I always pictured 20 year old Mary as stable, pretty, has her life together, knows what she wants to do. I feel like growing up you really start to romanticize your twenties. You think that things will be great, college will be the time of your life (okay that I really do enjoy), you think you’ll have the coolest job in the world, have a boyfriend-on the way to marriage(?!?), like you think all of these things about your life, that it is essentially going to be perfect so you can’t wait to get out of middle school and high school to be/have that level of perfect. Like when you’re a kid and growing up you think 20 is so old, like kids I babysit think I’m old. I think I’m old. It’s so weird. Age is one of those things like time that just really make me think a lot more than I probably should.
More recently I’ve also established expectations for myself in my twenties, forgetting that I am in fact already 20, and nearly 3/4 of the way to being 21. These expectations include being a bomb ass* photographer and blogger who does the coolest stuff and everyone just kind of goes “Wow.” when I talk to them. I want tanner skin and a flatter belly, and I want to have not so frizzy hair. I would prefer not to be single. These are all attainable things so I don’t think my expectations of myself are ridiculous.
There are these expectations that I have predetermined for myself for some reason. I can go out and take a million pictures and be that photographer and I can go out and be that blogger I want to be. You might not believe that with my tendencies lately- I honestly don’t even know the last time I got three posts in a week. I can go on hikes, runs, workout, eat healthier and do all of that to work towards a slightly flatter belly and going on hikes and runs also means going outside which means I wouldn’t be as pasty. I mean the single thing is a little more complicated, like I can just make a boyfriend appear out of thin air. That’s not as attainable but I’m sure one day that’ll all work out.
I couldn’t tell you where this point of reflection came from. Maybe the fact that I still think I’m a teenager and can still set expectations for myself. I don’t know where this stemmed from, but I’m kind of happy it stemmed. Self-actualization always helps me for some reason to like better become who I want to be. So what are your expectations for yourself?
*Please excuse my profanity, I just feel as it give it the effect and it’s actually the expectation that I have set for myself.
Tell me what you want, what you really really want!