Letters to…

Well whoops, per usual I had a plan but it did not work out so moving forward to something new.

It is currently 11:38 pm and I am working on completing my FAFSA but I need my dad’s help with some stuff. I’m also trying to find a better job, wish me luck. Did you know I have 21 drafts started just because I thought of titles and the first line of a post? I do. Some of them have been there since August. One day they shall all be published.

I don’t know why I shared that information with you seeing that it has nothing with what I’m writing about.  A few weeks ago I did letters to myself ten years ago and ten years into the future. Well I really liked this so I’m going to it again. This time two letters that I might never read again, one to myself on my wedding day, and one to my daughter the day she turns 16.

Dear Wedding Day Self,

I’m sure you look like a hot mess by the time you’re reading this. I can’t believe you did this, found a man you can spend more than two days with. First of all way to go! Secondly congrats! 19 year old me contemplates this a lot. I wonder if this is something that will happen to me. I’m sure you’re standing there in a t-shirt and shorts with Katie telling you to do something, mom crying, Sarah fiddling over Julia’s hair, Lindsay on Twitter, Hannah calmly getting herself ready, and Jade is probably running late.

As you’re reading this letter you’re going to cry. Let’s just get it over with now before you have your makeup on, get it over with. Okay, now that you’re done with that, important question that I’m sure you know the answer to you: are you sure? Like really sure? I’m sure you are, there’s no way you would be there right now with your favorite people if you weren’t 3000% sure. I’m proud of you for being so brave and making such a huge commitment.

I want you to keep in mind the dream I have right now. I want to see the world, I want to take adventures. I want to drink espresso in Italy, talk to fancy British boys (wouldn’t that be cool if one’s who you’re marrying!), see every major city in the US and go to every state. I hope you don’t forget about these. I hope you found someone who will take these adventures with you, someone who makes you laugh so much you’re afraid you’re going to pee yourself. I hope he realizes that you will not be birthing any children, but you are more than happy to adopt. I hope he has a funny nickname for you, and you for him.

Now, go look at your dress. Picture me. Sitting at my computer, past midnight, the days where you blogged everyday (maybe you still do), watching Grey’s Anatomy, see me writing this. Remember how you felt, nervous, writing to a daughter that you might have, writing to you. Here I am 19 years old sitting on the couch a little worried that this could be happening within the next ten years. Look at your dress and if you aren’t everything you wanted to be at this point leave. I don’t care if you love him, stop making the same mistakes and love yourself first. If you feel like 19 year old Mary feels, you aren’t in a good place. You’re supposed to be happy at this point in your life. You’re supposed to have a job and be travelling. If you’re doing this because you feel obligated leave. Also, it better not be someone who hurt you and made you cry, that’s not okay.

Okay now that I got all serious, you better look stunning and the pictures better make you look photogenic. Look at your dress still please, is it beautiful? Does it accent your boobs right? Make your waist look thinner? I hope it has straps, grandmom would like that. Make sure you’re wearing your pearls! Also convince mom to let you wear some of grandmom’s expensive jewelry so it’s like she’s there.

That’s all I have to say. I wish you the best of luck. I’m sorry this letter is really awkward, it’s probably making you cringe. Don’t you dare cry when you say I do, so cliche and cheesy.

Love,

19 year old Mary.

Dear Beautiful Little Girl,

I’m sorry I don’t know your name, but right now I am 19 years old, sitting on the couch in your grandparents house past midnight writing a blog post and sharing this letter with the world, far before I’m even with you daddy. Well in this case I’m assuming I’m married, but if I did adopt you in my single world, that’s okay.

So pretty lady, it’s your sweet sixteen! That’s amazing. I’m sure you are more beautiful then any other little girl on the planet. I hope you’re growing up with Katie’s kids, maybe even Lindsay’s and Jade’s (I hope they had a lot). I hope we go and visit Hannah and she visits us.

I’m sorry I’m talking about my life, let’s talk about you! I hope you have an amazing party, and I hope I providing for you well. I hope you’ve seen more of the world than any other 16 year old you know! I hope you’re eyes smile when you laugh and hold your head up high when you walk down the road.

I’m going to give you some advice. Never let anyone take advantage of you, do what’s best for you. I don’t know what kind of technology you are using right now, I don’t know what’s hip, I don’t even know what hip in my generation! But whatever it is, use it responsibly, don’t use it to bully, or hurt anyone else and if anyone is using it to hurt you, please tell me. Don’t be afraid to talk to me. Although, we’re probably more like friends, I don’t know if I would be very “mom” like. If I am too mom like tell me so 19 year old me can be disappointed in future me. Remember that your friends are the ones that are always going to be there for you, boys will leave (unless you like girls, that’s okay too). I know the future is coming really fast, junior year is tough. I know. Senior year is stressful. Hopefully college isn’t as big of a requirement for your generation, sometimes I wish I could have a good job without going, actually I wish that all the time. If you don’t want to go, that’s okay, we can figure something out. I will always support you. Trust me, nothing fixes heartbreak, sadness, and tears like a hug from your mom and chocolate, I can give you both. I will always love you.

At this point in my life, I’m probably getting pretty old and I probably get nervous about it a lot. Just laugh and offer to pull out my grey hairs. I wonder if I’m still having career crisis, if I am just laugh at me and tell me to go back to the plaza. I’m sure you keep me sane. If you have siblings talk to them about me, go ahead and gossip it’s okay. Please never say you hate me, that’s my one request. Please never say you hate me.

I would like to apologize if I have ever made you feel embarrassed by putting your adorable baby pictures on my blog (which will hopefully still exist). I’m sorry if I did anything to upset you. Talk to me about it.

I love you.

Love,

Mom, at age 19, far before you were ever born or even thought about being born, far before any man is in my life, far before I had an idea of what I was doing with my life.

So thanks for reading this guys, let me know if you have ever written letters to any future/past people or yourself I would like to read it. I think it’s a neat time capsule type thing to do and I think I’ll do more in the future. Any suggestions for those? I think I might do one to my future husband and I don’t know what else. We shall see. Thanks for reading guys!

XOXO,

Mary.

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