Panic attack

25 Days of Christmas: Day 4- Mental Health During the Holidays

MaryLeave a comment

As you probably know, mental health is something I struggle with, anxiety specifically. That’s part of the reason I’m behind on my 25 days of Christmas.

In general, this week was very busy for me. Aka I started going to the gym and I’m tired. Other than that, I’ve just been very anxious and a little depressed so I don’t really want to fake a smile for my blog writing. That’s why I should’ve gotten ahead like I originally planned, but hey life got in the way.

I’m sure it’s not just me that struggles with mental health during the holiday season. It’s when a lot of people’s seasonal affective disorders strike. For me, I think it’s combined with my period like it is every month, and then just the general idea that I’m supposed to be happy and cheery for the holiday season. This time of year I think is stressful for a lot of people, but that’s not why I’m anxious. I think it’s important to note that anxiety isn’t always tied to stress, sometimes it’s not tied to anything. Right now I think it’s really hormonal mixed with some stuff I don’t really overshare.

Hopefully, this ends with my period, and I can pick up with 25 Days of Christmas. If it doesn’t I’ll try my best but right now, I’m just going with the flow (lol). If you’re dealing with mental illness struggles during this season, just know you aren’t alone.

Late Night Blogging with Mary: Part 24

Mary1 Comment

late night blogging with mary

I hate the number 24, and I also hate that I chose to number this series. I always have to look up what number I’m at. Happy last three weeks of school which always suck.

I just made the mistake of looking at my planner and that was quite upsetting. I have so much to do and so little time. Deadlines are rapidly approaching and the semester is dwindling away. I can’t believe it’s already April. I am a mixture of very ready for summer and I need more time in this semester.

Currently, my blog sucks and summer I think will be the cure. I want to do some more adventure posts, I want to do a weekend trip to the beach, at least one, and I really just want to go somewhere new too. I would also like to clean out the nearly 200 drafts I have piled up, see what’s worth salvaging and what’s worth deleting. I just have such an issue with deleting my writing. I don’t know why. I’m trying to make it through the semester without getting too anxious, you know because I have complete control over that (sense the sarcasm). The last two weeks were filled with middle of the night panic attacks and what seems to be a case of strep throat.

I want to be better. I always want to be better and I think that’s why I have anxiety sometimes. There will always be something wrong with everything I do. I think most people would think that’s great, always wanting to be better, but for me, I just get hung up on everything I’m doing wrong. I don’t know. Brains are weird.

I’m mentally exhausted and it’s Monday.

Monday tip, only look at Monday on  your planner so you don’t cry.

signature

What To Do When You’re Anxious

Mary3 Comments

Anxiety is something that can strike at anytime, here are my tips on ways to handle anxiety and what you should do when your anxious.

  • If you can, leave the situation that’s making you anxious. This won’t always be the case, sometimes you’re at work or school or whatever else, but if you can leave. Remove yourself from the situation.
  • Take a nap. Anxiety attacks are physically exhausting. Your body releases adrenaline, which after an extreme release that can make you just exhausted. take a nap, it’ll help you feel better.
  • Take a shower. It’s very easy to not take a shower when you don’t want to do anything, however, you will feel so much better once you wash all of the anxious feeling right down the drain. It also is one step closer to getting yourself and life together.
  • Make a to-do list. I know this won’t help everyone, it might make some people feel more organized. Personally, I can better evaluate my life when I make lists, it helps me feel better, and as I cross things off the list it makes the anxiety lessen with each check mark.
  • Go on a walk/run/jog or do some exercise of some sort. A lot of people find yoga really helpful. Personally, I am not an athletic person at all, but I do find it very therapeutic to sprint as far as I can just to get all of my anxious feelings out.

What do you do when you’re anxious? These are really just some of my best tips on what to do when your anxious!

signature

Sucky Day

Mary2 Comments

I had a really good post planned and started for today that I was going to finish when I got home from work, however, life is often unpredictable and sometimes it just takes a dump on you all at once. I’m really just upset and not doing well at all. I had a terrible panic attack today at work, so bad I actually had to run outside of the building. Now here I am not finishing that post that will be good because I want it to be good. For now you are just going to have to deal with another post about anxiety and how I feel like it’s ruining my life.

I woke up this morning shaking, I wasn’t cold so I was like okay this isn’t good. I was with friends so I just kind of shrugged it off, we went to breakfast and I ordered coffee (probably a really bad idea on my part) and it didn’t get any better, but then I just blamed it on the coffee. When I got home I couldn’t stop shaking and I figured okay I’m anxious, I’ll be fine. I got to work and I was doing fine, still really shaky but I was managing, then I lost it. I was washing my hands just trying to calm down, saying to myself “Mary you’re safe, nothing is wrong, you are going to be okay. Deep breaths, blink those tears away, deep breaths.” However, it did not work at all, the breaths only got shallower and the tears only came down harder. Before I knew it I was hardly breathing yelling at my manager I had to go outside and I just left. I sat in the corner in the shade for probably about ten minutes just trying to calm down and went back to work. Then on my break I got all worked up again and had another episode, well two actually. I went back to work and stayed until ten then came home and got upset again while writing this and reliving my day.

I hate how I can go from having good days to the worst days. Hopefully tomorrow is better because I have church and a business meeting that I’m sure my friends won’t be too happy with me if I cancel last minute with them.

If it wasn’t for blogging everyday, trust me I wouldn’t be sharing this. Tomorrow (if it’s a good day) I’ll finish my good post. Promise. I’m sorry if I’ve been disappointing anyone lately, I’ve been disappointing myself.

XOXO,

Mary.

Random Advice

MaryLeave a comment

Okay so currently I am struggling with my mind and I feel like I’m going crazy. Well yes obviously this is a sign of a panic attack so my original post is changing because the formatting of my blog is stressing me out a little bit and I don’t want to give a shitty haul just because things aren’t working out the way I want them to. My computer also has a virus which is greatly affecting my ability to concentrate. I also just rearranged my room since my roommate is now gone and I can make more space for myself but I didn’t finish, I had a blog post and homework looming over my head and all of the sudden the lack of organization is stressing me out a lot. So I’m going to give you guys some advice so you never have to feel like I do right now.

  • Never google coupons for Forever 21 and click on links trying to find them. Yes, that’s how my computer got I virus I believe.
  • Stay organized. Don’t let yourself get too out of hand.
  • Don’t procrastinate.
  • When you spill something clean it up, because I’ve been dealing with that sort of stuff all night.
  • Do your dishes right after you use them.
  • Don’t throw up in the shower at night and leave the whole floor the next morning (yes someone on my floor did this last night and I could not be more upset about it since the whole bathroom reeks of vomit)/
  • Ask for help when you need it.
  • Try and remember to breathe even when it gets really hard. Take deep breaths and think of everything good in your life.
  • Cry if you have to.
  • Call your mom whenever you need to, it’s much better than texting.
  • Tell your dad funny or ironic things that happen throughout your day, even if he doesn’t think they are he’ll pretend.
  • Remind your younger siblings how proud you are of them.
  • Tell your friends you appreciate them when you’re being a real pain in the ass.

Yes so that’s what I have for tonight but I challenge everyone to do (or not do) something on this list this week. Good luck to all of you.

XOXO

Mary.

P.S. THIS IS SUPER SERIOUS  I NEED HELP FORMATTING MY BLOG! I AM DESPERATE! PLEASE SOMEONE GIVE ME A GOOD FREE THEME TO USE THAT WILL CENTER MY PICTURES AND LISTS NOT JUST MY PARAGRAPHS. I WOULD ALSO LIKE IT TO BE PRETTY IF AT ALL POSSIBLE! I REALLY NEED HELP WITH THIS I KEEP GETTING VERY FRUSTRATING AND OVERWHELMED.

How Anxiety Feels to Me

Mary5 Comments

So as I’m writing this I’m about to have a panic attack and I’m not sure why, so why not write it all down and share it with you guys so I can better explain it. This is hard to write because I’m shaking so badly, my arms are tingling, my eyes are swelling up with tears, my lungs feel like they can’t get enough air. Soon I might start shaking uncontrollably, sob, or if I’m lucky it will just stop.  Then once that’s over I’ll feel so tired to the point where I can hardly keep my eyes open. The longer it takes me to write this, the more uncomfortable I get. The hair tie that has been on my wrist all day, just had to e thrown onto my desk because the tightness of it finally got to me. I feel like I have to take deep breaths just to get air into my lungs. The little noises my roommate is making with some sort of box or something is driving me insane. The fact that noise is only coming out of one of my earbuds is becoming more and more noticeable. I’m scratching at my skin to because suddenly it’s too tight. I’m ripping at my hang nails in between sentences because the extra skin is driving me crazy. My bush like hair is tickling my face and I’m wondering how long it’s going to be until I have to put it up. The bathroom stall doors keep closing and slamming and it’s starting to affect my concentration. I can tell by now that it’s not going to get any better anytime soon. My uneven breathing pattern is starting to bother me, the fact that my headphone strand is touching m skin is driving me crazy. More tears are swelling up in my eyes, but I’m growing tired, so maybe that means it’s almost over. Anything that has bothered me all day is currently being amplified in my head. The longer I sit here the more I want to go to bed. The little red lines underneath the word “earbuds” is all I can see on this page. I don’t know what else to put here because my mind is getting cloudier, the shaking is worsening, my chest is getting tighter, and I can’t focus on the words anymore. So I thought maybe I could give you an extra post today because this happened. I’m not sharing this anywhere besides here because I don’t need Facebook and Twitter knowing about how bad this is.

XOXO

Mary

No trivia since this is the second post of today.