The Expectations of the Twenties.

I always pictured 20 year old Mary as stable, pretty, has her life together, knows what she wants to do. I feel like growing up you really start to romanticize your twenties. You think that things will be great, college will be the time of your life (okay that I really do enjoy), you think you’ll have the coolest job in the world, have a boyfriend-on the way to marriage(?!?), like you think all of these things about your life, that it is essentially going to be perfect so you can’t wait to get out of middle school and high school to be/have that level of perfect. Like when you’re a kid and growing up you think 20 is so old, like kids I babysit think I’m old. I think I’m old. It’s so weird. Age is one of those things like time that just really make me think a lot more than I probably should.

More recently I’ve also established expectations for myself in my twenties, forgetting that I am in fact already 20, and nearly 3/4 of the way to being 21. These expectations include being a bomb ass* photographer and blogger who does the coolest stuff and everyone just kind of goes “Wow.” when I talk to them. I want tanner skin and a flatter belly, and I want to have not so frizzy hair. I would prefer not to be single. These are all attainable things so I don’t think my expectations of myself are ridiculous.

There are these expectations that I have predetermined for myself for some reason. I can go out and take a million pictures and be that photographer and I can go out and be that blogger I want to be. You might not believe that with my tendencies lately- I honestly don’t even know the last time I got three posts in a week. I can go on hikes, runs, workout, eat healthier and do all of that to work towards a slightly flatter belly and going on hikes and runs also means going outside which means I wouldn’t be as pasty. I mean the single thing is a little more complicated, like I can just make a boyfriend appear out of thin air. That’s not as attainable but I’m sure one day that’ll all work out.

I couldn’t tell you where this point of reflection came from. Maybe the fact that I still think I’m a teenager and can still set expectations for myself. I don’t know where this stemmed from, but I’m kind of happy it stemmed. Self-actualization always helps me for some reason to like better become who I want to be. So what are your expectations for yourself?

signature

*Please excuse my profanity, I just feel as it give it the effect and it’s actually the expectation that I have set for myself.

Unrealistic Expectations

After a year of college and crossing off core topics like language and science, as this happens I add more and more to the list of things I don’t want to do. Language, math, and science are all topics that have made that list so far. This leads me to think about what I should be doing and honestly I don’t know. I have this expectation that one day it’ll like come to me in a dream or something or I’ll be in the right place at the right time and I’ll just fall into it. That is a very unrealistic expectation.

I think I have a lot of these in life, I just expect the best out of everything. Hannah tells me I’m brave, I think I’m crazy. It should probably make me nervous to get from the bus station to Harvard Square by myself at five in the morning, but it doesn’t. It doesn’t scare me to wander cities alone, I just have this expectation that I will be fine. Probably not a good thought process.

I have this expectation for everything that it’s just going to work out the way it should, if I want something I’ll work for it, but if it doesn’t work out my reaction is that it wasn’t supposed to. I only end up really disappointed about half the time, which sounds like a lot, but I get over it pretty quickly. I only dwell on very few things.

I hate that this is what I’m basing my life plan off of. I am just taking everything as it is, seeing what I like and don’t like. For example I like writing, but I hate sitting in office building. My ultimate dream would be to become a travel writer for a magazine, or well, it would be really nice to just use this as a travel blog eventually, however, I have not fallen into blogging, there’s a good amount of you, but not enough to make this a career or anything. This is a hobby. Currently.

I know eventually I’ll figure it out, however I might need to do some searching instead of waiting. There are things that help lead me in the right direction, but right now I’ll just keep making the list of things I don’t want to do.

Before I sign off I just want to again ask anyone with anxiety to contact me at marysaverageadventures@gmail.com I’m trying to get some research done for a blog post I want to do. You will remain anonymous, unless requested otherwise.

XOXO,

Mary.