Pause

via Daily Prompt: Pause

I saw the Daily Prompt for today was “Pause” and it ties in a little too perfectly with my life right now.

I keep hitting the fast forward button when I should be hitting pause. I shouldn’t be wishing my last six weeks of college away, yet here I am staring at my semi-daunting to-do list not wanting to do any of it.

I’m waiting for the end of the week, waiting to hear if I got a job or two, or none. But I shouldn’t be waiting for that moment. I should be savoring every moment. Cherishing the time I spend with the kids I watch because soon (well hopefully) I’ll be working full time and I probably won’t be a nanny anymore. I should be taking mental pictures of every meal with my roommates, every time I walk across the cherry-blossom filled campus, and just every little moment that I can hold on to, I should be holding on.

I’ve reached a point where I’m so focused on whatever’s next that I’m not pausing anymore, when really I should be pausing more. No more fast forward, just a nice hold down on the pause so it’s almost a stop.

My mom told me when I was starting high school that life would only get faster, I don’t know if I didn’t believe her, or just didn’t know what she was talking about, but she was right. I’ve been blogging for three and a half years, it feels like it was just yesterday I was cursing WordPress for being stupid (eh could’ve been yesterday) but my time online and in college has been flying by. I can’t believe that I’m graduating in six weeks, but here I am wishing I was graduating tomorrow just to get on with the next part of life.

I think that’s probably not just a me problem, even more of a societal problem. We’re so focused on the future, what are we doing this weekend, next week, the next deadline. We forget to focus on what is happening right now. Right now is what really matters. Maybe we all need to take some time and just pause.

So take a moment, pause, reflect, think about right now. Right now, I’m at work, right now, I’m at a decent place in my life, right now.

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This is the last time I’m asking you…

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Can’t Drive 55.”

“Put my name at the top of your list…” This is one of my favorite Taylor Swift songs, “The Last Time”. To me this songs speaks volumes. It means you can only ask so much out of someone. It means you can’t keep leaving and coming back and how fragile people around you are.

“This is the last time I’ve got it wrong” This is the last time, I’m going to make this mistake again. You can make the same mistakes so many time, trust me, I continuously repeat mistakes, but it’s crazy to think that you just keep going back to what’s going to break your heart.

“This is the last time I’m asking you why, you break my heart in the blink of an eye” We go back to people who break our hearts repeatedly. We trust people continuously. I think in our memories we forget what bad things people did, and have a tendency to remember only the good things, and we continue to let them into our lives even though they will only hurt us more and more.

“I’m not sure how I got there, all roads they lead me here” When you care about someone everything goes back to them. We forget where we’re going and what we’re doing, we get so caught up in that person and how much we care that everything falls to the wayside.

“Put my name at the top of your list.” Once you start not meaning something to someone, don’t ask to be put at the top of their list anymore. Once you’re not there anymore you start caring more than them, investing more than them, and are in a position to be hurt a lot more by them. Which is why they “break my heart in the blink of an eye.

“You wear your best apology but I was there to watch you leave” Sorry’s can only go so far and only fix so much. Sometimes the apology becomes so miniscule that it begins to mean nothing instead.

This is one of my favorite Taylor Swift songs because there’s so much meaning and emotion in it. Gary Lightbody is also featured in the song, and their harmonies are amazing. When I hear this song I can feel it. It’s everything you want to say to the people who hurt you again and again, but there’s only so many times you can ask why, only so many times they can say sorry, only so many times you both can walk away.

“And all those times I let you in, just for you to go again.”

Now doesn’t that just break your heart. Happy Saturday prompt from the Daily Prompt! What was the last song you listened to?

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P.S. I listened to this song the whole time I wrote this post and now I’m obsessed with it like I was when the Red CD came out.