goodbyes

Dating Diaries: The End?

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I started a series in the mindset that I would be trying online dating, hopeful, but not expectant of anything. Well shortly after, I fell for someone and I wanted to keep it to myself, it was new, I don’t fall often but when I do I fall hard. I felt giddy like a school girl. I’m sure you can assume it ended. It ended for exactly the reason I wrote about in my second dating diaries post, plus he didn’t know what he wanted.

I did what I normally do when a guy ends things (or pretty much makes me do it) I hop on an online dating site. I made it about four days this time around when I realized how hurt I actually was. I was at work and honestly had a little bit of a melt down. Was it fair for me to talk to boys that were nice to me when I was so unemotionally available? Was it fair for me to make fun of them to their faces unbeknownst to them? No, none of that was fair. So I deactivated my accounts. I said goodbye to two: two that I was supposed to go on dates with this weekend. That’s what did it. Two dates in one weekend, there was no way I would get through one let alone two, so I said goodbye, wished them well.

So why is this the end of dating diaries? Well, it’s not really, it’s just how I’m not dating anymore. When I’m ready I’ll come back; when I’m ready I’ll spill all the juicy gossip of how gross guys are on dating apps.

I think this little mini-heartbreak has taught me a lot. It’s taught me that I know what I want, and I shouldn’t settle for someone who doesn’t. It’s taught me that if someone else is afraid of where it’s going I should be as well. It’s taught me that I can be alone and be okay. It’s also taught me that I shouldn’t let my friends set me up with people because parties from now on might be a little awkward.

Now, I’m going to take myself, pour all of the love I have into hobbies and side hustles. My rebrand will be done before I go to Ohio, and everything will be ready for BloggyCon (anyone else going?!). It’s time for me to focus on me and everything I want out of my own life before I try mixing someone else’s in. So for now, I’m saying goodbye to dating diaries, and hello to something else, who knows what!

When’s the last time your heart was broken? Was it full-blown or just a little tear?

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When you know something’s ending, like for good, do you feel like yourself?

Mary2 Comments

Eric requested that this be the title of my last blog post in Ireland, while this isn’t the last blog post about Ireland it’s the last one while I’m here. Again, I messed up flight times, so I’m at the airport with some time to kill and I thought that this was fitting.

I’m not sure I quite understand this. I told him last night on FaceTime that I don’t know of any times where I haven’t felt like myself. It is an interesting question though, I know I’m walking away from something great and now part of me will always have a special spot for Ireland, but I wouldn’t say that I don’t feel like myself.

This morning so far has been interesting. I tried to change my flight for earlier but alas no luck so I will be lucky if I’m back home in Pennsylvania by midnight. My prayers were answered and my bag was not overweight, just very full. It was not until I was already at the airport that I realized my flight didn’t leave until over an hour later than what I thought. I don’t know what I read that made me think it was at 11:30, I swear when I checked yesterday it was but I would have gotten an email if it changed and I did not get an email. When I was going through security I bumped my laptop of the counter, and the corner broke. Thank goodness it still works because everything I love is on this thing.

I’m very ready to go home, but saying goodbye to people was sad, I don’t know why I thought it would be easy. Now I have friends all over the US now so that’s really nice because there’s about 10 or so states that I can visit people in during my more domestic travels. I’m excited to eat my favorite snack and bake and see everyone I love for the holidays. I start work again on Monday, I don’t know  my schedule yet, but it will be interesting that’s for sure.

I’m so glad and blessed that I got this experience. I’m sad to be leaving, but I also can’t wait to come back someday with my own family eventually. So this is just an extra post with a last slán (goodbye) from Ireland. Maybe I don’t quite feel like myself today, maybe just a little off.

America be ready, I’m almost back!

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Leaving: Packing and Goodbyes

MaryLeave a comment

I write this post every year. This year it’s late. It’s also very different. I’ve already said goodbye to most people at home because, well they already left. I’m going to school next weekend to say the bulk of my goodbyes.

The past two years I was so afraid of leaving. My first year, I was nervous, I didn’t know anyone, I was essentially starting over, I was excited, but obviously a little afraid of moving out of my comfort zone. Last year, I was ready to go back, but I wasn’t ready to leave my friends at home. This year, I’ve spent a good amount of time visiting school where Logan stayed and Eric lived near by, and seeing other friends that were more local. I saw them more than I saw some people that I live within five miles of, which isn’t a bad thing, it’s just different than what I’m used to.

This year, I’m so excited to leave. Maybe because it’s because all of my friends are already gone or maybe it’s because I’m about to go on a huge adventure. Either way. I’m so ready for school this years. Goodbyes are different, they have to last a little bit longer and I’m saying it to different people, people who mean a lot to me, not to say the people I usually say goodbye to aren’t important, because they are. It’s just so different.

The packing is different too, that’s for sure. One checked bag, one carry on, and a backpack. That’s a lot less than what I bring to my dorm. My key word is consolidation. I’ve taken so much out, it’s kind of ridiculous. Like I’ll pack some stuff, and then I’ll think “What am I thinking! I don’t need half of this!” and I take it out, that’s good and bad I’m sure. At this point I’m figuring, whatever I still need I can just get there. I think I have the essentials. When I go to Hood I just pack anything I might need just in case because I like to be prepared, however, I do not have the luxury.

As I wrote this post tonight, I looked back on my old posts. Which is insane. My first post ever, in 2013 was posted to this blog August 23, but was written well before that. Last year is much more similar to now, but still so different. Things are just different. Not a bad different, a really good different.

So here’s to a good 2015-2016 school year. I’m leaving and saying goodbye (in two weeks).

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Goodbyes Get Easier

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I noticed that this year goodbyes have been a lot easier. This time last year I’m pretty sure I had already cried several times, this year, I have yet to cry. I think it’s because the people I’m saying goodbye to, I already have, it’s already been done, and we’re still friends. We’ve made it through the milestone of a year away from each other, and if we didn’t it’s not sad, that’s just life.

It doesn’t matter that we could be thousands of miles apart, friends stick together as corny as it sounds. I’ve made friends at school but my friends at home are still the same, we still have the same friendships, we’re the same people that we were a year ago when we’re together.

I really try to live by the idea everything happens for a reason and if it’s meant to be it will be. If you’re meant to be friends with someone you’ll be friends with them no matter if the distance is five miles or five hundred miles.

It does get easier saying goodbye as you know that you’ll see each other soon enough and it’ll be the same as it was before, you just have a lot to catch up on and talk about now.

Short post night.

XOXO,

Mary.

Leaving: Packing and Goodbyes

MaryLeave a comment

If the title sounds familiar you are now my favorite reader because it means one of three things, you’ve either been here from the beginning, went back and read all of my posts, or you google searched something and you were directed to these post, so I guess if your either of the first two you’re my favorites. However, I love all of you the same, so I guess they just have more brownie points right now. I’m rambling. Anyway, it’s that time a year again and as we are rapidly approaching my one year anniversary of this blog I thought why not reuse a title?

Yesterday I went dorm shopping and I realized that I have a total of two days completely off before I go back to school, and at the moment only eight evenings free, but that’s not counting all the people I need to see but haven’t set dates with yet, I have a lot to do before I leave next Saturday. We have a storage room in our basement where I just threw everything I thought I wouldn’t need for the summer so I could go through it at the end of the summer to repack it all up before I go. I did all the laundry and things like that before I put it all away, well we had a little ant problem in May/June and I guess they managed to get into my zipped bag of sheets, towels, and washcloths, so I have to rewash all of that, what fun.

After pulling out boxes, totes, “organizational pieces” I found that I really had no organization system for anything when I put everything back there. So no I did not follow my own packing tips because I procrastinated way too much to pack up in May. I have a lot to do. My goal this time is to actually be organized moving in this year so I’m not digging through totes for one little thing and instead I have it all readily available.

Goodbyes I think are starting tonight with some of my work friends. I honestly can’t believe how quickly summer has flown by. I’m seeing some other friends later this week probably for the last time, I can’t believe how many people I didn’t even get to see throughout the summer. I can’t believe how quickly time is flying bye. I can’t believe I’m packing up already. I also can’t believe I’ve only been on this blog for almost a year, not even a year. Time is blowing my mind.

Looking back at last year post is so weird, my first post, I left you guys with love, how sweet of me. I think I wrote it in the middle of the night (what’s changed?) mostly because I couldn’t sleep out of excitement and nerves. This year I’m excited to be back and out of this place, I need to get out of here really badly. Mix it up a little bit, however, I know this year is going to be the deciding points of a lot of things so that makes me a little anxious. For example, I decide my major this year (semester??), I pick a study abroad program, if it’s financially feasible and apply for scholarships for that, I’m also taking a lot more communication courses, and I’ll be finishing up all of my core requirements. After this year I’ll be halfway finished my higher education (thank goodness) but it’s already going so much faster than high school went. That’s both good and bad in my opinion, in the end either way it’ll all work out I suppose.

XOXO,

Mary.

Leaving: Packing and Goodbyes

Mary1 Comment

As I prepare myself to leave for college there are a lot of matters to take care of. The first being packing, I don’t know about you but I hate packing, it’s so time consuming and annoying. So whilst packing as well as cleaning out my room I found hundreds of memories. I found pictures, notes, books, things from third grade, it’s amazing the things I thought I would want but after years and years of saving they were tossed into the trashcan without a second glance. Once the room and memories are put into boxes and you’re left with very few items in your bedroom, clothes are packed and you have a few outfits out for the next few days so that you don’t miss any clothes it comes time to start saying goodbyes. The thing about goodbyes are sometimes you never know that’s the moment of goodbye, you’ll say “I’ll see you soon” and before you know it soon becomes too late and it’ll be a while until you see them again, November, December. who knows. So far I have said my official goodbyes to two of my very good friends and that went buy without tears and now as I’m writing this I am preparing myself for tomorrow, saying goodbye to three of my best friends, I can already feel the tears. So my beloved readers, tell me your goodbye stories, tell me how you dealt with those, because tomorrow when I hug them goodbye, it’s goodbye for good and that kills me. My advice for goodbyes, keep it simple, and remember that it’s not forever but just a little while. So my goodbye to you readers is filled with love, until next post.

XOXO

Mary