Hiding Behind a Keyboard

kindness

 

There’s so much hate in the world. Like we can be happy, but the world is not happy. Our environment is dying, we are killing our neighbors, kids can’t eat, and people are having a hard time getting an education, it’s sad, so why are we so mean to each other?

People are mean, I know I can be mean. What I don’t understand- and what really gets to me is cyber bullying and hiding behind a keyboard. It seems like people forget what they say online doesn’t have an affect on the people who are on the receiving end of it. I feel like people think that their words venture into cyberspace and have no repercussions, but they do.

Remember when we were kids and our moms would say “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” that goes for more than just what comes out of our mouths but also out of keyboards. People are much more bold when what they want to say is coming out of their keyboards rather than when it comes out of their mouth. I think we need a new saying, if you wouldn’t say it outloud, should you be sharing it over technology?

Things online are shared at the speed of light. If you say something and it gets shared you can lose a lot. Employers look up what you say online, what are they going to think if all you do is bash people and make fun of people? They aren’t going to want to hire someone that’s mean, it wouldn’t be good for company morale and it doesn’t matter if you would never say anything in person it does no good to do it online either.

There are so many opportunities to be kind and caring online. There are so many chances to be the voice of kindness rather than the voice of harshness and cruelty. I don’t understand why so many people use the internet to spread hate. Everyone has the opportunity to send love and kindness to people throughout the whole world so why not do that? Positive messages can get you so much further and help so many more people

Don’t be negative and mean. Don’t comment nasty things on videos or pictures or articles just because there’s a lot of traction- the mean is what stands out the most and you don’t want to be remembered for being mean or be that person that makes someone’s life harder and hurt them. Be the voice of kindness and love.

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Being a Woman.

As a woman there are a million and one things that tell you what you should and shouldn’t be. If you look closely at what those things are you will find that almost all of the are contradictory. I honestly don’t think the internet helps with this either. It makes me sad that everything a woman does is criticized and examined to a point where as a woman I don’t want to be looked at as a woman, I just want to be looked at as if I were a person.

It’s bikini season, right now women everywhere are dreading, or have already finished, bathing suit shopping. I feel like this is a time of the year where I see a lot of fat-shaming online. Every year it seems to get less, but there seems to be a lot of people every year telling women they shouldn’t be proud of themselves. I don’t think it’s fair to automatically deem someone unhealthy just because they’re larger. People seem to think that once we accept larger people we are accepting an unhealthy lifestyle and embracing obesity. I do not believe that’s true, we are just accepting people and not judging them based on outward appearances, so remember that when you’re at the beach this summer. I think it’s terrible that women dread this time of year, I don’t know if it’s because so many of truly don’t like to look at ourselves in swimsuits or it’s the image of what we should look like. I just wish I could go to the store, try on a bathing suit and be comfortable. Here’s the catch though, I can try on most swimsuits and be comfortable with myself, but the problem is: What are people going to think of me when I go out in this? How many people are going to think I’m too big? How many people are going to think “She shouldn’t be wearing a bikini”? and I hate that those are my thoughts, as long as I’m comfortable, shouldn’t everyone around me be fine with that too?

As a woman you are always judged, especially based on appearance. If you wear makeup you try to hard, but if you don’t you don’t try enough. If you don’t dress up you’re lazy, if you do suddenly the question is “Why are you so dressed up?” As if you need a reason to put on a skirt instead of jean or leggings in the morning.

 

Then bring in the boys. Oh the boys we are supposedly trying so hard to impress. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to impress a guy, I’m not going to sit here and type out how you should never do that because that would be super hypocritical because I definitely do that, but that’s not my main aim in life. Guys act like everything we do is in order to please them or impress them, but that’s not true and I think that idea needs to stop. Also the idea that everything women wear is for men, ie crop tops and bikini, if a man is turned on that is his problem not the women. Women do not sexualize men, why do men sexualize women?

Look at someone like Taylor Swift- always looks like she’s put together, but rumors will never stop going around about her. She’s too skinny, she dates too much, she can’t be a feminist because all of her songs about men. Here’s the difference, these aren’t always men criticizing her. This is my last and final point of this very scattered post. In order for women to be treated equally we have to be nice to each other. We can’t bash other people for what they want to do with their lives, we can’t say it’s not feminism to be a stay at home mom or dress however you want. We have to stick up for women like Caitlyn Jenner. Girls and women have to be nice to each other and respect one another if we ever want feminism to succeed and for men to be on our side.

Just some late night thoughts on feminism with Mary.

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Beat Back the Blogging Blues

This is what I needed. I’ve been struggling and struggling with content and even just pulling up WordPress the past week. This post couldn’t have come at a better time. Great for anyone who feels like they’ve hit the blogging slums.

The Daily Post

The blogging wells run dry for us all from time to time. There’s regular ol’ “I can’t think of anything to say” writer’s block, when you want to blog but can’t — we’ve written about that before. And then there’s a deeper sense of blogging ennui, when you don’t even want to log in and wonder if it’s time to throw in the blogging towel.

It might be the right time to call it quits; there’s no rule that blogs have to be eternal or that you always need to blog in the same place, and it might be time to close one chapter and start something else. But it might just be the kind of lull we all experience in long-term projects; in all things, from work to parenting to creative pursuits to our favorite TV shows, our enthusiasm waxes and wanes.

Here are six ways to push through the wane and…

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Goodbye Until Next Spring…

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I’m half way done and I’m back in Pennsylvania for the summer without a job.

This time last year I would have been rejoicing, trying to leave as soon as possible, when in fact this year I feel quite sad. I’ve been trying to write this post for several weeks but for once in my life I’ve been having a very hard time trying to put my thoughts and feelings into words because it’s hard to convey feelings into words sometimes because I don’t think that all of my feelings can be described into words. This probably doesn’t make any sense to anyone but me so sorry, I’m trying. So to my friends who have changed me this year, thank you. Here’s a post dedicated to all of you in no particular order.

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Eric. This is a name you’ve often read in passing, he’s my best friend. I don’t know when that happened, it was just one of those things that did. He has officially made the list of people that I can spend more than three days with, without annoying me, a list that so few can say they’ve made. Eric is one of those people who I feel like get me. Like he understands that sometimes I just need to go to Target, because he feels the same way. I honestly can’t believe I’ve only known him for a year. He’s one of few people who I trust to read my blog posts before I post them to gage my passion radar and anger radar to judge whether or not it’s too far, he will not however, really judge me, my person or character. He’s also a huge supporter of my blog, I wouldn’t say most of my friends read all of my blog posts, but he does and it really means a lot to me. One of my favorite things Eric does is try to give me friend tests which usually involve him or others dying, I usually fail them, but he still is my friend so I guess that’s okay. He has had the unfortunate displeasure of listening to my rants about how bad tampons and pads are for women and has heard me many times discuss the pros and cons of menstrual cups and cloth pads, all far too many often and too much for any man to hear. He is one of the smartest people I know, even though he’ll try to deny it. I don’t think he realizes how great he is, but when he reads this I hope he knows.

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Logan. Logan is a name you’ve heard, and hopefully a blog you’ve read. Communication majors aren’t really my cup of tea, but Logan is one of those exceptions. I met her when I did my overnight visit but I didn’t really talk to her until I had a few classes with her first semester freshman year.  I wouldn’t get through those classes without her. Logan is such a great sport. This picture is from the dance that I made her go to, she did not want to go but she went anyway because she’s such a great friend. I might ruin her stone hearted reputation by writing this but Logan really does care. She puts 110% into everything she does even if she hates it, like our video class. I’m glad Logan is on my side because if she wasn’t, well just be on her side and you don’t have to worry about that.

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Molly. If it wasn’t for Molly I still would have been a hermit in my room. I wouldn’t go out and I wouldn’t be friends with most of these people. I owe her a lot. I wouldn’t have passed Arabic or Bio last year without her help. She drove me to Baltimore to get the bus when I went to Boston last year and then when I got back she invited me over to her room and just helped me get out of my little bubble that I had put myself in for so long. She has great taste in television shows, which you know I really admire. Molly has helped me in more ways than she probably realizes and I really appreciate that.

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Excuse me and my picture being taken while I was talking, but you know how I love a good candid. This is Chloe, Becca’s twin. Chloe is one of the most secretly funny people I know. Like she seems super quiet and reserved at first, but she’s hilarious. Chloe and I have bonded over waxing my face and going to the movies. I think she is underappreciated and soft spoken, I however, really appreciate her.

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Becca. You guys were introduced to her in our interview. She is full of joy and that’s one of the first things I noticed about her. She also is super friendly. I started talking to Becca (and Chloe) at the beginning of this year and I’m super glad I did. Becca is absolutely hilarious and outgoing. In addition to that she’s a great friend.

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Alyssa. Okay so unfortunately I don’t have any pictures of just Alyssa and I for some reason but this is someone feeding her something at our Galentine’s Day celebration. Alyssa is one of those people I can talk to about anything and she’ll listen and add just when necessary. She is one of the best people to rant with. One of my favorite things about her is that she will defend her best friends until the end of the earth. Alyssa always looks put together and amazing. Also she always smells good, which I know is a weird thing to say but it’s so true.

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Gabby. Whenever I need a laugh, Gabby’s the person to go to. However, in the recent months I have seen a much more serious side to Gabby that I had never seen before. She is a really good friend and really cares about everyone around her and I believe that is very admirable.

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Rachel and Zoe and I go way to orientation group and our first weeks together at college. They were the first group of people to accept me while I was away. While I didn’t see them as much this semester I enjoyed our Dunkin dates and craft nights with Zoe. When I’m with them I remember why I stayed at Hood. I remember the reasons why college doesn’t suck. I owe them a  lot. When I first got back this semester it was a lot of time hanging out with Zoe and Eric, and that was a lot of fun. These are two of the first people I hung out with and opened up to and when college was a lot like starting over with friendships it was pretty easy with Zoe and Rachel.

This continues to be the only picture we have together but Ashlee was the first person I really talked to at Hood. Her and I were probably two of the quietest girls in our orientation group. She is so nice and although I haven’t seen much of her this past semester there is something I find very valuable when I have lunch with her. I never had to try and impress Ashlee, she was one of those people who I just clicked with and became friends with. I never had to pretend to be anything different and that’s something really special for me.

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Kellianne. Kellianne offered to try menstrual cups with me, so if that doesn’t say #friendstatus, what does? She was my next door neighbor which made for very convenient ranting and late night conversations. If I needed to talk to someone without judgment Kellianne is always there for me. She has some of the best stories I have ever heard.

There is also Reem, who I don’t have any pictures with. While Reem and I are newer, she is a very supportive friend and person, and definitely someone I wish I hung out with more. She is one of four email subscribers to my blog and she always has the nicest things to say about it, which you know means a lot to me.

So sorry about this super sappy post about all of my friends and how much I love them all and miss them already. Also sorry it’s been so long, I’ve been trying to collect my thoughts about them and it has been a very sentimental journey and I have been far too over emotional writing it.

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sophomore year 2

Don’t Read the Blogging Scheming Tips

I hate these blogging tips and getting rich quick schemes that people write for bloggers. It’s nothing I have against the bloggers themselves, rather they typically produce really good content which is probably while they feel compelled on how to share their success. I’m not trying to bash on those who get money from blogging, because who doesn’t want to make money off a hobby? But I feel like these scheming tips aren’t going to help everyone.

I will admit, that I used to often read these and try to adapt to these methods of getting sponsorships, more readers, and just trying to figure out the game to being successful. And no matter what I did, my bests posts always came back to the ones that were filled with me and my personality. Sure, my everyday makeup routine brought in views, but I hated doing that post. I still hate that post. I hate that  I chose to do a post for the simple fact that “make up” gets more hits than “college” or any of the other things I typically tag.

That’s what these sites will do. They will give you posts that attract more attention, give suggestions on how to get sponsors, how to get people to notice you, how to make money, and various other “ideas” but these are what worked for them personally. There’s no way to guarantee to these quick sponsorships. It’s all a personal thing. You can put yourself out there and follow all of these tips, but it’s so noticeable when you are blogging  for money or to get rich quick.

When you start to blindly follow these tips you lose your personality. It was the personality of bloggers (hopefully) that got them to the point where they think these tips will help other bloggers, however I think it promotes the idea that blogging should be less of a hobby and more of a job. If you only do something for the money you aren’t going to love it, you aren’t going to be passionate about it, and that’s what makes a good blogger.

I only read a few blogs that I would say make money. A few of them have made posts on how to do it, and I see them doing that with good intentions. I still don’t think though that his is the best way to promote blogging as a fun hobby. Of course more people are going to be intrigued by the idea of blogging and want to try it if they think they can make money off of it, but those aren’t the genuine bloggers that I love to read. I think I can tell when it’s something people really want to do or if it’s something they’re doing to try and get money and it makes me sad.

I know that this is going to be a controversial post simply because I know for-profit blogging is something that some of my readers do, and that’s really not a bad thing, it’s actually a great thing. The only thing I think is wrong with it is when people follow these posts that tell them how to be a for-profit blogger and they don’t read it for the right reason.

While there’s nothing wrong with collecting tips from other bloggers, especially the professionals. I’ve done it, but I did it for the wrong reasons and have since reverted back to writing for myself and not for views or money, while the numbers do get distracting, it is much better writing what I want to write. Even when the bloggers block is unbearable I don’t want to go to what’s going to get me views, I want to find some inspiration that I can relate to, not something that I’ll think “well this will get people to read”, because that’s really not me.

So no, I’m not trying to bash these posts or people, so don’t get me wrong. But my advice is to be personable. It’s every bloggers dream to make money, but that shouldn’t be the sole reason you blog. It’s just a pet peeve of mine that I’ve been noticing a lot recently.

Does anyone else agree or am I on my own for this one?

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The Ladybug.

So all winter I let a ladybug find shelter on the light in my room. Eventually it went away, I assumed it went out the door or died and I would eventually find it.

Fast forward to Thursday. By this point I’ve forgotten. Other than a few tweets there’s really nothing but memories of my little winter ladybug friend that I sheltered for a few weeks. I just forgot about it, a little detail of one of my busiest semesters yet. So Thursday I’m sitting on my floor looking for a paper or something I was supposed to be doing and after moving something there it is. There is my ladybug. I say my like it belonged to me, but I guess it was like my little ladybuddy or something like that.

So obviously I feel obligated to do something. It seemed injured so I didn’t know what to do. Normally when you touch a ladybug, it’ll spread it’s wings and try to fly or actually fly. In this case I picked it up on the piece of paper and it wouldn’t fly. It even crawled of the paper and wouldn’t fly. I assumed that it was severely injured. I thought about euthanizing it, but I kept it safe for so long it didn’t seem right. So I decided to set it free in the wild. By wild I mean the little mulch area outside my building. Again, I thought that would be the end of that.

So now we’re up to yesterday. Eric and I got back from dinner and went to my room and you will never guess what was on his sweatshirt. THE FREAKING LADYBUG! We thought it was dead, so we sadly threw it in the trash. Okay maybe it wasn’t that sad of an occasion but it happened. I continue about my normal day, go to the bathroom and come back. The ladybug is hanging out on my ceiling light. It went back to where it stayed all winter.

I’m assuming this is the same ladybug simply because I like to feel needed and wanted and that’s what this seems like to me. I thought I would share this funny little story of the ladybug who will never leave me. I currently don’t know where it is. It was no longer on the light when I left my room for Easter with my family. If you would like an update on this feel free to follow me on twitter where I used to update a lot but kind of stopped @mrmilligan13.

It’s the little things.

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Is it no big deal?

I do this thing when I really care about something or I really want something to happen I pretend like it’s not a big deal. The biggest thing I would say I do this to is marriage. Like I’m always like “I don’t want to get married. I don’t want to think about my wedding. Like let me just elope and get it over with.” It’s half true. I think weddings are hassles and I don’t know if I would necessarily enjoy it but it’s something that I would honestly like to experience in my life.

I doubt I’m the only one who pretends things aren’t a big deal that really mean a lot to them. I am well aware that I do this because I’m afraid these things aren’t going to happen for me. Like I honestly believe that I will not get married so I act like it’s something that I don’t want to do. I really don’t think I will ever be comfortable enough in a relationship to take those steps towards marriage so I just pretend like it’s something I don’t want.

I think a lot of people do this, we pretend things aren’t a big deal because it’s like that self-convincing thing. If you can convince everyone around you that something’s true- you’re eventually going to believe it too. So that’s why I do it. If I can tell myself that I look good everyday, I’m going to build my self-esteem, which I do and it makes me feel a lot better, however while this is a good thing to do, I do it with all the wrong things. “I don’t want to get married,” “I don’t really want a boyfriend,” “I don’t really know if I want to go into journalism after college,” these are all things I say to the people around me so I believe them.

Is is okay though? When I say it’s no big deal do I really mean that? Sometimes when you try to convince everyone around you that it’s not a big deal you forget what you really care about. I think I’ve started to rebuild what I care about.

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The Twenties.

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The twenties were a pivotal moment in history, the roaring twenties. It was a break in history where women were temporarily more free and prohibition seemed to promote more promiscuity. I would say that this is almost defining of the decade of being twenty. It’s the break in personal history where you are more free from responsibility- for some the prohibition of being 20 encourages pushing boundaries. The temporary break in our lives at this point is almost directly comparable to that of the 1920s.

I say this is a temporary break in the history of our lives because there are fewer responsibilities that we have. There is less obligation to our families and most don’t start their own until later in the decade. It seems to hold this idea that this is them time for self-discovery and self-awareness. The 1920s was a pivotal moment in history and our twenties I would say play a part of the most pivotal moments of our lives.

I am twenty, in college, work a side job here and there, and I have absolutely no realistic clue of what I want to do in the future. I don’t think I’m alone. Sure there are the things I want to do and I think everyone has those and for some, those are the attainable things they can do, for me these are the dreams that I probably won’t do. There are the things that I would be open to do and that’s probably more of what I’ll end up doing and that’s what I would say most people figure out in their twenties. The figure out what they would be okay with doing for the rest of their lives. You find a career- or at least that’s the idea. I guess you can also find out what you really don’t like in order to single out what you really do like.

I think the decade of our twenties is also a time for blossoming relationships- both romantic and friends. Like I would say that by the time I’m 29 most of my friends will be married or living with their significant other or in a serious relationship. This is the period where people get into those long term relationships, of course after flings and other various not-relationships but engaging in feelings and such with others. For most I would say that these have the ability to turn into something more providing the means for a long-term relationship which you know turns into marriage and such. I also think the twenties is where you meet like your life-long friends. Maybe I think this because a lot of my mom’s friends were friends she made in college, but I really believe that. I also believe that there are a lot of my friends from prior to college that will continue to be my friends but there is a difference. My college and friends and I’m assuming other friends I will make in my twenties are different then the friends I had in high school and before. I live with my friends now- I know I can tolerate the for days, weeks, and even months on end. There are less breaks here. I have an extended family here and that’s what these friendships have become- an extension of my family. You have dinner with the same people every night and you hang out with those people on the weekends. I’m sure there are some people that I see more often here then I see my family in the summer. I think some people concentrate so much on finding a perfect romantic relationship during their twenties they forget to remember that they can make some of the best friends in the world.

I guess I really don’t know though- I am in fact only twenty. Maybe this is my idealistic view of what my twenties are. Maybe you won’t find the love of your life until you’re 32 and maybe you won’t know why you hate your job and figure out what you want to do until you’re 47. I hope these aren’t true not only for myself, but for you too. Right now I like my vision of the twenties. I like that I see them as this time in my life where I have a different kind of independence and freedom even if it it is a naive point of view.

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Spam Comments

So really quick third post of the day! I briefly looked at my spam comment folder (over a thousand have been prevented from being left on my blog) and I noticed that there are some that look similar to real comments. If you leave me a comment I will always answer or reply- if neither happen it was marked as spam and I did not see it. Comments are something I take very seriously and want to read. I promise I’m not trying to ignore you. If you feel your comments are going to spam please let me know on my email marysaverageadventures@gmail.com, my twitter @mrmilligan13, my tumblr marysaverageadventures.tumblr.com, or even my instagram @mrmilligan13. I want to read every single comment and if you are being blocked by the spam filter I can and will fix it.  I do not know if it will work if you click contact me but if you are being marked as spam I promise I will fix it. 

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Mental Pictures.

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I’m one of those people who love to capture the moment, take a picture and remember it forever. I’m very big on memories, I don’t know why because they kind of prevent me from living in the now, but memories are just something I really cherish.

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I try and take a lot of pictures. I’m bad at the mental pictures. I try my best to remember moments but it’s hard. Like there are some moments I really remember, like that I can remember living, but the picture just backs up how I was feeling in that moment. I can look at a picture and remember why I was laughing or what I was thinking, a picture is a solidified moment in time to remember.

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Pictures become these very physical things of such memories and I think it’s beautiful. There’s nothing I love more than looking back at a picture and remembering the details of a moment. It’s amazing that a single picture can bring up so many memories and feelings from such different times.

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The thing is with pictures is that they only really help you remember the good. You might look at a picture and think “Oh I didn’t want to take that” or “I was really unhappy at that point in my life” but for me, I’m so much more inclined to focus on the good of the moment rather than all of the bad. The good seems to outweigh that bad in photographic memories.

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That’s why I like to take pictures. I like to remember.

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