbroken. I know that the person I love doesn’t know that I do and most likely doesn’t harbor the same feelings. But I still love him and I always will. Perhaps that’s the heartbreaking part of this whole story. I really do believe that I will always love him. He is my first love, the first person I can envision a real, viable future with. I want to spend my life with him, I want him by my side through all of the adventures. We’re still best friends. We still talk frequently and on the surface, nothing has changed. I haven’t told him I love him because at this point in time, there is no benefit in doing so.

Perhaps now you understand why I chose anonymity. I need to confess to the world that I love someone who doesn’t love me back and I need to do so without anyone knowing I did. The irrationality of love annoys me. I hope you don’t feel like your time has been wasted reading this story. Perhaps no one will even get to the end of this blog. But I can pretend that I’ve shared my story with people and I can pretend that they can at least relate to it.

I suppose the lesson I’ve learned from all of this is that sometimes there are heartbreaks so enormous you can’t just get over them. I will always love him and I will always remember this heartbreak, but it won’t define me nor will it stop me. I’m not bitter and I don’t regret a thing. Now that I’ve fallen in love I know how great it is, even though it hurts so much. Sometimes, it’s ok to be broken for awhile because then you can learn how to put yourself back together.

If you have a story that you would like to share, anonymous or otherwise email me at marysaverageadventures@gmail.com.

So You Want to Start a Blog? | The Content

Mary8 Comments

I’m going to start this off by telling you the opposite of everything else you will read: you do NOT need to choose a niche. Take a look around my blog, it’s been four years and I’ve yet to pick. Don’t worry about it.

What do you like?

The most important thing about blogging is you need to write about things you like. It doesn’t matter if it’s not popular (trust me, you aren’t the only person who likes something), it doesn’t matter if you don’t know everything about it (learn). What matters is that you enjoy what you’re talking about. It shows when bloggers are writing about what’s popular, what they think will sell, it’s not what they care about, they’re doing it for the views.

Find Your Folks

This is the only place you’re going to have trouble when you don’t have a niche- but it’s doable. My folks are for the most part other twenty-somethings generally at the same stage in their life as I am. Each person and I have something different in common, all of my folks are from different “tribes” (a term for another post) if you will.

Finding Your Voice

I don’t like to be professional on my personal blog, these are my thoughts and opinions, and I want to write in a very familiar tone. I want people to know they’re reading Mary’s Average Adventures by a line. I don’t want to be authoritative, I don’t want to lecture, I just want to be, so I use my own voice. A lot of my writing is exactly how I talk– run on sentences and scattered ideas. I’m very scatter-brained- the kind way of saying a mess, but that’s me and that’s what I want my blog to show. My voice is not me showing my best self (did I get tipsy and write the other night, yes), it’s me showing me.

That’s not to say that’s the only way of doing things. If I was talking about business that wouldn’t be okay, but I’m not. You have to figure out what voice fits your blog.

This is you.

A blog isn’t meant to encapsulate anyone but you. It’s meant to house your thoughts or information you think the world should have. It’s you. Don’t worry about what’s popular- it’s easy to fall into the trap of what will get views but at the end of the day it needs to be what’s best for you. Don’t burn out over a blog, that’s silly.

Thoughts? New blogs I should be looking at?

Feel like you could use a hand getting your blog off the ground? Let me know and I’d be more than happy to give a free consultation of my services :)

Tipsy Tips: Lesson 1

MaryLeave a comment


I am prefacing this series with the information that I am 22, nearly 23, therefore, it is completely and utterly a-okay for me to be tipsy. Also really this should be called tipsy thoughts but that sounds stupid. Also if this prevents me from getting a job I do not care. My goal is to freelance. Pay me to write, please.

So I’m almost 23. My mom got pregnant with me when she was 23. That’s not going to be happening for me at 23, that’s for sure. I can’t get a guy to look at me for more than five seconds and those who do I’m really unfortunately not into. So here’s a tip, if you want to have a kid by 24, be more like my mom and less like me.

Here’s a tip: avoid words that make people cringe. How do you know if they make people cringe? If the cast of Bachelor in Paradise is cringing over it, don’t use it. Guess the word in the comments- Robbie identified himself as it on his date with Raven is a big hint. I don’t want to use it because a person who reads this blog wants to identify as one, and that’s just stupid, I’m sorry.

Okay here’s a tip: everyone wants a friendship like Meredith and Christina. Why? Derrick dies, and Christina doesn’t come back. I want my person to be on my side and not be in a different country for a long time when my husband dies. Just saying, pick someone to stick around.

Here’s another tip, don’t date friends of friends. It makes you not want to talk about anything with your friend when it goes bad. Then it just sits inside you.

Take time for yourself. Don’t let other people bog ya down.

Those are my tipsy tips.

So You Want To Start a Blog? | Where to Start.

MaryLeave a comment

Blogging is the single greatest thing I have ever done in my life and I think I will feel that way until I have children. I encourage everyone to start one, but how do you do that? How do you pick a niche? How do you know what you want it to look like? Where do you look for pictures that won’t get you sued? And most importantly how do you consistently come up with content. Well, welcome to my new series where we will explore all of that.

Today we’re going to start at the beginning: how do you start a blog? Well, my friends, my advice would be to pick a host site you’re comfortable with. I chose WordPress because I liked that it was really easy to follow other bloggers, something I could never figure out on Blogger, however that is a very popular platform that I’m sure has its benefits. I am extremely partial to WordPress so I would say go for that, but if you’re more comfortable somewhere else, by all means, do that too.

Then you have to pick a domain. It can be related to what you want to blog about, but not necessarily. Some people go for a username for titles, other a general theme, find something that speaks to you, anything that speaks to you. My good friend from high school called her 9to5 which I really like. It can be as simple or complex as you want within the character limit. After you have your name for your site, you need to decide whether or not you want to register it. Personally, I registered mine after I was one-hundred percent certain blogging was something I was sticking with. Some people do it right off the bat, the only thing with that is you pay for the year– so if you forget about it, you lost some money.

If you decide to take the leap first thing, I would highly recommend paying the yearly $99 for the all-access WordPress site. It allows you to have complete control of your content but also the benefits of WordPress hosting. This means your followers will still get updates when you post, you have a really good support team to help you with any problems, and your phone number and address can’t be found through your web address. You can purchase cheaper WordPress plans but honestly, I think the money is worth it.

Once you figure out all of that it’s time for a layout! Back in the early days of my blog, I was constantly changing the layout because it’s really fun. However, not always the best idea for consistency purposes. Find one you like, and what I like to do is make it so it’s something I would want to read. If you aren’t having an easy time reading it no one will.

Now your blog is all set up and it’s time to move on to picking your niche (or maybe not!)

Feel like you could use a hand getting your blog off the ground? Let me know and I’d be more than happy to give a free consultation of my services :)

 

*This post may contain affiliate links.

Saying “No” to Brands

MaryLeave a comment

I’ve been blogging for several years now and at least once a month I’ll get an email that goes something like this:

Hi Mary,

Wow, we love your blog, and I think that we have a great idea for a post! What would you think about writing about *insert random idea here that probably doesn’t fit in with blog at all*. What do you think? Here are some examples, and let us know if you want more details!

All the best,

Very Generic name here

So I usually reply:

Good *insert time of day* Generic Name!

I’m so happy you like my blog and I really like that idea. I would love more information! I am attaching my media kit so you are aware of my rates.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Mary

Then I usually get a reply that goes like this:

Hi Mary,

Thanks for a prompt response! So happy you like the idea, unfortunately, at this time we are unable to compensate. However, we would love to share your blog (if we like it enough) on our website and with our social media followers.

Please consider our offer and let me know if you decide to go ahead. We would really like to work with you.

*Generic Name*

To which I will respond,

*Generic Name*

I understand, however, as a person who needs an income at this time I unable to give out my services for free. I hope you can understand that. As I love the idea, if you ever find the budget for me, please let me know and I would be more than happy to work with you on this project.

Best,

Mary

Now honestly depending on my mood I’ll just stop responding, however, I’m very tired of offers that will not profit me or my readers. My media kit is actually very generous, I don’t charge nearly as much as I should, and I give the option of NO MONEY! Just a discount code for readers. I don’t want to hurt a startup trying to break into their industry, but that doesn’t mean I should let companies (that definitely have some type of marketing budget) take advantage of me.

Have I fallen for this before? Heck yes. Why? Becuase the people are so nice, they try to make a connection with you- it’s how they get free publicity. Once I started thinking about it though, it didn’t make sense. The only things I give free publicity to are services or products that I know and love. I shouldn’t be giving away my service for free to a company who wouldn’t even give me a sample of their service.

At the end of the day, you have to put you and your dignity above whether or not it will get you free publicity. All of their responses are contingent upon whether or not they like your work enough to share it, and honestly, you might have more “real” followers than them anyway. If a company is trying to use “smaller” bloggers to gain traction and attention, they might be doing some other undignified practices of gaining attention on social media.

Be careful and don’t let people take advantage.

 

Baby Boomers are the Best and Millennials are the Worst

Mary4 Comments

I am a millennial. Now before you try and fight me on it, just let me have it. I have done papers. I fall in the years of millennials so please don’t even go there. I’m not Gen Z. I am the “problem” generation.

I am constantly pulling HR articles for social media posting at work and so many I come across are about millennials in the workplace and essentially what a PIA we are. SHUT UP. PLEASE. SHUT UP.

Fact. I don’t care if a company gives me a t-shirt, lets me wear whatever I want, or has pets in the office. All of those are perks, but not the most prevalent ones. We still want retirement plans we still want benefits.

I don’t know why every person who is not a millennial knows what we want and I’m also very curious how you can generalize a whole generation. You simply can’t. We have Google, Facebook, Amazon, BuzzFeed, and all of the media giants of today influencing people’s opinions of millennials, but in all honesty, they’re just adding icing on the cake. Companies are taking their avant-garde ideas that they add as pluses to their other benefits, but are forgetting to give people the OG benefits that are expected with a salaried job.

Let’s take BuzzFeed for example, ask anyone interested in digital media between the ages of 15 and 25, I would say 80% of them would be willing to work for BuzzFeed and 90% would at least be willing to make an appearance in a video or have a Tweet quoted in an article. Yet, their turnover rate for a lot of their “successful” employees is extremely high. Search “Why I Left BuzzFeed” on YouTube and you will find a million and one reasons. However, most of these are either centered around not having enough money to scrape by, or not having enough control over their personal brand. Their casual dress code, puppies in the office, popular videos, and overall portrayed energy promotes an idea of ideal work/life balance and displays people who seem like they generally want to go to work. This is what people think of millennials

So take away the “millennial wants” from BuzzFeed, you would see the reality of the situation there. Less than thrilled employees, not making enough money, and you would see the reality of a high turnover rate. It’s the idea of the perks that appeal to millennials, but it’s not what keeps them. 

So just a question: Why are millennials treated like we are the glutens, goldfish, and idiots of the workplace? All we’re looking for is someone to leech off of until someone new comes along. We don’t have the focus or attention span to stay with a company very long. And last but not least, we don’t really know anything (on top of literally everything we have ruined like department stores and fancy napkins).

Social media, as much as I love and cherish it, has given baby boomer and gen x to become afraid of the power they do not understand and attack us verbally. Naturally, the hashtags they try to dominate with why we’re the worst are quickly taken over by millennial “trolls.” We are not the snowflake generation, we are just not afraid to stand up for what we believe in. We are not cry babies and whiners, we’re just saying what we think to a larger audience. I’m sure gen x and baby boomer did just as much complaining back in their day, they just didn’t have a platform that would allow it to be so widespread. Back in their day, it was 15 minutes of fame, not the kind of fame we see today and they’re scared.

Back off, let me live tweet your breakdown and go viral because of it. While you continue to complain about how millennials suck (on the internet when we use it too much apparently) you’re going to be missing a lot of success. Stop being a precious snowflake and realize that millennials are starting to dominate the workforce and there’s not much you can do to stop it at this rate. We aren’t taking your jobs, killing industries, or whatever else you want to blame us for. Next time, don’t ruin the housing market and maybe I’ll buy a house as soon as I have a stable job, but too bad you did. If you want something fixed, go shop at more department stores and fix it.