How to Prepare for the Snowstorm

Apparently there’s supposed to be a lot of snow this weekend, starting tonight. I don’t know if I can believe it, if I’m being honest. However, in case it does, here are some tips for preparing for the storm.

  • Have something to do- Don’t allow yourself get bored. Make sure you have at least one thing in mind to do that doesn’t require electricity, for example almost any craft.
  • Have food- snacks, candy, but also protein and other things in case you can’t cook. So essentially meals. The stores have been out of milk, bread, and eggs for days so good luck with those items at this point.
  • Keep a shovel in your car- I’ve learned this the hard way when the school calls and tells me to move my car, but my car is behind a three foot pile of snow.
  • Do your homework- This isn’t really how to be prepared or anything, it’s just a tip on what to do when it snows.
  • Have winter supplies ready to go- You don’t want to be searching for your winter boots when you have to walk to the dining hall, just to remember that you left them in your car on move-in day.
  • Keep blankets at the ready- Again, you never know when the power may go off, so always make sure you have blankets ready to go in case the heat goes off.

Are you in the 18-24 inch zone like me? The first flurries just started, I’m not ready for this. I don’t like snow. Stay safe everyone!

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Is it no big deal?

I do this thing when I really care about something or I really want something to happen I pretend like it’s not a big deal. The biggest thing I would say I do this to is marriage. Like I’m always like “I don’t want to get married. I don’t want to think about my wedding. Like let me just elope and get it over with.” It’s half true. I think weddings are hassles and I don’t know if I would necessarily enjoy it but it’s something that I would honestly like to experience in my life.

I doubt I’m the only one who pretends things aren’t a big deal that really mean a lot to them. I am well aware that I do this because I’m afraid these things aren’t going to happen for me. Like I honestly believe that I will not get married so I act like it’s something that I don’t want to do. I really don’t think I will ever be comfortable enough in a relationship to take those steps towards marriage so I just pretend like it’s something I don’t want.

I think a lot of people do this, we pretend things aren’t a big deal because it’s like that self-convincing thing. If you can convince everyone around you that something’s true- you’re eventually going to believe it too. So that’s why I do it. If I can tell myself that I look good everyday, I’m going to build my self-esteem, which I do and it makes me feel a lot better, however while this is a good thing to do, I do it with all the wrong things. “I don’t want to get married,” “I don’t really want a boyfriend,” “I don’t really know if I want to go into journalism after college,” these are all things I say to the people around me so I believe them.

Is is okay though? When I say it’s no big deal do I really mean that? Sometimes when you try to convince everyone around you that it’s not a big deal you forget what you really care about. I think I’ve started to rebuild what I care about.

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Why it’s Good to Mind Your Business

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I see a lot of articles on why it’s good to have kids young or wait, get married young or wait, move in with a significant other or wait, go to college or not, but really it’s no one’s life but your own. Everyone has an opinion. I understand that, it’s just that your opinion on someone else and their life doesn’t really matter and it shouldn’t affect them either way.

Today I got on Facebook and I saw an article “Why it’s good to get married young” and I was mad at first. It goes on about how it’s God’s gift to be married young, but for someone like me that is nothing that I’ve ever wanted. I don’t want someone judging me for not wanting to get married young, but I also should stop judging people who are at a point in their life where they feel stable enough to get married young.

I think the internet is great and all but I think there are some opinions that are actually personal decisions. I think there is too much pressure on people to make very personal decisions via something they read. I know I’ve read things which referred to me as a terrible Christian room just because I didn’t want to be a stay at home mom, or let alone a mom. This really offended me as a Christian woman and it was just someone’s opinion that was trying to influence my future when really God does call people to the single life and that’s my choice of whether or not to be a mother.

Sure it’s cool to get married at 20 but it’s also just as cool to get married at 65. If you want to have loads of babies go for it, but if you want to have none or one go for it! I’m tired of all these people trying to tell everyone what to do, let them live their lives and mind your own freaking business! I think we are all too far concerned with how other people live their lives and how they should live more like us or the lives we want to have and really NO ONE KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING WE ARE ALL JUST FIGURING IT OUT AS WE GO! You can’t do your own life wrong. I mean unless you’re a rapist or something I wouldn’t recommend that lifestyle but honestly everyone has to make their own choices so stop trying to control them. You do you and I’ll do me.

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The Five Year Plan.

I don’t have a five year plan. I don’t even have a one year plan. I like the idea of the five year plan though, it’s a great concept. In five years I should hypothetically have my shit together, I highly doubt that will happen but that’s where I should be in five years. Five years from now I’ll be TWENTY FIVE! That’s really old, at least to me. My mom was 24 when she had me so that puts a lot into perspective on my side. I don’t want to have a child within the next five years. I don’t want to be married within the next five years. According to Mary Time I shouldn’t be getting married for at least another seven years, Mary Time will be explained another time.

I’m not a free spirited person, I’m very much a constricted person.  I wish I was a free spirited person because then the lack of a five year plan wouldn’t worry me so much. To me, there’s just so much in the world to experience and try that I’m at a loss for what to do next. For example, I want to study abroad next fall but I also am afraid of missing out here. I can’t let that stop me though, but at the same time I don’t know where to go. It’s a very complex up in my brain. So that stops my one year plan and holds it up a bit. Which makes me interested in a summer program or something along those lines. There’s a lot of things I have to think about.

I’m also very single. Like there’s not a man on my radar besides an attractive person I see on my way to class. If I was in a serious relationship I’m sure a goal of mine would be to get married within the next five years, but that’s not me or the position I’m currently in. For me to get married I would like to be dating the man for at least five years prior to marriage so I will not be getting married for at least another six years.

Currently I would like to consider myself in the selfish years. The next five years are for me, and if a man wants to enter my life he is more than welcome to do so, but for now these are the years for myself. I don’t have to report to anyone but myself. After I graduate college in two and a half years I have a lot of time to work on myself. I suppose I could currently be working on it but right now I still have responsibilities.

The point of a five year plan is to set up goals and have ambitions and an idea of what you’re going to do for the next five years. Shout out to the people who have five year plans, but an even bigger shout out to the people who can’t even manage a one year plan like myself.

There’s a greatness in a five year plan but there is also something really special about the endless opportunities of the lack of one. I’m rather excited that I can have endless opportunities and  experiences without the idea  of goals and expectations that I created for myself looming over my head.

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I’m Scared.

Yesterday I asked what my major career goal was. I don’t have one. Yesterday I was asked a question I will be and have been asked millions of times within my lifetime, yet yesterday was the first time I had nothing to say. Like I don’t know what I want to do, but I don’t have any career goals at all. Cool.

I’m tired of people telling me “a lot of people don’t know” and “you’ll figure it out” because that doesn’t mean that right at this moment I don’t feel sick everyday because I feel like I’m wasting my time. Wasting time is a huge anxiety trigger for me, wasting anything is, but especially time. Go ahead, tell me it’ll all work out but that’s not a guarantee. I’m sitting in class and I have no long term goals.

I enjoyed my internship as an experience but I honestly don’t think that I will thoroughly enjoy my life in a cubicle and I guess a goal of mine would to not be completely miserable by the time I’m thirty, and I think I might be miserable if I sit in a cubicle for the next fifty plus years. I go to class and I’m finally in classes for my major and I’m still uneasy and unsure of what I’m doing. I’m in News Writing and she’s already telling us about how many people we’re going to have to call, it takes me at least 20 minutes to make a phone call. I don’t know if I want to interview people my whole life either, trying to overcome anxiety every time I have an assignment.

I don’t know what I’m doing, it’s making me anxious and I’m afraid that I’m either wasting my time here or I’m going to end up somewhere I hate. Life scares me when I don’t have a plan. I’m not sure what I’m doing. I have no goals that go further than hobbies. I focus my energy on things like this that will probably get me nowhere. I put time into crafts, into YouTube, into silly things that will make me happy in the now, not something that’ s going to help me ten years from now. I’m lost, confused, and I have no idea what I’m doing. Most of all I’m scared. I’m scared that I’m going to end up doing nothing with my life. Afraid, that I’m going to be unhappy the rest of my days. Worried that one day I’ll look back and all that I’ve accomplished is a stable life. I want a good life, not just a stable one. I don’t want to live with regrets and I’m afraid that I’m on path that will lead me to a life with many. I know a life with zero regret is impossible at this point since I already have some, but I don’t want my whole life to be one giant regret because frankly that would just suck. Hopefully I figure it out before it’s too late.

XOXO,

Mary.