Late Night Blogging with Mary: Part 29

Once upon a time, I started this blog because I was going to college and I wanted to document the most mundane of adventures. Did I ever really do that? Not really. It has been three and a half years of rants, thought vomit, out of this world adventures, and sometimes just straight non-sense.

Yesterday, I hit 500 followers. I didn’t cry or shout like I thought I would (well I was at work) but I did get teary eyed. a little shaken and quite frankly a little overwhelmed. That’s a lot of people my friends.

Anyway, so thank you for that. It’s very moving.

Speaking of moving, I have been watching “Girl Boss” which is slightly inspiring. Like Sophia is a one-of-a-kind type of gal who doesn’t always do what’s best and not always what I would do. However, she is quite the go-getter, which is admirable. The show starts off with Sophia (the main character) going on about how being an adult sucks; which is a sentiment I am starting to sympathize with.

While applying for many, many jobs I have found it to be barely bearable. I’m honestly so over it. It’s so boring and excruciatingly painstaking. However, I shall press on and find a job that will do until I have a million children and can start up my mommy blog.

So here’s just a short little LNBM for now. Still working on the re-brand. I’d say by June it’ll be full swing.

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Pause

via Daily Prompt: Pause

I saw the Daily Prompt for today was “Pause” and it ties in a little too perfectly with my life right now.

I keep hitting the fast forward button when I should be hitting pause. I shouldn’t be wishing my last six weeks of college away, yet here I am staring at my semi-daunting to-do list not wanting to do any of it.

I’m waiting for the end of the week, waiting to hear if I got a job or two, or none. But I shouldn’t be waiting for that moment. I should be savoring every moment. Cherishing the time I spend with the kids I watch because soon (well hopefully) I’ll be working full time and I probably won’t be a nanny anymore. I should be taking mental pictures of every meal with my roommates, every time I walk across the cherry-blossom filled campus, and just every little moment that I can hold on to, I should be holding on.

I’ve reached a point where I’m so focused on whatever’s next that I’m not pausing anymore, when really I should be pausing more. No more fast forward, just a nice hold down on the pause so it’s almost a stop.

My mom told me when I was starting high school that life would only get faster, I don’t know if I didn’t believe her, or just didn’t know what she was talking about, but she was right. I’ve been blogging for three and a half years, it feels like it was just yesterday I was cursing WordPress for being stupid (eh could’ve been yesterday) but my time online and in college has been flying by. I can’t believe that I’m graduating in six weeks, but here I am wishing I was graduating tomorrow just to get on with the next part of life.

I think that’s probably not just a me problem, even more of a societal problem. We’re so focused on the future, what are we doing this weekend, next week, the next deadline. We forget to focus on what is happening right now. Right now is what really matters. Maybe we all need to take some time and just pause.

So take a moment, pause, reflect, think about right now. Right now, I’m at work, right now, I’m at a decent place in my life, right now.

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Amidst the Rebrand

I’ve been pretty absent this year and there’s a lot of excuses I can make for it, but at the end of the day there really isn’t a reason for it other than I just was unmotivated.

Recently, I met with the career center about rebranding and what my brand should be, all of that fun stuff that I will be dealing with in the next several months. With that came some disappointment, well not quite disappointment but some confusion. While I felt really good about myself afterwards, what it has basically come down to is that I have a few options:

  1. Completely start over (not going to happen)
  2. Private things that future employers might be turned off by (i.e. my opinion)
  3. Do nothing and maybe get somewhere by the luck of the draw

While I got some great advice for what my brand should be, we talked about making everything that doesn’t fit my new brand (post-college stuff and struggles) private. I just feel so icky about doing that for some reason. I have no idea why but making parts of my blog that has really been my identity for the past three years private feels so wrong.

I also feel odd about holding back my opinions. I have a lot of them, they are no longer weekly rants (lol at the old daily blogger) but they’re still in my head. She said that things (like my Trump piece) could turn a future employer off from hiring me. At the same time, do I want to work for a company that suppresses my opinions, or support Donald Trump? The answer is a very strong no.

However, the coolest part about the whole meeting was learning how to be a mommy blogger without the kids. She explained to me that post-college life is weird, friends will leave, get married, that I’ll go through jobs and cities, and it’s just a weird time and that’s what I should be writing it. I get to write about everything I love and I don’t really have to pick a particular niche.

The future of my blog excites me. I’ve spent a lot of the time that I haven’t been blogging researching it and what to do about certain things pertaining to my blog and the “industry” as well.

The weirdest thing to me about my relationship with Mary’s Average Adventures is how afraid I am of it. I love blogging (more than anything) and I really love this site and everything I’ve created around it, but I’m so afraid to see what will happen to it. I’m afraid to see it fall or change too much. I’m afraid of forgetting about it. And really I’m afraid that I will never be the right person to let it live up to it’s full potential. I’ve treated my blog like a child to me for ages, I brag about it, tell people all the cool things that it has done for me and yet, I also don’t take care of it like I should. Oh man, if this was a real child it definitely would have been taken away from me for neglect. Well, thank goodness it can’t breathe.

Anyway, I guess this is basically just another post on what I’m doing with the site. And believe me it’s getting there. Actually within the next few days it’s going to be the 12 days of Christmas again so you’ll be hearing a lot more from me!

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When you don’t know what to say…

It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve last blogged. I think that’s probably a record high for me. It’s upsetting and stressful that my life has been so chaotic and busy that I haven’t found the time to blog. A big part of that issues is that I feel like I’m running out of things to say sometimes. Well, I’m not running out of things to say, I’m running out of ideas is the better phrasing I suppose.

I just don’t have words anymore. And maybe it’s because after a long day I just don’t want to do anything else, maybe it’s because my free time is slowly being filled with assignments for things that aren’t classes, or maybe it’s because I’ve just run out of words.

I love to blog. Blogging is my passion, it’s one of the few things in life that I actually love doing. However, it’s been hard. I’ve been running a craft blog for class, so I have to do that too for a grade, plus extracurricular stuff as well. I feel like I’ve let it get away from me.

It has gotten to the point where it is almost humorous to me that I used to be a daily blogger. It’s even funnier when I think that I almost tried to do that again this year. I think being a daily blogger is something that really needs to be respected because it is hard, I wish I could do that again. I think it something that would have pushed me to keep writing everyday, but it’s also something that probably would have driven me a little bit mad.

So what do I have to say? I’m not sure. I don’t think I’m out of things to say, but I do think that I’m just currently on pause with things to say. I’ve written my thoughts out a million times on nearly every subject, so why am I becoming suddenly reserved when it comes to blogging? Why am I afraid of judgement? I’m not sure. I’m going to try and stop that. I’m going to try and be the best blogger possible. Hopefully that starts today.

Here’s to a new season of blogging.

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Tuesdays.

Today is Tuesday. That’s a fact. It’s also March 1, spring is in the air, however, I’m exhausted.

tuesdays

Exhaustion seems to be a common theme for me this semester, especially Tuesdays. For me, Tuesday is the halfway through the week, but by far the longest day of the week. I have three classes, like I do every day. I just find it so long.

I’m most productive on Tuesdays. I do my homework, I get stuff done, but for some reason, they’re still very daunting to me. I dread them every week. Ironically, up until this semester I’ve always had an unusual fondness for Tuesdays, and I still sort of do, good things have always happened to me on Tuesdays so I like them the best.

Tuesdays and I right now are just not getting along.  They have too much work, too much to do, and sometimes too much ambition. Tuesdays are the days that I bite off more than I can chew, more than I can handle for the upcoming week. Tuesdays are the “if I just have one more cup of coffee I can do it” days.

Once upon a time, Tuesdays were great, and the reason they were great is that they didn’t hold the surprises that I think Mondays tend to contain, but they are starting to sink to levels of Mondays.

I’m starting to think Thursday is the new Tuesday.

How is your Tuesday?

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The Internet Tells You Everything You Need to Do Before You Die/Get Married/Do Anything

The internet is constantly telling me what to do. Do you know what I mean? Like I can’t get on Facebook without seeing five or six articles on the “100 Things Every College Girl Needs to Know” or “50 Places You Need to See Before You Die” or “10 Things You Must Do Before You Marry Him” and my question is: How did anyone survive without the internet?

Now, everyone knows that I’m obsessed with the Internet and how it causes people to interact with one another. However, what I cannot stand is all of those articles that every girl from your high school shares on Facebook. I think my issue is that I don’t like it when people tell me what to do.

Here’s the thing life is a personal thing. There are not 100 things you need to know, those 100 things are up to you. Sure take a look at the 50 places to see before you die to see if there’s anything that you can add to your bucket list, but if you have no desire to go to see Mt. Rushmore, don’t do it. Also, I feel like you should know if you’re ready to marry someone and maybe, if you’re looking at articles about it you aren’t really ready.

Like yes these articles are sometimes fun to read, but that doesn’t mean they need to define your relationship. I’ve read a lot recently that are about friendship, and it’s like you haven’t reached best friend status until they hold your hair while you puke after a night of drinking, and I just want to say, well I don’t want to get so drunk that my friends feel that it’s necessary to hold my hair, that doesn’t make our friendship any less because they haven’t had to do that.

While yes, some of them are inspiring or provide a good message or even are good for a laugh, sometimes I just feel like some them are intrusive. Maybe it’s because I have anxiety and I feel like a failure if I don’t see then 50 things to see before you die. They’re an easy article to write and people know they’re going to be popular. I’m sure I’ve written some in the past, shared some on Facebook, however, I think everyone needs to remember that those aren’t the end all be all to life. You’ll be fine.

Sorry about the rant.

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Being Back at College

After taking a semester abroad, I didn’t know what to expect when I came back to my home university. There’s a lot less excitement, a lot more classes, and it’s back to normal life. It’s been a real wake up call compared to Ireland.

Now, I am trying not to be one of those people who dwell on their experiences abroad and how much better they were than those in America. This semester won’t be any easier if I just keep looking back at what an amazing time I had while I was away.

Getting back into the swing of things at school has been busy. I came back on a Sunday, had four classes and work that Monday. Life is busy. I’m taking a lot of credits this semester since I dropped a class last semester. I just want to make up for it now rather than next year, honestly I just want the easiest senior year possible.

Friendship and professional relationship wise it was really easy coming back. I think it helped that I talked to Eric most days while I was away, and then over winter break as well. I didn’t feel like I missed anything in their lives to catch up on, he kept me in the loop for the most part. I kept in touch with my adviser while I was away as well, so there wasn’t a lot I needed to tell her either. I think my transition back has been rather simple for the most part.

The weirdest thing about being back is 1) not seeing my new friends every day, and 2) seeing people I’ve never seen before every day. I guess at a lot of schools number two wouldn’t really be that big of a deal, but I go to a very small school where you usually at least recognize everyone if you don’t know them personally, now I don’t recognize or know so many people because a whole class entered the school while I was gone, and it’s just really weird walking around. The first week was almost surreal, it didn’t feel like my school anymore, now I feel back to normal.

I’m glad to be back, I’m glad to be back in a normal routine and schedule. I hope that you’re all having wonderful semesters so far!

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Dealing with Sadness.

Four years ago today, my grandmother died. I don’t talk about this here. This is my corner of the internet and I have never talked about one of the worst days of my life, why? Because I don’t always want to be negative, and I don’t know how to talk about it. My grandmom got sick when I was in 8th grade for the first time, then it came back and it never went away and she died my junior  year of high school.

Now that’s about how much I can talk about that. Because here’s the thing I don’t like to deal with sadness, especially  my own. This is the worst thing you can do. Face it. I can’t face this problem online, but I have faced it. You have friends that you can talk to, parents, even counselors at most colleges and high schools.

Sadness isn’t something you can avoid. It’s something you have to talk about. It’s one of those things that if you bottle it up you aren’t going to get anywhere or feel any better. You need to talk to someone.

So deal with your sadness. Don’t hold it in. If you hold it in, it will hurt you in the long run. This is just something I think about every year around this time. The longer you hold it in the more it’s going to hurt. So talk about it. It’s something I struggle with but I force myself to talk so I stop dwelling. There are some things you might never move on from and the sadness will always be there, but that doesn’t mean you can ignore it.

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When you know something’s ending, like for good, do you feel like yourself?

Eric requested that this be the title of my last blog post in Ireland, while this isn’t the last blog post about Ireland it’s the last one while I’m here. Again, I messed up flight times, so I’m at the airport with some time to kill and I thought that this was fitting.

I’m not sure I quite understand this. I told him last night on FaceTime that I don’t know of any times where I haven’t felt like myself. It is an interesting question though, I know I’m walking away from something great and now part of me will always have a special spot for Ireland, but I wouldn’t say that I don’t feel like myself.

This morning so far has been interesting. I tried to change my flight for earlier but alas no luck so I will be lucky if I’m back home in Pennsylvania by midnight. My prayers were answered and my bag was not overweight, just very full. It was not until I was already at the airport that I realized my flight didn’t leave until over an hour later than what I thought. I don’t know what I read that made me think it was at 11:30, I swear when I checked yesterday it was but I would have gotten an email if it changed and I did not get an email. When I was going through security I bumped my laptop of the counter, and the corner broke. Thank goodness it still works because everything I love is on this thing.

I’m very ready to go home, but saying goodbye to people was sad, I don’t know why I thought it would be easy. Now I have friends all over the US now so that’s really nice because there’s about 10 or so states that I can visit people in during my more domestic travels. I’m excited to eat my favorite snack and bake and see everyone I love for the holidays. I start work again on Monday, I don’t know  my schedule yet, but it will be interesting that’s for sure.

I’m so glad and blessed that I got this experience. I’m sad to be leaving, but I also can’t wait to come back someday with my own family eventually. So this is just an extra post with a last slán (goodbye) from Ireland. Maybe I don’t quite feel like myself today, maybe just a little off.

America be ready, I’m almost back!

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Late Night Blogging with Mary: Part 9

late night blogging with mary

Currently I’m on the phone with Eric discussing our work situations. I bought a backpack today which was productive if you ask me. I also got my haircut and went to the beach. So I guess you could it was pretty productive. I’m getting very antsy sitting around and waiting for the next three weeks to pass. Today is like everyone is snapchatting pictures (you can add me on snapchat: mrmilligan13) of their packed up stuff or packing in general and I still have three weeks. However, I should get cracking on my packing because I guess three weeks really isn’t that far, it just feels very far.

I’ve been trying to DIY t-shirts for a few days now and I’m very frustrated with the process. I just do this thing where envision something and it’s just not turning out quite the way I’m envisioning it. However, once I get it right there will hopefully be a blog post on it. It was the much needed crafting session I needed though.

So I went to the beach and I went to outlets and that was all good. I actually managed to find things that I was looking for. I always seem to have the problem when you can never find something when you’re looking for it. So, I would highly recommend the Gap Factory Outlet because I got a sweater for like $13 and it was this season, just 70% off for some reason. I also got a shirt for $2 and I liked a lot more stuff, I’m just trying not to spend a lot of money since I am going away.

I finally found a decent sized backpack. Well okay, I’ve known which one I’ve wanted for a while but I just bought it so that’s good. I’m getting more and more ready to go.

Let me just rant for a minute about Josh Duggar. I’m not going to lie I used to watch 19 Kids and Counting because I love being nosey and seeing people’s lives. However, I was disgusted when I found out that the eldest son had molested five people, including some of his sisters I was very disturbed, even though it happened when he was a teenager, you still have to know it’s wrong. Also, I think the way it was handled was probably wrong as well. However, I was even more disgusted by people defending him. What happens when you defend a sex offender is that you put the victims in this shadow of that their emotional trauma and everything they had to deal with is essentially not important, which is ridiculous if you ask me. Do not defend a sex offender, even if it happened when he was teenager. I am even more outraged that no one is defending him now. More people defended him where people were not engaging in consensual relations. More people defended him when he molested his sisters and other girls. Yet where are these people when he’s cheating on his wife? Watching porn? I don’t understand how you can defend someone who physically harmed someone then say nothing, maybe even be against him when he engaged in something consensual. Yes, he cheated on his wife, yes he watched porn, and yes both of those are sins, but why is the sin of molesting people being overlooked because he asked for forgiveness and apologized? He apologized this time too, are people just not accepting it? I just don’t understand. It is very upsetting to me. I just had to share. What do you think? Am I ridiculous. I mean, I don’t think he should be defended at all but I can’t get over what people defended him for and that they all now have nothing to say.

Okay sorry about that little rant there. I just am very frustrated. I don’t understand why he was ever defended in the first place, it’s very upsetting to me. I probably just should’ve done a whole blog post about that, but whatevsss.

Rant away in the comments!

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