Being Lost

After five hours in the car I came home to catch up on some YouTube and I watched this video. To be honest, I can’t tell you how I stumbled upon Will Darbyshire, he must’ve come up on my recommended one day or something but he has some of the best videos I’ve ever seen to be honest. He’s one of those people where I watch his videos and I just feel like if I eve met him we would be fast friends, I don’t know why I think that, that’s just what I think when I watch his videos. This is all besides the point though.

This video is about feeling lost and even though I’ve declared my major and made some other decisions I still feel unsure about a lot. Today someone came into my health class from the Heartly House, a local source for domestic and sexual abuse and it made me question my decision to be a communications major. While I love writing things like this, I hate doing news articles. I find them boring and frustrating but I don’t know what else I would do. This talk made me want to help people but how can you realistically help people and make money to accomplish everything I personally want to accomplish? I know that sounds really bad and selfish but I feel like the age I’m at, this is the only time I have to be selfish. I don’t have my own family (like a husband and kids) to worry about for quite some time and this is Mary Time but I still want to figure out how to help people and make a difference.

What does a communication major do to help people? Write about it? That doesn’t seem very useful to anyone. I’m sure there are resources and websites that are specifically for communication majors to help people and that’s definitely something I have to look into for post graduation, which I have PLENTY of time until then. I’m not sure. There’s just a lot of stress on the future in my head and I have this tendency to freak out about the fact that I don’t have a plan other than wanting to volunteer in an orphanage in China after graduation which seems really random and I have no idea where the idea came from it just is something I want to do.

I honestly think this existential crisis will continue until I have a solid life plan where I actually like something rather than it’s just tolerable. Blogging isn’t really a life career for me, it’s a great side hobby but I highly doubt it something that I could make a future out of. I have this idea in my head that one day I’m just going to fall into something and it’s just going to work out. I can’t plan my life like that though, that’s not how life actually works, as much as I wish it did, it’s not.

What are your life plans? Give me ideas.

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