So sorry on the long time off but my life has been crazy busy with family, friends, shopping, and work all of break and this is the earliest I’ve been home since Tuesday.  I was debating doing an update but I do those semi-regularly and I’m just not feeling it.  This is a post I’ve actually had planned for a while but for me it’s really hard to talk about and no one really knows how bad it has been for me especially recently.

Anxiety for me started with claustrophobia.  I would be claustrophobic in small spaces then it led to me being claustrophobic in places with a lot of people, then it led to me being afraid of crowds, and from there it just kept escalating to the point where sometimes if I’m in a store I just get anxious because there’s another person in the same aisle as me.  This can make everyday tasks such as wanting to go to Starbucks to blog difficult when the store gets too crowded I have to leave because I can’t handle the number of people. I think this is why I tend to prefer Dunkin Donuts just because they’re never crowded and I don’t have to worry about feeling anxious.  

Anxiety also leads me to have a lot of stress, which leads to panic and anxiety attacks.  These are not fun and or pleasent whatsoever.  I feel really bad for my roommate, I’m not sure if she always notices when they’re happening, but I have had many more at college already than I had during senior year.  The worst part about them is that for me they can come at any time.  Last year I had one during a midterm, it wasn’t even hard but I had a lot of other stuff on my mind. I had two mild ones yesterday while shopping.  I’ve had a few at work where I’ve had to go to the bathroom to have a good cry.  I missed several days of school last year because after the whole prom fiasco and after he broke my heart it was hard for me to go a day without having one. When it gets really bad I tend to hyperventilate and  that’s actually scary.  It feels like my lungs are really tight and I can’t breathe, and in the middle of sobs it’s so scary.  I really don’t have any other way to describe it.

Lately it seems that everyone has anxiety so when you finally open up to someone and tell them how you feel they don’t always believe you.  So that’s why it’s been really hard for me to write this post.  I hope that maybe this gives someone a little hope or help because they feel the same way. Thanks for reading! 

XOXO

Mary