Trying to Date as 20-Something

Dating sucks and I hate it. I hate the start of relationships where you have to get to know someone and trying to figure out the way they think, how to understand them, and just all those little things. I can’t think of anything about dating that I like. I can’t even count the number of times in a week where I want to call my mom and ask her to just arrange my marriage.

I was recently ghosted. Or maybe that’s still an occurring thing. I don’t really know how long of a process that typically is, but all I know is that I’m pretty pissed about it. Like really, you’re in your twenties, I’m willing to have a conversation, so let’s talk about it. I find myself to be a reasonable person, and ghosting makes me totally unreasonable. So to the guy that’s ghosting/ghosted me, if you’re reading this, I’m a catch and because of your unwillingness to have a conversation with me, you’re missing out boy. Also mom and dad- I don’t want to talk about it. I would be lying if I said I’ve never ghosted anyone, I mean I tried. I was unsuccessful because I feel like shit leaving someone in the dark like that.

I know that I’m a relatively easy person to date (at least in my opinion). I don’t require fancy dates (my favorite places are IHOP and Target) or even that much attention, a text a day suffices for me. However, I never seem to be enough for the boys that  pay attention to me, or I require too much. Honestly, the last guy who was actually my boyfriend couldn’t do enough for me so I broke up with him. That sounds really shitty, but he complained if I asked to go on a walk around the park, not even if we could get a coffee.

So I don’t understand why I find dating so complicated. I sometimes feel as if I have convoluted ideas behind dating. I can be quoted of saying “Did I miss the day in school where everyone learned to talk to people they’re attracted to?” Other than my lack of flirtation skills, I can’t get a guy to notice me. Well, I can, just not the ones that I want to, and I don’t know why that is.

I feel like I’m starting to get a little side-tracked (naturally) in this post. Really, the thing is, there is not one good thing about dating in your twenties. Tinder sucks and it’s how to meet some really shitty people. I would be curious to know if anyone has actually had good, continued success on the app, because I would say I had brief and okay success but now I will never use it again.

I’m not one to blame things on social media because I love it more than most other things. However, it does make dating harder. It makes reading into someone’s personal life a lot easier and actually talking to someone a lot more difficult. Like, if I just start seeing someone I am not about to tweet some T-Swift lyrics because that’s unfortunately the kind of thing that freaks guys out whether or not it has anything to do with them. They might not even follow me on social media yet and I won’t tweet it just in case they decide to creep. Fortunately, I’m not the type to get mad if a guy likes another girl’s picture, or retweets something, but there are people that get into actual fights over such things. While, I may find that little bit out there, it’s a real problem. Social media might be hurting our dating lives.

On the other hand, social media has done this awesome thing that it usually does, which is bring people together. I am curious to know if that works for people. I know a girl who started dating someone on Instagram, like they had mutual friends (I think) and they hit it off through comments. To me, that’s kinda crazy and I don’t think that happens a lot, but maybe I’m wrong. My goal is that an attractive man will see how hilarious I am on Twitter and slide into my DMs, I doubt it will happen but a girl can dream.

At the end of the day, my thoughts behind dating is that it sucks and I want an arranged marriage. No, not really, but it does suck. They’re are too many ways for it to go downhill. For someone like me, that is a tough thing to grasp sometimes. Post-graduation I would really like to have a steady man in my life that likes me and treats me well. Preferably, he has aspirations of things and goals he will obtain. Obviously, I’ll keep you posted on any male suiters (only after they know about the blog and they stick around past the “dating” phase of things).

What do you think about dating as a twenty-something?

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I’m Single.

I mean this is fairly obvious I make a lot of jokes about it because it’s just one of those things that at this point in my life I find very humorous. It’s not that I want to be single or in a relationship which is probably one of the many reasons I’m single, I don’t know what I want. I’ve been single for four years now if you count either of my previous relationships as relationships and if you don’t count either then I’ve been single my whole life.

For a while this unsettled me for a while I realized that if I was supposed to be with someone right now I would be. If it was in God’s plan for me to meet someone I would meet someone, what’s the point in seeking out a crush or someone to date if it’s just to have a boyfriend or girlfriend? If that’s what you’re looking for it’s probably not going to work out.

After months and months of not even being interested in anyone and just admiring cute boys from afar I’ve realized there’s probably a reason I’m not into anyone. Sure there are times where I think it would be nice or convenient to have a boyfriend, like when I’m trying to take all of my stuff to my room in one trip or when I’m lonely, but that’s not why people actually have relationships. They have relationships because they like someone or love someone even.

I’m single for a lot of reason and while it’s kind of funny I don’t want to kiss a lot of frogs to find the right one, or to find that there isn’t a right one at all. I kinda just want to wait until I like someone and hopefully I’ll be lucky enough that they’ll like me too.

I also am currently in Mary Time which is the time where that I’m allowed to be selfish and only think about myself. Right now I’m in the stage where if someone comes along I would be okay with it, but I’m still allowed to be selfish. I have this whole set of rules that I might as well explain now. So once someone comes in and understand Mary Time then it’s like Mary PLUS Some Random Man’s Time in which before any engagement happens we must be dating for at least five years then and then engaged for a year before any marriage happens. Then it’s Mary Plus Husband Time for the rest of our life but right now I’m being selfish and this is there Mary Time that might never end. I know I can be very selfish and I don’t know if I would want to invite anyone into that mindset of mine.

Anyway that got a little bit of track. I’m okay with being single not only because of my mindset but because of how I feel about guys at the moment. I can’t see myself being with anyone anytime soon and while that may be upsetting for people who aren’t good at being single I like to think that I’m a pro at being single. It get boring but it’s probably for the best for a while or at least I meet someone I actually like.

I was partially inspired by this post by Young & Twenty so if you don’t already go check her out and see what she has to say, because it’s pretty inspiring stuff.

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The Secrets Out

Well guys the secret is out, I have no secrets. I feel like I should’ve built up to that better. Oh well. Seriously I tell you guys everything with the exception of minor details. Except sometimes when I message Hiba, I’ll be like oh I never told them that, but that’s okay, you’ll find out someday.

Anywho, this just made me think, what happens if I start talking to a guy? Like what if I would actually leave my house and go on a date? Like my first reaction would to be come back and blog all about it, however, these posts go to every social media site I’m on and that could lead to possible issues. So say I come back from a date and I write “Oh my gosh it was so bad, we went to the movies and he spit popcorn everywhere and spilled his soda on me.” There I risk hurting his feelings if I were to write that. On the other hand what if I wrote ” Oh my gosh guys I went on a date, it was so great. He opened the door for me, he offered to pay, he was cute, and smelled good.” Well that could be potentially embarrassing if he read it for me, especially if he didn’t feel the same way. To be honest, I’ll probably tell you guys about stuff like that. I’ll call the post something secret like “Why I love bunnies” and the first paragraph will be all about fish so everyone else will just shrug it off, but the best of you will know. Heads up, I don’t have any dates lined up or anything I was just thinking about what would happen if I did (I’m lonely okay?).

To be honest I’m an open book, like if you commented with a personal question I would without a doubt answer right away. The only things I don’t share are like private things that shouldn’t be put on the internet. Sorry for the short little post today, heading to bed early.

XOXO,

Mary.

Old Fashioned

For whatever reason I decided to jump on the bandwagon and start watching the Bachelorette. Why not be like every other college girl? Anyway this got me thinking about dating practices of today. First of all I could never do the Bachelor or Bachelorette, I don’t like competition for a guy and I could never have that many choices at once, it would be way too much pressure. I would never be able to stand there in a dress and try to impress a guy more than all the other girls that are like super models. Then can you imagine trying to pick out of so many guys? I couldn’t do it. What if you pick the wrong one? That would be way too much pressure for me.

So that got me thinking to the idea of online dating that is very common today. And obviously I’m not thinking about that for right now (I’m too young for that!). I think it might be expected that I would be interested in since I am a woman of the the internet, however I am not. It freaks me out. I even get freaked out sometimes on WordPress because I’m afraid I’m not actually talking to another college student. Online dating I believe would be an unnecessary source of anxiety for me. But I guess never say never.

Finally I thought about Tinder. Tinder is an app that from my all understanding is based on looks and if you like the way someone looks and they like the way you look  you can chat. Well first of all, I do not want someone to base every first impression of me off of my looks and same for myself. I don’t want to base my first impression of people off of looks. Secondly, I heard you have to put multiple selfies up, I can’t even take one good selfie let alone multiple. So yes, I have yet to download Tinder to my phone.

I guess what it comes down to is that I prefer the more old fashioned way of dating, meeting someone by chance and in person. What do you guys think of these not so traditional ways of meeting people?

XOXO,

Mary.

Relationship-Phobic…?

Is that even a thing? Well if you can assume what that means I’m afraid of relationships. I think this is a real thing too and it stems from a lot of things, like being hurt, seeing statistics and even just commitment in general.

I’ve been hurt, like I’m pretty sure I’ve told you guys my prom story and how that was a really bad experience. That’s basically how it’s been for most guys I’ve dated/liked/talked to and it gets discouraging. Anytime I even think about entering a relationship with someone I get very nervous, I have trust issues, and I’m constantly afraid that they don’t actually like me. So there, reason one I’m afraid of relationships.

Okay so my parents are happily married, but have you seen the statistics? Over half of all marriages end in divorce, that’s scary. You enter a relationship and you are either going to get married or break up, that’s scary. I’m not ready for marriage, does that mean I shouldn’t date? But then I think about my age and I’m like well if I want to date someone for at least three years before I get married, if I met that person now, we could do the normal thing and get married right after college. Also very scary. Then if I get married we could get divorced (but I wouldn’t get married until I’m a hundred percent sure) and it’s more likely that we would get a divorce than stay together. This all makes perfect sense as to why I’m afraid of relationships.

I’m afraid of commitment. My school is small, like 2,000 people (if that) small and the ratio of girls to guys is 60:40 then add in gay guys, and my options are becoming very limited. So then, let’s think about okay so maybe I did decide that I liked someone here and maybe they liked me too, but thennn we break up, super awkward! You see them everywhere, it’s unavoidable. The school is too small to avoid people, trust me I’ve tried. Also I’m not about that “let’s be together all the time” stuff and college gives you that opportunity.  I’m pretty sure if I wanted a relationship I’d have to ask my friends to set me up with people from their schools because long distance would probably be a lot better for me. Closeness and all that commitment stuff is way too stressful for me, I can’t do all of that. SCARY.

Basically I’m afraid of relationships and all of the stuff goes towards it, so unless some poor guy likes that/feels the same way I’m going to be alone forever, and I can’t say that I mind. Please share how you get over this fear in the comments! Thanks for reading!

XOXO,

Mary.