Trying to Date as 20-Something

Dating sucks and I hate it. I hate the start of relationships where you have to get to know someone and trying to figure out the way they think, how to understand them, and just all those little things. I can’t think of anything about dating that I like. I can’t even count the number of times in a week where I want to call my mom and ask her to just arrange my marriage.

I was recently ghosted. Or maybe that’s still an occurring thing. I don’t really know how long of a process that typically is, but all I know is that I’m pretty pissed about it. Like really, you’re in your twenties, I’m willing to have a conversation, so let’s talk about it. I find myself to be a reasonable person, and ghosting makes me totally unreasonable. So to the guy that’s ghosting/ghosted me, if you’re reading this, I’m a catch and because of your unwillingness to have a conversation with me, you’re missing out boy. Also mom and dad- I don’t want to talk about it. I would be lying if I said I’ve never ghosted anyone, I mean I tried. I was unsuccessful because I feel like shit leaving someone in the dark like that.

I know that I’m a relatively easy person to date (at least in my opinion). I don’t require fancy dates (my favorite places are IHOP and Target) or even that much attention, a text a day suffices for me. However, I never seem to be enough for the boys that  pay attention to me, or I require too much. Honestly, the last guy who was actually my boyfriend couldn’t do enough for me so I broke up with him. That sounds really shitty, but he complained if I asked to go on a walk around the park, not even if we could get a coffee.

So I don’t understand why I find dating so complicated. I sometimes feel as if I have convoluted ideas behind dating. I can be quoted of saying “Did I miss the day in school where everyone learned to talk to people they’re attracted to?” Other than my lack of flirtation skills, I can’t get a guy to notice me. Well, I can, just not the ones that I want to, and I don’t know why that is.

I feel like I’m starting to get a little side-tracked (naturally) in this post. Really, the thing is, there is not one good thing about dating in your twenties. Tinder sucks and it’s how to meet some really shitty people. I would be curious to know if anyone has actually had good, continued success on the app, because I would say I had brief and okay success but now I will never use it again.

I’m not one to blame things on social media because I love it more than most other things. However, it does make dating harder. It makes reading into someone’s personal life a lot easier and actually talking to someone a lot more difficult. Like, if I just start seeing someone I am not about to tweet some T-Swift lyrics because that’s unfortunately the kind of thing that freaks guys out whether or not it has anything to do with them. They might not even follow me on social media yet and I won’t tweet it just in case they decide to creep. Fortunately, I’m not the type to get mad if a guy likes another girl’s picture, or retweets something, but there are people that get into actual fights over such things. While, I may find that little bit out there, it’s a real problem. Social media might be hurting our dating lives.

On the other hand, social media has done this awesome thing that it usually does, which is bring people together. I am curious to know if that works for people. I know a girl who started dating someone on Instagram, like they had mutual friends (I think) and they hit it off through comments. To me, that’s kinda crazy and I don’t think that happens a lot, but maybe I’m wrong. My goal is that an attractive man will see how hilarious I am on Twitter and slide into my DMs, I doubt it will happen but a girl can dream.

At the end of the day, my thoughts behind dating is that it sucks and I want an arranged marriage. No, not really, but it does suck. They’re are too many ways for it to go downhill. For someone like me, that is a tough thing to grasp sometimes. Post-graduation I would really like to have a steady man in my life that likes me and treats me well. Preferably, he has aspirations of things and goals he will obtain. Obviously, I’ll keep you posted on any male suiters (only after they know about the blog and they stick around past the “dating” phase of things).

What do you think about dating as a twenty-something?

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30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 3

blog challenge day 3

I’ve talked about this a million times but today’s is a little different. Yes, I am single, however, I’m sick of it. I’m tired of being alone. No, I’m not lonely I have good friends that I really love and care about, however, a lot of the time I do wish that I was no longer single.

I’ve been officially single for the past four years but I’ve never been in a serious relationship before and I feel like I’m at an age where I’m ready to be in a serious relationship with consideration of the future and such. I know that sounds weird but I’m getting to a point in my life where I don’t want to date just to have a boyfriend. I want to date to see where the future would take us. I know that’s weird I guess. I feel like I’m getting old even though I’m only 20. I see a lot of my friends in the next few years starting to settle down and I wouldn’t mind that for myself although my definition of settling down is different.

I used to tell my mom about how I want to travel the world and gain experience before I settle down and get married and she would always say that when I meet the right person I would want them there with me. Well, I haven’t met the right person but I don’t think I want to do that alone. Everyone says when they get married how they’re marrying their best friend which I don’t know if I believe that, but how cool would it be to travel the world with someone you love unconditionally?

I know I could also be feeling this way because it’s below freezing outside and someone to cuddle and watch Netflix with on Friday nights would not be a complaint from me. I don’t know maybe three months from now I’ll feel differently or maybe I’ll meet someone. Right now I’m single. I can’t say that’s happily anymore though. I’ve gotten to the point where it’s not fun to try and talk to a million guys (or even just find one good enough to talk to). I’m at the point where I could see myself trying to be married in the next ten years. I’m not sure the next five or six years is really probable but ten years definitely and I really wouldn’t mind meeting that person soon.

So single is my relationship status. Single and waiting for the right person.

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Alone on Valentines Day: Part Two

Today I am anxious and cranky. I don’t know why this day didn’t go as planned so maybe that’s it. I’m ready for Sunday but I hate wishing away time so I’m going to look forward to it but not rush towards it.  Anyway in an effort to be positive I’m going to give part to of my tips from last year (that weren’t really tips) on what you should do when you’re alone on Valentines day.

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  • Go out with friends- there’s nothing stopping you from going out (except for the crazy crowds) but you can still have a good time with people you love and not have to be in a relationship with anyone else.
  • Eat chocolate in your room and watch sappy movies. Honestly if I don’t develop any type of plans I’m going to do this.
  • Look forward to the after Valentines Day sale where all of the chocolate is 50-75% off at Target.
  • Order in to avoid the crazy crowds. Pizza or even like curbside to-go that so many chain restaurants have you can just pick up food rather than do the whole wait and hardly have space to move your arms thing.

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  • Do something- go to the movies, go to the mall. Don’t sit in sorrow that you’re single. Maybe it’s best that you are, you probably haven’t met the right person yet.
  • Remember it’s just another day. If you don’t have anyone to share it with you have friends. It’s just as important to show them love as it is to show a significant other. The fact that you’re single does not impede on your ability to have fun or enjoy just another Saturday.

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I’m Single.

I mean this is fairly obvious I make a lot of jokes about it because it’s just one of those things that at this point in my life I find very humorous. It’s not that I want to be single or in a relationship which is probably one of the many reasons I’m single, I don’t know what I want. I’ve been single for four years now if you count either of my previous relationships as relationships and if you don’t count either then I’ve been single my whole life.

For a while this unsettled me for a while I realized that if I was supposed to be with someone right now I would be. If it was in God’s plan for me to meet someone I would meet someone, what’s the point in seeking out a crush or someone to date if it’s just to have a boyfriend or girlfriend? If that’s what you’re looking for it’s probably not going to work out.

After months and months of not even being interested in anyone and just admiring cute boys from afar I’ve realized there’s probably a reason I’m not into anyone. Sure there are times where I think it would be nice or convenient to have a boyfriend, like when I’m trying to take all of my stuff to my room in one trip or when I’m lonely, but that’s not why people actually have relationships. They have relationships because they like someone or love someone even.

I’m single for a lot of reason and while it’s kind of funny I don’t want to kiss a lot of frogs to find the right one, or to find that there isn’t a right one at all. I kinda just want to wait until I like someone and hopefully I’ll be lucky enough that they’ll like me too.

I also am currently in Mary Time which is the time where that I’m allowed to be selfish and only think about myself. Right now I’m in the stage where if someone comes along I would be okay with it, but I’m still allowed to be selfish. I have this whole set of rules that I might as well explain now. So once someone comes in and understand Mary Time then it’s like Mary PLUS Some Random Man’s Time in which before any engagement happens we must be dating for at least five years then and then engaged for a year before any marriage happens. Then it’s Mary Plus Husband Time for the rest of our life but right now I’m being selfish and this is there Mary Time that might never end. I know I can be very selfish and I don’t know if I would want to invite anyone into that mindset of mine.

Anyway that got a little bit of track. I’m okay with being single not only because of my mindset but because of how I feel about guys at the moment. I can’t see myself being with anyone anytime soon and while that may be upsetting for people who aren’t good at being single I like to think that I’m a pro at being single. It get boring but it’s probably for the best for a while or at least I meet someone I actually like.

I was partially inspired by this post by Young & Twenty so if you don’t already go check her out and see what she has to say, because it’s pretty inspiring stuff.

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Alone on Valentines Day: The Perks

Okay so if you’re like me you may be alone on Valentine’s Day, and there is really nothing wrong with this at all. There are actually a lot of benefits to this to be honest. Like for instance, you don’t have to feel obligated to do anything. I’m pumped for rearranging my room and a girls night out with my friend Meag, and maybe Zoe. This is fun and all but really if I wanted to sit in my room and eat chocolate all day I could. To be honest if I even had a Valentine, I’m not sure I would want to do much of anything anyway, I’m not one for crowded restaurants, overpriced flowers, or even flowers in general for that matter, I’d rather stay in and watch a movie or do something else that doesn’t involve a lot of people so for me friends is the best way to spend my day. Or alone, that works too.

I should also mention that I may be a little bit obsessed with these cards. I've been saving them all and I pity a guy whoever ends up with me because he will literally receive them year round.
I should also mention that I may be a little bit obsessed with these cards. I’ve been saving them all and I pity a guy whoever ends up with me because he will literally receive them year round.

Now listen up everyone because here is the best freaking part about Valentine’s whether you are single, in a relationship, married, whatever, you have to go to Target tomorrow. All of the candy and anything Valentine themed is 50% off and it’s amazing. Buy yourself that oversized teddy bear, that huge box of chocolates, why? Because it’s half off and you deserve it. Tomorrow is probably the best day of the year, and you can bet your bottom dollar I will be at Target as soon as possible to get my 50% off chocolate. I deserve it too you know. So yeah there are several perks to being single or alone on Valentines day. Let me assure you that it isn’t as bad as everyone makes it out to be.  Indulge in chocolate, hang out with friends, or don’t get dressed. It’s really a day to love yourself and allow yourself to be happy no matter what because we all deserve it. Maybe I’ll do a chocolate hull tomorrow, that would be fun. We shall see. Happy Valentines Day to all of you my lovely readers, I love you all. We can be each other’s Valentines! Also I would just like to throw this out there, if you would like to email me any of these cards I would literally love you forever (marysaverageadventures@gmail.com). I hope you have a great day!

XOXO

Mary