Dating Diaries: Waiting Until Marriage

Family who reads my blog– please do not feel obligated by any means to read this post as I will be talking about sex quite candidly.

This is one of the hardest blog posts I’ve ever had to write because it’s such an unpopular choice that I have made. I don’t know when I made the conscious decision to do so, it’s just something that I decided I was going to do: I am going to wait until I’m married to have sex.

This makes dating complicated. We live in an extremely sexualized world. There are apps people use for the sole purpose of finding someone to have sex with. Then there’s me, making the extremely unpopular decision to wait. So why have I decided to keep the promise I’ve made to myself? To be quite honest, the decision started because I’m religious but I’m no longer doing it because of that. It is one part because it weeds out a lot of really shitty guys. If he gets annoyed about your wait to want or even tries to convince you to do otherwise you know he’s not even worth the slightest amount of time.

Aside from the benefits of weeding the shits out, it’s still not an easy conversation to have with anyone. There never seems to be a right time or place to blurt out “I’m a virgin and I’m staying like that until my wedding night.” In the past, I’ve found it easiest to say while intoxicated, but that’s just really not bright because it’s more than that. It revolves around boundaries and decisions that you have to be grown up enough to talk about. It’s  not fun, but it’s important.

Here’s my advice to anyone sitting down to have the conversation, just do it. I usually start by saying, “I really like you and I hope this isn’t going to change anything, but I’m waiting to have sex until I’m married.” After that, it’s hopefully a conversation, or at least he’s respectful of your choice. Every now and again you might meet someone who has the same plan, but for me, it’s been few and far between. It’s only impacted a relationship once or twice, but if I’m being honest I like to wait for them to get at least a little attached. The only downside to that is I also get attached. The sooner the better, but it’s also important for you to go with what you are comfortable with.

I’m not writing this post for other people to make the same choice that I have. It’s hard and it’s not for everyone. Due to my anxiety and severe commitment but also extreme attachment issues, it wouldn’t be smart for me to do. So I’m doing what I can for my Lord by saving myself, but that’s not all of it. It’s so much more than that.

What are your thoughts? Any other waiters out there? How do you have the conversation? One, a few, ongoing?

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Spreading God’s Word versus Shoving it Down Your Throat

Growing up as a Catholic in Lancaster County I was the minority when it came to religions, often times being told I wasn’t a Christian. I am, trust me I would know, not those who told me I wasn’t because I’m pretty sure the only thing they knew about Catholicism was that “we eat Jesus”. Because of this very slight difference in beliefs (I would like to point out here that Catholicism was the first form of Christianity, which history proves that it was but people still don’t believe me) sometimes I was a target to be “saved” and that just made me hate that term. I can’t even tell you how many times I was asked that. Okay I’m getting off track, anyway,  I would just like to point out a difference between spreading God’s Word and shoving it down someone’s throat.

As a Christian I understand that you want and you should share God’s Word and love with those around you but you shouldn’t just go up to random people and tell them that if they refuse Jesus they are condemned to hell. Well first of all, no one can condemn anyone to hell BUT GOD HIMSELF that is His business, not ours. It’s not our place to act like there’s a seat in Heaven with our name in it, that’s not how it works. We have to work to get there and in the end it’s all up to God. I don’t go around acting like I know it all because I don’t, God does. When it comes to shoving down your beliefs down someone’s throat, I just think you should know that you aren’t doing anyone any favors, the chances of someone turning to God when it is being forced upon them are slim. The more you try to force something onto someone there’s a smaller chance of them actually wanting to do something about it.

There’s a huge difference between having a civil conversation with someone about religion and trying to force them to become and believe what you believe. Personally if someone opens up to you with something and they ask for help, you can ask if it’s okay if you pray for them, pray for them either way but don’t just march up to someone and pronounce that you’ll pray for them out of nowhere. I find that so rude, it’s one of my biggest pet peeves, it makes me feel as if you’re judging me. Have open discussions with people, talk about what they believe too, have a two-way discussion, don’t just shut them and what they think out, you won’t get anywhere.

Be careful with how you share God’s Word if you really want to help people, trying to force your beliefs on them is not going to work.

XOXO,

Mary.