Unrealistic Expectations

After a year of college and crossing off core topics like language and science, as this happens I add more and more to the list of things I don’t want to do. Language, math, and science are all topics that have made that list so far. This leads me to think about what I should be doing and honestly I don’t know. I have this expectation that one day it’ll like come to me in a dream or something or I’ll be in the right place at the right time and I’ll just fall into it. That is a very unrealistic expectation.

I think I have a lot of these in life, I just expect the best out of everything. Hannah tells me I’m brave, I think I’m crazy. It should probably make me nervous to get from the bus station to Harvard Square by myself at five in the morning, but it doesn’t. It doesn’t scare me to wander cities alone, I just have this expectation that I will be fine. Probably not a good thought process.

I have this expectation for everything that it’s just going to work out the way it should, if I want something I’ll work for it, but if it doesn’t work out my reaction is that it wasn’t supposed to. I only end up really disappointed about half the time, which sounds like a lot, but I get over it pretty quickly. I only dwell on very few things.

I hate that this is what I’m basing my life plan off of. I am just taking everything as it is, seeing what I like and don’t like. For example I like writing, but I hate sitting in office building. My ultimate dream would be to become a travel writer for a magazine, or well, it would be really nice to just use this as a travel blog eventually, however, I have not fallen into blogging, there’s a good amount of you, but not enough to make this a career or anything. This is a hobby. Currently.

I know eventually I’ll figure it out, however I might need to do some searching instead of waiting. There are things that help lead me in the right direction, but right now I’ll just keep making the list of things I don’t want to do.

Before I sign off I just want to again ask anyone with anxiety to contact me at marysaverageadventures@gmail.com I’m trying to get some research done for a blog post I want to do. You will remain anonymous, unless requested otherwise.

XOXO,

Mary.

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I’m Craving Adventure

I live by this quote.
I live by this quote.

It has been seven months since I’ve had a good adventure, and that was a trip to the beach. I’m hungry for an adventure. To be honest, I’m not good at this whole doing school work thing. I don’t like it. I’m not a paperwork kind of person. Sure I like sitting around the house as much as the next girl, but I’m getting really tired of it. I started this blog with the idea that maybe soon I’d be posting weekend adventure to downtown, D.C, and Baltimore, but no one wants to do that sort of thing. I’m getting so tired of doing nothing all the time.

This just leads me to thinking about the future. What if I get a real job this summer? I can’t take time off to go away somewhere random for a week. I need the money and taking a week off is expensive. Also what it comes down to is where do I go? The beach with my friends or whatever my family is doing? There is no way I can afford to do both. Then I start thinking, well what about what I want to do? I could get a job in another state maybe, but then there’s the problem of housing, which is another expense and the money is better saved than spent. I go through all of these things in my head and what it comes down to is what is the best for me? I mean I’m to the point now where my parents can ask me to do one thing or another, or advise me, however they aren’t going to tell me what to do about things like vacations (at least I don’t think so). I even consider sometimes just going on an adventure alone because that sort of thing can be just as fun.

Then I think to the future that’s even further down the line, how in the world am I going to have a steady job if I can’t even go half of a year of school without an adventure? People don’t live life like that. I can’t spend my life in a nomadic fashion like I would like to.  I like to write stories about women that I want to be like, but they could never be more than a dream persona. A successful person doesn’t pick up odd jobs in random cities, well not enough to live off of, to be successful you have to have a steady job with a steady income. To someone like me this is super stressful and I don’t know what to do anymore. Am I going to live the rest of my life just lusting for an adventure? That’s what it’s starting to feel like. I want to be the type of person who gets on sites like kayak, and travelocity and find last minute travel deals and explore a new city on random weekend. I would love to be that person that goes on the megabus site and buys tickets for $2.50 months in advance to the point where I’m in a new city every weekend. Yet that’s no way to live a life, so I can’t really chase my dream because it’s impractical. It makes me sad to look forward in time and see that I might not be happy with the way I’m living it because I can’t live up to my dream.

And this is what I get for wanting one adventure. I can’t wait to go to Boston and New York in April, because that is exactly what need right about now. Who knows, maybe I’ll be on one sooner than that, the wander lust always seems to get the better of me.

If anyone has advice for someone like me, please let me know! It would mean the world to me if someone could give a little sliver of advice. Thanks for reading!

XOXO

Mary

Answer

February 3: The three primary colors and the achromatic colors.

Question

February 4: What baseball legend holds the record for the highest on-base percentage in major league history?

Random Rant of Feeling because I’m a Girl

So today has just been one of those days for me, one of those days where I just feel so alone and I’m tired of feeling like this. And I know this is like the complete opposite of my blog post last night. I just was like this kind of builds on it so I’m just going to post it today and hope all goes well, so here it goes.

I’m tired of feeling ugly all the time, but at the same time I don’t want to put effort into my appearance because I want someone to fall for me because of my personality not how hot I can look. I want someone to find me beautiful in my athletic short, yoga pants, jeans, t-shirts, and sweatshirts. At the same time though I wish that I could dress really nice one day and just grab some guys attention, I want him to look at me and do a double take. I want him to nudge his friends and be like “Who is that? She the prettiest girl I have ever seen.” I want a boy who will fight for that girl he saw that day, trying to find her. I want to be that girl he can’t forget, the one he won’t stop chasing. And I know this is stupid and cliché but this is what I want right now. I mean this guy could be my best friend first. The guy that comes over and watches movies with me in our sweats and pjs, and then he wants to go out for a change. Not a date. Just go out to go out. So I put on something nicer than usual and he just looks at me and is breathless. Then we go out more and we slowly fall in love. But at the same time I don’t know why I wish for all of this. Maybe deep down it’s what I really want, but I know I’m going to be alone for a good while so maybe that’s why I won’t let it happen.

So sorry for this little rant, it was more than twitter could handle for the night and I don’t have anyone to say this stuff to here so that’s that. I just needed to get this out. Hopefully someone out there can understand how I’m feeling. And that was actually a lot longer than I thought it would be so I’m sorry. Anyway, thanks for reading. It is greatly appreciated, I am sincerely grateful for all of you who read my blog, it means the world to me. I love knowing that there’s a few people out there that care what I think, or like to laugh at my life too. Thanks so much.

XOXO

Mary