Dating Diaries: “Costco Sunglasses”

 

So I’m dating again. As you probably know, I hate dating. It’s the worst. But alas, I would like a boyfriend because one day I’d like to get married and have a family. However, it’s not going real great so far so I thought I would start a new series about dating*. I like to consider myself fairly low maintenance when it comes to men, I don’t want to be paid for (example A bought my own coffee), I’m fine making decisions for myself, and I don’t require excessive amounts of attention, all I ask is for them to be upfront with me.

This afternoon I went on a first date. Personally, I thought it went well. I did a lot to prepare, got a new outfit (okay I wanted an excuse for a new outfit), shaved my legs, used a facemask, did my makeup very well. To be honest, most of that was just needed as some mental self-care. Went to meet him at a local coffee shop, he was late and the wait at the place was 30 minutes so we walked to another. We sat in that coffee shop for almost two hours. Then, we walked all over downtown for nearly 3 hours. By the end of the date, it was nearly 5:30. He walked me to the car and said he would definitely text me with plans for another encounter. Well, he did.

However, he said that he didn’t think that we would be good romantically. THEN WHY THE HECK WOULD YOU LET ME GET BLISTERS WHILE WE WALK AROUND FOR THREE HOURS.

Hindsight, I definitely agree that we wouldn’t be good romantically agree. I mean, he showed up in plaid cargo shorts, what the boys in elementary school would wear! Add onto that his Costco sunglasses, he would need a little fashion change, and that’s coming from me who rarely matches. I realize this is something that makes me sound extremely shallow, and that there’s something wrong with all Costco sunglasses, or Costco in general and there isn’t. However, I think the look of the sunglasses, the fact that they were worn inside, and the plaid cargo shorts showed a level of immaturity that I’m passed at this point in my life.

I also had to push all of the conversations, ask so many questions, and just try hard. I definitely am just tired of being single and wanted it to work very badly. However, still a little offended he waited to text me that it wasn’t going to work out. We spent five hours together, plenty of time to tell me!

Be honest people. Dating attempt one: check.

*This segment is the first of an ongoing series about my life dating. I will go into things like waiting until marriage, what I’m looking for in a potential husband, as well as delving into my dates.

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The Twenties.

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The twenties were a pivotal moment in history, the roaring twenties. It was a break in history where women were temporarily more free and prohibition seemed to promote more promiscuity. I would say that this is almost defining of the decade of being twenty. It’s the break in personal history where you are more free from responsibility- for some the prohibition of being 20 encourages pushing boundaries. The temporary break in our lives at this point is almost directly comparable to that of the 1920s.

I say this is a temporary break in the history of our lives because there are fewer responsibilities that we have. There is less obligation to our families and most don’t start their own until later in the decade. It seems to hold this idea that this is them time for self-discovery and self-awareness. The 1920s was a pivotal moment in history and our twenties I would say play a part of the most pivotal moments of our lives.

I am twenty, in college, work a side job here and there, and I have absolutely no realistic clue of what I want to do in the future. I don’t think I’m alone. Sure there are the things I want to do and I think everyone has those and for some, those are the attainable things they can do, for me these are the dreams that I probably won’t do. There are the things that I would be open to do and that’s probably more of what I’ll end up doing and that’s what I would say most people figure out in their twenties. The figure out what they would be okay with doing for the rest of their lives. You find a career- or at least that’s the idea. I guess you can also find out what you really don’t like in order to single out what you really do like.

I think the decade of our twenties is also a time for blossoming relationships- both romantic and friends. Like I would say that by the time I’m 29 most of my friends will be married or living with their significant other or in a serious relationship. This is the period where people get into those long term relationships, of course after flings and other various not-relationships but engaging in feelings and such with others. For most I would say that these have the ability to turn into something more providing the means for a long-term relationship which you know turns into marriage and such. I also think the twenties is where you meet like your life-long friends. Maybe I think this because a lot of my mom’s friends were friends she made in college, but I really believe that. I also believe that there are a lot of my friends from prior to college that will continue to be my friends but there is a difference. My college and friends and I’m assuming other friends I will make in my twenties are different then the friends I had in high school and before. I live with my friends now- I know I can tolerate the for days, weeks, and even months on end. There are less breaks here. I have an extended family here and that’s what these friendships have become- an extension of my family. You have dinner with the same people every night and you hang out with those people on the weekends. I’m sure there are some people that I see more often here then I see my family in the summer. I think some people concentrate so much on finding a perfect romantic relationship during their twenties they forget to remember that they can make some of the best friends in the world.

I guess I really don’t know though- I am in fact only twenty. Maybe this is my idealistic view of what my twenties are. Maybe you won’t find the love of your life until you’re 32 and maybe you won’t know why you hate your job and figure out what you want to do until you’re 47. I hope these aren’t true not only for myself, but for you too. Right now I like my vision of the twenties. I like that I see them as this time in my life where I have a different kind of independence and freedom even if it it is a naive point of view.

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Mary’s Dysfunctional Ways to be a Grown Up

In the next week or so I will be turning 20, and this is the first time I’ve ever not looked forward to a birthday. I feel like I’ve spent a quarter of my life doing nothing other than school and the only thing I have to show for TWENTY YEARS is a high school diploma, so that’s cool. Anyway, in Pennsylvania it’s like every four years or something that you have to renew your license, so basically I drove just over the border to get my new one.

It was weird taking myself to the DMV, it’s not like I’ve never done anything alone, because I do a lot of things alone, but the last time I was at the DMV I was with my mom, she helped me through the lines, who to talk to, what to do, this time, I misunderstood the picture lady and sat in the wrong for over half an hour. That’s the wrong way to be an adult.  It’s weird the decisions and things you have to do as you get older. I don’t know if I’m ready to be a real adult which sounds really stupid. I’m not ready to accept the fact that I’m no longer a teenager anymore. I’ve always been an old soul, so I should be fine with actually getting older but I’m freaking out so here are my dysfunctional ways that I plan on living my adulthood.

  • Color all day and all night. Paint, finger color. Be creative so that you don’t lose that.
  • Deny the fact that your getting older and plaster anti-aging cream all over your face so you never get wrinkles and you look young forever.
  • Pretend that a diet of pizza and chips is really good for you and you metabolism isn’t slowing down and eat all of the crappy food you want to eat.
  • Run away from any type of responsibility, hell I can’t even remember to water my cactus, it took me two weeks to replant it. I wanted a goldfish but that’s too much responsibility.
  • Sit on the internet and watch your favorite cartoons from your childhood and just pretend everyday is Saturday morning and you don’t have 10 assignments due this week.
  • It’s okay if Netflix is your best friend.
  • Get in your car and drive, literally drive away from your problems. Like go on a getaway, by yourself, with your friends, just drive away from everything that you don’t need in your life.
  • Ignore people you don’t want to talk to. Don’t open their texts, don’t answer their calls, don’t talk to them. Ignore everyone if you want, I’ve done it before, it’s kind of nice.
  • Call of sick to have a day off even if you aren’t sick. Take the day off and do something stupid like stare at a ceiling fan or wander the isles of Michael’s, do something fun.
  • Write a blog and tell people how to be dysfunctional like yourself, that always works too.

Who else is not coping very well with this whole turning 20 thing? Let me know in the comments!

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Someday.

One thing I try not to do on here is get too cheesy or cliche, but isn’t that what life is? One big cheesy cliche? In my opinion, yes that is exactly what life is like.  I have recently started thinking about my future, but more in the sense of my personal life than career options. If you have been a reader for a while you may know my recent story about a bad guy who played me, if your new, find the post on it, I’m sure it’s mentioned in many, anyway because of that for a while I have been turned off to any idea of a relationship because of fear.  Before him I was too tied up in a guy friend that used me to find any sort of relationship, and before that I had a bad boyfriend, and before that I had a good one who broke up with me. Literally my first, very pathetic, but first relationship was the only good and functional relationship I have been in. Anyway, that’s not the point, but because of my bad experiences I was always afraid of opening myself up to new people and letting other people in again. It’s really scary to do, for me it’s even scarier knowing that people out there who are basically strangers to me now, know so much about my life.

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However, I’m to the point now where I realize I’m getting older, heck I’m turning 20 this year, which is crazy, I remember turning ten and thinking twenty was so far away, now it’s going to be here in seven months.  This makes me think about what exactly I’ll be doing twenty years from now, I can’t even imagine turning 40, but someday I will, and it makes me wonder what my life will be like. When my mom turned 40 her and my dad went on a cruise just the two of them, I was starting my sophomore year, Sarah was going into middle school, and Julia was going into the fourth grade. To me that’s so weird that in double my age I could have kids in three different schools. To also think that I could have kids at all is crazy. I’m pretty independent and self-sufficient, however I don’t know if I could be taking care of a child anytime soon, let alone be thinking about starting a family. But I also don’t want to be alone twenty years from now, I think I might want to have a family. It’s weird that the next relationship I get in could be the last, but then again that’s a possibility with any relationship. Sometimes I think I want the fairy tale, the happily ever after, but the I think, really? Spending the next 40 so years with someone, that’s insane! I don’t know if I can do it. This whole someday thing is scary no matter how you look at it, in terms of personal life, career, everything. I think you go into college thinking that it’ll all just come to you, that every doubt you ever had will be at ease. That’s not what it’s like at all, it just gets worse. For example, today I’m saying that I could see myself with a family in ten years, however, tomorrow I could say I never want kids, I want to be alone my whole life. Someday I’ll figure it out I guess.

So sorry this isn’t a post about school, and sorry it’s really late, I was getting really good at putting them up earlier. Has anyone else thought about this? Well and I guess some of my readers are older too, so to my older readers, when did you figure it out? When did you know if you wanted a family? When did you know what career path you wanted?  I’m curious because my life is the definition of lost right now. Include your responses in the comments please! Thanks for reading!

XOXO

Mary.