Judgement and Validation

Something that I’ve been thinking about is being my own person without fear of judgement from others. The thing is, I never really thought of myself as someone who was afraid of what people in general though about me, but something that I noticed as of recently is that I care entirely too much about what people I’m close to think about me. I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing entirely too often because I’m afraid of what people like my friends might think. That’s not how it should be. I hate that there are certain people who make me feel bad about my opinions, I shouldn’t be insecure the most around the people I care about most.

A while back I wrote a post and it was just something I really needed to get out, which is why I have a blog. I don’t write for anyone else, I write for myself and for some reason other people seem to enjoy it.  After writing a post one day that I had to write for myself some of my friends were very critical of it, which usually doesn’t bother me, but it made me think, am I wrong? Am I wrong to have these feelings? No.

Why do I need to feel validation from those who really don’t care. If someone cares they should respect my opinion, especially if it’s something like my feelings. The post  I wrote was strictly how I felt about a situation and in return I was asked, “Why would you write that?” and maybe that’s the problem with publically sharing my blog- maybe I open myself up to this type of criticism and people just give it.

I’ve recently decided after  having this epiphany that there are people who’s opinions I care about more because I care more about them more than they care about me. If someone thinks that I shouldn’t be writing my thoughts in my own corner of the internet I guess that puts me in a place where I shouldn’t care what they think. When I think about it more and more in depth these people who criticize my thoughts and opinions so harshly aren’t my friends they’re people I feel the need to be validated by for some strange reason. Even this post is hard for me to post and I talked to Eric about it because I really wasn’t sure if I should post it or not because I’m afraid of what people might think. Like I cannot comprehend why I care so much about someone’s opinions. It’s something that I’ve been thinking about a lot.  I want to stop filtering myself for people who do and don’t matter. If someone cannot accept me for who I am then why should I even care about their opinions? I shouldn’t so I’m going to try not.

2015 should be my year for self validation not community validation. Opinions in comments please!

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4 thoughts on “Judgement and Validation

  1. Adi, the Happy Lifeaholic January 28, 2015 / 9:21 am

    Agreed. You go girl.
    This is your little corner of the internet to do with as you please. And as long as your posts are not malicious towards anyone, I don’t see why anyone’s negative opinions should matter. YOU are the person whose opinions are most important on this page, and if you are comfortable posting certain things on the internet, that’s your call. After all, isn’t America very big on the whole “free country”, “freedom of speech” thing? But I will agree, that sometimes when you’re blogging and you see the follower counter going up, it’s easy to forget who you’re blogging for. At least, I’ve noticed that with myself – sometimes I end up tailoring my content to what I think my readers want to read – which is completely awful. Self validation is what it’s about – write for you, Mary! :)
    And yes, if your friends are overly critical of your writing – don’t value their opinions as much. Constructive criticism is one thing, and straight up censure for something that doesn’t involve/affect them is something else. And besides writing, if they’re critical of your opinions as a person and they make you feel afraid to voice your thoughts, maybe they’re not worthy of being called friends. Friends value you as an equal and don’t put you down or reduce your self confidence. So when the opposite happens, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate the people in your life.
    Keep positive people around you, dear.
    <3

    • Mary January 28, 2015 / 10:14 am

      You have no idea how much this comment means to me! Yes America is supposed to be the land of free speech, unfortunately this only seems to apply when the government is involved and not people that are supposed to care about you.
      Right, it’s so easy to get caught up on what you think people want to see rather than what you want to write, at least that’s what I’ve often found especially when I look into what does and does not do well view/like wise.
      I believe that constructive criticism is so helpful and productive, but it’s not so much constructive when there’s nothing to fix but my thoughts and views. That’s something I’ve been questioning a lot is someone’s “worthiness” as a friend- friendships aren’t meant to be stressful.
      Positive people bring a positive life! Thank you so much for being you and writing such a lovely comment! <3

  2. gettingthroughanxiety January 28, 2015 / 12:45 pm

    Mary,
    I think as human beings, we all seek validation from others. You’re right though, it becomes a problem when we let others make us feel bad about ourselves. Your friends and family should respect your opinions and want to hear about your feelings. Even if they don’t agree with you, the ones you love should be respectful. I know what it’s like to have some people that you love criticize you and not always respect you. However, you need to remember that there are people that care about you and that are kind. This is a very good post and I’m glad you shared it.

    • Mary February 1, 2015 / 2:16 pm

      Just realized I never replied to this, sorry! Right, I don’t understand why it’s hard to be respectful of others. Thank you!

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