SMH America…

Today we woke up to the biggest mass shooting that this country has seen, however, it is not even close to the first one, or first one this year, or even first one this week. 50 people are dead and 53 are injured. My question is why? When will we learn?

Over 200 years ago this country was born on the principle of freedom, which unfortunately includes the right to bear arms. Well, to everyone who has a gun in their house, under their bed, locked in a safe, or in their night stand “just in case”, good for you. However, the right to bear arms was written in a time when guns weren’t automatic and it would be (as it should be) rather difficult to kill and injure of 100 people at a night club. What did these people do to this man who made him want to kill them? Yesterday morning we woke to the news that a 22-year-old singer was killed after a concert. What could she have possibly done to provoke someone who much to warrant shooting her? I believe the answer is nothing.

The world has changed since 1776. We have the internet, cars, and automatic rifles. Now, I don’t know much about guns because I find them absolutely terrifying. I understand that people need them to feel protected, but what do you need to be protected from? Other guns? Then who wins, the person who shoots first?

The evidence shows in countries all over the world, there’s a  mass shooting, so they have gun control. That is logic. I unfortunately know that we will never have as strict of gun control policies as I would like in this country. The older I get and the more I see the direction that the land of the free and the home of the brave is going, I want to leave more and more. Can we do something to prevent guns from being sold to mentally unstable people? Apparently not. The NRA pays congress members to vote against laws that would protect the average citizen from guns.

There’s a lot of things I don’t feel safe about in this world, however, none of those things would ever lead me to purchase a gun. There is nothing in me that could take a life away from someone. To be perfectly blunt, American politicians need to open their eyes, stop taking bribes, and get their shit together. People are dying from ignorance, hatred, and simply being stubborn. Sure, take your right to bear arms and please buy a musket from 1776, I would be much more comfortable with that.

Write to your senators and representatives. This country needs a change, people aren’t supposed to die like this.

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Feminist Mary on Being a Woman.

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When I was driving back to school on Monday, my driver side windshield wiper started coming off so I had to pull over on the side of the turnpike to try to fix it in the rain. When I went outside, my first thought was, well this is how half the girls die on Criminal Minds, at least it wasn’t night-time.

Last year, I had a wallet with a strap that I would bring with me if I went somewhere. Yes, this was in my heyday of binge watching Criminal Minds and I was quite paranoid, but I would swing it around if anyone got too close to me so I could hit them if they got too close.

My boyfriend and I met on Tinder. This is news that I’ll address another time, however, this is something very curious to me. He never tried to find my Facebook, never had a back up plan in case I was crazy, and that’s when I realized guys don’t have to do that. I had three different plans in case something happened and I had to leave because he was crazy.

Men don’t really have to worry about a woman being a serial killer, they don’t have to worry that she will attack them. They don’t have to worry about having to jump into their car at night because someone could be waiting to grab them to harm them in some way. They don’t walk with their keys in between their fingers, knowing that it’s not going to do much good, even if someone was to attack them.

We live in a world that it’s dangerous to be a woman. The number of rapes in the US range from 300,000 (Department of Justice) to 1.3 million (CDC). These statistics could go on an on, again according to the CDC, 1 in 5 women will be raped in some capacity. According to the Cleveland Rape Crisis Center, 1 in 3 girls will be sexually assaulted in their college career.  Women don’t choose these statistics, they are an unfortunate reality when you are a woman.

Because I’m a feminist I like to believe that these will change. I like to think that this generation will talk to their sons about not raping women rather than telling their daughters to be careful to not get too drunk when they go out. I like to think that more people are talking about consent and that yes is the only word that means yes. I like to think that we are changing, but why are the numbers staying the same?

It’s sad that we live in a world that I’m afraid to get out of my car on the highway, because who knows when a serial killer is going to drive by? It’s sad that we live in a world that women have to be afraid to walk alone at night. It’s just sad. I don’t understand how people can hurt each other so much.

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Lush Rant

Now don’t get me wrong, I love Lush. I could easily spend all of my money there, very very easily. When I go into the store I love their customer service and friendliness. However, online it is not the same.

We all know how excited I was for the online sale yesterday, well, the website was essentially a piece of crap and didn’t work. At all. It took me over two hours just to buy six things. I would add something to the cart, it would crash, I would go to checkout, it would crash. It was a piece of crap. What I have gathered from twitter is that this happens ever year, which that should probably be thought about every year then, in my opinion.

So anyway, after two hours, I put my computer away, cleaned my room and went to work, thinking my order was on it’s way. Well, today I’m on the phone with Eric and he’s looking at the sale to see if he wants anything, and I realized that I  never got an email confirming my order. So I go to my account, nothings there, so my next instinct is to check my bank account. I was charged twice, one of the times was when it crashed during check out, I didn’t confirm the order, the order was never presented as confirmed to me, so I assumed it didn’t go through, so the second order was just a repeat of my second order. Nope, I got charged twice. So of course, I hung up the phone with Eric and called.

So of course I caught this too late, that’s my fault for not checking sooner, so of course they already of tracking numbers so if they’re on the truck, I can’t get a refund until I get the package, I can call for a shipment label because for some ridiculous reason they can’t send that until I have the package in my hands, get the shipping label, call UPS, send it back, and once they get it back I can get my $50 refund. Ask me how happy I am about it, not at all. And it all comes back to it wouldn’t have happened if they would have had a properly working website. I wouldn’t be out 50 bucks for approximately the next three to four weeks.

Lush- SEND EMAIL CONFIRMATIONS OF ORDERS. Honestly, the conversation needs to be better when ordering. My order didn’t even show up in my account until I was on the phone with customer support person which is actually ridiculous. Work on your website orders, there’s obviously some major issues with it. I won’t be using it again, I’ll suck it up and go to a store. Luckily you have good products otherwise I would be long gone, as soon as some other cruelty free, more affordable shop comes along you might have some major competition, at least in my eyes.

Did anyone else have problems with the sale? Or was it smooth sailing? If you’re following me on twitter you probably saw my extreme frustration. Was I the only one in this boat? Let me know.

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Dead Conversations: Social Media and Personability.

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I feel as if with social media there are so many dead conversations and empty days. While yes when you sit on your phone when you’re out to dinner you could very well be communicating with a whole slew of people, but what about the people who are right in front of you?

Something that always bothers me is when I go out with a group of friends and everyone is just on their phones, but I also know that I can be an offender of this as well, but I’m trying not to be. We get so caught up in what we might be missing that we forget to look at what’s right in front of us. Sometimes I feel like when I’m out with a group of people they’re looking for what’s better and that’s what they’re going to find on their phones. You’re with a whole group of people, why do you need to talk to more? What about the people right in front of you?

I think as Millennials there is that constant need to be connected, and I think that can get mixed up by what a connection is. A connection can be more than through a phone or computer, it’s even more personal in person which seems to have been forgotten a lot of the time. We become less of a person online and in return less present to those who are right in front of us, so we just keep becoming lesser and lesser. People bully online because they can’t physically see the consequences, they don’t think of the person on the receiving end as a person. It’s not the same as communicating face to face, it’s not a bad way of communicating, I know it’s actually a great way. However, not when there are other people that you are supposed to be engaging with around.

Since I’ve been away I’ve noticed that people are less attached to the phones, especially the people who didn’t pay for data here. While, yes sometimes there is that search for wifi a lot of the time, when it’s not immediately available people are connect with what’s around them rather than what’s on the screen in front of them.

It’s important to use this new technology and talk to people, however, it’s also important to remember those who are right in front of us.  Remember to put down the phone, put away the laptops and tablets, and connect with everyone around you. Whether that’s a night out with friends or just a quick coffee, those connections are just as important as the ones you’re making on the phone. Now, I’m not saying, never use your phone in public, I would be a hypocrite to say that. I’m not saying make a connection with every person you encounter, I’m just saying make time with the people around you count.  This is something I need to get better with myself too. I know that I have a habit of being on my phone way too much, and it’s something I need to try and stop too, but I think this needs to be a group effort, something everyone is working towards.

I Will BE Successful

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Yesterday someone had the nerve to imply that communications majors should be concerned about their futures, that we should be worried that there aren’t enough jobs for us. This came out of the mouth of a Marketing major, and I dare her to see this and question me about it.

I am a Communication Arts major, I am learning how to communicate. And while I worry day in and day out about what I want to be when I grow up, I am not worried about what I will become when I grow up. There are options. I’ve applied for internships in FIVE different fields because my degree is that versatile. I’ve applied in HR, Marketing, sales, PR, and just general communications, I could also apply for internships in newspapers, editorial offices, magazines, publishing companies, and websites like BuzzFeed, so don’t you dare tell me that I should be concerned about my future.

I am worried because I don’t know what I want to be, but I know I have options. I am not limiting myself to a concentration because of that reason. I will not choose marketing because that is so limiting. I can still take marketing classes and put that on my resume if I want, but I really don’t need to since I already had an internship in marketing and that looks better than any class I could take on the subject. I don’t want to limit myself to the digital realm, even though that does happen to be what I like, because what if I fall in love with print. Being a Communications major means I’m giving myself options. Choosing to be a Communications major without limitations allows me to explore even more options. If I was certain on something, then yes, I’m sure I would have a concentration, but I don’t need one, I will be successful in a plethora of ways without one.

I’m sick and tired of people verbalizing or implying that I will be a failure simply because of my major. I’m sorry, but every company needs to know how to communicate. I refuse to worry about my ability to find a job when I could walk into any office and say “I can help your office communicate better, look at my degree to prove it!” I won’t say they would give it to me, but my degree is useful. Don’t doubt me on this because I will fight to defend my decision.

I will not be the richest person in the world from this degree, but I can almost guarantee that any company could use me or someone like me.

So please rub your marketing, math, engineering, or any other degree in my face. Don’t worry, I won’t criticize it, but just know that I have a wider variety of options so stop criticizing me and implying that I’m going to be a failure. No matter where you go, someone like myself will be there communicating with the rest of the world what you are doing – we are a needed breed. Communications majors will never not be needed, a company will always need to communicate outside its doors with the rest of the world no matter what they do. For the public to know they need a service it must be communicated, whether that’s through print, online, marketing (which you can do with just a communications degree), or even just within departments we are a commodity. I am not worthless like you like to imply. I do not have a joke of a major, my classes might be a little easier than bio and chem, but I still work for my grades. You need a communications major in your professional world, never doubt it. Do you see engineers working in HR? Nope, communications. Believe it or not, we’re needed, I’m going to succeed so don’t imply that I will fail.

I refuse to fail, so say it all you want, but when you go out of your way to criticize everyone else’s decisions it shows your own insecurities. Evaluate your own life and choices, not mine.

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I’m Figuring it Out.

Yesterday I went to my college’s career center, they told me that I should reconsider my major. That was helpful considering I’m practically done the requirements for it. Then I took their version of a career aptitude test and each section told me to that I would be good at something different so that’s interesting. I’m at the crossroads of life yet again and I’m sure next week after my meeting with them it will be worse. I don’t know, sometimes I just feel like I should know what I want to do by now and adults should respect my decisions considering I’m kind of an adult.

I’m tired of being questioned about who I am and what I’m doing. I think people think they’re helping when they ask me questions like “are you sure” or “what are you going to do with that?” as if I’m not asking myself those same questions every day. It’s not helpful to push someone against something they just made their minds up about.

I am a thorough thinker in about everything I do. I don’t really make a decision without considering and weighing all of my options. I have considered every single major my school offers and I have come to the conclusion that Communications is really the only thing that interests me besides photography which really isn’t an option with the way my school does it, plus that’s not a career for me. Communications is something that I can see myself doing and it also happens to be the only thing I like, which is apparently a problem for other people. I’m very sorry that I don’t like anything but I don’t know how that’s anyone else’s problem but my own.

I hope no one thinks I’m a waste of potential or anything. I feel like way too many people besides myself are concerned about where I’m going to end up. Honestly I’m not that worried. I’m not really worried that I won’t find a job because I think if you’re actively trying to find something especially in the communications field someone’s always going to need you. Since I would be fine living almost anywhere I’m not worried about it. I’m more concerned that I’m going to end up unhappy but I will actively find somewhere to work that I can be happy in.

So in conclusion: Firstly,  yes I have a career that I would like to go into, actually two that I’m really looking into. Second, please stop questioning every decision I make because I can promise that I’ve questioned it a lot more than you and it took me way too long to come to that conclusion. Lastly, I’m not worried, I’m comfortable enough with where I am, I have a type of plan and I am confident that I will be able to find a job. Stop stressing me out because you think I’m making rash decision. I don’t know what I’m doing but everyone figures this sort of thing out on their own, just keep that in mind.

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Judgement and Validation

Something that I’ve been thinking about is being my own person without fear of judgement from others. The thing is, I never really thought of myself as someone who was afraid of what people in general though about me, but something that I noticed as of recently is that I care entirely too much about what people I’m close to think about me. I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing entirely too often because I’m afraid of what people like my friends might think. That’s not how it should be. I hate that there are certain people who make me feel bad about my opinions, I shouldn’t be insecure the most around the people I care about most.

A while back I wrote a post and it was just something I really needed to get out, which is why I have a blog. I don’t write for anyone else, I write for myself and for some reason other people seem to enjoy it.  After writing a post one day that I had to write for myself some of my friends were very critical of it, which usually doesn’t bother me, but it made me think, am I wrong? Am I wrong to have these feelings? No.

Why do I need to feel validation from those who really don’t care. If someone cares they should respect my opinion, especially if it’s something like my feelings. The post  I wrote was strictly how I felt about a situation and in return I was asked, “Why would you write that?” and maybe that’s the problem with publically sharing my blog- maybe I open myself up to this type of criticism and people just give it.

I’ve recently decided after  having this epiphany that there are people who’s opinions I care about more because I care more about them more than they care about me. If someone thinks that I shouldn’t be writing my thoughts in my own corner of the internet I guess that puts me in a place where I shouldn’t care what they think. When I think about it more and more in depth these people who criticize my thoughts and opinions so harshly aren’t my friends they’re people I feel the need to be validated by for some strange reason. Even this post is hard for me to post and I talked to Eric about it because I really wasn’t sure if I should post it or not because I’m afraid of what people might think. Like I cannot comprehend why I care so much about someone’s opinions. It’s something that I’ve been thinking about a lot.  I want to stop filtering myself for people who do and don’t matter. If someone cannot accept me for who I am then why should I even care about their opinions? I shouldn’t so I’m going to try not.

2015 should be my year for self validation not community validation. Opinions in comments please!

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My Life, Just Mine.

I knowingly put a lot of information about my life on the internet, personal details that most people would be less willing to share, however this does not mean that I am subjecting myself to pointless questions and being told what to do via people I know in real life simply because of what they would do in my shoes. Sure, sometimes I ask for advice, but when I don’t, I don’t need the comments like “well why wouldn’t you do *insert something I don’t want to do*” “If you do that then you have to do this” or my favorite “I just don’t  understand why you can’t/won’t do *something I can’t or won’t do*”. I am very well aware that people have their opinions but I don’t know why they need to be shared if I’m not asking and it doesn’t affect you.

My choice not to drink has seemed to bother people in the past, which I don’t understand. The fact that I don’t see the need to not remember my night for some reason really gets to people as if me getting drunk provides some sort of good deed to them. The pressure that friends have put on me in the past has only further hindered any desire I’ve had to drink underage, or ever for that matter. I don’t understand how this is anyone’s business but my own, however everyone likes to put in their two cents on the matter anyway.

Again, I willingly put mostly every detail about my personal life on the internet for all to see, I mean for some odd reason over 300 people have decided to follow this blog and anywhere from 40-100 people read it a day which gives a lot of people a lot of information about my life and that really doesn’t bother me. However, unless I am asking directly for advice or what I should do in a situation I don’t know why people give so much input on my life, does this happen to everyone or just me?

I hear this happens a lot as you get older, especially when you’re pregnant/parenting/having kids while I don’t expect that to happen for a while I cannot believe how many people, strangers that I just randomly meet, even have input on my life decisions. Last year during my first week of classes a guy asked me my major and I said “Communications and maybe political science or something like that, I really like his—” before I could even finish my sentence out of his mouth came “Why would you want to do anything like that? The best majors are the sciences and math, I’m Computer Science, you should really look into it, it’s so great!” He went on and on about how great his major was before I could even finish the question he asked and I had just met him that day! It’s my life, I didn’t know him, and I don’t know how my decision to go into the humanities affects him so much that he had to go on a rant about how great his major was. Just because he was happy and content with his field of study it doesn’t mean that’s how I would feel there, especially with what I started telling him this. It happened again recently when a friend had to go to the hospital and the man taking her blood was asking about our majors since the hospital is right next to the school, and he said “Communications?! What on earth can you do with that?” and I don’t know how to respond to questions that I get like this (all the time, usually not from complete strangers) because I don’t know what exactly I want to do. However, why does it matter to him what I’m going to do with my degree? It doesn’t affect him whether I go onto great things at a newspaper or God forbid I end up at Starbucks, it doesn’t change his life at all.

What I’m trying to get across here, is unless someone asks for your opinion or advice there’s really no point in giving it. If I’m answering your question, why tell me how wrong I am? What’s the point? I can do my life and you can do yours and we can live in harmony, but my choice to not do drugs, not have sex until I’m married, to be a communications major, and doing my life the way I want to, doesn’t affect anyone else but me and the people it directly relates to and the unneeded commentary about my personal decisions can stop at anytime please and thank you.

Does anyone else have this problem or just me?

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Pretty Pens.

I hate pretty pens. I say this because I stood in the pen aisle at Target for about twenty minutes trying to figure out what pen is best. For a little I looked for the prettiest pen, but no. The pretty pens always make a scratching sound and ruin my paper. The smooth ones aren’t always the prettiest and they may get dirty and run out more easily but they are nicer and the best.

Just a thought.

Okay this is super short I know, but it is nearly 2 am and this is the first time I’ve had to relax all day and I have to be up in 6.5 hours so I’m going to bed. I will make up with it tomorrow with two posts: part of what I did today and some really nice stationary. I’m aware this is essentially a throwaway post.

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Go Away Winter.

I hate winter so much. So much so that I spent a decent amount of time trying to find somewhere that I could live that is the same temperature, specifically 75 degrees year round and I found either Sydney or South Africa so in about ten years you guys will know where to find me. It’s too cold and I hate the way the heater makes the room feel. It gets so stuffy so the window is open which just makes it freezing.

All I want to do is curl up in my blankets with Netflix and some decaf coffee. I’ve been using my laptop charger back thing as a foot warmer and my guess is that’s either dangerous or not healthy.

Winter is disgusting and I hate it. I also hate the heat. My prime weather is 70 and rainy, the highest temperature I’m willing to bear is 77 and lowest is 55. Snow is simply unacceptable. Wind and cold also unacceptable. Wind is only acceptable at night when it’s helping me sleep.

I suppose I’m very high maintenance when it comes to weather. I will search the globe until I find somewhere to live with acceptable temperatures year round. Otherwise I might settle in Maine for the summer and Florida for winter, however an escape from the east coast for a portion of my life would be nice too.

Where do you suggest I live? I’ve spent winters in both Maryland and Pennsylvania and they’re essentially the same except Maryland is bipolar. Let me tell you, Maryland is a weird state in general. People don’t yield and they really love their flag.

What’s your ideal temperature?

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