Late Night Blogging with Mary: Part 24

late night blogging with mary

I hate the number 24, and I also hate that I chose to number this series. I always have to look up what number I’m at. Happy last three weeks of school which always suck.

I just made the mistake of looking at my planner and that was quite upsetting. I have so much to do and so little time. Deadlines are rapidly approaching and the semester is dwindling away. I can’t believe it’s already April. I am a mixture of very ready for summer and I need more time in this semester.

Currently, my blog sucks and summer I think will be the cure. I want to do some more adventure posts, I want to do a weekend trip to the beach, at least one, and I really just want to go somewhere new too. I would also like to clean out the nearly 200 drafts I have piled up, see what’s worth salvaging and what’s worth deleting. I just have such an issue with deleting my writing. I don’t know why. I’m trying to make it through the semester without getting too anxious, you know because I have complete control over that (sense the sarcasm). The last two weeks were filled with middle of the night panic attacks and what seems to be a case of strep throat.

I want to be better. I always want to be better and I think that’s why I have anxiety sometimes. There will always be something wrong with everything I do. I think most people would think that’s great, always wanting to be better, but for me, I just get hung up on everything I’m doing wrong. I don’t know. Brains are weird.

I’m mentally exhausted and it’s Monday.

Monday tip, only look at Monday on  your planner so you don’t cry.

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Leaving: Packing and Goodbyes

I write this post every year. This year it’s late. It’s also very different. I’ve already said goodbye to most people at home because, well they already left. I’m going to school next weekend to say the bulk of my goodbyes.

The past two years I was so afraid of leaving. My first year, I was nervous, I didn’t know anyone, I was essentially starting over, I was excited, but obviously a little afraid of moving out of my comfort zone. Last year, I was ready to go back, but I wasn’t ready to leave my friends at home. This year, I’ve spent a good amount of time visiting school where Logan stayed and Eric lived near by, and seeing other friends that were more local. I saw them more than I saw some people that I live within five miles of, which isn’t a bad thing, it’s just different than what I’m used to.

This year, I’m so excited to leave. Maybe because it’s because all of my friends are already gone or maybe it’s because I’m about to go on a huge adventure. Either way. I’m so ready for school this years. Goodbyes are different, they have to last a little bit longer and I’m saying it to different people, people who mean a lot to me, not to say the people I usually say goodbye to aren’t important, because they are. It’s just so different.

The packing is different too, that’s for sure. One checked bag, one carry on, and a backpack. That’s a lot less than what I bring to my dorm. My key word is consolidation. I’ve taken so much out, it’s kind of ridiculous. Like I’ll pack some stuff, and then I’ll think “What am I thinking! I don’t need half of this!” and I take it out, that’s good and bad I’m sure. At this point I’m figuring, whatever I still need I can just get there. I think I have the essentials. When I go to Hood I just pack anything I might need just in case because I like to be prepared, however, I do not have the luxury.

As I wrote this post tonight, I looked back on my old posts. Which is insane. My first post ever, in 2013 was posted to this blog August 23, but was written well before that. Last year is much more similar to now, but still so different. Things are just different. Not a bad different, a really good different.

So here’s to a good 2015-2016 school year. I’m leaving and saying goodbye (in two weeks).

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Semester Reflection

I’ve been working on Christmas presents all day and getting some cleaning done and I realized that there is only two weeks left in my semester, to all of you who only have one, please don’t tell me I’m already jealous. So I thought I would do an early semester reflection.

If you’ve been around for a while you might know that last year I had a really tough time. My anxiety was bad 95% of the time and I didn’t really like to leave my room. I usually spent meals in my room alone. At the end of the year I started hanging out with some new people, not that the old people were bad (well some were but focus on the good) it just kind of happened and I’m really happy.  I can’t say that I’ve ever been really good with having friends, I’ve always had friends but I always feel like something happens or we just grow apart, there are few people that I’ve been friends with for years. I’ve known everyone that I’m friends with here for a little over a year and since being back it’s just a lot better feeling like I have a good solid group of friends. Also my friends here are really inspiring. They all do so much and make me think so much and make me want to do more to better myself and the world around me. The difference between this semester and last is so immeasurable and better. I finally feel like I have a place where I’m comfortable and can be myself with people who might judge me but still love me. I feel like I’m finally happy with the people I’ve chosen to surround myself with.

While I can’t say I enjoy my classes I don’t hate all of them. I don’t like most of them but I’m just looking at this as a way to narrow down what I want to do even if that means eliminating more and more things I don’t want to do. I also declared my major so I guess you could say that I made a pretty major step towards my future, pun fully intended and planned out.

All in all I would say with few exceptions this semester has gone far better than planned and college isn’t as dreadful as I thought it to be a year ago. I don’t count the days until I go home next, I don’t really look forward to going home as much. If it’s for more than a few days I kind of dread working and being in Lancaster County just because I like it here and I’m finally more comfortable here. Life takes unexpected turns and I’m really glad I didn’t transfer like I really thought about doing.

Happy Finals!

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