A Planner.

I’m a planner, and I’m pretty sure this drives just about everyone in my life a little bit nuts. I’m not a spontaneous kind of person, like sure a spontaneous trip to the mall cool, but I’m not good when I know something’s happening but there’s no plans for it. This is why I freak out about the future. Anyway, since I’m a planner something I plan on doing is having every person I love and cherish in my life forever. This is a mistake my friends.

While it might be nice to plan on having Jane from kindergarten at your wedding, yet she moved in the first grade and you haven’t seen her since, it’s pretty impractical that every person you have ever met in your life forever. I think this is particularly hard, well at least for me, when certain people have had such a large impact on your life. Now, no, I’m not one of those girls with a wedding board on Pinterest (feel free to follow me @mrmilligan13), but if I do get married, I expect all of my friends now to be there. Yet, a few months ago I wrote a letter to myself on the occasion if I ever do get married, and someone I mentioned in there is no longer a part of my life, and there are also a few more people now who mean a lot more to me.

I always count on having my friends there for me. I assume that when I’m 87 years old that one of my friends will be in my nursing home, assuming and hoping I didn’t out live them all. I assume and have the idea that once someone in my life is there, they’re going to stay there. I don’t know why I would ever count on anyone leaving. My planning mind plans for these people to always be there no matter what the situation that those I love and care for will always be there for me. I don’t know why I would think anything else.

I think that if the day comes and I either birth a child (probably not) or adopt (a lot more likely) that I’ll call Lindsay and tell her about the funny stuff it says or that I’ll share the gross vomit story with Zoe. I don’t expect that people are going to leave my life and unless something they do or say hurts me or someone else I care about I won’t leave theirs either.

This accounts for disappointment sometimes, especially when you count on someone being there for you and they aren’t. When I lose a friend I obviously take it very personally. Contrary to what people may think of me, it takes a lot in me to cut someone out of my life, no matter how good it is for my mental well being. It takes a lot for me to just give up on someone. It takes a lot in me to just not care anymore. It obviously takes a lot just to walk out of someone’s life when you’re counting on them being there for every event to come. Yet, it is nice to think that in the coming years my true friends will emerge, if not already, the high school drama that’s carried into college will hopefully fade, and friends will just be friends not pieces of a board game.

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Why Everyone Deserves a “Jim”

If you aren’t familiar with me, you may not know that I love “The Office” and I have a particular crush on Jim. Why? First of all he’s handsome, secondly he’s funny, thirdly he did everything he could to win the woman he loved. In my opinion every woman should be waiting for their “Jim”.

  1. Thoughtfulness is key in every relationship and Jim got that.  While Pam was still with Roy, Jim proved how much better he was by giving her a fully loaded iPod with songs she loved. A kind and caring gesture from a friend.
  2. If you’re having a bad day he can cheer you up by telling you the pranks that day. For example, any prank Jim played on Dwight, I am still partial to the stapler in Jello.
  3. Patience is a virtue that should be in any relationship/friendship/family or anything. Jim waited years for Pam, he knew all along that she was the one and he waited for her. Although their timing took a while to work out, it took time but it worked out great for them.
  4. You should be supportive of a partner. Jim supported Pam through art school, failing, and even though it didn’t work out for her. That’s what caused him to propose because the distance couldn’t separate them. IN THE RAIN NOLESS! PERFECT!
  5. Tolerance is something that is good to have. Jim displays this everyday for the first seven season whenever Michael has a problem he typically does a good job of dealing with it.
  6. Ironic creativity is very attractive. A piece of paper for halloween, what could be better?
  7. Plan B’s are always important incase something goes wrong. I’m just saying the plan b wedding plan could’ve been plan a, there is nothing more romantic than getting married on the Maid of the Mist. Except for maybe proposing in the rain.
  8. Always caring. Jim cares for Pam even before they’re dating. He takes care of her when she’s drunk, doesn’t hold it over her that she kisses him, he is there for her when her relationship with Roy ends. There is always something about her that he cares about no matter what the relationship and that is very important. He’s always a shoulder to cry or sleep on.
  9. As much as you tease someone you still care about them as a person. When Jim finds out about Dwight’s beet farm he takes Pam there on their first night away to be a supportive friend. No matter how dysfunctional their friendship is he still leave him a great review and shows he cares.
  10. Life is too short not to take risks. Jim risks a friendship to tell Pam he likes her and even though it doesn’t work out right away eventually it does and it’s all worth it.

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A Missed Opportunity.

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If you’re anything like me you might be afraid of missing an opportunity, any opportunity, every opportunity, just because of one decision you make. I’m always wondering what would my life be like if I would have done something differently.

I’ve been watching a lot of short films lately, it’s my new thing. In a lot of the romantic films someone missed a chance, but a lot of other took a chance. I think we need to do more of that, take more chances. If we took more chances we wouldn’t have so many regrets and I think that’s really important. Does anyone actually like to have regrets? Of course not, can we help it? Only sometimes. We shouldn’t be afraid to take a risk or two.

We focus on what can go wrong, not on anything that can go right. We mess up once and it prevents us from taking chances. You fight with a friend so you make less friends. You get annoyed and every person annoys you that day, you take it out on someone and then have the potential to lose that person. We let the negativity get to us and focus on all things bad, I know we do because I do it too.

If we were more positive and took more risks I think we would be a happier people. We would look at each other and see the good instead of seeing the time that a person hurt us, yet we live in this place where everyone has trust issues. You can’t trust a friend because they lied. You can’t buy something off of eBay because someone scammed you out $20. You can’t walk down the street without a can of pepper spray because of what you see on the news. We lived in a messed up world where risks hurt us so we don’t take them. Where once something bad happens we can never do it again. We are so afraid of risks and trusting people because someone screwed us over. That’s not fair.

Starting today, I’m going to take more chances, trust more people, and make the change to be a happier person. Why do we like to sit in our own sorrow and misery? Maybe it’s comforting, maybe it’s familiar and we think everyone does it. I’m stopping, making a change to be positive. I’m going to live for the now and to be happier and bring happiness to other people.

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Books Lied to Me

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Up until recently when growing up has prevented me from doing so I would read like there was no tomorrow. I spent days upon days with my nose in a book exploring a multitude of worlds, getting lost in the words, all of which gave me false hopes for reality. Somewhere between the lines of the pages my reality was slightly shifted to something of a fantasy world and with the exception of Harry Potter I read mostly realistic fiction so although it doesn’t quite make sense, I’ll explain.

I want to fall in a coffee shop, look over my warm mug on a rainy day and see the man of my dreams. I want to sit with that man and laugh until I cry and cuddle while we stargaze. See? Doesn’t book life seem so much better than real life?

Growing up I thought when a boy liked me he would throw pebbles at my window and I would climb out my window, not that I could actually do that, and we would whisper late into the night and then we would fall in love. I also thought that once you got to high school everyone dated, not me. Then I thought once you got to college you were basically already engaged and then right after college you got married and it was all because that boy threw pebbles at my window in the seventh grade. None of that happened, and I’m kind of glad, but I still think the pebble thing is cute.

Also, after reading so many books I learned to decipher who ends up with who and then I expected life to be like that too (after no boys threw pebbles at my window during the seventh grade). In books the main character usually only has two best friends, if they’re both girls, one of them has a very attractive older brother, but only by a year or two and they engage in a sneaky relationship until she inevitably finds out and is perfectly okay with it, and is excited that one day will be the both of you will be sisters. In the other case, you might have one girl friend and one boy friend, and in that case you fall in love with him, the boy that was in front of your face the whole time, but you didn’t notice until your ex-boyfriend was completely horrible to you and he was there to comfort you. Don’t worry about your best friend, she ends up dating your ex’s best friend, but you know he’s not as much of a dick like your ex was. The couples all live happily ever after too, it’s great. I always had more than two friends though, so I never fell in love with any older brothers and all of my guy friends were the dicks sooo that worked out well.

I think I have these types of expectations out of life (could be why I spending a lot of time and money at coffee shops) and I blame books for all of this. I’m waiting for a cute boy to approach me when boys think that girls want Express bags and Victoria Secret bags and Nike boxes dropped off at my door with a dozen roses. Some girls want to be the #WCW or be tweeted about, I’ll pass thank you. Books taught me to love the little things that people, not just boys can do for you. To me I would much rather receive a nice thought out letter than a bouquet of flowers, I would much rather spend time with someone, or get a phone call then check instagram and see a picture of myself.

I’m waiting though for my perfect book guy though. I deserve that and not the instagramers and the tweeters. One day. Or maybe not, we’ll see.

XOXO,

Mary

The Friend Zone

There has been speculation that the friend zone isn’t real and it’s guys making a girl feel bad for not liking them, and in my opinion that’s not how I see the friend zone whatsoever. In case you’re unsure what the friend zone is, it’s a where usually a guy, like a girl who happens to be one of his best friends who doesn’t reciprocate the feelings, is in a relationship, or likes things the way they are without being in a relationship with said guy. Cool, okay, however, this is not what I think the true friend zone is. I honestly think a lot of girls, and guys, are afraid to be in a relationship with someone they’re so close to.

Personally if I was that close with a guy I’m not sure if I would want to jeopardize a friendship for a relationship, even if I had feelings for that person. I would be terrified to lose a best friend unless I was 110% positive that we would be able to maintain the same friendship if we ever broke up or if it didn’t work out. I don’t think the friend zone is to prevent a guy from being with the girl of his dreams, but it might be scary for her.

I don’t think we should shame guys for complaining about being in the friend zone, they have the right to be upset. The girl they like is right there in front of them all the time and they can’t just whip her around and kiss her or hold her hand when you’re on a walk, that probably sucks. Also, how many of those girls saying guys shouldn’t complain about this complain about being single all the time? Or they’re wishing for that best guy friend to sweep them off their feet and then they go and reject all of that affection that they’re being showered with.

If you have a friend that you’ve “friend zoned” I’m not saying you shouldn’t date him or even give him a chance, but you shouldn’t make him feel bad. I’ve seen these situations compared to RAPE, are you kidding me? There are people comparing a guy being upset about being in the friend zone to RAPE, all because in both scenarios the woman is saying no. Cool, she’s saying no that doesn’t mean he’s trying to RAPE her. I find that completely and utterly ridiculous. I’m sorry, but I’m not okay with a guy trying to go on a date with his friend being compared to rape.

Okay, so if you’re one of those girls who think the friend zone is made up by guys so terribly upset please leave me a comment letting me know why. I’m really intrigued at how this is comparable to rape, just because a woman is saying no. Also ladies, this happens to guys too, then is it comparable to rape? I’m seriously asking a question. So next time a guy friend zones you, let’s just rethink everything we’re saying about the friend zone. And to anyone in the friend zone, don’t give  up, but don’t be pushy. If it’s supposed to happen it will happen.

Opinions in the comments please, I would like to hear other thoughts on this!

XOXO,

Mary.

I Want an Ed

The rumors are always flying, and the question is: Is Sweeran real? No, that’s not what this blog post is about, my speculation of Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran, it’s to express my jealousy of their relationship, what kind of relationship that is, is not my place to judge. 

If you know anything about Taylor Swift or Ed Sheeran, you probably know that they are best friends and that they are often speculated to have a relationship. I just want a friend like Ed. Okay maybe I want what they’re speculated to have, maybe I want a boyfriend. Kind of. This comes back to what I not know what I want with anything in my life ever. Maybe I just want a boy to go to iHop with and laugh really loud and obnoxiously with, who I kind of have a crush on and he kind of has a crush on me but we don’t really do anything about it, instead we just kind of hang out and eat and laugh. Is that weird?

I’m 19 and in a few month I’ll be 20, at this point in my mom’s life she would be getting married in a little over a year (I believe she got married at 21, but it might’ve been 22 sorry mom) anyway, she was really close to the age I am at now, that’s the point I’m trying to make. Anywho, I am NOT ready for that serious of a relationship. I like the idea of holding hands and going on walks, not the idea of picking out engagement rings and floral arrangements. Not like there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just not what I want. 

What it comes down to is I want a guy in my life that has the possibility to maybe have the potential to maybe one day have a serious relationship with, in the future. The very distant future. I wish we just kind of knew who we were supposed to be with that way they would have to hang out with me, I would just be like well you have to wait until I’m done soaring my wild oats then we can get married and stuff. Not soaring my wild oats like talking to other people, like seeing places and things and meeting people and traveling and just seeing everything.  

Does anyone else feel like this? Or is this one of those “justs Mary things”?

XOXO,

Mary.

Old Fashioned

For whatever reason I decided to jump on the bandwagon and start watching the Bachelorette. Why not be like every other college girl? Anyway this got me thinking about dating practices of today. First of all I could never do the Bachelor or Bachelorette, I don’t like competition for a guy and I could never have that many choices at once, it would be way too much pressure. I would never be able to stand there in a dress and try to impress a guy more than all the other girls that are like super models. Then can you imagine trying to pick out of so many guys? I couldn’t do it. What if you pick the wrong one? That would be way too much pressure for me.

So that got me thinking to the idea of online dating that is very common today. And obviously I’m not thinking about that for right now (I’m too young for that!). I think it might be expected that I would be interested in since I am a woman of the the internet, however I am not. It freaks me out. I even get freaked out sometimes on WordPress because I’m afraid I’m not actually talking to another college student. Online dating I believe would be an unnecessary source of anxiety for me. But I guess never say never.

Finally I thought about Tinder. Tinder is an app that from my all understanding is based on looks and if you like the way someone looks and they like the way you look  you can chat. Well first of all, I do not want someone to base every first impression of me off of my looks and same for myself. I don’t want to base my first impression of people off of looks. Secondly, I heard you have to put multiple selfies up, I can’t even take one good selfie let alone multiple. So yes, I have yet to download Tinder to my phone.

I guess what it comes down to is that I prefer the more old fashioned way of dating, meeting someone by chance and in person. What do you guys think of these not so traditional ways of meeting people?

XOXO,

Mary.

Things That Make Me Smile

Well I’ve done these before or similar things but this idea has been inspired/given to me by my friend here at school Logan HERE is her post make sure you go read it and follow her, she posts every Thursday. So sorry Logan for semi-copying you but I’ve been writing all afternoon (okay I did take a little nap) but I wanted something quick to do so I can get back to my other writing. That actually leads me into a quick question, would anyone be interesting in reading samples of novels I’ve started and little poems here and there? Or is this not the place for that? Let me know in the comments.

  • Leather bound journals
  • Pen’s that glide when they write
  • The sound and smell of the rain, especially thunderstorms
  • Soft clothes
  • Sweet smells
  • Dark chocolate
  • Hot coffee
  • Iced coffee
  • Lattes with extra foam
  • Taking pictures
  • Laughing
  • Peanut butter
  • Making people smile
  • Long walks with great talks
  • Getting to know someone
  • Cute clothes
  • YouTube
  • Blogging
  • Writing
  • Traveling
  • Seeing new places
  • Big trees
  • The smell of oranges
  • Laying of the floor
  • Baby clothes/toys
  • Porch swings
  • The creaking sound of new book plus the smell, YUM
  • Empty classrooms
  • The idea of the beach
  • My friends
  • My family
  • Being alone
  • Being with my friends
  • Making lists
  • Crossing things off lists
  • Laughing at my own jokes
  • Bikes with baskets
  • The idea of fresh cut flowers
  • New clothes
  • Socks
  • Cameras
  • Dark rooms
  • Sunglasses
  • Mascara
  • Ugly selfies
  • Tanktops
  • Zac Efron
  • Connor Franta
  • Joe Sugg
  • The idea of holding hands
  • Friends being reunited
  • People meeting for the first time
  • Laughter
  • Hugs hello
  • People who get really excited to see someone
  • Vacumed floors
  • Quiet
  • City lights
  • Skylines
  • Bonfires
  • Smores
  • Hearing about people’s lives
  • Zalfie
  • Clean hair
  • Showers
  • Bubble baths

What makes you smile? Write below! Thanks for reading!

XOXO,

Mary.

Fantastic Friends

Well I was struggling to think of something to write about while I was out, yes, you heard me I left the confinement of my dorm room and hung out in other dorm rooms tonight. They suggested that I write funny things they do when they’re drunk, however I decided to not do that, because no matter how funny that is, I want them to know how much I appreciate them.

As many of you may know, I haven’t had the best experience at college so far, but some of the people I met are really incredible. I was texting one of them while I was in New York and I told her that I wasn’t really having the best time ever. Well to make up for it I came back with a decorated door as well as chocolate, isn’t that just the sweetest thing ever? So I thought instead of making fun of my friends I should write about how thankful I am for them.

As you all know, I am a person who likes the company of myself. I don’t really like leaving the four walls of my dorm, I like staying in. I know that’s terrible, but I’m not good at socializing. I’ve always had friendships but I still prefer being alone, however, sometimes I guess I take these for granted. I forget that there are people (more so than my parents) that are there for me when I need help. Friends are people you can talk to when you need too, but I mean I have you guys too and I basically have no secrets but you know what I mean? Like I have someone who will talk back to me and tell me when I’m stupid but also make me smile and laugh when I need it.

I hope you guys know there are more people than you think that are there for you. There are people everywhere that care about you, please know that. People that you sit with in class, your parents, your siblings, anyone that you come in contact cares about you in someway. It’s amazing the things you realize when that people really care for you.

I hope someone makes you smile today/tomorrow/ whenever you read this. You deserve to be happy.

Thank you friends for loving me and caring for me.

XOXO,

Mary.

Relationships: Aspect 2- Control

Control in relationships is something that I see in a lot of relationships. Someone, male or female, presents his or herself as the dominant one in the relationships everywhere.

From personal experience, I was with a controlling boyfriend, and as soon as I realized it I ended it. I didn’t like it. He constantly wanted to know where I was, who I was with, and what I was doing. At age 16 that’s what I have parents for, not a boyfriend. I was supposed to be going on dates and having fun with my friends, not constantly checking my phone to answer every text he sent immediately. If I didn’t respond to every message even a “yeah” or an “okay” he would send the message three times and then ask me if I was mad or why I wasn’t answering. It was too much for me so I broke up with him.

I guess that might not have been as controlling as some relationships are, definitely not actually, however it does show how small my tolerance levels are. I’m going to look up warning signs of a controlling relationship (look at me doing research) since I don’t know too much about this subject, other than it’s sucky and unhealthy.  This also includes abuse. Abuse is not okay, sexual or physical. If anyone is ever touching you in a manner that is not a appropriate leave the relationship and seek help if need be. I shall leave number for help as well as website resources.

  1.  Rough Treatment. This could be as simple as grabbing your wrist a little too tight during an argument and could be as terrible as punching and kicking. This also includes things like throwing objects like glasses, books, etc. This is usually a recurring problem and will happen more than once. If you see this as a problem it’s best to leave sooner than later because it just get’s harder to get out of.
  2. Quick Attachment and Express. Love at first sight essentially. If someone is saying things like “I love you” and talking about marriage at the very start of a relationship it might escalate quickly and this is a definite warning sign of a controlling relationship. However, this may be hard to gauge now because I feel like people say “I love you” so quickly nowadays. The site (included at the bottom) also mentions that they might shower you with expensive gifts. It takes time to develop a serious relationship and a future, if someone is rushing things it might not be a very good relationship and there could be alternative motives in addition to a controlling relationship.
  3. Frightening Temper. The changes will be quick and out of nowhere. You may do one little thing “wrong” and your partner loses it.  At first this may only been seen with their reaction to things their family and friends, but that’s a warning sign to you. The way they treat other people is how they’re going to eventually treat you. It’s important to notice this before their actions start going against you.
  4. Destroys Self-Confidence. A controlling partner will try to eliminate any self-confidence that you hold. A person who lacks self-confidence is easier to manipulate, the easier you are to manipulate, the easier you are to control. If your partner tells you how ugly, fat, horrible, etc you look, they are diminishing your self-confidence. A person who really likes you will want you to know how beautiful you are, and they should build your self-confidence rather than destroy you.
  5. Separates you from your support group. If a partner tries to distance you from your friends and your family it’s probably not a healthy relationship. You should be able to hang out with those who care about you and you care about without a problem. It’s not normal for a partner to tell you about how much they dislike all of your friends as well as your family. They shouldn’t try to cut calls with your family short, or ask you to cancel plans with your friends to hang out with them instead. They may also always want to know where you are and they may not want you to be the places where you are. That’s not normal. You should be able to go where you want with who you want. Unless you’re doing something you morally shouldn’t but other than that you should be able to do what you want to do.
  6. Rapid mood changes. This means that your partner will go from mean to sweet in the blink of an eye. They will yell and scream and turn around and try and fix it by apologizing like crazy, trying to spoil you, but soon enough they will go right back to being awful. The awful parts will do things like rip at your self-esteem and they will slowly destroy you, even if you believe they are fixing it during their sweet phase, they aren’t, the damage is done.
  7. Blame game.  There is no way that every fight and argument is your fault, but if you are in a controlling relationship you might believe that you are to blame. Everytime. If someone is telling you that every fight is because of you, you are being controlled. There is no way that every single time that you argue it’s your fault. This even applies to things that they do wrong, if they cheat, if they break anything, if they get in an accident, if they get pulled over, they will blame all of that on you. It doesn’t even make sense, if they blame you for something that could never be your fault, leave. That’s a huge sign. Run.
  8. Breakup Scare. If you threaten to break up with them they will freak out. They will try to do everything to fix it. The idea of losing the “object” yes object, they look at you like a thing, of their control scares them. They will go as far as they need to try and win you back. At this point it’s best to leave and cut off all contact. This is not safe.

These are just a few of the signs that you are in a controlling relationship. If you find any of these in a relationship you are in, here is a website that helps you to get out of it and get advice http://www.thehotline.org/. This is for domestic abuse but sadly a controlling relationship is considered abuse, it may not always be physical but mental can be just as damaging. If you feel as if you need someone to talk to your age, my email is marysaverageadventures@gmail.com and I can try to give some advice, but it is more than likely that I will try and refer you to real help because I am not an expert whatsoever. This is also a really helpful website http://www.mentalhealthce.com/courses/contentCR/secCR16.html that I used for this post. Check it out as it gives slightly more detail than I did. If you think you are in an abusive or controlling relationship please try and get out of it. Get in touch with the hotline and there are even shelters set up for those who are in relationships like this. There are always better options, don’t settle for less than you deserve and NO ONE deserves to be controlled or abused.

Finally, I would just like to dedicate this post to my cousin. I don’t know what your story is anymore, but your family and I guess I’ll always still love you. I don’t know what’s going on in your life but I’m worried about you. I hope somehow you see this. I’m not sure how you will, but God will find a way.

Thanks for reading guys!

XOXO,

Mary.