Taking Care of my Anxiety

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If you’ve been around for a while, and I mean like at least a year because 2016 has the year that I don’t blog really, you know that I have struggled with anxiety for quite some time now. I got back to school this year and I couldn’t sleep through the night. I didn’t have too much going on yet, but I would still wake up in a panic thinking I had slept through my alarm or forgot to do an assignment but really I had handed in the assignment the day before and it was 3 am so I obviously hadn’t slept through my alarm.

Seeking Help

It was interrupting my life in a way that it had never done so before. My school (and I believe most schools do) offers a free counseling center for students. Since I am a senior graduating in May, I figured this was the time to start going while I still had the opportunity to go for free. I got in nearly right away and had an appointment with a woman who is now my therapist. On the first day, since I had gone so longer trying to regulate it myself through giving up caffeine, breathing techniques and a variety of other solutions I had found on the internet that did not work, she said I should consider talking to the psychiatrist.

Considering Medication

For the longest time this is something that I heavily opposed. I did not want to be medicated, I didn’t want a medicine to regulate my mood, but I wasn’t sleeping and that was effecting me as a person and I couldn’t do it that way anymore. So alas, I decided to pay him a visit. At our first session he said that I was a good candidate for medication and to be quite honest, I was really just tired of fighting my anxiety on a daily basis. The way he explained it to me is that my brain is like an accidental bicycle path. One person ran through the grass, so another person did, and then another, and eventually there was no more grass there and that’s what my anxiety did to my brain. The medication he said would be like the grass seed, helping the grass to grow, it would help my brain to return to its original form almost.

Going into the appointment I wasn’t really sure the route I was going to take. It was a lot to think about, but the exhaustion I felt from being anxious all the time was overwhelming. By the end of the appointment I decided to try medication to see if it would change anything in me.

The Battle in My Brain

I kept going to therapy, every week like clockwork. I would talk to her about my issues with newspaper, friends, and other concerns and fears that I face in life. It has been extremely beneficial to have a third-party listen and give input to what I have to say without bias other than to make me feel like I’m not crazy. However, there was still that little voice in the back of my head telling me everything I was doing wrong, making me feel like I couldn’t do a lot of things, and really just messing with me still. I have a very busy schedule right now and it has made it easier to push to the back of my mind, however, it was still there. The panic attacks lessened and I was less anxious, but any downtime that I had, I reverted back to my old ways of anxious feelings and emotions.

Back to the Psychiatrist

After a month on being on my medication, and not having the improvements that should have occurred while taking it, the psychiatrist suggested that I up my dosage. While I was hesitant at first, I am so glad that I decided to increase it. The past few days, I’ve barely felt anxious and I’ve been very happy. With the last dosage I was inexplicably happy when I would forget to take my medication which really made me want to go off of it. However, by increasing it, the past two days especially, I have been on cloud nine. I have felt extremely positive about my life. Of course it’s not perfect, I still get anxious and annoyed when I’m in a situation that I’m uncomfortable in, but it is light years away from where I used to be even just a few weeks ago.

The Take Away.

Please talk to someone if you are suffering with mental illness. My own anxiety kept me from going for so long. I was afraid of what they would say, but at the end of the day they aren’t there to judge you, they’re there to help you. If you are in college, chances are it’s probably free and it will be extremely beneficial to your mental health. Don’t wait until you are at your breaking point to go. If you in any way, shape, or form feel like your mental health is suffering– talk to someone! Chances are you will feel so much better.

I’ve decided to share this because I can only hope it will encourage someone else to do something about their mental health situation. At the end of the day, I don’t want this to be a secret, everyone close to me knows, I put it in the newspaper, because it is an amazing resource that we have readily available as college students. Medication is up to the individual, I hope that this is not a lifetime thing I need to do, however, if it will keep me from being anxious, at this point I don’t care. I want to feel better, and I want everyone suffering from mental illness to feel better.

At the end of the day you need to surround yourself with positive people who care and love you. A strong support system will really help you get through anything, even if that’s a little encouragement to talk to someone. So to my personal support system– online and off, thank you.

Take care of yourself.

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Searching for Inspiration.

While I really want to and I am considering going back to daily blogging- I am really struggling for inspiration and I’m looking for some help or tips or something to just get me through the bloggers rut.

When I was daily blogging I think I shared a lot more, readers knew more what was going on everyday. Lately my posts have been messages about whatever, more advice than anything else. It’s not personal other than passive aggressive messages to  people who hurt me. Like seriously if I was daily blogging you would know the ins and outs of my current study abroad struggles or that I got a new job, but I don’t get very many hours. If I was daily blogging this spot would go back to be my little spot where I share all of my frustrations and excitements but when I don’t blog everyday I feel like I should be doing something of quality, do you know what I mean?

So how do you keep your blogging inspiration? How do you keep it personal and full of quality? Do you get personal? I would say keeping my content of high quality but also personal and I think that’s really hindering any inspiration I might get if that makes sense.

Basically I’m just saying help me.

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Things Only Readers Feel

So Thursdays are typically rant days, but today has actually been a pretty good day so I don’t want to rant and ruin my enlightened mood. Instead, I decided to share with you things that only readers feel.

However, before I begin that, I would just like to throw this blog post out there again, especially since I am in serious need of a partner, I really want to do this thing, but I can’t do it on my own. I think it’ll be a great opportunity, for anyone, however more so for college students who need resume boosters. So here is the link to the blog post  https://marysaverageadventures.wordpress.com/2014/02/25/im-so-excited-blogger-convention-idea-please-help-me/ and you can email me if you’re interested in helping or have any ideas. I also need a name so if anyone has any ideas they are more than welcome.

Okay so onto the good stuff. I’m assuming most of you reading this are probably avid readers, typically I am, however being at college with a million other things to do it gets hard to fit in time for fun readings. Hopefully this summer I’ll squeeze in enough to make up for it. Basically there are certain things that only readers feel, well at least in my opinion.

Example A: Most people don’t have the problem of falling in love with someone who isn’t real with only a vague idea of what they look like. I cannot express how many books I have read where I just want a character to be real so I can see them and be with them. As a reader, notably ones like myself who can literally feel like they are inside of the book, which leads me to my next point.

Example B: Readers are invested in every character, in both good and bad ways. This is a terrible emotion because you get invested in people who aren’t real.  It’s almost as if every action directly affect you even though it’s not even real. It’s truly awful.

Example C: Readers want to live and go places that aren’t even real. I am still distraught over the fact that I can never go to Hogwarts and fall in love with Teddy, how disappointing. I will never be able to visit Narnia or Genovia, and that’s sad. Readers have the opportunity to explore places through words, but a lot of the time we will never be able to physically see and explore.

Example D: The one good thing that readers get to experience that a lot of people don’t is a different sort of compassion. You feel bad for people who aren’t real, you cry for those who die, who you only know from words on a page. Reader absorb the feelings of every character and it’s a really interesting experience if you ask me.

Okay so that’s about all I have for today. Again if you wouldn’t mind sharing the link above, or giving your input on it, I would be so grateful. Thanks for reading!

XOXO,

Mary.

 

13 Reasons Why

Now I’m not sure if anyone has read the book 13 Reasons Why if you have you know it’s an amazing and altogether sad book, if you haven’t however I greatly suggest it. A basic synopsis of the book for those of you haven’t read it is a girl records a tape of the 13 reasons why she committed suicide and she makes the 13 people who did so listen to the tapes and pass them on so they all feel guilty about the way they treated her.  Well this is a really serious subject that I kind of wanted to touch on, but I’m going to do a spin on this and make it the 13 reasons why you should stay alive, because every life is worth living and I don’t want anyone to ever feel bad about themselves.

First a quick little disclaimer, I am not any sort of professional and I just want to help anyone who needs it. I really don’t want to offend anyone with this post.

Please anyone who is struggling depression or contemplating suicide, seek help. I am including the hotlines for various countries if you need help.

So here it goes 13 Reasons to Stay Alive

  1. Every person you meet you have an impact on whether you talk to them for a second or a life time, and if you die you are taking away a piece of those people’s lives too.
  2. As much as you think no one cares, someone does, there is at least one person that will really care if you die.  Think about all the people you interact with on a daily basis, what if you were no longer there for them any more? How do you think they would feel?
  3. One day things will get better and even if you think they won’t, they will. One day you’ll find someone to love, find a job you love, have kids who love you, there are a million things to look forward to if you look to the future instead of the present.
  4. There has to be something that makes you happy whether it’s a TV show, movie, Oreos, a book, or even a stuffed animal, that thing will always be there for you no matter how hard things get and whenever you feel sad maybe think of that thing and it might help just a little.
  5. Everyone has a future and if you end your life you lose yours and that affects other people’s as well. This kind of goes along with number one, but this time think about all the people you could help or impact in a way, and without you there their whole live could be completely different.
  6. One day this time that you seem to be stuck in now will all be a bad memory, and do you know what happens with bad memories? We forget them and you’ll forget about how badly right now sucks.
  7. “It’s a bad day, not a bad life” is one of my favorite quotes, I’m not sure who it’s by, but it’s so right. You might be having a bad day, or a bad week, or even a bad year, but that doesn’t mean that it’s a bad life, it’s a rough patch but it will smooth over.
  8. Think about every good/great thing that has ever happened to you. There is something and if you think hard enough you’ll find it. It could be anything from the time you had a line in a school play, got “Most Improved”, or even made a new best friend it’s a good memory whether that thing is there or not, good memories bring back happy feelings.
  9. Your best friend, and this could be anyone, someone you met on the Internet, your mom, or the kid next door who you grew up with, that person would be devastated if you died, how would you feel if they felt the way you did right now? You’d be worried and concerned and I hope you know that’s how they feel about you to.
  10. Your favorite band. My friends did a video on this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQpghjbwdIk) and they talk about how if a band saved your life that’s awesome. Also, maybe it will help you see some more good in the world through music. Music is a great escape and it helps a lot of people, and it’s a lot of people’s reason to stay alive so maybe it can be yours too!
  11. A pet, if you live alone, or with a roommate, but you have a pet, who’s going to take care of it if you’re gone? It could end up in a pound and be put to sleep, and do you want that for your dog or cat? And if it’s smaller than that chances are people are going to care even less.
  12. Use books as an escape, authors provide you with different worlds, books like the Harry Potter series take you into the story, you can practically live a different life while things improve themselves.
  13. Finally, a reason to live is for yourself, to prove to yourself that you are so strong. Strong enough to make it, strong enough to prove not only yourself but anyone who doubts you wrong. You are a great person with so much potential and that should be a huge reason to want to stay alive.

I hope at least one of the reasons is a big enough one to keep you alive because you are so worth the life you have been given. So I hope this helped at least one person out there, if not that’s okay, maybe it can help you help someone. I know this a lot more serious than a lot of my posts, and I really hope it doesn’t offend anyone either, I tried my hardest on this. If you need help there are the hotlines, if you need to talk to a friend, I can be a friend, feel free to email me at marysaverageadventures@gmail.com the emails are sent to my phone which I always have on me so I’m basically available to anyone who needs help. However, I am not a professional whatsoever, as you know I’m a college freshman, also I have no experience on this topic either, so if you need real help call the hotline for your country that I have provided. There are so many people willing to help you and who want you alive.

XOXO

Mary

The Answers:

January 1: Dust particles and dish towel fibers inside the Champagne glass, according to scientists at the University of Reims.

January 2: The US would not allow women to compete in events where they couldn’t wear long skirts.

Question:

January 3: What was the first single-letter ticker symbol on the Nasdaq stock exchange?

Stress (Part 1)

So stress. Stress is a huge issue in college and if you read my post from earlier you probably realize that there is some stress in my life. I don’t know if this happens to any of you but when I get stressed I get sick. It gets to the point where I’m sitting either on or by the toilet waiting to vomit. To handle the pain I take Tums. Now this is not like I’m a druggie on Tums. No. They just calm my stomach and I would never take more than recommended. To deal with the stress itself I try a lot of things. First I breathe, which is always everyone’s first step. Seriously deep breaths like your gasping for air. Then as you guys know if you read my other posts, I love YouTube videos so I watch people that I find inspiring like Zoella and SprinkleofGlitter are my favorites. This just helps me to calm down. If it still doesn’t work I crochet. And if worse comes to worse I just go to bed. Well if I can, and if not I just try to forget about whatever is stressing me out. If it is a test study, and that’s all you can do. If it’s a paper, DO IT, you’ll stop stressing once it’s finished. If it’s life, ignore the problem because it will eventually go away. Let me know if I can help any of you guys with your stress stick it in the comments and I’ll help you guys out! So here’s a double post for you guys today and hopefully there will be another one soon!

Thanks so much!

XOXO

Mary