My Final Semester

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Tomorrow is my last first day of school. I might’ve said that last semester, but really this is the last one. I have never been so excited but so nervous for school to be over.

It’s weird because this is really the beginning of the end. Five months from now I’m going to be a “real” adult. No more walk-in meal under the lump sum of my meal plan, same with the apartment. Work will no longer be holding babies and doing random things for the marketing department (okay depending on how things work out that could still be a thing) but really, my life is about to really change over the next few months.

I cannot begin to describe how quickly the past four years have gone and how much I have changed. I really do feel like it was just yesterday I was dreading going back for another semester, and this year I was itching to get back. Reflecting on my time at Hood has been amazingly reassuring to me, as well as my future.

I’m not good at change, and I never have been, yet it’s something I’ve craved for as long as I can remember. Maybe it’s because of my major FOMO and I want to know what else the world can offer me, if it’s not that I don’t know what it could be. However, whenever I get to the new I end up afraid of missing what I left behind which is probably why I hated my freshman year of college.

I think the greatest lessons I learned during my time here so far, well those outside of class includes who to trust, how to get to that point, and not everyone changes/evolves at the same rate as you. College has allowed me to meet a lot of people and realize what I’m looking for not only in friends but mentors and bosses.

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A Year in Review: 2015

It’s that time of year again. The time when I reflect back on my year, 2014 was a reflection, but I prefer the Year in Review of 2013, so that’s the title of this one. All in all, 2015 was a strange year, a good year, but a strange one. Looking back at it, it’s like I lived this life that wasn’t mine, I don’t know if that makes sense. For the most part my anxiety has greatly subsided and only surfaces at the most inconvenient of times, like parking lots, highways, riding bicycles through London, and when I have too much stuff to be done. My blogging hit a creative roadblock for a while and that was really hard for me to deal with, I just wanted to create great things and I couldn’t. Recently, I’ve been feeling better about that though and that helps a lot. 2015 brought the biggest adventure of my life yet, I lived in another country for three months, and that was probably the coolest thing I’ve ever done. If I had to describe 2015 in a phrase it would be: unexpectedly expected.

January

In January it seemed as if I was going through some self-evaluating. I had almost all classes for my major and minor and it lead to some major self reflection and evaluating. This was the semester that I went back to school and I felt content for the first time about that. Before there was always that bit of dread, but not that semester. Molly, Eric, Logan, and I all went on a little day trip to a bookstore in Harrisburg and to Chocolate World.

February

February is when the not blogging every day kicked in and I started to slack. I celebrated being single with two Galentines days I think I failed the 3-5 days a week. In order to try and combat this I started the 30 Day Blog Challenge. This is also when my blogging rut began. There were highs and lows of it throughout the year. However, because blogging had hit a rut, I was enjoying my life. This is also the last month that I would go home for the job that I hated so much.

March

At school March means spring break, which usually means a week of working, for me, it meant quitting my job. I had never quit a job before so it was this huge step for me in my life. I was kind of afraid, but also so glad that I did. I quit in order to go Florida with my friends for spring break, which was a great decision if you ask me. This was also the month where I honestly almost stopped blogging if I’m being honest. I hit a rut, I didn’t always enjoy blogging, I stopped doing the 30 Day Blog Challenge, I was at the peak of my creative roadblock. March was a month of highs and lows.  However, by the end of the month I felt that I was slowly climbing out of my rut and onto better. This was also the month I found out that I had been accepted to go to Dublin for the semester, it was official that I would be studying abroad in the fall.

April

To be honest. I don’t remember anything about April.  April is a weird month where nothing really happens. We had May Madness at my school and it was like 45 degrees outside. I don’t know why we had May Madness in April, I think it had something to do with finals week. Other than that, I feel like April is such a filler month. It’s project after project and paper after paper, other than that there’s not much to it.

May

May means the end of school. This year, I went home without a job and with fewer friends waiting for me than I was leaving, and it just felt weird. Normally I go home to a routine and this time I was going home to job application after job application. All of this time was good for me to start to get ready for studying abroad. I went on some hikes and just took some time for myself. At the end of the month, I was back working at my new job that I love.

June

 

I started LNBM in June which is the best and worst thing I’ve ever done for this blog. While it greatly feeds my laziness in the blogging department, it always seems to decently well with readers. I also continued my visits to Frederick to see Logan, Molly, and Eric. They also came to PA a few times, it was easier for me to go there just with schedules and everything. June was another month of severe bloggers block. However, this was the first time I didn’t keep it a secret. I was open and straight forward about it, which I think made it easier to write.

July

In July I went back to Florida, this time with my family. I got to accomplish a life dream, to stay at the Animal Kingdom Lodge and see the giraffes from my hotel window. I also got to experience the magic of the updated Harry Potter World, which was absolutely amazing. The bloggers block start to wear off a little bit and I felt like I was doing good in the blog world.  I always start to get a little restless in July. I’m ready for a set schedule and this summer I just never really got that. I like structure, and there was not a lot of structure in my life this past summer, which was probably a good experience.

August

August was a month of restlessness. I felt stagnate.  Everyone was getting ready to back to college and I was just waiting. Do you know that night before you leave before you go on vacation? That’s how August was for me. To me the world was paused, crawling until I made it until September when I could finally go to Dublin for the semester. I did go on my first solo trip to the beach which was the type of relaxation I really needed. I don’t like to wish away time, but at the time I was just wishing that August would just hurry up already. I celebrated my 21st birthday and going away with family and friends.  My friends slowly started returning to college and I continued to work, just waiting for the day that it was my turn to leave.

September

September started with two visits to Hood. I finished working, went down for Eric’s birthday and then the next day I was off for Dublin. This was the start of my greatest adventure. This was the part of the year that I was looking forward to the most. After all of the paperwork errors and thoughts crossing my mind that I would never be able to actually go, it was time for me to go. I left on September 13 and got to Dublin on the 14. Right away we had walking tours, bus tours, and just sightseeing things. I had my 21st birthday in a different country where it doesn’t really matter because the drinking age is 18 there, but still I turned 21, that’s a big birthday, or so they say. I visited the Cliffs of Moher and just explored Dublin.

October

October was when life started to get crazy. I went to Howth which is a small little suburb type place of Dublin. I went to Paris to meet up with my dad who was on business, how many 21 year-olds can say that? Then I went to Galway, another little seaside town for a night with my friends. I ended in October in London, England. That’s just absolutely crazy. I did so much in one month.

November

I feel like November was yesterday, it went by literally in the blink of an eye. I went to London (again) and Brighton. I also went to Madrid and Sevilla. I was away from Dublin for a whole week and then I made the decision to not travel again while I was away and enjoy my last four weeks in Dublin. This is the first time any of my pictures from Sevilla are being posted, the adventure post will come soon. My family came for Thanksgiving and I got to enjoy more time with them which was great. When I said at the beginning that looking back on this year it’s like looking at someone else’s memories, that’s what November is for me, it’s so surreal that it seems like someone else’s life.

December

December brought an end to my biggest adventure. I spent my last two and a half weeks in Dublin with final assignments and seeing as much of the city as possible, going to all of my favorite places and just taking everything in before I left. Then I headed home. It’s still weird being home. It’s been about two and a half weeks now and it’s still just weird. I’m not used to it yet. I’ve been trying to see all of my home friends and family before I head back to school in a little over a week. I went to Frederick for an interview

2015.

All in all, 2015 was great. It was just a whirlwind of a year. It was a year of new friends, new people, new experiences, and new places. The last fourth of 2015 could be described as the year of new, and I want to keep that going. 2015 was great, but I’m ready for some more change. I don’t like change, but I don’t know, I feel like 2016 is the year of change. Resolutions to come tomorrow!

Happy New Year Everyone!

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Sunshine Blogger Award

A very long time ago I was nominated by Sharon Yvonne for the Sunshine Blogger Award, so thank you very much for nominating me, I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to get to it. I might have done this one before, but I’m going to do it again, because I have a lot of work to do so this is a good and quick post. Also, I leave in two weeks, like two weeks from today I’ll be in a plane on the way home, that’s crazy!

The Rules.

1.) Thank the person/people who nominated you.

Thanks again Sharon! I really appreciate it!

2.) Answer the questions from your nominators.

Down below!

3.) Nominate eleven other bloggers and give them eleven questions.

After the questions!!

  1. Why did you decide to blog?  I’m sure I’ve written about this before, but I just wanted to. I was going to college and I wanted to document my view of it without judgement of social media that family and friends would see, however, I put it on twitter right before Christmas the same year, and on Facebook either right before or right after the New Year. 
  2. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be and why? I wouldn’t be so anxious. I would be one of those people who took everything with a grain of salt and lived life freely without anxiety because I would spend more time enjoying myself and less time annoyed/frustrated at the world. 
  3. If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be and why? I would make all the terrible people feel love, love so that they don’t want to kill and terrorize the rest of the world. It makes me so sad to see that so many countries and groups are just fighting and fighting, I would change the world to make it stop. 
  4. When did you know that you were meant to do something creative with your life? I’ve always loved crafting, writing, I don’t remember a point where I thought I was meant to do it, I’ve just always felt like I needed to do it. 
  5. Are you still enjoying blogging? Do you still feel passionate about it? I still enjoy it, I would say it’s the only thing that I’m really passionate about. Obviously there are times when I get frustrated or annoyed with it, whether that’s my lack of ideas or WordPress issues or just not being able to do what I want, I still really enjoy and love blogging. 
  6. Have you had to give up anything to nurture your gifts? What was it and why? I’ve given up time with friends, family, and sleep, especially when I was blogging everyday. My time management skills aren’t great so there were times that I passed on going somewhere to blog, or times that I left, or times that I would go out that I would stay up to ridiculous hours of the morning to blog. It was however, worth it. I would say that if I ever were to daily blog again, I would utilize off days and schedule more posts and have work days rather than try to write everyday. 

I am actually going to nominate every blogger reading this with the following 11 questions:

  1. What did you do today?
  2. Where is the best place you have yet to travel and why?
  3. What is your favorite type of holiday cookie?
  4. Do you have a best blogging moment? Why?
  5. Are you a brand person or do you  not  care and just grab whatever you see first? This is for anything: toothpaste, makeup, etc.
  6. What is the best kind of weather in your opinion?
  7. Do you have a dream career?
  8. If you could pick one place in the US to live, where would you live?
  9. If you could pick any place in the world to live, where would you live?
  10. What is your favorite quote?
  11. Where is your dream vacation destination?

Please tag me or let me know if you choose to do this! I want to read some new blogs!

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3 Days 3 Quotes Challenge: Day 1

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First, here are the rules for the challenge:

1.) Thank the person who nominated you

2.) Select a quote for the next three days and write about it

3.) Nominated 3 other bloggers for the challenge!

Thank you so much B for nominating me for this challenge, it’s perfect! If you haven’t checked B out, her blog is Getting Through Anxiety, be sure to check it out!

I chose the quote “Things change. And friends leave. And life doesn’t stop for anyone,” which is from my favorite book and movie, The Perks of Being a Wallflower and it’s just a few short sentences but they mean a lot to me. I Since even starting my blog the people featured have changed drastically People change, they leave, and life goes on. I feel like sometimes the world is just moving around me and everything just keeps going. Life does not stop.

I’ve wrote before how I just expect to see people stick around, I expect to be friends with people forever, but that’s just not practical. People leave and life still goes around me. You just have to move on around that. Things will change, I will leave other people, not intentionally, that’s just life. I like how bluntly The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky puts everything and approaches mental illness and the way Charlie (the main character) sees life and his perspective.  To me this quote sums up 2015 to me.

Things change, things get better, you move on with the world, you keep going with the world. You adapt to the changes, the friends who left become distant memories, you grow more fond of the memories than the actual moments then when they were there. Everything is glorified in memories, and that’s probably a good thing. That gives you the ability to move on, remember the good things.

Things change, both good and bad, friends will leave, but the world will still go on around you.

I nominate anyone who’s reading this to also participate, if you chose to do so, please just let me know so I can make sure to check out and read your blog!

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A Year Changes Everyone.

A little less than a year ago I wrote this post. A post that highlighted my expectations of what my senior year self thought my life would be like compared to what it was actually and now I’m looking back at my life from last year. This time last year I didn’t even know Eric and now he’s my best friend. This time last year I ate dinner alone in my room almost every night and now I eat with my friends for almost every year. Friends that I hung out with maybe once a month. I was going home almost every weekend because I hated college and now I don’t like knowing that I’m missing out here when I go home for a weekend.

This time last year I spent 95% of my time incredibly anxious and essentially afraid to leave my room. Wednesday I left my room at 10:45 am and didn’t get back until past midnight. I have essentially made a complete 180 with my life and I really cannot compalin. While the anxiety still hits me- the past two days it has, but I moved past it. I’m handling myself and situations a lot better. I would say that I’m anxious about 50% of the time now but I also don’t let it confine me to my room unless it’s a really bad day.

There’s a lot of things that I regret about last year. There was this and group of people reaching out to me and I was ignoring them. I was cutting off myself off and I really don’t like that I was the reason that I didn’t allow myself to have fun. I spent all of my time wishing to be somewhere else and not enjoying the moments I had.

My life has really turned around and I’m really happy with that. I would say I owe a lot of this to my new friends. Especially Logan, Molly, and Eric- if it weren’t for them inviting me to things and making me feel included I don’t know if I would be as happy as I am now. I wouldn’t say I was unhappy before, but I also know that I wasn’t happy. A year can change a lot and I would say that if I would have let myself be open to all of these people I would have been a lot happier a year ago too. I don’t think people make happiness but when you surround yourself with people who really, truly care about you, your life really improves. I don’t feel like second place or second choice, I feel equal and that’s what I really like.

A lot changes in a year and every year a lot will change. You can look back at almost any year and see all the changes in your life and maybe it will be nostalgic. For me it’s not. For me it’s kind of filled with regret. I don’t want to focus on that though, I want to focus on the fact that I have probably the world’s greatest friends. I want to focus on the fact that I’m a lot happier and a lot less anxious. I want to focus on the fact that a year ago I never thought I would be where I am today in the best way possible. Sure people have left me in the past year but I guess sometimes that’s for the best.

I don’t know why I felt the need to share this but I read that old post of mine and I’m amazed at how content and pleased I am with my life. A lot changes in a year and I wouldn’t say that’s a bad thing.

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A Haircut.

I don’t like change especially when the outcome is entirely unknown and that’s what comes with a haircut for me and because of this I have actually put off getting a haircut for longer than I’ve been blogging. So yesterday I finally decided that my hair was gross enough and I got a lot of it cut off and I really like it.

I used to get my haircut really short all the time, like it would never really get past my shoulder because I really love the look of short hair but it’s very high maintenance and it doesn’t really work with my hair type. So instead I just stopped getting it cut for over a year which resulted in about five inches of split ends. The last time I got my haircut she made a point to cut out the at home ombre that I had previously when she wasn’t supposed to cut more than two inches so I was really upset which I think furthered my fear of getting my haircut.

Change isn’t so bad. A haircut or a change of style can be what’s needed to move on from a point of your life which I think I’m doing. While it seems like now is an odd time for change I just have some moving on to do. A moving on from negativity and crappy people to a new part of my life with good people and happy thoughts.

Change is good today. I like it. I also straightened it tonight and it’s straight! So that’s actually a huge improvement from what it was like before.

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Everything Changes in a Year

I was taking a shower, ya know to be clean, and it brought me to thinking about how much has changed in the past year. This time last year was before I started slipping. This time last year I was really, really happy. To be honest, I couldn’t stop thinking how I couldn’t be happier, I was on top of the world and nothing was pushing me down. That only lasted for about another week and a half, but this time last year I was so happy. I was also preparing to graduate, having good times with my friends, and was only a little worried that I wasn’t going to pass math (but I did, don’t worry guys).

There are a lot of things that I would go back and change about this time last year. I wish I would’ve never been that happy. I think that’s part of the reason I’m down a lot, I was so happy and it all came crashing down around me in such a short time, but I still know what that happiness was and I haven’t felt like that since. Again, I’m not saying I’m unhappy or depressed or anything like that, I’m just fine, not good, not bad, just completely neutral. If I could go back in time I would’ve trusted my first instinct and I wouldn’t have done things out of spite or based my decisions around other people’s thoughts and feelings. However, I am grateful to now know how happy I am capable of being .

This time last year I was writing a speech for graduation. I was actually just writing a lot in general. I think the extreme euphoria and happiness I was feeling was inspiring and then the complete crash did the same. However, let’s focus on graduation. I’m pretty sure by this point I was counting down the days, maybe even counting down the days until I left for college. I was over the point of regretting my commitment and to the point of just being excited for college. I was thinking about orientation and admitted students day. Mostly I was just looking forward to standing on stage, reading off names, and being done forever.

There was also a little stress going on in my life this time last year, but the happiness really cancelled it out. I was struggling with AP Statistics which was the only class I needed to graduate. For a while I had a D and I really thought I was going to fail and not be able to graduate, but I got it up to C, which isn’t really good. However, I had senioritis since second semester of my junior year so I don’t think you can blame me. I got into college and passed. I was also stressed about graduation, I had a speech, to read names, help plan the picnic, and I liked to just stress.

When I look back at year ago, I never would have imagined my life the way it is today. To be honest, I thought I would be with a certain guy, I thought I would really be blossoming at college, and I thought I would really have my life together. However, if all that was true would I be here today? Maybe this would’ve been started but if I had a boyfriend, I would skype with him over writing here. When I examine everything I’m not sure which I would prefer my life to be like. I wish I was still that happy, but I’m glad I’m not with that guy. I’m glad I’m not worried about passing math now I might be worried about passing Arabic or all the stuff that went along with graduation.

What it all comes down to the end is, don’t stress about what’s a problem today because a year from now it might seem pretty insignificant, everything’s going to be different anyway so don’t sweat the little stuff.

XOXO,

Mary.

Fate is an Odd Thing.

Well guys it’s Saturday and yet again I’m not writing about an adventure, sorry pals. I also have written several posts for today, however I didn’t like any of them enough so I thought I would write about this little thing called fate.

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There are a lot of things in life that we like to call coincidences and we like to say things like “it’s such a small world!” but then there are other things, stronger things, that we call fate. I never really believed in fate, until one day my Nonni told me the story about how my parents were probably destined for each other. Now that’s a really long story and I’ll maybe share it with you some day but I want to talk more about fate in general. This week I think I had an encounter with fate, and I’m not going to go into that either but that’s how this relates to now.

I think fate is this crazy thing that God likes to put in our lives to laugh at us, I also believe that He has a very strong sense of humor and that’s why He does it. Fate is one of those things where you can go your whole life living what seems like a parallel life to someone you know, going across two lines that never seem like they will touch, but when you look closer as time goes on they get closer and closer and eventually they are going to touch. Now once the two lines do finally meet I think one of two things can happen, they can merge together and become intertwined never leaving one another, which is usually the ideal path of things. However, I also think that the paths can cross and maybe intertwine but then they leave forever, but that person leaves a lasting imprint on your life forever. I believe that fate is the best thing that can happen to a person, however, you have to accept and embrace it. You can’t run away from fate, it’s one of those things that are always going to affect your life and change who you are. I think you should trust in fate and don’t be afraid of it. I think before now I have spent way too much time running away from things like fate because they’re scary, but now I’ve decided to embrace it, it’s much more tiring hiding from things like fate.  So yeah I’m gonna run with the whole fate thing this time and I’ll see where it goes.

Trivia will be back tomorrow!

XOXO

Mary

 

Everything has change, yet is still the same.

So I’ve been home for about a week now, and I can’t say I miss college one bit, however I can’t say I want to be home either. I am currently sitting on my bed watching Netflix (nothing new there) but I’m supposed to be cleaning my room, which is annoying because in three week it all has to get packed up again. Anyway, being home is so different when it’s for an extended amount of time rather than a weekend or even a long weekend. I’m not used to not being able to just leave and not tell anyone where I’m going or what I’m doing, it’s just different.  I feel like sometimes even my friends are different, but I’m not sure maybe I’ve changed or maybe they have but I feel like sometimes I’m out of the loop when I hang out with them. I don’t think they try it, it’s just something that seems to happen and that’s really different. Work is the same, I hate everyone that comes through and approximately half of my coworkers.  I’m so tired of feeling like there’s no place in the world for me, I feel like I will always be that outsider looking in. I don’t belong at college (or at least the one I go to) I don’t belong at home, I don’t belong at my job, and I don’t belong in my group of friends half the time, no matter what I do I feel like I don’t belong.  It’s like I never left high school.  A year ago if you told me that I’d feel this shitty at a time where I’m supposed to be finding out who I am and having the time of my life, I would’ve thought you were crazy. I always thought things would get better when it came time for college, but it doesn’t seem like it. What do I have to look forward to next? Retirement? That’s so far away and it’s wishing away my whole life too.  I keep hoping, wishing, praying, that things are going to get better, but how long do I have to do that for? I’ve already done that for so long. But one of these days things will pick up I’m sure, it won’t be bad forever, right?Maybe 2014 will be my year, I can only hope. So here’s to a better year with lots good memories, friends back to normal and a place where I belong.  So I guess this is a kind of short, but deepish post, anywho thanks for reading!

XOXO,

Mary

Time to Grow Up :(

So today I came to the unfortunate conclusion that it is time to grow up.  I mean yes, I still am a freshman and college and yes I still have four years to go, however I am nineteen  years old and it’s time to start acting like I have my shit together.  Now I know most people start this at the beginning of the year and fail by October, well HA because I’m starting in October and I’m determined not to fail.  I want to dress nicer, and do my make up more, that way by the time I graduate I will  be used to it and I’ll do it for work in shit like that. So today I was going out and I bought make up! :O For those of you who know me- which none of you really do, this is a huge step because I never actually wear make up. I know that this is an odd time in my life to start things like this, but I don’t really know, like I just feel like I should be trying harder. I guess I always kind of complain that people don’t really pay attention to me, and maybe I think they will if I look nicer. But it’s true, the nicer you look the more attention people will pay you.  Now this is not to say I will not be putting my yoga pants to rest- no, I will still wear those just not everyday.  I’ll wear real bras rather than the simple sport ones I typically wear. I hope that people will start to take me more seriously, I  should’ve taken college as a fresh start from the beginning of the year, but I still have my chance now. So here’s to the fresh new (hopefully pretty) start of Mary.

Thanks again for reading, I really appreciate it! If you want you can follow me on twitter- @mrmilligan13, just send me a tweet and I’d love to follow you back! Love you guys so much!

XOXO

Mary