Relationships and the Internet

I am an oversharer, I don’t have a problem admitting that. However, that is not always in my best interest. At some point in February I started seeing someone, then in March when it became official, I had no problem telling pretty much everyone, including my blog. The internet, however, now has made that relationship forever.

I never made it Facebook official (because if people want to know my business read my blog), but I did say that I was going to write about it here. I never did, because I ended things before that could have happened. So it has brought me to the question of when is the right time to put your relationship online?

The thing about the internet, and it’s the thing everyone’s parents, teachers, and professors say: “It’s there forever” so when you want to forget about a relationship it’s still there. You can delete all the pictures, the Facebook posts and whatever else you posted online, but it doesn’t change that people still saw it. People will ask you what happened, and you will have to face the questions.

I’d like to think that there’s this magic number. For me, it’s really whatever I feel like, after I tell everyone I care about first. However, I totally see the benefits of waiting a few months. Sometimes I feel like the longer you wait or the more online the relationship is it can be harder when it ends.  I can’t imagine ending a year long relationship and having to delete all of that off the internet, or facing those memories after that.

I think it also comes down to how much you put on the internet too. For example, I had one picture and a line in a blog post. I think he might have posted on my Facebook wall once or twice, but our relationship was not really that public.  I think the ending would’ve been different if we had a million pictures on Instagram and Facebook or something like that. The internet encapsulates every aspect of a relationship that you’re willing to share about it and then when it’s over you have to deal with that aftermath.

In the future, I honestly think I wouldn’t change anything about it. I think that if a relationship lasts more than three months, I’ll probably put it on Facebook. However, it’s really not all up to me because I’m not that kind of person. I’m just an open book, a few pictures here and there, a sentence in a blog post and an introduction after a while. I don’t think that I’ll say I have plans to introduce him because who know if that’ll happen.

The internet has this weird way of preserving everything that happens in life which is not only great but kind of scary/annoying sometimes. It’s also a personal thing that everyone can decide to share or not share in the world.

What’s the magic number? When do you put your relationship on the internet?

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B.G’s Guest Post: Online Friends

Currently I am galavanting (kind of) through Europe. Currently in the UK and probably enjoying the Lush on Oxford St far too much. Today B from Getting Through Anxiety, a good internet friend of mine, wrote a guest post for me! Enjoy her post on online friends and share it with your online friends!

Hey guys! This is B.G. from gettingthroughanxiety.wordpress.com. Since Mary won’t be able to  post from November 7th-15th, she asked if I would write a post for her, and I was more than happy to do so.  So, I’ve decided to write about (drumroll please…) online friends!

When I first started blogging, I honestly didn’t expect much of a turnout. Don’t get me wrong, I think I thought I would learn from the experience, but I didn’t really expect many people to read it, let alone “follow” it. For one thing I didn’t think that many people would be interested in reading about anxiety and for another, I just didn’t know how many people would discover my blog in the first place.

However, I slowly saw people commenting on my blog and to the say the least, I was both surprised and excited. Still, I didn’t think I would get many more readers, let alone meet some of the amazing people that I have.

I’ve always been (and still am), very cautious about how much information I share on the internet and who I share it with. I think while the internet is a great tool for communication, it tends to be misused and people tend to forget about the importance of privacy. With that aside, however, I’ve also come to discover that there are so many amazing people in the world and without the internet, I would have never met them.

Take Mary, for instance. She was one of the first people to stop by my blog and comment. It’s been over a year now and I still talk to her and here I am, guest blogging for her! Now, I’m still cautious about how much information I give away, but I’ve learned that it is possible to make great friends with people online, even if there’s the chance you’ll never meet them in person.

Through blogging, I’ve learned that there are so many people who experience similar issues that I do. Also, not only have I found a place where I can talk about my anxiety, but I’ve also found individuals that I can talk to about simple, fun things with like TV shows that I like and thought I never would or a mutual love for poetry and animals.

Something that I’ve learned is that if you do it right, friendships that you make online can be just as wonderful as the ones you forge in real life. Don’t get me wrong, it would be nice to be able to meet some of my blogger friends, but due to safety reasons, I don’t feel that’s always the best option. I have, however, met some wonderful people online and hold them very close to my heart.

The point is, that whether you forge a friendship through means of technology or through a one on one encounter with the individual, these friendships are still important and should be held in the highest regard. I’m so happy to have met so many of the people I have through writing my blog and that we’re able to share our experiences with one another.

So…I hope you’ve all enjoyed this post and stay tuned for Mary’s return! :)

 

A Friend Crush

I’ve decided to stop Dear December because it’s too stressful with finals and everything. I have another plan that I thought up in the shower. I hate quitting and giving up but it’s tough with the amount of stress I’ve been feeling. I had been doing really well with my anxiety and it’s starting to get worse again so I just don’t want to get out of control like it was last year.

So onto the actual post. I get these these feeling where I see someone and I just want to be friends with them, I didn’t have a name for it until Zoe called it a friendship crush the other night at dinner and I really like the sounds of that because this happens to me all the time. The reason we were talking about it was because there’s is this guy that is really attractive but he hardly talks to anyone and for some reason this just really intrigues me and I want to know everything about him which is very creepy but I want to be friends with him. I feel like this kind of happens to me a lot at school like I’ll kinda know someone and I want to be their friend but we don’t have any mutual friends so I feel like it’s just weird. I don’t know I’m such an awkward person that I can’t make friends.

I also feel this way towards people on the internet. Like I’ll read someones blog and just feel such a connection with them that I just want to be their friend. I’ll see the ‘About Me’ page and I think “We’re the same person, oh my gosh, if I knew them in real life there is no doubt we would be best friends” which is just lovely in my opinion. That’s one of the reasons I love the internet, you find people who are so similar to you, they just so happen to live in other states/countries/continents.

The more I think about it the more creepy this sounds. Is anyone else like this? They just kinda know someone so they want to be best friends with them? I think I might just be really creepy. Oh goodness I hope not. Please tell me I’m not a creep in the comments.

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“It’s Gone Viral” Words I Don’t Want to Hear

If this was ever said to me about a blog post or video I put up I think I would be afraid. Things that go viral escalate quickly, like they go insane. Can you imagine going from having a like or two on a post to having hundreds? I can’t.

I think half the reason I stopped putting videos up, even though I like it, was because all you need is one person who has a following to tweet something to you and there it goes. Just like that. My senior year of high school a video for a class went viral, it was on Tosh.O’s blog or whatever and it was a big deal that cause a whole lot of drama. It wasn’t supposed to be on the internet, that’s not what the consent of the people in it was for, it wasn’t finished. I wouldn’t really want anything like that to ever happen.

There are a lot of things I’d rather have than a post going viral, like just being able to do this for a job but staying in my little corner of the world. I would love to be able to do this my whole life, I honestly wouldn’t even mind daily vlogging because I love those and I like doing them, but I wouldn’t like it if it got to be something big.

I used to want to go to things like Playlist and VidCon and meet my favorites but I see vlogs and tweets and I just keep seeing these crazy people stalking people I don’t want to be associated with that and I’m pretty sure none of those people knew that’s what would happen when they started making videos and posting them on YouTube. Jenna Marbles didn’t start out with that many subscribers, she had one video go viral and people found out about her and thought she was funny and more and more people thought she was funny. It was good for her though, she seems to be doing well with it even if I don’t really watch her.

That’s the only thing that scares me a little bit with this. I don’t think I’m good enough to go viral or anything but it does make me nervous that it could happen. I don’t really want millions of people to see what I write, I like how it is now. I like being able to talk to people. I do think it is a risk everyone takes when they put stuff on the internet, and to be honest I think a lot of people kind of look for it. Everyone looks for their fifteen minutes of fame, with the internet though and that little follow button you guys can hit, it can last for a lot longer than fifteen minutes.

What do you guys think? What if you wrote a post and it went viral? How would you handle it?

XOXO,

Mary.

Social Media’s Affect on Society

Well the title makes this sound like a research paper, it’s not. I’m not googling anything unless I have to.

First and foremost this is the video that inspired me to do this post so go check that out first please: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7dLU6fk9QY

Anway, social media has a huge impact on everyone’s daily life, if you’re reading this social media impacts you, don’t try and deny it. Social media has allowed us to connect with people that normally we would never be able to. Looking at this week alone there are people reading from six different countries on three different continents, all time statistics are even crazier, twenty-six different countries, six continents. I don’t know people from all over the world, I don’t even know people on the other side of the country! It’s amazing what the internet can do, I’ve talked to people from all around the world on here and on tumblr. It amazes me. Social media and technology also give us the ability to communicate with loved ones whenever we choose. I can get on a Google Hangout with my friends in four different states and we can all talk to each other at the same time. My mom can read this in Pennsylvania and that won’t change when I go for a semester abroad my junior year.

On the other hand social media is destroying our world. I hate it. It’s hard to go out to a dinner without having people texting, checking twitter/facebook/instagram, replying to emails, or even talking on the phone. I know I’m guilty of this too, but I’m really trying to stop. It’s gotten to the point now where I go to church and see this happening and I’m just disappointed, it can really wait. We can’t even sit in front of the tv with our families and be antisocial together anymore, instead someone has an ipad, another has a phone, another  a laptop so you’re all “watching” tv together, but who’s actually paying attention to the show let alone engaging with each other.

I can sit here check Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, my email, Twitter, anything I want to and I have yet to talk to a single person in the Starbucks I’m writing at with the exception of the man who took and made my order. Right now it’s Frappucino happy hour so there’s about 20 other people in the store but I chose the back table so I wouldn’t have to talk or make eye contact with anyone. This is terrible! On my way over I said hi to a girl, but she immediately broke eye contact and was checking her phone. We have developed this society where we aren’t supposed to talk to anyone or look at anyone and all keep to ourselves. This is so selfish! I say it to myself all the time to try and make someone’s day, but you never know if your smile can change a life.

Social media, what is supposed to help us be more social, is really making us more antisocial. You can be with your friends but instead of seeing how they’re doing and what’s new with them, you’re looking on instagram to see what’s new with your other friends. Instead of asking your significant other about their life, your stalking your ex on Facebook to see if you’re life is better without them.

I think I’m going to challenge myself this summer to take an hour of free time with someone I care about without all of these distractions. Instead, I’ll make breakfast with my sister, drink coffee with my friends, or read a book distraction free. I’ll ignore all the new engagements on Facebook and focus on my non-existent relationship. I’m tired of being antisocial because of the social media.

If anyone wants to join me maybe we can make a real challenge out of it. Let me know in the comments, also put there what you think about social media I’m curious about different opinions.

XOXO,

Mary.

The Internet: A Scary Place?

As all of you I’m sure can assume, I spend a lot of time on the internet, which I don’t feel bad about at all. However, sometimes I worry about the information I put on the internet. It’s safe to assume my entire life can be found in the matter of a few clicks, and that’s how it is for most people, I’ve done it. This occasionally scares me.

I never have location services turned on unless I’m maybe out somewhere, like “oh hey I’m at a Phillies game, you jealous?” but that’s it. Never at school and never at home, because it is so easy to track that information. This is one huge way that I try to stay safe on the internet.

Things that make me nervous are things like I haven’t told you guys where I go to school or the exact town where I live, but if you follow me on twitter you’d probably find out where I go. Is that dangerous? I’m not sure. I keep my Facebook very private, I only ever add people I know and I thought maybe for a little I would let blog followers add me, but I don’t know if that’s safe. If it continues to grow I’ll make a fan page or something, but at this point I don’t feel safe accepting friend requests for this very reason.

I think that the way we were taught to use the internet and the way we use it is very different.  We were taught not to talk to strangers, not to put out personal information, if you talk to people on internet they’re probably fake, it’s not a safe place, and the list goes on and on. I’ve had countless assemblies on this for about as long as I can remember. However, I’m not sure if I agree with this. I talk to “strangers” on a regular basis, I mean if you comment on my post, I’m going to reply. I send people messages on tumblr if they seem sad or upset.  I put my email out here in case someone ever needs someone to talk to, I never know who’s going to stumble upon this. I don’t put personal information out here really, like it would take long email conversations and maybe even skype before I would give my number to anyone. I’m still very cautious and weary about people on the internet because of what I was taught, but I’m not going to let that stop from meeting more people.

I think now, our generation is starting to see the internet as a place to make friends and connections. I mean, go on tumblr, you’ll find blogs run by two people who live across the world from one another and have never met in person yet they’re best friends. I still think we need to be weary of people but that doesn’t change the fact that you could meet really great people online. The internet is the WORLD WIDE WEB you can meet people from all over the world. Say you make a friend in England and oh look you have the money for a plane ticket and food, yet you don’t have somewhere to stay, if you have a close friend in England that you know is real because you’ve skyped and such, you do, if they don’t mind. You can make connections literally everywhere and I think that’s amazing.

So yes, the internet can be a very scary place but that doesn’t mean that we should have been taught to be afraid of it. We should have been taught on how to be careful and how to tell if someone is real or fake rather than just being told that everyone is scary and fake. The internet is the new playground, a place to make friends, but it’s even better because you can meet people from literally anywhere. So go make a real internet friend because I think that’s cool, even though I don’t have any. Be careful though.

Thanks for reading everyone!

XOXO,

Mary.

Kindness.

Today I relearned a very important lesson, kindness goes a very long way. I don’t think people understand what the power of words can do.

This is in both a positive and negative way. What you say to someone has the power to change their whole life. It can be as simple as a hello or even an I’m here for you. Words and actions can change a life. You never know what someone is going through and what you say can make or break their world.  This article is a prime example link and please read the story before going on with the post if you don’t know it.

Offering someone a hand in a time of need can literally save their life. On the other hand a “mean” word can literally rip someone apart so much you can destroy their life. I can’t tell you how many sad stories I read and see on tumblr. I hate the fact that I grew up in a place that one day someone’s not going to make it out of there in time and something really bad is going to happen there because people are so judgmental. Why can’t we accept those who are a little bit different? I shouldn’t have to worry about people I know getting bullied so bad that they’re suicidal. That’s scary. I hate that it’s acceptable to treat people like that, because really, it’s not.

Please don’t ever tell anyone to “go die” or “I hope your mom get cancer” those things aren’t okay to say and I hate the fact that I see them on a daily basis. Go ahead look through you favorite celebrities twitter responses because I can almost guaranteed  you that you will be so disappointed in society as a whole. I’m sure many of you may know about the Tyler Oakley/ Liam Payne drama, Tyler Oakley, internet fanatic felt so threatened he stayed offline for a week. No one should have to feel like that, no one should have to feel like that. I don’t think people understand the power words have, you can literally rip apart someone’s life so much that they want to die. No one should want to die people should want to live and be happy.

Think twice before you say anything. Pay a stranger a compliment. Tell your best friend you love them. Never take anyone for granted. Be kind and if you think you can make someone smile, do it because chances are, they need it.

On that note I would like to again put my email here (marysaverageadventures@gmail.com) because I touched on suicide again and I never want anyone to feel like there isn’t any other option. I’m a good listener and I can try to make you smile. Please find someone who can help you because life will get better and I’m sorry if it was a person that made you feel that bad. Someone can make you feel better again.

XOXO,

Mary.

My Guide to Online Shopping

Well something I am obsessed with, especially at college, is online shopping. I would totally tell you about how much of a detriment it is to my bank account, but that’s a whole different story. So I know it’s far past Friday at this point but I actually went and hung out with people tonight so I think that’s excusable. Anyway, I could just share with you some places where I find the best online deals.

  1. AMAZON! They literally have everything you could possibly ever need. If you’re a college student you are eligible for six months free of Amazon Prime, andddddd you get it at half off when you have to start paying.  Amazon Prime is a fantastic invention that gives you free shipping on thousands upon thousands of items, and it only takes 2 days! It’s actually amazing. The best deals that I find here are usually on phone cases and bumpers for my iPhone 5. Maybe I’ll do an Amazon favorites next week with the best shops and such because I could go on and on forever.
  2. American Eagle/ Aerie. They have far better sales online and if you sign up for the sales there are lots of opportunities for free shipping, like right now just because it’s cold they have free shipping. You can also get coupons in the mail which include things like free underwear, which are very good quality and nice. I know these stores are typically pretty pricy, but the sales are usually pretty good and I think that the qualities of clothes are worth it.
  3. Etsy. Okay so yes, I know there are individual shops but I think that the overall site is overpriced. I wanted to get some bumper stickers for my laptop and when I had three in my cart it was priced far over $15 and to me that’s not worth it at all. I think it has some awesome things on it like handmade rings and vintage pieces but some of the stuff is not worth the cost to me. It’s fun to window shop but it’s rare that I actually buy stuff from the actual sight.
  4. shopjawbreaking.com. If you have the money, SHOP HERE. I go on their site sometimes and stare at all of the wonderful clothes and drool a little bit. I personally don’t have anything from here but I wish I did. My friends have some shirts and sweatshirts and they love them, and I’m super jealous.

Okay so that’s it for now because I want to go to bed because I am exhausted. Anywho I think we should have an adventure for tomorrow but we shall see.

XOXO

Mary