So your not a feminist…

life-is-too-short-to-belived-counting-the-years-enjoy-the-ride-and-makeamazing-memories-have-a-great-birthdayOkay I get it. You are a woman and you’re not like other women. You’ve never faced adversity so you don’t really need feminism. You don’t understand why so many women are afraid of this presidency. Seriously, he said “Grab ’em by the pussy,” and then he took away the right to birth control. We are living in a society where rape culture is perpetuated, but the president.

Okay but good for you, you are “not like other girls” because you haven’t faced any problems related to your gender, and for your sake, I hope you never do.

Here’s the thing though, I’m fighting for you. I’m fighting for your right to be a stay at home mom, your right for affordable healthcare, your right for an equal pay check, and anything else you might need that someone out there wants to keep from you.

The best thing about America (hoping it stays that way) is that we have our freedom of speech, and God gave us free-will so you really don’t need to be a feminist. I just wish you would realize what the cause actually meant.

I don’t want all of you non-feminists out there to think that I find myself better than you, I don’t, seriously. I’ve seen that comment so many places, and it’s just not true. I love you so much, I just want the best for you, your daughters, your mothers, your sisters, and any other woman that has impacted your life in a positive way.

Feminism isn’t just for women. It’s for everyone and everyone can benefit, I wish you were a feminist, and I’ll never understand those of you who say you are not, however, I will fight for you. Fight for your rights. Fight for our equality.

Remember, at the end of the day, this shouldn’t be a discussion. All people are equal, treat each other as such.

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Late Night Blogging with Mary: Part 26

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I’m back at school and trying to get back to blogging. I’ve just had the year of bloggers block which I think might lead to a year of daily blogging but we’ll see. However, right now I’ve just been in my head.

I don’t know if it’s my anxiety, fear of the future, or just simply how my brain works sometimes but I’m just stuck some days. Like here is the thing, I’m a senior in college now and nine out of ten days I just don’t feel prepared I suppose. Like I will be done my major in the fall, and then I have to decide whether or not I want to do the concentration (one more class). That’s it. 29 credits stand between me and the diploma I’ve been craving for the past eight years. Yet, that’s it. Like it was all this build up and anticipation to this year and I’m just very underwhelmed.

Another thing, I’m like super back into like videos. I go through phases with this stuff. Like right now I definitely want to get into artsy vlogs. Like I don’t really want to do those follow me around types, but more of a from my eye point of view type of things. I really just like editing and how you can put together this vision that you have in your head and I want to do more of that and I would like to consider that an option for my future, however, that would be very, very hard.

I’m also going to go through a major rebrand this summer. Or so I say. My whole life my internet presence since the fifth grade from Neopets to email, I’ve been mrmilligan13. However, that does make me look like Mr. Milligan. I will be running a twitter pole within the next couple of weeks, so make sure you’re following me for updates and if you would like to vote in what my rebrand should be. Also let me know if you have any ideas because I have zero. The only reason that I think I might want to keep it is because men are statistically more successful than women, do I join the bad side? No. Because women should be equal and I shouldn’t have to hide behind a “mr” in all of my usernames to be successful. So I’m rebranding.

Finally, I just think everyone should know that I watched Girl Meets World from 2-3 am before bed last(?) night (morning?) and sobbed hysterically because I have missed my opportunity for a Corey Matthews. Then for this season they recreated one of the sequences from the theme song of Boy Meets World and I just cried. I’m emotional.

Happy LNBM, I’ll  be around more hopefully!

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Feminist Mary on Being a Woman.

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When I was driving back to school on Monday, my driver side windshield wiper started coming off so I had to pull over on the side of the turnpike to try to fix it in the rain. When I went outside, my first thought was, well this is how half the girls die on Criminal Minds, at least it wasn’t night-time.

Last year, I had a wallet with a strap that I would bring with me if I went somewhere. Yes, this was in my heyday of binge watching Criminal Minds and I was quite paranoid, but I would swing it around if anyone got too close to me so I could hit them if they got too close.

My boyfriend and I met on Tinder. This is news that I’ll address another time, however, this is something very curious to me. He never tried to find my Facebook, never had a back up plan in case I was crazy, and that’s when I realized guys don’t have to do that. I had three different plans in case something happened and I had to leave because he was crazy.

Men don’t really have to worry about a woman being a serial killer, they don’t have to worry that she will attack them. They don’t have to worry about having to jump into their car at night because someone could be waiting to grab them to harm them in some way. They don’t walk with their keys in between their fingers, knowing that it’s not going to do much good, even if someone was to attack them.

We live in a world that it’s dangerous to be a woman. The number of rapes in the US range from 300,000 (Department of Justice) to 1.3 million (CDC). These statistics could go on an on, again according to the CDC, 1 in 5 women will be raped in some capacity. According to the Cleveland Rape Crisis Center, 1 in 3 girls will be sexually assaulted in their college career.  Women don’t choose these statistics, they are an unfortunate reality when you are a woman.

Because I’m a feminist I like to believe that these will change. I like to think that this generation will talk to their sons about not raping women rather than telling their daughters to be careful to not get too drunk when they go out. I like to think that more people are talking about consent and that yes is the only word that means yes. I like to think that we are changing, but why are the numbers staying the same?

It’s sad that we live in a world that I’m afraid to get out of my car on the highway, because who knows when a serial killer is going to drive by? It’s sad that we live in a world that women have to be afraid to walk alone at night. It’s just sad. I don’t understand how people can hurt each other so much.

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3 Days 3 Quotes Challenge: Day 3

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Okay so maybe I went the unconventional route with this challenge, and didn’t take it too seriously but that’s how I like to do life. This is a quote from one of my favorite TV shows “Parks and Recreation”. I think this quote is very suitable for myself, however I must also include family with friends.

Leslie Knope is an inspiration to all. Like talk about an empowering woman, Leslie is a powerful, amazing, positive, breakfast loving woman, and all around very inspiring to me, which is why I thought it was very important to make it my last quote. She’s just this huge feminist icon in my opinion, feel free to disagree, but when I think feminism I think Leslie Knope.

I think this just suits me and my love for breakfast foods, especially IHOP, and that sometimes, maybe I can prioritize that over people, but not really. They might almost be equal because whenever I talk to my friends from back home I just go on and on about how I miss IHOP.  However silly it may seem, it really holds some truth to it though. Friends and family, waffles, work.

I really appreciate the last part, always put work third. Work should never be the first priority because than nothing is going to matter, and I think people forget about that. There is this idea that work is what makes you money so it has to go first, but really what makes you happy needs to go first.

So my list would probably go: God, friends and family, breakfast*, school/blogging/work. I put blogging in the work category since it takes up so much time, more time than a hobby, but I thoroughly enjoy it. I do need to remember not to put it first, because I did have a tendency to do that when I was daily blogging. You need to put people and the things that really enrich your life first.

What would your list be like?

If you are confused by this post, be sure to check out yesterday’s and Sunday’s posts to catch up! Thanks again to Getting Through Anxiety for challenging me to this, I’ve had a lot of fun with it! I didn’t challenge anyone like I was supposed to, but I really encourage everyone to try it, it really makes you think not only about  your favorite quotes,  but about what they really, truly mean to you.

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*Half joking about breakfast being that high up on the list, half not joking.

 

Late Night Blogging with Mary: Part 9

I bought a backpack today which was productive if you ask me. I also got my haircut and went to the beach. So I guess you could it was pretty productive. I’m getting very antsy sitting around and waiting for the next three weeks to pass. Today is like everyone is snapchatting pictures (you can add me on snapchat: mrmilligan13) of their packed up stuff or packing in general and I still have three weeks. However, I should get cracking on my packing because I guess three weeks really isn’t that far, it just feels very far.

I’ve been trying to DIY t-shirts for a few days now and I’m very frustrated with the process. I just do this thing where envision something and it’s just not turning out quite the way I’m envisioning it. However, once I get it right there will hopefully be a blog post on it. It was the much needed crafting session I needed though.

So I went to the beach and I went to outlets and that was all good. I actually managed to find things that I was looking for. I always seem to have the problem when you can never find something when you’re looking for it. So, I would highly recommend the Gap Factory Outlet because I got a sweater for like $13 and it was this season, just 70% off for some reason. I also got a shirt for $2 and I liked a lot more stuff, I’m just trying not to spend a lot of money since I am going away.

I finally found a decent sized backpack. Well okay, I’ve known which one I’ve wanted for a while but I just bought it so that’s good. I’m getting more and more ready to go.

Let me just rant for a minute about Josh Duggar. I’m not going to lie I used to watch 19 Kids and Counting because I love being nosey and seeing people’s lives. However, I was disgusted when I found out that the eldest son had molested five people, including some of his sisters I was very disturbed, even though it happened when he was a teenager, you still have to know it’s wrong. Also, I think the way it was handled was probably wrong as well. However, I was even more disgusted by people defending him. What happens when you defend a sex offender is that you put the victims in this shadow of that their emotional trauma and everything they had to deal with is essentially not important, which is ridiculous if you ask me. Do not defend a sex offender, even if it happened when he was teenager. I am even more outraged that no one is defending him now. More people defended him where people were not engaging in consensual relations. More people defended him when he molested his sisters and other girls. Yet where are these people when he’s cheating on his wife? Watching porn? I don’t understand how you can defend someone who physically harmed someone then say nothing, maybe even be against him when he engaged in something consensual. Yes, he cheated on his wife, yes he watched porn, and yes both of those are sins, but why is the sin of molesting people being overlooked because he asked for forgiveness and apologized? He apologized this time too, are people just not accepting it? I just don’t understand. It is very upsetting to me. I just had to share. What do you think? Am I ridiculous. I mean, I don’t think he should be defended at all but I can’t get over what people defended him for and that they all now have nothing to say.

Okay sorry about that little rant there. I just am very frustrated. I don’t understand why he was ever defended in the first place, it’s very upsetting to me. I probably just should’ve done a whole blog post about that, but whatevsss.

Rant away in the comments!

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Late Night Blogging with Mary: Part 4

Okay so I know this is the last post I did too, but it’s late and I’m blogging so it’s late night blogging with Mary.

Here’s the thing. I’ve been writing a lot of blog posts but I’m just not finishing them. Like I’ll get a paragraph, two, maybe three finished and then I’m done. Like I still have more to say it’s just not translating to my fingers to be written on these pages of the internet.

I spend A LOT of time on BuzzFeed and watching BuzzFeed videos. Like for example right now I’m watching two women get lip injections for the first time. Why? What else could I do with my time? Also I’m terrified of needles so I can’t watch people actually get injected. Really I want to see the before and after pictures. I’m also curious- did BuzzFeed pay for this? Like is this technically work for them? I mean it’s their job to make the video so I’m sure they get some type of compensation if not all??? But I think that about a lot of the videos they make, and a bunch of people got tattoos for the first time, like were they all paid for? Also do they have like a studio or something where they film like all the sketch videos? Do they make announcements when they’re filming in the office so everyone knows what’s going on? Where do these ideas even come from? Listen, I have a lot of questions for BuzzFeed and like 95% of them revolve around their videos but I also have a lot of other questions too. Like their actual writers is that all they do all day at work? Write? That’s awesome. Where do they get their ideas? Are they assigned? I just have a lot of questions.

Also, why do I wait so long to go to the bathroom? Like I’ll just sit around and do my little potty dance but I won’t go. It’s ridiculous. Also, it’s bad for the kidney.

I also do this new thing- which is absolutely terrible I do the two screen, but worse. I watch two different things, one on the tv and something on my laptop. I focus between the two though. It’s so bad. It’s like the multitasking is taking over every aspect of my life. I now have to watch two things at once.

I also just watched a BuzzFeed video about if men were treated like women in the office and it really upset me. Inequality really upsets me. It upsets me that if I end up engaged or married one day I have a better chance of getting a job if I take off my engagement/wedding ring. There’s a lot of inequality and that’s the one that affects me the most so I think that’s why it really upsets me, but really whenever there is inequality I get upset. It really bothers me that people disagree with marriage equality. Like I hate seeing people on Facebook “praying that people see the error of their ways” or whatever they say. Let the live their own lives, it doesn’t affect anyone else. Like that’s the thing with equality, it doesn’t hurt anyone it only helps people, so why is it such a big deal? Why is equality in any sense even a question? I don’t understand.

But that’s all today. I suppose this was more questions than answers or anything today. Mary after dark.

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Being a Woman.

As a woman there are a million and one things that tell you what you should and shouldn’t be. If you look closely at what those things are you will find that almost all of the are contradictory. I honestly don’t think the internet helps with this either. It makes me sad that everything a woman does is criticized and examined to a point where as a woman I don’t want to be looked at as a woman, I just want to be looked at as if I were a person.

It’s bikini season, right now women everywhere are dreading, or have already finished, bathing suit shopping. I feel like this is a time of the year where I see a lot of fat-shaming online. Every year it seems to get less, but there seems to be a lot of people every year telling women they shouldn’t be proud of themselves. I don’t think it’s fair to automatically deem someone unhealthy just because they’re larger. People seem to think that once we accept larger people we are accepting an unhealthy lifestyle and embracing obesity. I do not believe that’s true, we are just accepting people and not judging them based on outward appearances, so remember that when you’re at the beach this summer. I think it’s terrible that women dread this time of year, I don’t know if it’s because so many of truly don’t like to look at ourselves in swimsuits or it’s the image of what we should look like. I just wish I could go to the store, try on a bathing suit and be comfortable. Here’s the catch though, I can try on most swimsuits and be comfortable with myself, but the problem is: What are people going to think of me when I go out in this? How many people are going to think I’m too big? How many people are going to think “She shouldn’t be wearing a bikini”? and I hate that those are my thoughts, as long as I’m comfortable, shouldn’t everyone around me be fine with that too?

As a woman you are always judged, especially based on appearance. If you wear makeup you try to hard, but if you don’t you don’t try enough. If you don’t dress up you’re lazy, if you do suddenly the question is “Why are you so dressed up?” As if you need a reason to put on a skirt instead of jean or leggings in the morning.

 

Then bring in the boys. Oh the boys we are supposedly trying so hard to impress. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to impress a guy, I’m not going to sit here and type out how you should never do that because that would be super hypocritical because I definitely do that, but that’s not my main aim in life. Guys act like everything we do is in order to please them or impress them, but that’s not true and I think that idea needs to stop. Also the idea that everything women wear is for men, ie crop tops and bikini, if a man is turned on that is his problem not the women. Women do not sexualize men, why do men sexualize women?

Look at someone like Taylor Swift- always looks like she’s put together, but rumors will never stop going around about her. She’s too skinny, she dates too much, she can’t be a feminist because all of her songs about men. Here’s the difference, these aren’t always men criticizing her. This is my last and final point of this very scattered post. In order for women to be treated equally we have to be nice to each other. We can’t bash other people for what they want to do with their lives, we can’t say it’s not feminism to be a stay at home mom or dress however you want. We have to stick up for women like Caitlyn Jenner. Girls and women have to be nice to each other and respect one another if we ever want feminism to succeed and for men to be on our side.

Just some late night thoughts on feminism with Mary.

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Yes, I will wear leggings as pants.

Recently I’ve been seeing a lot of posts and hearing a lot of things about women not wearing leggings or yoga pants because they believe that they entice men to look at them in a way that only a husband should look at a wife. There is nothing wrong with this belief, it’s just not for me. 

Leggings are my favorite pants. I am all about comfort and not about jeans. Here’s the thing friends, if a guy looks at me in a lustful way because of the way I dress that is not my fault. It is not my fault that a man cannot control his lustful urges and I’m not going to modify the way I dress and my comfort levels so that a man does not look at me in sin. It is not my problem that a man sees me in my leggings (which I doubt they do). I do not believe that this mean I am dressing immodestly either. You can see the outline of my legs in skinny jeans, and the only outline you cannot see in regular jeans is my ankles. This is reverting me back to the idea in order to dress modestly I must wear long length dresses and skirts so that I do not reveal to much of myself to anyone.

If this is a lifestyle choice that a woman wants to make there is nothing wrong with that however, I will still wear my leggings. I will not worry that my legs are corrupting a man with impure thoughts, because in my opinion when it comes down to it, who’s problem is that? I don’t think it’s mine. What if it causes women to have impure thoughts when a man doesn’t wear a shirt out at the beach? He obviously doesn’t care about that so why should I worry about my leggings? I’m not going to.

There are plenty of decisions women have the ability to make and I do think that some of us focus our dress on how a man will view us- in either good or bad ways, I’m just not worried about it. It’s okay to wear long skirts to hide any figure and it’s okay to wear leggings. It’s all about what each individual woman feels comfortable with. I’m lazy therefore my love of leggings and yoga pants and other non-pocketed pants will continue. I’m comfortable with the way I look in them and that opinion does not revolve around that of a man’s. That is strictly what I think about my leggings and I will enjoy wearing them year round. Not at work because that’s not professional, but if I’m going to the mall it’s fine. If I’m going to class, that’s fine. As long as you are comfortable in what you are wearing it shouldn’t be affected by others opinions of you.

Make your own informed decisions about what you want to wear and what you want to do with your body. My personal opinion is that I’m not going to be affected by the way men think or look at women, that’s not my problem. They can control themselves and I can wear what I’m comfortable in.

So today I will go to class in my leggings and Mickey Mouse sweatshirt because it’s snowing and that’s what I’m comfortable with and I’m pretty sure that my decision to do so is not going to impact anyone else. If you like or are comfortable doing something do it, don’t let someone else’s thoughts or opinions change you.

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#YesAllWomen

The quality of posts lately has been absolute crap and I am apologizing for that right now. I’ve been in a real pissy mood because of the aftermath (I can’t really explain because it has to do with work and my boss and a bunch of crap like that) of burning my hand, and I’m afraid that this has definitely impacted the clarity of my thoughts and ability to write well. I’m one of those people who always let stupid little things like that ruin my day, and I have now let it ruin three days so that’s fun. Let’s just say I almost quit on the spot on Saturday and the only thing stopping me is my better than minimum wage pay and the fact that I need money all keeps  me there. Today I am apologizing for my crap posts and I’m going to give you a better post because I’m writing it (mostly) before work so I’m not in a terrible mood.

Yesterday #YesAllWomen was trending on twitter. This was used to promote the rape culture and how we shouldn’t be teaching women to defend themselves, but we should be teaching men to not rape. Before I get into my thoughts and opinions on this I’m just going to give you some of the tweets that I found just by searching the hashtag on twitter.

 

To be honest, yes I think it’s important that we teach men and women not to rape, however, are we teaching murders how not to murder? No, if we’re worried about that we buy guns, take self-defence classes.  So I’m not saying that we should stop teaching women about how to prevent rape because there will always be deviant people, but that doesn’t mean in school we shouldn’t talk to boys about boundaries and what no means.

I think we also need to teach people that it is NEVER  the fault of the woman who was raped. A women should be able to wear whatever she wants in public, if she wants to wear a bikini to the store, to each their own, if she wants to wear a dress that goes to her ankles, to each their own. It doesn’t matter what she is wearing, unless you asked her if she wanted to have sex and she said yes, it is not her fault. Also, if you ask her that and she’s intoxicated, it’s not the same thing as saying yes.

I believe schools should teach more of what rape actually is rather than just teaching that it can happen to everyone. I mean it’s more than just men raping women, it is possible for men to be raped, I think people need to know that. It should be taught not only how to protect yourself, but what else other than “no” means no. If someone is unsure about sex in any relationship or hookup situation it’s best to just say know because “blurred lines” do not mean “yes” it means talk about it.

Just because you are in a relationship or even marriage does not mean you owe someone sex. Ever. If your personal decision is to wait until marriage, wait until the third date, or whatever your decision is don’t let someone else change it or pressure you into something else. Also, don’t try and pressure someone to change their mind either. Don’t try to make blurred lines. If you are in a situation that you don’t want to be in say NO. Scream it if you have to, no matter how many times you have had sex before you don’t have to have it again. Once you say no and someone ignores your wishes that is rape, no matter their relation to you.

If you think you have been in a sexual abusive relationship or are or you have been sexually abused here are some helpful resources:

  • America– This site is really good if you’re at home because at the bottom you can click leave this page and it redirects you to Yahoo, making it easier to hide if necessary.
  • Internationally– This site has a directory of every country and their resources. So you can go here, find your country and find how to report it.

I hope that if you need help you seek it. Thanks for reading my views and opinions on all of this!

XOXO,

Mary.

Not Quite Fair

As a 19 year-old female who occasionally ends up buy necessities for herself I’ve come to the conclusion that prices for these items are not quite fair. I guess I should better explain what I mean and I don’t know how to do that so I’m just going to dive right into things.

  1. The average price of a box of pads is ranges from $4 to $8 based on brand, type, and how many. Trust me it is pretty hard to find any for four dollars that are going to do a decent job of actually doing anything at all.  The same goes for tampons, who actually start reaching a higher range, sometimes up to $15 dollars. However, women are not going to just decide to stop wearing these because they are a necessity, however you can still be taxed on them in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania even when shoes, clothes, and food is not. To me this is just ridiculous, these are things we NEED for obvious reasons. There is really no other option.  There is no other alternative and we aren’t about to go around without them.
  2. Next thing, bras. I’m pretty sure it hasn’t been socially acceptable to not wear a bra since the late 90s early 2000s, how did I miss this trend? Seriously bras are the the most uncomfortable things ever, and they’re expensive. I don’t know how people can fork up $50 for the Victoria Secret add two cup size bras, not that I would need it anyway, but I can hardly even manage to put $15 towards a crappy Target bra that I’ll get maybe six months use out of tops. I do it anyway, because someone decided that it’s just what girls have to do. It’s just ridiculous.
  3. Okay, so makeup. Now I know this isn’t really a necessity, but I don’t know one girl over the age of 16 who owns no makeup whatsoever.  I may not wear makeup everyday but I do spend a decent amount of money on it to be honest. It’s one of those things where sometimes you just have to suck it up and try to look prettier (I say prettier because I’m sure if you’re reading this you are pretty already! I know I’m so cheesy.) to impress whoever doesn’t actually need to be impressed by this but we do it anyway. We also spend a lot of money on this practice, anywhere from $1 to $50(?) on one product depending on how upscale you’re willing to buy, and no matter how many times someone says you’re beautiful you’re still going to do your makeup when you go out or maybe even on a daily basis.
  4. Clothes in general. I have stopped buying women’s v-necks unless they’re on sale at Old Navy, but if I need like a plain white one, men’s section at Target here I come. I don’t understand why one white women’s v-neck is the same as three or four men’s, that is not gender equality people! I’m not going to pay more so my shirt goes with my curves, I mean it’s a t-shirt for goodness sakes! I cannot believe how much our clothes are in comparison to men’s sometimes. I think ever girl should look at the prices compared to one another next time she’s shopping and feel their clothes because men’s clothes are softer and cheaper! So not fair.

Okay so that’s my list for now. Go ahead and comment with your own ideas of things that aren’t quite fair for girls. Sorry I kind of went on a feminist kind of rant today. My plan days are all mixed up, maybe I’ll do better this coming week.

XOXO

Mary.