Late Night Blogging with Mary: Part 13

So it’s not Late Night back in the US, but it is here, it’s actually so late that it just so happens to be my birthday!

Today I went to the National Leprechaun Museum, it lasted all of fifteen minutes since it was the annual Culture Night so they just seemed to give a little snippet of what the museum actually was. It was pretty cool, but the funny thing was the reason we got in was because my birthday was tomorrow at the time.

So yes, I’m 21 now, a real adult. I feel exactly the same. The weird thing was, I didn’t have anything I was really looking forward to about this birthday. Maybe if I was back home I would be super excited since I could legally drink, but I can already do that here. I’m not sure, but it’s a weird feeling.

I think I also need to switch the times on my blog since they’re set to times back in the US, I’m not sure how that all works with posting times and such. There are ways to post in the past which I’ve accidently done before so I want to make sure I’m not doing that again, let me know if you know if I’m doing something wrong. Time is just confusing to me.  I don’t know if I’ll ever understand it.

Classes start Monday and I still don’t have my classes. There seems to be a lack of communication or maybe it’s a lack of understanding on my side, I’m not sure. So that’s a little stressful, but I’m taking my birthday easy, stress free. I’m going to go shopping, find myself a birthday present from me, and go out to dinner with some friends that I met here. Take it nice and easy, no stress, no fuss, just fun.

I need blog post suggestions, I’m struggling again. Leave anything you want to see written in the comments!

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Late Night Blogging with Mary: Part 10

I was going to try not and do one of these this week but it seems like as soon as I sit down to blog all of my ideas are gone. I think I’ve done at least one of these every week since I started it. That would be an okay thing if that was the intention, but it wasn’t. I really need to get a blogging calendar (that’s a stupid excuse, I know) so I can get my life in order. When I tried it before the problem was I had too many ideas, but I think it would be helpful now since I don’t seem to have enough. My brain is barren when it comes to practical blog post ideas. Maybe I should start doing my not practical ones and actually be proud of what I’m posting. Obviously, I’m frustrated with myself right now, my blog just isn’t where I want it to be, so of course I’m having the open conversation because that’s just what I do.

Everyone is back at school now, I’m alone. I mean, I’ve been alone most of the summer as it is, but it’s weirder now because it’s almost like I’m missing out, even though I know I’m not. Like everyone is back at my college and I don’t go down to visit until next weekend and I just feel like I’m missing something. I have this fear that everyone is going to forget about me/ not want to hang out/ be too busy to hang out when I go down, because they’re all in class. I also hate to be that person who asks people to hang out with them. I know, that’s stupid, but I would much rather people ask me to hang out because whenever I ask, I always feel so annoying. But really all I want to do is seem my friends and talk to them in person, not over the phone or text, I just want to look at their faces and talk to them, while we’re all together and I’m not in another state.  That sounds whiny and bratty I know, especially since I’m about to go on a journey of a lifetime, you don’t need to tell me, I get it. I just feel like I’m missing out, even though in a few weeks I’ll be making some new friends and having my own adventure and FINALLY going to classes.

Speaking of leaving, I’m beyond ready to go. I leave in two and a half weeks, find out who my roommates are on Monday (maybe tomorrow if I’m lucky!), and I will hopefully finish packing next week. My last day of work is not until the 10th so hopefully I’ll be able to get some more hours and make the time go faster since people left, but I doubt it. I don’t like that I’m wishing away time, so I’m trying to fill it up. I watch a lot of travel videos. Some of those people I think are actually crazy. They come up with the weirdest stuff to pick out and go against. Some are helpful, but some of them, I just say “What????” to because it just doesn’t make logical sense. Pick and choose what you listen to, no need to get caught up in every detail.

I want to do another post about my travel tips. Also, what I noticed, is that there are a million what’s in my suitcase videos for the beach and whatnot, but not very many for studying abroad, if I made a video would anyone watch? Should I vlog any of my trip? Every time I put videos up I end up making the private. Any opinions? Let me know.

I’m suffering from severe bloggers block. I don’t know why. Leave me tips to beat it please.

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Keeping Busy

About this time of year, every year, I have to keep myself busy. I’m not very patient and I hate to wait, so the wait to go back to school every year really gets me, however, my internal body clock is going of saying “PACK!!!” and “YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO DO” but really I have time to pack and I don’t have much to do yet, but everyone else does, so I’m sure that’s singling something inside of me.

Right now. I’m trying to keep very busy. My hours were cut this week so I’m filling it with things I need to get done. For example, I will finally finishing cleaning my room, getting the dreaded haircut, and hopefully go to the beach.  This will be the rest of my summer. I can’t sit still anymore.

This is the bad part about waiting so long to leave. I have SO MUCH TIME. Which is not something I should complain about since usually I complain about not having enough time. My body clock is just freaking out. Everyone is going, my sisters are getting ready to head back to high school (well I guess Juls is starting!!) and my mom is getting ready too but then there’s me who has to wait for one of the biggest experiences of my life to start.  I just hate waiting.

My patience is being tested but I guess that’s a good thing. It’s that time where you just have to fill up all of your time with little things that so it goes a little faster. I don’t like feeling like I’m wishing away time, but I honestly feel like I’m in limbo. I know the next few weeks until I make it to school to see my friends for a weekend will be long. No one will be home, everyone will either be in college or work or school so it’ll be me and work.

What else should I do to fill up my time? Please tell me! I know the first answer should be finish my vacation blog posts…

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Time Management.

time

My time management has never been great. I don’t know why but I either have too much or too little, I never feel like, “wow that was perfect timing” because for me it never is. I spend so much time doing things that don’t need to be done for a month and so little time working on things that should be done. You think after nearly 21 years I would realize this and fix it, but I don’t.

For example, I’m currently house/dog sitting and I thought to myself “oh I should go back and let the dogs out before work,” while I was at home getting ready. Well somewhere in my mind I made up that I had to leave home at noon to be able to leave where I was house sitting by 2:30. That just doesn’t make sense but when I left my house at noon it made perfect sense. Now I’m sitting here while the dogs play with their toys thinking about how poor my time management is when I could have stayed home for another hour and cleaned my room or figured out where to put the rest of my dorm things.

To me this time management is more frustrating than anything else because it makes me so anxious. Time to me is the most valuable resource and I hate wasting it.  When I procrastinate, I’m usually not wasting time, I’m doing something I want to do over something I should be doing. However, time management is me just not understanding the value of time and math. For example, my college is almost exactly two hours away from my house, however, there are times where I figure that it will take me 3-4 hours to get there but only an hour to get home. It might come from my perpetual fear of being late, however, my earliness has been getting the better of me for quite sometime now. I’m always adding or subtracting too much time. I need to figure out promptness and how to achieve it.

Time management is my enemy, well really, time is my enemy. Why do we have time zones? Why do we participate in Daylight Savings? Why can’t I figure out how to manage the time I have? I just don’t understand. I feel like I need to start planning out every hour so I can make sure I don’t have any time that goes wasted. Does anyone have any time management tips?? I need them.

Sometimes I’m good at it, like being early isn’t a bad thing. However, it’s bad when I’m twiddling my thumbs for an hour because I’m too early.

Help me and my poor time management skills.

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Wasting Time

I don’t know if I’ve explained this before but one of the things I hate the most is wasting time. Today is one of those days where I’m just waiting for the next meeting or class or time but I typically make the best use of my time and I think that’s important. There are always things you have to do, like shower, brush your teeth, use the bathroom, interact with people, eat/drink, and other basic human rituals. Other than those things you should not do anything or spend time on anything you don’t want to do because it’s like throwing time away.

I hate the idea that I spend time in math classes and science classes considering I never plan on using that ever, I mean seriously, I have even thought about bin packing since last December? No, I mean other than laughing about how I don’t know how to do it anymore. So other than getting me a step closer to graduating it was kind of a waste of my time, however I did what I had to do. This is not comparable to spending time watching the Super Bowl to me. I don’t like sports, they are not enjoyable to me, especially on TV so why would I waste my valuable time watching sports when I could spend valuable time with my friends? So that’s what I did instead.

I find it sad that there are people who do so much that they don’t like doing. I don’t understand how you can spend so much time on something you can do nothing but complain about, don’t do it if you don’t like it. It’s a waste of time and your life if you pour your time into something that isn’t going to pay off because if you don’t like it, it’s not going to be good. Spend  your time doing the things you love because it makes life so much more enjoyable.

I love blogging, it’s honestly one of my favorite things but there certainly are things that I put above it. When I blogged everyday my laptop was essentially my companion, the annoying significant other that was always around. I would go out and if the blog post wasn’t up the laptop would come and I would try and the free time or pause from an activity to just post something. Now, I put my friendships before the blog or if I know I have plans I’ll do it before hand or if I know I’ll be back early afterwards. My blog is not allowed to be the annoying significant other in every friendship I have. Relationships come first, for me that’s a priority.

Prioritizing what you enjoy and giving up what you don’t is the key to a successful life, at least in my opinion. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice the things you love for the things you don’t. Do what makes you happy. Time is the most valuable resource anyone has because although it is created by man it is so limited and you never know when it’s going to run out. Wasting time is such a stupid concept that I don’t know why we allow ourselves to do it. New goal: make every second count as much as possible.

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Things that Confuse Me

Today I was talking with my friend Eric about cows. I don’t remember how the subject came about but we had a very in depth conversation about cows and their udders. Somewhere I learned that a cow’s udders will explode if they’re not milked, he told me I was wrong but I was convinced. I spent about an hour after that trying to find proof that they exploded to come to the conclusion that I’m basically just an idiot. In case you were wondering they’ll get a bacterial infection that can kill them, but they will not explode. Anyway this little conversation, okay it was a long conversation when you consider the subject matter, but it did spark the thought that a lot of things really confuse me and perplex me so in my mind I thought I should make a list in case anyone has clarifications for me.

  • Why does everything in my room get so staticy even though I spray it with static remover at least once a week?
  • Where do wild animals sleep? Like sure there are caves but I can’t say I’ve ever been anywhere that I would see a wild animal but even so I just can’t picture them sleeping.
  • Where does dust come from?
  • Why hasn’t anyone figured out how to make water powered car engines or milk one like the ones in “Phil of the Future”? However, I think milk is more expensive than gas now which is weird.
  • Why did someone milk a cow and then decide to drink the milk? Like why not pigs or donkeys?
  • I get really confused about sheep, rams, and goats. Same with cows, steers, and bulls. For someone who grew up in Lancaster County I know nothing about farm animals. Well I do know that when the steers got out recess would get canceled in elementary school.
  • Why isn’t it socially acceptable for guys to wear dresses and skirts? Like why are those two things specifically “girl” clothes? I shop in the mens section for t-shirts and sweaters sometimes so why can’t they do the same? It doesn’t seem fair.
  • Nail polish. Unpainted nails aren’t pretty on girls??? I don’t get it. Let me paint things that protect my fingers.
  • Nails in general. My ankles are fine without a weird protection around them so why do my fingers and toes need them?
  • Rain when it’s below 32 degrees.
  • The Internet. I can talk to someone on the opposite side of the world and find out any information. HOW?!?
  • TIME! TIME MESSES ME UP SO MUCH. HOW ON EARTH IS IT ALREADY TOMORROW WHERE LAUREN IS AND NOT EVEN CLOSE TO BEING TOMORROW YET HERE IN MARYLAND I DON’T UNDERSTAND!
  • Daylight savings time. I was at Logan’s until 2am once and the time changed and I got back to my room and it was 1am. I had never been so confused in my whole life.
  • Selling water. How is that a business? Why do we pay for it?
  • Dry shampoo. I use it when I’m too lazy to clean my hair but how do I know if it’s working? It’s just a spray that “cleans”!
  • Ankles. What’s the point?
  • Coffee. How did it turn into a drink? It comes from berries and beans so like did someone make a soup and drink the broth? I don’t understand.
  • Where words come from. Think about that one for a minute. Then say minute over and over again and it won’t seem real anymore.

You guys probably think I’m an idiot after reading this but these are just things that when I sit down and think about I get really confused and perplexed. What confuses you?

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A Planner.

I’m a planner, and I’m pretty sure this drives just about everyone in my life a little bit nuts. I’m not a spontaneous kind of person, like sure a spontaneous trip to the mall cool, but I’m not good when I know something’s happening but there’s no plans for it. This is why I freak out about the future. Anyway, since I’m a planner something I plan on doing is having every person I love and cherish in my life forever. This is a mistake my friends.

While it might be nice to plan on having Jane from kindergarten at your wedding, yet she moved in the first grade and you haven’t seen her since, it’s pretty impractical that every person you have ever met in your life forever. I think this is particularly hard, well at least for me, when certain people have had such a large impact on your life. Now, no, I’m not one of those girls with a wedding board on Pinterest (feel free to follow me @mrmilligan13), but if I do get married, I expect all of my friends now to be there. Yet, a few months ago I wrote a letter to myself on the occasion if I ever do get married, and someone I mentioned in there is no longer a part of my life, and there are also a few more people now who mean a lot more to me.

I always count on having my friends there for me. I assume that when I’m 87 years old that one of my friends will be in my nursing home, assuming and hoping I didn’t out live them all. I assume and have the idea that once someone in my life is there, they’re going to stay there. I don’t know why I would ever count on anyone leaving. My planning mind plans for these people to always be there no matter what the situation that those I love and care for will always be there for me. I don’t know why I would think anything else.

I think that if the day comes and I either birth a child (probably not) or adopt (a lot more likely) that I’ll call Lindsay and tell her about the funny stuff it says or that I’ll share the gross vomit story with Zoe. I don’t expect that people are going to leave my life and unless something they do or say hurts me or someone else I care about I won’t leave theirs either.

This accounts for disappointment sometimes, especially when you count on someone being there for you and they aren’t. When I lose a friend I obviously take it very personally. Contrary to what people may think of me, it takes a lot in me to cut someone out of my life, no matter how good it is for my mental well being. It takes a lot for me to just give up on someone. It takes a lot in me to just not care anymore. It obviously takes a lot just to walk out of someone’s life when you’re counting on them being there for every event to come. Yet, it is nice to think that in the coming years my true friends will emerge, if not already, the high school drama that’s carried into college will hopefully fade, and friends will just be friends not pieces of a board game.

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People.

Ooo what an enticing title, I know, it’s great.Well first and foremost this is like old style Mary writing, not even starting until past midnight, such a winner. Anyway this post is about people I like I just didn’t want to make that the title and I can do what I want, okay? My blog, my thoughts, doing what I want. Sorry I don’t know where that came from.

Anyway, today I wanted to talk about people you just connect with. Hiba, from TryingNovelty who I interviewed a while back and I had been emailing and now we Facebook message and she’s just one of those people that I can talk to about anything. Like she sends me messages and I just think “oh my gosh that’s so me” I just connected with her so quickly and I wish she wasn’t so far away. 

Ask my parents, I’m not good with people, it takes a lot for me to connect with someone. Like Lindsay, one of my best friends in the whole world, let me just tell you the story of how I met Lindsay. I met her on the People to People trip on the plane, the second plane that we took to get to Ireland, the first plane we took was Lindsay’s first plane ride (I hope she doesn’t get mad at me for writing all of this) we ended up sitting together the second plane (I also hope this is making sense so far). So I sat by the window, then it was Lindsay and some random business man, mind you neither one of us has slept more than 3 hours. I think we said hi and introduced ourselves, it’s really a blur with the exception that she took out her headphones and they were covered in cheese. I must’ve given her the most disgusted look ever because she quickly explained that the pressure from the first plane made her crackers explode. She fell asleep before we even took off, I remember trying to show her Buckingham Palace from the sky but she was out. Like that’s not automatically clicking with someone, that’s me judging her for the first hour and a half of meeting her and then later deciding whoa she’s actually weird in the way that I can be best friends with her. 

I think when you click with a person right away it’s really nice because you can be friends with them immediately instead of wasting precious time to find out if you actually like them or not. On the other hand, just because you don’t click with someone right away it doesn’t mean they won’t be a great friend in the long run. 

That leads me to my final point, why waste your time with people you don’t get along with or click with ever? Cheating yourself from a friendship is one thing but being with people you don’t like is another. Only be with people who make you a better person and you truly enjoy the company of. It’s not worth your time to be miserable just to make other people happy. 

XOXO,

Mary.

 

P.S. I still hate the new WordPress format, if not more. 

Everything Changes in a Year

I was taking a shower, ya know to be clean, and it brought me to thinking about how much has changed in the past year. This time last year was before I started slipping. This time last year I was really, really happy. To be honest, I couldn’t stop thinking how I couldn’t be happier, I was on top of the world and nothing was pushing me down. That only lasted for about another week and a half, but this time last year I was so happy. I was also preparing to graduate, having good times with my friends, and was only a little worried that I wasn’t going to pass math (but I did, don’t worry guys).

There are a lot of things that I would go back and change about this time last year. I wish I would’ve never been that happy. I think that’s part of the reason I’m down a lot, I was so happy and it all came crashing down around me in such a short time, but I still know what that happiness was and I haven’t felt like that since. Again, I’m not saying I’m unhappy or depressed or anything like that, I’m just fine, not good, not bad, just completely neutral. If I could go back in time I would’ve trusted my first instinct and I wouldn’t have done things out of spite or based my decisions around other people’s thoughts and feelings. However, I am grateful to now know how happy I am capable of being .

This time last year I was writing a speech for graduation. I was actually just writing a lot in general. I think the extreme euphoria and happiness I was feeling was inspiring and then the complete crash did the same. However, let’s focus on graduation. I’m pretty sure by this point I was counting down the days, maybe even counting down the days until I left for college. I was over the point of regretting my commitment and to the point of just being excited for college. I was thinking about orientation and admitted students day. Mostly I was just looking forward to standing on stage, reading off names, and being done forever.

There was also a little stress going on in my life this time last year, but the happiness really cancelled it out. I was struggling with AP Statistics which was the only class I needed to graduate. For a while I had a D and I really thought I was going to fail and not be able to graduate, but I got it up to C, which isn’t really good. However, I had senioritis since second semester of my junior year so I don’t think you can blame me. I got into college and passed. I was also stressed about graduation, I had a speech, to read names, help plan the picnic, and I liked to just stress.

When I look back at year ago, I never would have imagined my life the way it is today. To be honest, I thought I would be with a certain guy, I thought I would really be blossoming at college, and I thought I would really have my life together. However, if all that was true would I be here today? Maybe this would’ve been started but if I had a boyfriend, I would skype with him over writing here. When I examine everything I’m not sure which I would prefer my life to be like. I wish I was still that happy, but I’m glad I’m not with that guy. I’m glad I’m not worried about passing math now I might be worried about passing Arabic or all the stuff that went along with graduation.

What it all comes down to the end is, don’t stress about what’s a problem today because a year from now it might seem pretty insignificant, everything’s going to be different anyway so don’t sweat the little stuff.

XOXO,

Mary.

Everything has change, yet is still the same.

So I’ve been home for about a week now, and I can’t say I miss college one bit, however I can’t say I want to be home either. I am currently sitting on my bed watching Netflix (nothing new there) but I’m supposed to be cleaning my room, which is annoying because in three week it all has to get packed up again. Anyway, being home is so different when it’s for an extended amount of time rather than a weekend or even a long weekend. I’m not used to not being able to just leave and not tell anyone where I’m going or what I’m doing, it’s just different.  I feel like sometimes even my friends are different, but I’m not sure maybe I’ve changed or maybe they have but I feel like sometimes I’m out of the loop when I hang out with them. I don’t think they try it, it’s just something that seems to happen and that’s really different. Work is the same, I hate everyone that comes through and approximately half of my coworkers.  I’m so tired of feeling like there’s no place in the world for me, I feel like I will always be that outsider looking in. I don’t belong at college (or at least the one I go to) I don’t belong at home, I don’t belong at my job, and I don’t belong in my group of friends half the time, no matter what I do I feel like I don’t belong.  It’s like I never left high school.  A year ago if you told me that I’d feel this shitty at a time where I’m supposed to be finding out who I am and having the time of my life, I would’ve thought you were crazy. I always thought things would get better when it came time for college, but it doesn’t seem like it. What do I have to look forward to next? Retirement? That’s so far away and it’s wishing away my whole life too.  I keep hoping, wishing, praying, that things are going to get better, but how long do I have to do that for? I’ve already done that for so long. But one of these days things will pick up I’m sure, it won’t be bad forever, right?Maybe 2014 will be my year, I can only hope. So here’s to a better year with lots good memories, friends back to normal and a place where I belong.  So I guess this is a kind of short, but deepish post, anywho thanks for reading!

XOXO,

Mary