Late Night Blogging with Mary: Part 7

It has been a very long week. I don’t know what it is but I just realized what I’ve done this week and I feel like I did so much but so little at the same time. I got a new bank, my car broke, and got fixed (FOR FREE), I drove to Harrisburg, worked five days, found a rain jacket (FINALLY) and some other goodies at Goodwill for their one day only sale, house sat, held a kitten, and didn’t sleep in once. I have to say that I’m kind of glad this week is over. This upcoming week I get to see some friends and family and I’ll hopefully get my schedule and such for study abroad. I’m ready for lots of information. However, I’m also very ready to leave.

Today I went to pick up my youngest sister from a friends house and I kept getting mixed up. I feel like I no longer know the roads I used to know like the back of my hand and that’s really weird for me. I missed a couple turns and made a few weird decisions about the way to go thinking they would be faster. I just don’t know. It’s weird.

Also, I changed my blog theme, what do you think? I really like it for now. I have a very hard time making decision on what my blog should look like. I also have a Facebook page if you would like to like it! I would really appreciate that.

I currently have “Friends” on but someone put the subtitles on and it’s driving me crazy. I would be fine with it if they were with the words being spoken but they’re very delayed.

I’ve been doing a lot of study abroad research in my free time, and some of the stuff people have to say astonishes me. Like the girl who went on about how trashy leggings were and people shouldn’t wear them in general but she still wears them out sometimes. I just didn’t understand. There are some helpful things, but mostly it’s all the same.

I don’t know if I have anymore late night thoughts other than I’m about to fall asleep. What are your late night thoughts?

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No Direction.

I’ve lost whatever type of direction I was previously convinced I’ve had. I’m back to this place where I’m convinced I’m going to be a failure in the future. However, I’m assuming that’s not true.

I would say I’m one of few people at least that I know of that has the next two years of college planned out. Like every class that I’m taking every semester for the next two years in planned. I’m taking all these classes to try to get something to click. Find something I could do for the rest of my life. Here the list I have so far: read history books and write history essays, blog, write fake stories for the newspaper, and provide people with random bits of knowledge and fun facts. I don’t know if any of those are actual careers, if you know that they are let me know! Also side note I don’t want to get a history degree so if it requires that, I’ll pass.

I just think it’s kind of hard seeing everyone around you developing plans and making goals. Like I am constantly asked what my goals are and I don’t have any. My goal is just to try to figure everything out. I don’t have anything figured out. Everyone around me has a goal, and whether they view it as attainable or not, I still admire it. I still appreciate that they have them, because I don’t even have one future goal.

I don’t know what I’m doing and everyone keeps saying “You’re only 20, that’s okay.” but I feel like I’m going to hit that day soon where it’s not okay, where someone is uncomfortable with the idea that I don’t know what I’m doing. At what age is it no longer acceptable to not have a plan, because I have to be pretty close.  21? 22? I feel like you’re supposed to know by now. Something is supposed to appeal to you, and you know what appeals to me? Things that aren’t jobs.

So yes, I’m sure you’re all thinking, yeah it’s okay to not have it all figured out Mary, but really we’re going to be to that point soon where it’s really not okay. I don’t have that much time. When I look at how quickly this year is going I’m kind of surprised that college is going really fast and I don’t have as much time as everyone thinks to get my life in order, or a goal in order. I don’t want to be an underachiever, but that’s how I feel.

Sorry this is kind of not uplifting, but the opposite. Is anyone else struggling with this? Please tell me I’m not alone in this one.

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