One thing I try not to do on here is get too cheesy or cliche, but isn’t that what life is? One big cheesy cliche? In my opinion, yes that is exactly what life is like. I have recently started thinking about my future, but more in the sense of my personal life than career options. If you have been a reader for a while you may know my recent story about a bad guy who played me, if your new, find the post on it, I’m sure it’s mentioned in many, anyway because of that for a while I have been turned off to any idea of a relationship because of fear. Before him I was too tied up in a guy friend that used me to find any sort of relationship, and before that I had a bad boyfriend, and before that I had a good one who broke up with me. Literally my first, very pathetic, but first relationship was the only good and functional relationship I have been in. Anyway, that’s not the point, but because of my bad experiences I was always afraid of opening myself up to new people and letting other people in again. It’s really scary to do, for me it’s even scarier knowing that people out there who are basically strangers to me now, know so much about my life.
However, I’m to the point now where I realize I’m getting older, heck I’m turning 20 this year, which is crazy, I remember turning ten and thinking twenty was so far away, now it’s going to be here in seven months. This makes me think about what exactly I’ll be doing twenty years from now, I can’t even imagine turning 40, but someday I will, and it makes me wonder what my life will be like. When my mom turned 40 her and my dad went on a cruise just the two of them, I was starting my sophomore year, Sarah was going into middle school, and Julia was going into the fourth grade. To me that’s so weird that in double my age I could have kids in three different schools. To also think that I could have kids at all is crazy. I’m pretty independent and self-sufficient, however I don’t know if I could be taking care of a child anytime soon, let alone be thinking about starting a family. But I also don’t want to be alone twenty years from now, I think I might want to have a family. It’s weird that the next relationship I get in could be the last, but then again that’s a possibility with any relationship. Sometimes I think I want the fairy tale, the happily ever after, but the I think, really? Spending the next 40 so years with someone, that’s insane! I don’t know if I can do it. This whole someday thing is scary no matter how you look at it, in terms of personal life, career, everything. I think you go into college thinking that it’ll all just come to you, that every doubt you ever had will be at ease. That’s not what it’s like at all, it just gets worse. For example, today I’m saying that I could see myself with a family in ten years, however, tomorrow I could say I never want kids, I want to be alone my whole life. Someday I’ll figure it out I guess.
So sorry this isn’t a post about school, and sorry it’s really late, I was getting really good at putting them up earlier. Has anyone else thought about this? Well and I guess some of my readers are older too, so to my older readers, when did you figure it out? When did you know if you wanted a family? When did you know what career path you wanted? I’m curious because my life is the definition of lost right now. Include your responses in the comments please! Thanks for reading!