Everything has change, yet is still the same.

So I’ve been home for about a week now, and I can’t say I miss college one bit, however I can’t say I want to be home either. I am currently sitting on my bed watching Netflix (nothing new there) but I’m supposed to be cleaning my room, which is annoying because in three week it all has to get packed up again. Anyway, being home is so different when it’s for an extended amount of time rather than a weekend or even a long weekend. I’m not used to not being able to just leave and not tell anyone where I’m going or what I’m doing, it’s just different.  I feel like sometimes even my friends are different, but I’m not sure maybe I’ve changed or maybe they have but I feel like sometimes I’m out of the loop when I hang out with them. I don’t think they try it, it’s just something that seems to happen and that’s really different. Work is the same, I hate everyone that comes through and approximately half of my coworkers.  I’m so tired of feeling like there’s no place in the world for me, I feel like I will always be that outsider looking in. I don’t belong at college (or at least the one I go to) I don’t belong at home, I don’t belong at my job, and I don’t belong in my group of friends half the time, no matter what I do I feel like I don’t belong.  It’s like I never left high school.  A year ago if you told me that I’d feel this shitty at a time where I’m supposed to be finding out who I am and having the time of my life, I would’ve thought you were crazy. I always thought things would get better when it came time for college, but it doesn’t seem like it. What do I have to look forward to next? Retirement? That’s so far away and it’s wishing away my whole life too.  I keep hoping, wishing, praying, that things are going to get better, but how long do I have to do that for? I’ve already done that for so long. But one of these days things will pick up I’m sure, it won’t be bad forever, right?Maybe 2014 will be my year, I can only hope. So here’s to a better year with lots good memories, friends back to normal and a place where I belong.  So I guess this is a kind of short, but deepish post, anywho thanks for reading!

XOXO,

Mary

Advertisements

Tell me what you want, what you really really want!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.