Majoring in “I Don’t Know What to Do”

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about how I don’t have a thing. There’s never been one thing that I’m really good at and just sticks with me. I haven’t found what a lot of people would call, their calling with what to do with the rest of their life. Here I am, obsessed with social media, but that’s not a calling, it’s just an interest. I’m not exceptionally good at social media by any means. Just above 200 followers on Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr, that’s not excelling, that’s about average, slightly more on Instagram, slightly less on Tumblr. Here I have the most, around the mid 400s but this hasn’t changed in nearly a year. I’m becoming stagnant.

I think in life I’ve always just wanted to have a “thing” something that I’m just really good at. I know that everyone doesn’t have a thing, I just wish that I did. I’m a Communication Arts major which means it’s something I would say is questioned more often than a lot of majors. I never ask a bio major why they’re a bio major, I just assume that they’ll do research or go to med school. And maybe because I don’t ask, I’m just assuming that they aren’t asked why they’re a bio major, but I’m constantly asked why I’m a communications major. I have a feeling it’s because no 5-year-old girl says that she wants to run IHOP’s Twitter.

When it comes to my answer, it’s often times not acceptable for people. I usually say, well I don’t want to teach, and I only want to learn about post Civil War, so I can’t be a history major.  There’s just nothing that’s ever really stuck out to me, communications has offered the most options for me. For a while I was headed towards political science, however, I just find it so exhausting to argue. There’s just always been something wrong with everything else, so what it comes down to, is I’m a communications major because I don’t know what else to do.

I once told the career center that, they were not pleased. They suggested I change my major, which pushed me to never want to talk to them again about anything. I’m majoring in “I don’t know what to do” is that okay?

I know I go back and forth on topics like this all the time. It’s just that recently I think I’m seeing more and more people fall into their place in life and I just seem to not be able to find that spot for myself. Like yes, I’m excited that I’ll be able to get a job essentially anywhere after college, I just keep questioning if it’s something I want to be doing. I guess  it is since I can’t picture myself doing anything else.

I just feel like I’m in a worldly limbo of almost being finished with my major, but not quite ready to face the world with the choices I’ve made. I still have a year until graduation but I feel like I need more time.

I don’t know. I just needed to get these thoughts out. In a week I’m sure I’ll be back to being thrilled with my choice to be a Communication Arts major, however, today I just wish I had more options. I just don’t know what I would want those options to be.

Anyone else feel the same way? Please tell me I’m not alone.



A Planner.

I’m a planner, and I’m pretty sure this drives just about everyone in my life a little bit nuts. I’m not a spontaneous kind of person, like sure a spontaneous trip to the mall cool, but I’m not good when I know something’s happening but there’s no plans for it. This is why I freak out about the future. Anyway, since I’m a planner something I plan on doing is having every person I love and cherish in my life forever. This is a mistake my friends.

While it might be nice to plan on having Jane from kindergarten at your wedding, yet she moved in the first grade and you haven’t seen her since, it’s pretty impractical that every person you have ever met in your life forever. I think this is particularly hard, well at least for me, when certain people have had such a large impact on your life. Now, no, I’m not one of those girls with a wedding board on Pinterest (feel free to follow me @mrmilligan13), but if I do get married, I expect all of my friends now to be there. Yet, a few months ago I wrote a letter to myself on the occasion if I ever do get married, and someone I mentioned in there is no longer a part of my life, and there are also a few more people now who mean a lot more to me.

I always count on having my friends there for me. I assume that when I’m 87 years old that one of my friends will be in my nursing home, assuming and hoping I didn’t out live them all. I assume and have the idea that once someone in my life is there, they’re going to stay there. I don’t know why I would ever count on anyone leaving. My planning mind plans for these people to always be there no matter what the situation that those I love and care for will always be there for me. I don’t know why I would think anything else.

I think that if the day comes and I either birth a child (probably not) or adopt (a lot more likely) that I’ll call Lindsay and tell her about the funny stuff it says or that I’ll share the gross vomit story with Zoe. I don’t expect that people are going to leave my life and unless something they do or say hurts me or someone else I care about I won’t leave theirs either.

This accounts for disappointment sometimes, especially when you count on someone being there for you and they aren’t. When I lose a friend I obviously take it very personally. Contrary to what people may think of me, it takes a lot in me to cut someone out of my life, no matter how good it is for my mental well being. It takes a lot for me to just give up on someone. It takes a lot in me to just not care anymore. It obviously takes a lot just to walk out of someone’s life when you’re counting on them being there for every event to come. Yet, it is nice to think that in the coming years my true friends will emerge, if not already, the high school drama that’s carried into college will hopefully fade, and friends will just be friends not pieces of a board game.


College, The Debate

So I’ve been at college now for a little over six months, that however does not make me any sort of expert, but I have realized certain things not only about myself but the institution as a whole. Once upon a time I strongly believed that you could not be successful without a college degree unless you wanted to be in some sort of spotlight. This is not true, there are plenty of professions that you can advance in without a college degree, one I recently found out about is banking. There are also many managerial positions in a variety of fields that one can climb the chain of command to obtain. There are paths to successful lives without a college degree.

For me I always looked forward to high school graduation to go to college. It wasn’t until about half way through my senior year that I considered differing a year and taking a gap year. This is actually only one of my best friends Katie knows, so surprise mom and dad, I thought about taking a gap year. Anyway, I obviously didn’t do that, mostly because I was afraid that I would never go back and end up stuck at a dead end job the rest of my life. I believe, no matter how hard it is sometimes, that I did make the right decision to go to college, but really it’s not for everyone. I remember going through the college search and everyone asking me “Can you see yourself there in two years?” and my answer was always no to that specific college, however I still saw myself in college. So I went (came?) and I’m still here.

To be honest, I really don’t think college is for everyone. Obviously if one of my sisters told me they didn’t want to college I would worry for their futures, mostly because I would like to mooch off of them one day (that’s joke), however I would support them. I think a lot of successful people are going to start emerging without college degrees soon. I mean, there are bundles of successful bloggers who are making money and a lot of them are still in college. What it all comes down to, is the question of whether or not you want to do it. It’s a personal thing. I believe that if you have the mindset and passion to do something you’ll do whatever it takes to get it, you’ll be able to reach your goal.

Okay so that’s it for today. I think one of my friends is going to help me with blogvention but I’m open to more! So let me know  if you are interested in helping and planning!



More than a Weekly Update!

So what happened this week in my life? Well two snow days, I swear they only happen on the days I get to sleep in already but instead they wake me up at 6 am with the call to let me know. Other than that, nothing super productive unfortunately. I became addicted to the show Weeds (it’s on Netflix, watch it), is that productive?  I did however plan out every post for every day of February which made me feel really organized (more to come on blogging stuff later). I went home this weekend because it is my beautiful younger sisters birthday tomorrow, I can’t believe she is turning 16.  I did some Target shopping and I collected some things in a Forever 21 online shopping bag, just haven’t ordered it yet.  Anyway, I had to drive back in the snow today, which was awful. So now I’m back at school where I have already worked on homework for three and a half hours, and I still have more to do so that’s great.

This coming week, what is going on? I have no idea. I know that Katie may or may not be visiting this weekend, I really hope she is. Either way I know I will be heading to Target on Saturday to get the after Valentines Day sales on chocolate. If Katie comes we’re going to go to Rockville and maybe DC, we shall see what happens. Other than that I have my basic weekly chores, homework, papers, lab reports, the list goes on and on. My biggest thing right now is trying and getting my Model UN paper done, but I still have two more topics to read through so I’m not really looking forward to that, I like the arguing my place parts, not the writing down my position part.

Okay so what I really wanted to share with you guys is some stuff that I want to start doing on here, and I would like your input if at all possible. The first thing is review products, shops on sites like etsy, and even shows and movies on Netflix. This is something I really want to do just because I love reading them and I find them really helpful as well, they’re something I’m always looking up so I’m going to try it and see how it goes. Now one project that I’m seriously considering is a lookbook and that will either be here or on my YouTube channel, I’m not sure which yet but I really want to do one so I have to try and get one of my friends to help me with it. Also, next thing, something I want to try and do is get more involved in the blogging community, so to come on here today and have two comments from two amazing bloggers made my day (don’t worry, I’ll mention them soon with links!). Some days I get really discouraged when a post doesn’t get any likes, but then I stop and think to myself, that’s not what I’m here for, I’m here to share my story and put stuff out there for other people to take in if they want. I had my blog for five months before I shared it with anyone outside of a very few close friends, and that was a big step for me, but the people like my uncle and my parents who get it emailed to them daily have been nothing but supportive. Then to get texts, tweets, facebook messages, and even family members coming up to me to let me know that they are impressed or happy with this makes it totally worth it and I’m glad I decided to share this with the world. I can’t wait to see where this brings me. So yeah this just got super sappy, way to go Mary. So thanks to all of you reading this right now, it means a lot.



And We’re Updating Again!

Well this week feels like it’s been forever and there’s a ton of stuff to catch you guys up on but I’m probably wrong, so let’s look at what happened this week. Monday I returned to school, unpacked (kinda) caught up with some people and that was about it. My roommate also informed me that she’s moving out and I’ll be getting a single soon. I have mixed feelings on this, it will be really nice to have my own room, however, it just leaves me to not socialize at all too and that can be bad. Anyway, on Tuesday we had the wonderful gift of a snowstorm and it gave us the first day of classes off. I spent the day trying to get ahead on some blog posts and with lots of Netflix and dinner with some friends. Wednesday came rather quickly and I didn’t want it to come, fortunately, going to school below the Mason Dixon Line, although not far, they can’t deal with snow, so we had a delay and my first class was cancelled so I only had one in the afternoon, so that was nice as well. I will go further into my school schedule tomorrow on Monday school stuff. So Thursday and Friday came as regular days both busy with classes and seeing friends. Friday I have my bio lab until 5pm which is unfortunate, but funny story, I almost threw up because she had us eating BABY FOOD! And I’m not sure if I’ve ever told you guys but I’m a super picky eater, like I can’t even eat mashed potatoes without gagging, so yeah baby food is going to go over really well, I warned them though. So yeah embarrassing Mary moment of the week, yay! Well anyway, Saturday came finally, thank goodness! I had a pretty good day to be honest. I hung out with my friends Meaghan and Zoe, we went to see Frozen and got some Sheetz. I consider that a successful day.  Today came and Meag and I went to church, got brunch, and then I had a wonderful day of homework and studying, yay! And that was basically this week in a nutshell.

Now what does this week have in store? I don’t even know… Okay so, I obviously have class every day, everyone pray for snow in Maryland, okay?  Anyway, other than that I go back to tutoring this week, yay! I actually miss her bunches so I can’t wait. What else do I have… I’m going to the movies with my friend Ashlee next weekend, as well as I think I will be having lunch with her Thursday, which is always nice since she’s a commuter and isn’t around as often as some of my other friends. Other than that I might be helping my roommate move out, some of my friends might come over to help me rearrange the room to make the most space as possible, but that’s about it. It’s kind of disappointing getting back to school and my plans get smaller and less frequent and I miss the busy life. Oh well.

Anyway, that’s it, and I’m also unsure of my trivia again so sorry, none of that again.



The Plan

So guys I just wanted to share with you the “plan” for my blog for the next year and I really hope I can manage it. If you read my New Years goals you may know that I plan on blogging daily which I try to do already, however my posts really have no structure and I want to change that, or at least a little bit and I would like to share the weekly schedule I hope to keep with you guys so I am more likely to do so. However, if it doesn’t work out I’m going to let you guys know and I’m going to go back to the regular no structured schedule again, and to go along with this note if I don’t feel like following a schedule just for a day I’m not going to do it. So here is my attempted schedule:

Sundays: Previous week reflection and what the new week has in store and any days I might not be posting.

Mondays: School life, classes, and any topic that involves school.

Tuesdays: Tag Tuesdays and Sometimes Serious Tuesdays! Now this probably will alternate with serious posts because there aren’t that many tags that I want to do and I know they aren’t the most popular posts either but I like to do them.

Wednesdays: Weird Wednesdays, and this is going to be weird stories about my life or things that happen to me while I’m out, other than that I’m not sure what else these will contain.

Thursdays: Rant day, and boy are those plentiful, I’m sure you guys can guess what these are going to be like.

Fridays: Random! These are going to be the days where I just kind of go off and write about whatever I want like I do now.

Saturdays: Adventure days, if I go somewhere during the week or that day or somewhere I’ve been in the past.

Well I hope you guys had fun New Years celebrations and I can’t wait to see what 2014 has in store for me. If you have any input on my categories or something you want to see in them please please please let me know! That would mean the world to me, I love comments! Can’t wait to start writing tomorrow!



My Future…

So guys something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately is the future.

What I really want to do is after college get hired by an NGO and go to places in Africa, the Middle East, and India to teach English and just help improve the quality of life for those less fortunate than myself. After I’m done travelling over seas, because you can really only do that for so long, I want to either work in one of the offices or just make a career out of blogging, which I highly doubt is possible.

Now many of you may be thinking- what about marriage? Children? Well the truth is I don’t know.  To be honest, I can’t see myself tolerating someone long enough to marry them. It takes a lot for me to make friends, let alone a boyfriend. Also with the whole kid thing, I don’t really want anything that big coming out of my… Well you know where I’m going with this. Anyway, if I ever have kids they will probably be adopted just because I don’t think I could do that. Also, I’d rather just watch my friends kids, like I could watch them, buy them cool stuff, and then leave. I wouldn’t actually have to always be responsible for them.  I could also be the cool aunt for my sisters’ kids.  As of now that’s kind of the plan. So yeah. Just thought I’d share this tidbit of information with you guys. What do you want to do with your lives? What are you college/life/career plans? Feel free to comment, I love to hear about that stuff!

Thanks for reading.



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