Majoring in “I Don’t Know What to Do”

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about how I don’t have a thing. There’s never been one thing that I’m really good at and just sticks with me. I haven’t found what a lot of people would call, their calling with what to do with the rest of their life. Here I am, obsessed with social media, but that’s not a calling, it’s just an interest. I’m not exceptionally good at social media by any means. Just above 200 followers on Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr, that’s not excelling, that’s about average, slightly more on Instagram, slightly less on Tumblr. Here I have the most, around the mid 400s but this hasn’t changed in nearly a year. I’m becoming stagnant.

I think in life I’ve always just wanted to have a “thing” something that I’m just really good at. I know that everyone doesn’t have a thing, I just wish that I did. I’m a Communication Arts major which means it’s something I would say is questioned more often than a lot of majors. I never ask a bio major why they’re a bio major, I just assume that they’ll do research or go to med school. And maybe because I don’t ask, I’m just assuming that they aren’t asked why they’re a bio major, but I’m constantly asked why I’m a communications major. I have a feeling it’s because no 5-year-old girl says that she wants to run IHOP’s Twitter.

When it comes to my answer, it’s often times not acceptable for people. I usually say, well I don’t want to teach, and I only want to learn about post Civil War, so I can’t be a history major.  There’s just nothing that’s ever really stuck out to me, communications has offered the most options for me. For a while I was headed towards political science, however, I just find it so exhausting to argue. There’s just always been something wrong with everything else, so what it comes down to, is I’m a communications major because I don’t know what else to do.

I once told the career center that, they were not pleased. They suggested I change my major, which pushed me to never want to talk to them again about anything. I’m majoring in “I don’t know what to do” is that okay?

I know I go back and forth on topics like this all the time. It’s just that recently I think I’m seeing more and more people fall into their place in life and I just seem to not be able to find that spot for myself. Like yes, I’m excited that I’ll be able to get a job essentially anywhere after college, I just keep questioning if it’s something I want to be doing. I guess  it is since I can’t picture myself doing anything else.

I just feel like I’m in a worldly limbo of almost being finished with my major, but not quite ready to face the world with the choices I’ve made. I still have a year until graduation but I feel like I need more time.

I don’t know. I just needed to get these thoughts out. In a week I’m sure I’ll be back to being thrilled with my choice to be a Communication Arts major, however, today I just wish I had more options. I just don’t know what I would want those options to be.

Anyone else feel the same way? Please tell me I’m not alone.

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Late Night Blogging with Mary: Part 19

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It’s been officially over a month since I’ve done an LNBM, which means that bloggers block is fading away, we will see if that sticks once school picks up on Monday. Eek. However, because of that, I feel  like there hasn’t been a life update in a while.

I start classes on Monday, that’s insane. My break has flashed by in the blink of an eye, which is good and bad. Good because I hate waiting for things, bad because I didn’t get to do half the things I wanted to do. That’s partially because I got way more hours over break than I did over the summer, which is really good, but I’m also very tired.

Also, I can’t believe I’m going back to my school tomorrow. I spent all of last semester saying to my friends “oh I don’t go there” to be funny, but like now it feels almost weird to be going back. I’m afraid I’m not going to know anyone, which is stupid because my school has like just over a thousand students, so that’s only like 300 or so that I won’t recognize. However, I also switched buildings, which I realize I’m about to sound very stupid, but there’s like a whole new system I have to learn. I don’t know which showers to use, there’s going to be different people in the halls, it’s just going to be different. It feels kind of weird just walking into school in the middle of the year, I know it’s a new semester, it just feels strange.

I am so excited for a routine again. I have a babysitting job lined up for next semester. I just have schedule that will be generally the same everyday and I’m really looking forward to it. There’s something that I really look forward to about starting back up again. While there are certain classes that I’m really nervous about, there are also a lot that I’m really excited for. I’m glad that I’m finally done with all of my gen eds and I’m finally like moving up into just classes for my major and then classes I actually want to take.

I guess this post could have been called “back to school” but it’s past 7 pm so it’s technically LNBM. When do you go back to school? Some people are already back, some people still have a week or two, they took a week away from us, so I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little upset, but maybe it’s for the best!

Okay, now it’s bed time, I’m leaving at 7 am tomorrow!

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I Will BE Successful

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Yesterday someone had the nerve to imply that communications majors should be concerned about their futures, that we should be worried that there aren’t enough jobs for us. This came out of the mouth of a Marketing major, and I dare her to see this and question me about it.

I am a Communication Arts major, I am learning how to communicate. And while I worry day in and day out about what I want to be when I grow up, I am not worried about what I will become when I grow up. There are options. I’ve applied for internships in FIVE different fields because my degree is that versatile. I’ve applied in HR, Marketing, sales, PR, and just general communications, I could also apply for internships in newspapers, editorial offices, magazines, publishing companies, and websites like BuzzFeed, so don’t you dare tell me that I should be concerned about my future.

I am worried because I don’t know what I want to be, but I know I have options. I am not limiting myself to a concentration because of that reason. I will not choose marketing because that is so limiting. I can still take marketing classes and put that on my resume if I want, but I really don’t need to since I already had an internship in marketing and that looks better than any class I could take on the subject. I don’t want to limit myself to the digital realm, even though that does happen to be what I like, because what if I fall in love with print. Being a Communications major means I’m giving myself options. Choosing to be a Communications major without limitations allows me to explore even more options. If I was certain on something, then yes, I’m sure I would have a concentration, but I don’t need one, I will be successful in a plethora of ways without one.

I’m sick and tired of people verbalizing or implying that I will be a failure simply because of my major. I’m sorry, but every company needs to know how to communicate. I refuse to worry about my ability to find a job when I could walk into any office and say “I can help your office communicate better, look at my degree to prove it!” I won’t say they would give it to me, but my degree is useful. Don’t doubt me on this because I will fight to defend my decision.

I will not be the richest person in the world from this degree, but I can almost guarantee that any company could use me or someone like me.

So please rub your marketing, math, engineering, or any other degree in my face. Don’t worry, I won’t criticize it, but just know that I have a wider variety of options so stop criticizing me and implying that I’m going to be a failure. No matter where you go, someone like myself will be there communicating with the rest of the world what you are doing – we are a needed breed. Communications majors will never not be needed, a company will always need to communicate outside its doors with the rest of the world no matter what they do. For the public to know they need a service it must be communicated, whether that’s through print, online, marketing (which you can do with just a communications degree), or even just within departments we are a commodity. I am not worthless like you like to imply. I do not have a joke of a major, my classes might be a little easier than bio and chem, but I still work for my grades. You need a communications major in your professional world, never doubt it. Do you see engineers working in HR? Nope, communications. Believe it or not, we’re needed, I’m going to succeed so don’t imply that I will fail.

I refuse to fail, so say it all you want, but when you go out of your way to criticize everyone else’s decisions it shows your own insecurities. Evaluate your own life and choices, not mine.

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The Dreaded Question: What do you want to do?

Today was the first day of classes, which still requires so many professors asking your name and major, and today career paths. That was a terrible question. What do you want to do? I hate it so much. I hate that I’m twenty and I have no clue what I want to do. I hate that I know a million things I don’t want to do but there’s not even a little part of me that knows what I want to do.

I hate saying in front of the class that I don’t have career goals because I look like I’m not ambitious, but I am, I just don’t know what I want to be ambitious about.  Whenever these questions come up I get anxious, I love thinking and planning ahead but I can’t even decide what I want to do and that’s stressful for me.

Whenever anyone asks me what I want to do that’s not my advisor (who happened to be the professor asking today) I usually just say journalism or something in the communications field. Not true, definitely something in the communications field but not journalism. If I say that though people will think I have some type of plan so I get less criticism from strangers if I just say that.

Now, since this scares me so much I take career tests ALL THE TIME! Like literally when I have free time I’m trying to find a new one to take that’s free. They all give me the same result: JOURNALIST! I don’t want to be a journalist. I don’t like the people who aspire to be journalists (besides Logan and very few others) they’re very rude and arrogant. I can’t stand arrogance. I don’t want to subject myself to that the rest of my life.

I think I worry about this so much because I don’t want to grow up looking forward to the weekends. I don’t want to think every Monday “not this again” or “When’s Friday?” it’s easily one of my biggest fears that I  will be waiting for the next time I catch a break. I don’t want to be one of those people who dreads going to work everyday, I honestly want to enjoy my job. I hate my job (not internship) at home and I dread going there every time I do. I hate that I’m waiting for time to pass, wishing for eight hours of my life to just vanish. I want to enjoy every hour that I can and if that means exploring every option of what I’m doing with my future that’s what that’ll mean. It terrifies me that I don’t know what I want to do but it’s better than choosing something to do and then hating it for the rest of my life I suppose.

No one ask me that question again though, okay? It really pisses me off. The permanent answer is I DON’T KNOW!

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