Dating Diaries: “Costco Sunglasses”

 

So I’m dating again. As you probably know, I hate dating. It’s the worst. But alas, I would like a boyfriend because one day I’d like to get married and have a family. However, it’s not going real great so far so I thought I would start a new series about dating*. I like to consider myself fairly low maintenance when it comes to men, I don’t want to be paid for (example A bought my own coffee), I’m fine making decisions for myself, and I don’t require excessive amounts of attention, all I ask is for them to be upfront with me.

This afternoon I went on a first date. Personally, I thought it went well. I did a lot to prepare, got a new outfit (okay I wanted an excuse for a new outfit), shaved my legs, used a facemask, did my makeup very well. To be honest, most of that was just needed as some mental self-care. Went to meet him at a local coffee shop, he was late and the wait at the place was 30 minutes so we walked to another. We sat in that coffee shop for almost two hours. Then, we walked all over downtown for nearly 3 hours. By the end of the date, it was nearly 5:30. He walked me to the car and said he would definitely text me with plans for another encounter. Well, he did.

However, he said that he didn’t think that we would be good romantically. THEN WHY THE HECK WOULD YOU LET ME GET BLISTERS WHILE WE WALK AROUND FOR THREE HOURS.

Hindsight, I definitely agree that we wouldn’t be good romantically agree. I mean, he showed up in plaid cargo shorts, what the boys in elementary school would wear! Add onto that his Costco sunglasses, he would need a little fashion change, and that’s coming from me who rarely matches. I realize this is something that makes me sound extremely shallow, and that there’s something wrong with all Costco sunglasses, or Costco in general and there isn’t. However, I think the look of the sunglasses, the fact that they were worn inside, and the plaid cargo shorts showed a level of immaturity that I’m passed at this point in my life.

I also had to push all of the conversations, ask so many questions, and just try hard. I definitely am just tired of being single and wanted it to work very badly. However, still a little offended he waited to text me that it wasn’t going to work out. We spent five hours together, plenty of time to tell me!

Be honest people. Dating attempt one: check.

*This segment is the first of an ongoing series about my life dating. I will go into things like waiting until marriage, what I’m looking for in a potential husband, as well as delving into my dates.

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Trying to Date as 20-Something

Dating sucks and I hate it. I hate the start of relationships where you have to get to know someone and trying to figure out the way they think, how to understand them, and just all those little things. I can’t think of anything about dating that I like. I can’t even count the number of times in a week where I want to call my mom and ask her to just arrange my marriage.

I was recently ghosted. Or maybe that’s still an occurring thing. I don’t really know how long of a process that typically is, but all I know is that I’m pretty pissed about it. Like really, you’re in your twenties, I’m willing to have a conversation, so let’s talk about it. I find myself to be a reasonable person, and ghosting makes me totally unreasonable. So to the guy that’s ghosting/ghosted me, if you’re reading this, I’m a catch and because of your unwillingness to have a conversation with me, you’re missing out boy. Also mom and dad- I don’t want to talk about it. I would be lying if I said I’ve never ghosted anyone, I mean I tried. I was unsuccessful because I feel like shit leaving someone in the dark like that.

I know that I’m a relatively easy person to date (at least in my opinion). I don’t require fancy dates (my favorite places are IHOP and Target) or even that much attention, a text a day suffices for me. However, I never seem to be enough for the boys that  pay attention to me, or I require too much. Honestly, the last guy who was actually my boyfriend couldn’t do enough for me so I broke up with him. That sounds really shitty, but he complained if I asked to go on a walk around the park, not even if we could get a coffee.

So I don’t understand why I find dating so complicated. I sometimes feel as if I have convoluted ideas behind dating. I can be quoted of saying “Did I miss the day in school where everyone learned to talk to people they’re attracted to?” Other than my lack of flirtation skills, I can’t get a guy to notice me. Well, I can, just not the ones that I want to, and I don’t know why that is.

I feel like I’m starting to get a little side-tracked (naturally) in this post. Really, the thing is, there is not one good thing about dating in your twenties. Tinder sucks and it’s how to meet some really shitty people. I would be curious to know if anyone has actually had good, continued success on the app, because I would say I had brief and okay success but now I will never use it again.

I’m not one to blame things on social media because I love it more than most other things. However, it does make dating harder. It makes reading into someone’s personal life a lot easier and actually talking to someone a lot more difficult. Like, if I just start seeing someone I am not about to tweet some T-Swift lyrics because that’s unfortunately the kind of thing that freaks guys out whether or not it has anything to do with them. They might not even follow me on social media yet and I won’t tweet it just in case they decide to creep. Fortunately, I’m not the type to get mad if a guy likes another girl’s picture, or retweets something, but there are people that get into actual fights over such things. While, I may find that little bit out there, it’s a real problem. Social media might be hurting our dating lives.

On the other hand, social media has done this awesome thing that it usually does, which is bring people together. I am curious to know if that works for people. I know a girl who started dating someone on Instagram, like they had mutual friends (I think) and they hit it off through comments. To me, that’s kinda crazy and I don’t think that happens a lot, but maybe I’m wrong. My goal is that an attractive man will see how hilarious I am on Twitter and slide into my DMs, I doubt it will happen but a girl can dream.

At the end of the day, my thoughts behind dating is that it sucks and I want an arranged marriage. No, not really, but it does suck. They’re are too many ways for it to go downhill. For someone like me, that is a tough thing to grasp sometimes. Post-graduation I would really like to have a steady man in my life that likes me and treats me well. Preferably, he has aspirations of things and goals he will obtain. Obviously, I’ll keep you posted on any male suiters (only after they know about the blog and they stick around past the “dating” phase of things).

What do you think about dating as a twenty-something?

The Expectations of the Twenties.

I always pictured 20 year old Mary as stable, pretty, has her life together, knows what she wants to do. I feel like growing up you really start to romanticize your twenties. You think that things will be great, college will be the time of your life (okay that I really do enjoy), you think you’ll have the coolest job in the world, have a boyfriend-on the way to marriage(?!?), like you think all of these things about your life, that it is essentially going to be perfect so you can’t wait to get out of middle school and high school to be/have that level of perfect. Like when you’re a kid and growing up you think 20 is so old, like kids I babysit think I’m old. I think I’m old. It’s so weird. Age is one of those things like time that just really make me think a lot more than I probably should.

More recently I’ve also established expectations for myself in my twenties, forgetting that I am in fact already 20, and nearly 3/4 of the way to being 21. These expectations include being a bomb ass* photographer and blogger who does the coolest stuff and everyone just kind of goes “Wow.” when I talk to them. I want tanner skin and a flatter belly, and I want to have not so frizzy hair. I would prefer not to be single. These are all attainable things so I don’t think my expectations of myself are ridiculous.

There are these expectations that I have predetermined for myself for some reason. I can go out and take a million pictures and be that photographer and I can go out and be that blogger I want to be. You might not believe that with my tendencies lately- I honestly don’t even know the last time I got three posts in a week. I can go on hikes, runs, workout, eat healthier and do all of that to work towards a slightly flatter belly and going on hikes and runs also means going outside which means I wouldn’t be as pasty. I mean the single thing is a little more complicated, like I can just make a boyfriend appear out of thin air. That’s not as attainable but I’m sure one day that’ll all work out.

I couldn’t tell you where this point of reflection came from. Maybe the fact that I still think I’m a teenager and can still set expectations for myself. I don’t know where this stemmed from, but I’m kind of happy it stemmed. Self-actualization always helps me for some reason to like better become who I want to be. So what are your expectations for yourself?

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*Please excuse my profanity, I just feel as it give it the effect and it’s actually the expectation that I have set for myself.

The Twenties.

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The twenties were a pivotal moment in history, the roaring twenties. It was a break in history where women were temporarily more free and prohibition seemed to promote more promiscuity. I would say that this is almost defining of the decade of being twenty. It’s the break in personal history where you are more free from responsibility- for some the prohibition of being 20 encourages pushing boundaries. The temporary break in our lives at this point is almost directly comparable to that of the 1920s.

I say this is a temporary break in the history of our lives because there are fewer responsibilities that we have. There is less obligation to our families and most don’t start their own until later in the decade. It seems to hold this idea that this is them time for self-discovery and self-awareness. The 1920s was a pivotal moment in history and our twenties I would say play a part of the most pivotal moments of our lives.

I am twenty, in college, work a side job here and there, and I have absolutely no realistic clue of what I want to do in the future. I don’t think I’m alone. Sure there are the things I want to do and I think everyone has those and for some, those are the attainable things they can do, for me these are the dreams that I probably won’t do. There are the things that I would be open to do and that’s probably more of what I’ll end up doing and that’s what I would say most people figure out in their twenties. The figure out what they would be okay with doing for the rest of their lives. You find a career- or at least that’s the idea. I guess you can also find out what you really don’t like in order to single out what you really do like.

I think the decade of our twenties is also a time for blossoming relationships- both romantic and friends. Like I would say that by the time I’m 29 most of my friends will be married or living with their significant other or in a serious relationship. This is the period where people get into those long term relationships, of course after flings and other various not-relationships but engaging in feelings and such with others. For most I would say that these have the ability to turn into something more providing the means for a long-term relationship which you know turns into marriage and such. I also think the twenties is where you meet like your life-long friends. Maybe I think this because a lot of my mom’s friends were friends she made in college, but I really believe that. I also believe that there are a lot of my friends from prior to college that will continue to be my friends but there is a difference. My college and friends and I’m assuming other friends I will make in my twenties are different then the friends I had in high school and before. I live with my friends now- I know I can tolerate the for days, weeks, and even months on end. There are less breaks here. I have an extended family here and that’s what these friendships have become- an extension of my family. You have dinner with the same people every night and you hang out with those people on the weekends. I’m sure there are some people that I see more often here then I see my family in the summer. I think some people concentrate so much on finding a perfect romantic relationship during their twenties they forget to remember that they can make some of the best friends in the world.

I guess I really don’t know though- I am in fact only twenty. Maybe this is my idealistic view of what my twenties are. Maybe you won’t find the love of your life until you’re 32 and maybe you won’t know why you hate your job and figure out what you want to do until you’re 47. I hope these aren’t true not only for myself, but for you too. Right now I like my vision of the twenties. I like that I see them as this time in my life where I have a different kind of independence and freedom even if it it is a naive point of view.

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