Mary’s Dysfunctional Ways to be a Grown Up

In the next week or so I will be turning 20, and this is the first time I’ve ever not looked forward to a birthday. I feel like I’ve spent a quarter of my life doing nothing other than school and the only thing I have to show for TWENTY YEARS is a high school diploma, so that’s cool. Anyway, in Pennsylvania it’s like every four years or something that you have to renew your license, so basically I drove just over the border to get my new one.

It was weird taking myself to the DMV, it’s not like I’ve never done anything alone, because I do a lot of things alone, but the last time I was at the DMV I was with my mom, she helped me through the lines, who to talk to, what to do, this time, I misunderstood the picture lady and sat in the wrong for over half an hour. That’s the wrong way to be an adult.  It’s weird the decisions and things you have to do as you get older. I don’t know if I’m ready to be a real adult which sounds really stupid. I’m not ready to accept the fact that I’m no longer a teenager anymore. I’ve always been an old soul, so I should be fine with actually getting older but I’m freaking out so here are my dysfunctional ways that I plan on living my adulthood.

  • Color all day and all night. Paint, finger color. Be creative so that you don’t lose that.
  • Deny the fact that your getting older and plaster anti-aging cream all over your face so you never get wrinkles and you look young forever.
  • Pretend that a diet of pizza and chips is really good for you and you metabolism isn’t slowing down and eat all of the crappy food you want to eat.
  • Run away from any type of responsibility, hell I can’t even remember to water my cactus, it took me two weeks to replant it. I wanted a goldfish but that’s too much responsibility.
  • Sit on the internet and watch your favorite cartoons from your childhood and just pretend everyday is Saturday morning and you don’t have 10 assignments due this week.
  • It’s okay if Netflix is your best friend.
  • Get in your car and drive, literally drive away from your problems. Like go on a getaway, by yourself, with your friends, just drive away from everything that you don’t need in your life.
  • Ignore people you don’t want to talk to. Don’t open their texts, don’t answer their calls, don’t talk to them. Ignore everyone if you want, I’ve done it before, it’s kind of nice.
  • Call of sick to have a day off even if you aren’t sick. Take the day off and do something stupid like stare at a ceiling fan or wander the isles of Michael’s, do something fun.
  • Write a blog and tell people how to be dysfunctional like yourself, that always works too.

Who else is not coping very well with this whole turning 20 thing? Let me know in the comments!

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5 thoughts on “Mary’s Dysfunctional Ways to be a Grown Up

  1. gettingthroughanxiety September 6, 2014 / 10:43 pm

    Mary,

    While I’m older than 20, I understand where you’re coming from. I still don’t like when I have to call places like doctor’s offices, etc. Also, because of my anxiety I don’t do a lot of things I should; even though I want to. I also like to take breaks from things and watch Netflix, so I totally understand that one! I think you’re right that you should continue to always be creative so you never lose that; paint, write, dance, etc.

    While you do sometimes have to talk to people you don’t want to, I think it’s important to remember that sometimes you don’t have to put yourself in that uncomfortable situation of talking to someone you don’t like; I’ll admit I’m not a fan of people who just talk to others so that they are liked.

    For the record, Mary, you’re blog is wonderful, don’t ever doubt that! You’ve been great to talk to and you’re always there to help.

    • Mary September 7, 2014 / 8:32 pm

      Right!

      Aww thank you!

  2. Simplexvita September 7, 2014 / 8:03 pm

    Wow, I absolutely see where you’re coming from since 20 is the “official” mark into adulthood. I’ll be turning 20 this September too. It seems odd to think that in ten years our peers will be turning 30 with us. Wait. Wait, am I supposed to know how to pay bills, cook, and have my sh*t together soon? Jeez, I hope not, too. I’m glad that I’m not the only one that has similar thoughts on turning 20.

    • Mary September 7, 2014 / 8:31 pm

      I forgot about bills! Dammit! Also, cleaning EVERYTHING! Soon will come the weddings and babies, it will all be too much!

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