Trying to Date as 20-Something

Dating sucks and I hate it. I hate the start of relationships where you have to get to know someone and trying to figure out the way they think, how to understand them, and just all those little things. I can’t think of anything about dating that I like. I can’t even count the number of times in a week where I want to call my mom and ask her to just arrange my marriage.

I was recently ghosted. Or maybe that’s still an occurring thing. I don’t really know how long of a process that typically is, but all I know is that I’m pretty pissed about it. Like really, you’re in your twenties, I’m willing to have a conversation, so let’s talk about it. I find myself to be a reasonable person, and ghosting makes me totally unreasonable. So to the guy that’s ghosting/ghosted me, if you’re reading this, I’m a catch and because of your unwillingness to have a conversation with me, you’re missing out boy. Also mom and dad- I don’t want to talk about it. I would be lying if I said I’ve never ghosted anyone, I mean I tried. I was unsuccessful because I feel like shit leaving someone in the dark like that.

I know that I’m a relatively easy person to date (at least in my opinion). I don’t require fancy dates (my favorite places are IHOP and Target) or even that much attention, a text a day suffices for me. However, I never seem to be enough for the boys that  pay attention to me, or I require too much. Honestly, the last guy who was actually my boyfriend couldn’t do enough for me so I broke up with him. That sounds really shitty, but he complained if I asked to go on a walk around the park, not even if we could get a coffee.

So I don’t understand why I find dating so complicated. I sometimes feel as if I have convoluted ideas behind dating. I can be quoted of saying “Did I miss the day in school where everyone learned to talk to people they’re attracted to?” Other than my lack of flirtation skills, I can’t get a guy to notice me. Well, I can, just not the ones that I want to, and I don’t know why that is.

I feel like I’m starting to get a little side-tracked (naturally) in this post. Really, the thing is, there is not one good thing about dating in your twenties. Tinder sucks and it’s how to meet some really shitty people. I would be curious to know if anyone has actually had good, continued success on the app, because I would say I had brief and okay success but now I will never use it again.

I’m not one to blame things on social media because I love it more than most other things. However, it does make dating harder. It makes reading into someone’s personal life a lot easier and actually talking to someone a lot more difficult. Like, if I just start seeing someone I am not about to tweet some T-Swift lyrics because that’s unfortunately the kind of thing that freaks guys out whether or not it has anything to do with them. They might not even follow me on social media yet and I won’t tweet it just in case they decide to creep. Fortunately, I’m not the type to get mad if a guy likes another girl’s picture, or retweets something, but there are people that get into actual fights over such things. While, I may find that little bit out there, it’s a real problem. Social media might be hurting our dating lives.

On the other hand, social media has done this awesome thing that it usually does, which is bring people together. I am curious to know if that works for people. I know a girl who started dating someone on Instagram, like they had mutual friends (I think) and they hit it off through comments. To me, that’s kinda crazy and I don’t think that happens a lot, but maybe I’m wrong. My goal is that an attractive man will see how hilarious I am on Twitter and slide into my DMs, I doubt it will happen but a girl can dream.

At the end of the day, my thoughts behind dating is that it sucks and I want an arranged marriage. No, not really, but it does suck. They’re are too many ways for it to go downhill. For someone like me, that is a tough thing to grasp sometimes. Post-graduation I would really like to have a steady man in my life that likes me and treats me well. Preferably, he has aspirations of things and goals he will obtain. Obviously, I’ll keep you posted on any male suiters (only after they know about the blog and they stick around past the “dating” phase of things).

What do you think about dating as a twenty-something?

Advertisements

Late Night Blogging with Mary: Part 19

late night blogging with mary

It’s been officially over a month since I’ve done an LNBM, which means that bloggers block is fading away, we will see if that sticks once school picks up on Monday. Eek. However, because of that, I feel  like there hasn’t been a life update in a while.

I start classes on Monday, that’s insane. My break has flashed by in the blink of an eye, which is good and bad. Good because I hate waiting for things, bad because I didn’t get to do half the things I wanted to do. That’s partially because I got way more hours over break than I did over the summer, which is really good, but I’m also very tired.

Also, I can’t believe I’m going back to my school tomorrow. I spent all of last semester saying to my friends “oh I don’t go there” to be funny, but like now it feels almost weird to be going back. I’m afraid I’m not going to know anyone, which is stupid because my school has like just over a thousand students, so that’s only like 300 or so that I won’t recognize. However, I also switched buildings, which I realize I’m about to sound very stupid, but there’s like a whole new system I have to learn. I don’t know which showers to use, there’s going to be different people in the halls, it’s just going to be different. It feels kind of weird just walking into school in the middle of the year, I know it’s a new semester, it just feels strange.

I am so excited for a routine again. I have a babysitting job lined up for next semester. I just have schedule that will be generally the same everyday and I’m really looking forward to it. There’s something that I really look forward to about starting back up again. While there are certain classes that I’m really nervous about, there are also a lot that I’m really excited for. I’m glad that I’m finally done with all of my gen eds and I’m finally like moving up into just classes for my major and then classes I actually want to take.

I guess this post could have been called “back to school” but it’s past 7 pm so it’s technically LNBM. When do you go back to school? Some people are already back, some people still have a week or two, they took a week away from us, so I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little upset, but maybe it’s for the best!

Okay, now it’s bed time, I’m leaving at 7 am tomorrow!

signature

Happy Thanksgiving!

Untitled

Happy Thanksgiving! To be quite honest, it does not feel like Thanksgiving, I went to class today. However, my family is almost back to Dublin! I don’t think I mentioned at all yet that they have been visiting this week which I’m so thankful for, it’s so nice to have them here for the holiday because it’s my favorite holiday and if they weren’t here I would be super homesick.

Anyway, I’ve been doing really good with blogging recently, I hope to keep it that way. I’ll be doing a LNBM for an update probably one day this week. For today I just want to share what I’m thankful for.

  • My parents. If it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t be studying abroad, I wouldn’t have traveled nearly as much as I have been. They are so supportive and encouraging of me, and I would like them to know how much I appreciate and how grateful and thankful I really am.
  • My sisters. While they drive me crazy, I love having two sisters. They are so supportive and always there when I need them.
  • The rest of my family. I think I am very blessed in the family department. I’m really missing all of them today.
  • My old friends. I have the absolute best friends, from college, from home, from the internet. Every day I am reminded that I am so blessed for the friends that I have. It’s nice to know wherever I go, someone is always there for me.
  • My new friends. They have made my trip here amazing, the experience even more special than I expected it. Now I have friends throughout the whole US which is pretty amazing.
  • My corner of the internet. Whenever I’m having an off day I have this place that I can come and write my feelings out, not judged, with people who can relate.
  • My school and studying abroad. I know that I am extremely fortunate to be receiving a level of higher education, and more specifically this semester, to be so lucky travel abroad and see the world.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope you have a great day with your friends and family. Even if you aren’t celebrating take a minute to remember what you are thankful for today! Hope you all have a fantastic Thanksgiving!

signature

Late Night Blogging with Mary: Part 14

late night blogging with mary

I just want to be creative but it’s midnight and I’m tired. Also I’ve lost the ability to be creative.

I left my todo list paper at home and that was a huge mistake because I need to make one. I’ve only had one week of classes and I feel like I have no control over my life already, maybe that’s because I have too much control. They just let you go to whatever classes you want to go to for the first two weeks. For me this is too much to think about, they don’t want me to be in the right classes, so I’m just doing in anyway, at this point. I’m going to the classes I was approved for at home and they can “encourage” me differently.  I’m just stressed and want a set schedule with set assignments and things I’m supposed to be doing. I feel like I need to get my life together.

I started watching “How to Get Away with Murder” it’s very dramatic. I’m not sure how I feel about it yet, I just want to know what happens. I think that’s why I tend to like shows that have already concluded or movies better because I have more immediate gratification and I hate waiting. I’m very impatient, I crave immediate gratification.

The one thing I have really liked this week is just exploring the city. Since I’ve been here before I always felt confident with it, however, I’m now realizing it’s a lot bigger than I originally had thought. I really like that though, I like finding more things to explore, more places to see, I like falling in love with new places. Tomorrow my adventure will be to find some good paper for a todo list before I go crazy.

I’m exhausted after a long week, and I know it’s not late night back home yet, but it’s pretty late here so I’m going to bed (okay maybe after this episode).

signature

Leaving: Packing and Goodbyes

I write this post every year. This year it’s late. It’s also very different. I’ve already said goodbye to most people at home because, well they already left. I’m going to school next weekend to say the bulk of my goodbyes.

The past two years I was so afraid of leaving. My first year, I was nervous, I didn’t know anyone, I was essentially starting over, I was excited, but obviously a little afraid of moving out of my comfort zone. Last year, I was ready to go back, but I wasn’t ready to leave my friends at home. This year, I’ve spent a good amount of time visiting school where Logan stayed and Eric lived near by, and seeing other friends that were more local. I saw them more than I saw some people that I live within five miles of, which isn’t a bad thing, it’s just different than what I’m used to.

This year, I’m so excited to leave. Maybe because it’s because all of my friends are already gone or maybe it’s because I’m about to go on a huge adventure. Either way. I’m so ready for school this years. Goodbyes are different, they have to last a little bit longer and I’m saying it to different people, people who mean a lot to me, not to say the people I usually say goodbye to aren’t important, because they are. It’s just so different.

The packing is different too, that’s for sure. One checked bag, one carry on, and a backpack. That’s a lot less than what I bring to my dorm. My key word is consolidation. I’ve taken so much out, it’s kind of ridiculous. Like I’ll pack some stuff, and then I’ll think “What am I thinking! I don’t need half of this!” and I take it out, that’s good and bad I’m sure. At this point I’m figuring, whatever I still need I can just get there. I think I have the essentials. When I go to Hood I just pack anything I might need just in case because I like to be prepared, however, I do not have the luxury.

As I wrote this post tonight, I looked back on my old posts. Which is insane. My first post ever, in 2013 was posted to this blog August 23, but was written well before that. Last year is much more similar to now, but still so different. Things are just different. Not a bad different, a really good different.

So here’s to a good 2015-2016 school year. I’m leaving and saying goodbye (in two weeks).

signature

Busy Day!

Today  I made the trek to Maryland, okay like the two hour drive, but it was long. First, of course we stopped at Dunkin Donuts, and my best friend Hannah and her mom joined us which was nice since she goes to school very far away.

We got here I want to say at around 11 but I think it might have been later. I only really let my parents help me unpack my clothes so after that we went to lunch at my favorite restaurant downtown and then they dropped me off. Per usual it got emotional, but after they left I finished all of my unpacking. I didn’t let piles of stuff lay around for days like I typically do, isn’t that impressive? The only thing I have to do is hang up some pictures with the heavy duty command strips which I have to buy. Once that’s done, I’m going to do a little room tour thing, not yet, but soon.

After that I got to see my friends Rachel and Zoe that I haven’t seen since last semester. I got dinner with Zoe and then went to Rachel’s room for a little bit. Zoe came over and we watched Criminal Minds for two hours. All in all it’s been a good day, but not enough time for a good blog post.

Has anyone else returned yet? Good luck on your new semester!

XOXO,

Mary.

Am I looking forward to returning to college?

The question that I’ve been asked every day since I got home was whether or not I was looking forward to returning to college or not, and I am, but there are parts I’m not looking forward to either. I am so excited to see all of my friends, watch more Netflix, sleep better, get back to a better routine basically. At home I think it’s so easy for me to get off track and stay up late and get up early when at college I feel like I have to properly function to succeed so I focus my energy better. I also haven’t seen most of  my friends in a few months so it will be nice to see them again and catch up and hang out again. I’m also very tired of the smell of cow shit, so it will be nice to smell anything but that for a while. It’ll also be nice to be in a busier area, I like that vibe more.

The major thing that I’m not looking forward to is feeling like an outcast everywhere I go. I go to a very small school and I often feel like I just don’t share the same interests as a lot of the people that I’m even friends with at school. That’s okay and I love all of my friends, but on days when everyone is getting drunk I wish I had someone who would just rather watch Netflix and eat french fries with me instead.

College can put a pressure on just about anyone to do things they aren’t comfortable with, and for someone like myself who doesn’t necessarily let people sway their opinion I feel as though it’s hard to fit in sometimes. I don’t want to drink or party or hookup, and sometimes I feel like that means I don’t fit in. On heavy drinking nights around campus I either sit alone or go and sit with the drunk people, which is funny for a little bit but it gets old as soon as people start to get loud or sloppy.

I do love all of my friends and for the most part I am looking forward to going back to college I just can’t help but feel a little outsiderish just because I don’t want to drink, etc. I’m not going to give up my morals just because I want to fit in, that’s not who I am. Who knows what will happen with friends, maybe I’ll make some new ones this year.

XOXO,

Mary.

The Quarter Life Crisis

If you know me in real life I have probably freaked out about this to you about a million times, it’s something I like to call a quarter life crisis, like a mid life crisis, except I’m not there yet. Hopefully. I’ve heard this referred to as a existential crisis as well, however, I made this term up before I really knew what that was. In exactly two months and one day I will be turning 20, approximately a quarter of my life will be completed, and what do I have to show for it? A high school diploma. I’ve spent over two thousand days in school, countless more if you add up the hours spent on homework  and studying, and I still have three more years left. In that three years I will decide what I’m going to do for the last three quarters of my life, and after I graduate I will get a job, and I will work for approximately the next fifty years, then I will retire, maybe with a husband, maybe not, maybe I’ll have kids and grandchildren, maybe not. When you think about life this way it’s really unappealing and it makes me ask the question why most of the time, and to be quite honest I think a lot of people my age are feeling this way.

So I go to college about 7 months of the year, and while I’m there I would say the majority of my friends have been on a path since day one, me not so much. I had a path and wasn’t sure, thought some things through, still wasn’t sure, I’m still thinking things through, and I’m still not sure at all, and what I fail to remember is that there are other people like me. There are people like me who know that they don’t want to sit in an office approximately 260 days a year, but they don’t want to teach either, there are people like me who just want to see what the world has to offer them and they aren’t sure how to do it. These people are having quarter life crises, we’re just trying to find our places when everyone else around us seems to know where they’re going. We’re the people who you ask them what their major is and we might just start to cry, because honestly, you can’t major in “seeing the world” there’s no way to make money that way. We’re the people who if you ask them, do you have any plans for after graduation, the stare is blank, although, I don’t know why I should have an answer for that when I’m only going to be a sophomore anyway.

The other 5 months of the year are spent working and seeing old friends and family, the old friends and family that ask us all of the above questions. The jobs and internships supposedly preparing us for what we want to do, when really we just have no clue. We look forward to vacations and weekends because they’re the escape from the madness. Sometimes. Other times they’re just another way into more madness and more stress. The worst is when someone tells you that “you’re really going places!” and you just want to say “Do you know where? Because if you do I’d love to know” but instead you just smile and say “thanks.”. Oh how put together the quarter life crisis can look when that’s what people expect.

My parent chuckle when I talk about this quarter life crisis, but I swear it’s real. I’ve counted the days spent wasted on learning for a standardized test, counted the hours spent studying for the next, and all I’ve gotten from this nearly 20 years of life is a high school diploma. A high school diploma could get me a general manager position at McDonald’s. Maybe. However, no one told me what I could get with a high school diploma, all they told me was what I couldn’t get without a college diploma, and as I’m getting further into my education, what’s next is what I can’t get without a master’s diploma, what’s next? What I can’t get without a PHD? I’ve spent so much time learning and getting an education, and it’s great, and I don’t take it for granted, however, what’s the most useful thing I’ve learned? How to find the length of a side of a triangle? That hippos sweat pink? What causes leaves to be green? What am I going to do with this information? I haven’t learned about mortgages, renting, loans, credit cards, stocks, anything that will help me in the very near future and the fact that I can’t tell you anything about simple life tasks, but I can tell you about different Presidents that had affairs (too many).

I think when it comes down to it, I’m experiencing this existential crisis, quarter life crisis if you will, all because what I’ve done for the majority of my life is learn pointless information that I used for one test, maybe two, but after that I’ve hardly thought about it again and none of this information has helped me to come to any sort of conclusion of what I want to do with my future. Hell, I picked writing because I did well on the writing portion of my ACT’s and it’s not something I hate doing. So maybe a year from now I’ll feel better about turning 21, but maybe I won’t, and I honestly don’t know if that’s okay or not. I’ve grown up in the world of planning for the future, and I don’t have a plan for the future, and I think that’s why so many of us feel so lost because it’s we don’t see it as accepted to not know.

There’s so much pressure to have the next ten years of your life planned to a tee, at least that’s how I feel. So yes, I am 19 years old experiencing a quarter life crisis and I don’t think I’m alone, let me know how you feel about this in the comments, please tell me I’m not the only one!

XOXO,

Mary.

Almost Done.

I can’t believe that break is almost over and I didn’t even do half the things I wanted to do.  I didn’t have nearly as many sleepovers or good times with my friends, about halfway through break I realized that I wouldn’t be able to read all the Harry Potter book I had to settle with the last one, I didn’t crochet at all, and I didn’t film nearly as many videos as I wanted to. I thought maybe the anxiety attacks would stop, but they didn’t, so that’s another stress to go back to. I can honestly say I don’t want to go back to school. There are some benefits of returning, like no work, but I kind of want a job because the money would be nice. It’s also nice to be away from home, like the town. I feel like when I go back this time I’m going to be a lot more homesick just because I don’t want to be there. I feel like this semester is going to be super crazy and stressful with a full class load, along with a four day trip to NYC (hopefully) with MUN, a long weekend visit to Boston to see Lindsay and obviously several visits home for not just work but occasions like my sister’s birthday, a wiffle-ball tournament, Easter and spring break (is now an appropriate time to start the count down?) so hopefully all of these exciting things will help the semester will go quickly and May 9 will come quickly and I will be home for a good three, almost four months. So next will be here soon sadly and I hope I will have a post, but I will also be getting settled into my dorm once again so it might be a little bit harder to blog but then I will hopefully be able to make it up hopefully.

So a little idea I just thought up for tomorrow’s tag Tuesday, would anyone be up for a question and answer? If so ask any questions you may have for me in the comments and whether or not tomorrow is long enough to be a Q and A I’ll answer it!

XOXO

Mary

Answer

January 12: “Little Monsters”

Question

January 13: What strange Southeast Asian mammal smells like a fresh, hot buttered popcorn?

Studying Part 2?..?

So I think I may have talked about studying a little bit before. This is something I am not particularly good at because in high school I never really did. If I was in a hard class I let myself struggle but there’s only been two math classes that I have gotten less than a “B” in, all of my other classes were either A’s or B’s.  Now I’m in college and I really want to do well, but I actually have to study. This is weird because I want to do well, and I would have done a lot better in high school if I would’ve studied.   I just finished Arabic flashcards for a QUIZ tomorrow, not even a test! Now I’m studying for my mass media midterm and tomorrow I have to study for my History exam (which I probably don’t have to study too hard for). For me this is just weird because I am not used to this at all. I would maybe read over some stuff in high school here or there, look at my notes, or maybe make some flash cards for a final, but never for little exams or quizzes.

Basically my point is that just because you’re good at school in high school it does not mean that you will be good at school in college, a little more effort may need to be put forth in studying. So this was a short little piece on my studying life.

Sorry I’m still kinda in a funk, hopefully I’ll be better soon.

Also this is a little side note question- did any of you watch my YouTube video? Should I do another?

Okay well I love all 22 of you maybe I’ll do a little tag post out of excitement and such.  Thanks for reading guys it means the world to me.

XOXO

Mary